Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Man's Keepin' Me Down!

It'll mostly be light posting the rest of the day. I've got about $2.5 million in contracts sitting in my lap requiring a semi-competent person to review them. If I screw the pooch on this stuff I'll be in a world of hurt.

Anyway, I should have some interesting reads tomorrow as I wrap up the SEC teams reviews from Top 30 rankings. In case you didn't know UGA is ranked 2nd which is just fine by me. Check the link for that info.

I'm also going with my family to Stone Mountain tonight. I expect to tear-up as Elvis' American Trilogy plays while Robert E. Lee breaks his sword in half and the pieces spin around to become the United States...gets me everytime. But I will not hide my patriotism just because my wife laughs at me, if nothing else I'll blame my eyes watering on the spicy chicken from Popeyes I plan to be eating tonight. But I swear the first kid who steps on my blanket chasing after their stupid glow-ring, glow-stick, glow-anything they've been throwing around, I'm going to trip them...and they will cry, because that's how I roll.

Who ordered the bullcrap?!?

I saw this on Yahoo and it caught my attention. As I'd mentioned in the comments section of the Tattoo post yesterday I think Dark Side of the Moon might be the best album ever, not because I'm biased, but because it sold a crap load, it holds the record for staying in the top 100 albums sales charts longest, it has only one song that you don't hear on the radio to this day (Great Gig in the Sky), and it was the kick start to Pink Floyd's concept album run.

Anyway, the nutsack who does music reviews at Yahoo came up with some mythical BCS-esq formula to rank the all-time albums.

Darkside was #2...behind Stevie Wonder's, Songs in the Key of Life, as #1.

Perhaps I'm a little out of bounds here, but come on...Stevie Wonder?!? I don't even think he saw that coming...what?'s my blog I can make blind jokes if I want!

Anyway, I thought that was pretty gay. You can check out the entire list here.

Other beefs include The Eagles: Hotel California being in the top 10 (at number 8), George Michael: Faith being in the top 20 (at number 20), and a very one-sided opinion of my own thinking 1984 is a better Van Halen album than their self-titled debut...but that last one is a pretty weak argument on my end.

Van Halen 1's Hit Songs:
-Runnin' with the Devil
-Eruption/You Really Got Me
-Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love
-Jamie's Cryin'
-Ice Cream Man (hey, if you hear it on the radio in 2008, it's a hit)

1984's Hit Songs:
-Drop Dead Legs
-Hot for FRIGGIN' Teacher
(which without a doubt had the best music video of the 80's)
-I'll Wait

Going head to head I declare 1984 the superior album!

I'm sure everytime one of these bullcrap top _____ of all-time lists gets published everyone goes on a rampage, but to claim a formula and do it is WEAK! I'm sure Big Phil is complaining that Joshua Tree isn't higher-up because he likes U2. I'm sure Auburn fans are complaining that Poison didn't make the list because they are stuck in 1988. I'm sure Gayman is complaining that George Michael isn't higher-up because he's gay. And I'm sure my wife is complaining the Beatles aren't higher-up because she's classy like that. Anyway, I've wasted your time voicing my opinion, feel free to waste mine by posting yours in the comments section.

Dawg Fans on Television

Lately I've noticed a couple of Georgia fans on several television shows. I think it'd be interesting if any of you guys knew them or knew of them if you wouldn't mind commenting about it.

#1 Lady contestant on American Gladiators.

When it came time for The Eliminator of the two women left, the contestant who didn't get the head start said something to the effect of. "You know Layla Ali, I think you might really be a man wearing women's clothing*, but I understand my opponent has a ____ second head start. I'm a Georgia Bulldog and we have a little saying called "finish the drill" and I'm not counting myself out of this yet!" She went on to lose, but none the less we knew where her allegiance was and I was rooting for her the whole time.

*okay I might have embellished this a little bit.

#2 Project manager on one of the 43 property-flipping shows on TLC, HGTV, or whatever channel you women watch none-stop.

This guy I've actually noticed him a couple times before, and I actually thought he got fired, but apparently not. This show takes place out in Los Angeles (which is a long way from home for a bulldog) and it centers around some guy who buys pieces of crap foreclosures, has contractors fix them up, bitches at anyone and everyone as to why they aren't helping get the property sold, then sells the place...what a novel idea. Anyway there is one fella' who I think is a project manager for the main guy; he's early, maybe mid-30's and always wears a Georgia hat. He usually does the job he's assigned, gets yelled at, and goes to do another job (...sounds a lot like marriage to me! HEY-OOOO!!!!!!!)

I have notice other people who aren't Georgia fans, but they are from Duluth (or maybe it was Dunwoody). Anyway, there are two whiny teenagers from Baby Borrowers who deck themselves out in Auburn stuff and do nothing but fight all the time. Here is a clip from Talk Soup referencing the aforementioned couple.

Perhaps they're preparing themselves for a teenage pregnancy and married life in the Midway Manor trailer park in Opelika.

Seriously though, how much more awesome would that be if teenagers could buy booze?!? I'm gonna write my congressman.

Gayman's Birthday Present

For those who regularly stop by, you may remember a friend of mine a few posts ago I lovingly referred to as Gayman.

As I said then, Gayman is a grad-student at the University of Florida and we have a little running bet contingent on whether UGA wins 1 of the next 2 Cocktail Parties.

A couple of weeks ago Gayman had his birthday and his girlfriend (...I know that defeats the purpose of his character name) gave me a call recruiting help for his present. It took me long enough but I finally got everything together as we had discussed.

Last week as I had everything ready to ship off, for craps & giggles I ran over to Wal-Mart and picked out the cheapest...I mean, most flattering pair of jean shorts $8.50 could buy. I threw them in the box with his other stuff and mailed them out.

Jorts, they're not just for gameday anymore. Now available in CARGO!

I received a call yesterday from Gayman saying he'd got our package. He also threatened to wear his newest pair of jean shorts next time he came to visit, which wouldn't really bother me that much, after all I've got a nice pair of red shorts I've been saving for my next trip to Gaynesville. The only problem is I bought a size I thought he wore, but Gayman has been working out trying to impress all the other dudes at the gym so he should be congratulated on his new smaller waistline.

Anyway, I know this is a pretty random post but I wanted to share a story about giving a Gator jorts for his birthday. I hope it warmed your heart as it did mine.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Age Dilemma: Tattoo Edition

For most it is never a question, they either get one (or 100) or they don't. All through college I never really thought about it mostly because I didn't really know where I'd be going career-wise. Those years are past now and I sit in a pretty steady position as Vice President of a good size company that "ain't goin' nowhere". A chillaxed work environment allows for all sorts of attire and I don't really do much face time with the general public who might care about such things like shorts with black socks and sandals.

So lately I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. It wouldn't be anywhere that showed in day-to-day activities (like my face, fore-arm, or butt). It'd be something special to me, but not like my dog's name or anything gay like that.

There are a few things I know will never change in my life, #1 my love of God, #2 my love of Mrs. Mackalicious, #3 as tacky as you may think this sounds, my love of Pink Floyd.

Here is why I don't want to go with #1 or #2. I think the cross tattoo or Bible verse is something people did back in the 90's. I'm sure they are still good Christian people, but I think there is something special to literally not wearing your religion on your sleeve. In my opinion you should lead your life by example and not by whatever the goatee sportin' holy-rollers are doing which comes off to me as a big show of "OOooOoo LOOK AT ME!!!1"

I don't want to go with anything regarding my wife's name because Mrs. Mackalicious is just way too long to fit on almost any body part...HEY-OOOO!!! No I have other reasons I don't really think are public stuff but bottom-line, I don't think it's a good idea.

Which leads me to #3, to say I'm a huge Pink Floyd fan might be an understatement. I am a guy in his mid-twentys who wears band t-shirts like a high school kid, but that's just fine with me. I don't want to get into the politics of why I think they're the best band ever, but one thing is for certain, they had the best album artist of all time working for them. My favorite album is Animals, which features the old Battersea Power Station near London with a pig flying between 2 of the smokestacks.

There is a George Orwell's, Animal Farm type message running throughout the album but is much more appreciated on my end due to the incredible music accompanying it.

So if I found an artist who could accurately recreate this album cover without it looking tacky and cartoonish, this was my top choice.

But that's not what I want to know, regardless of the tattoo's content, my big question is whether 25 is too old to get a tattoo?

Pros: I think it'd be cool to have, fun to showoff on vacations, and its a great extension of my character as a person.

Cons: I'm not in college anymore when it's cool to have tattoos, it costs money, if done poorly it might look like the dead horse from Animal House when I'm 70.

Hitchhiking: Sorry...a little Roger Waters humor there.

So, if you'll look to the right side of the blog I have set a poll up to get everyone's input. Please only vote once because I don't think I have any way to regulate the results at this moment. Also you can post comments to let me know your opinion.

Congrats Florida!

Congratulations go out to the University of Florida as they bring home the coveted #1 Party School Award. I remember when my wife was at Alabama and they won it. She is gone now and they aren't anywhere near the party school they used to be if you know what I mean (*wink*wink*). When graced with the prize Alabama's talking heads immediately put a stop to all things they thought gave the campus a black eye (not the kind from a fight but the kind when you vomit so hard you bust capillaries). So at Alabama you can't park on the lawns of the fraternity houses and I could be mistaken on this but lawn furniture...I mean furniture on the lawn is no longer allowed either.

So Gators this is just a heads up, be prepared to have university officials tighten up their woven leather belts on the whole party thing. Here at Blogging Pantsless I'm including this music video from Twisted Sister to give you some ideas on how to counter the moves the university might take to shut the party down. Never-EVER underestimate the power of ROCK!

Oddly enough, the fashion of this era is still prevalent in Gaynesville

Monday, July 28, 2008

Rivals Top 30

If you ever look through Yahoo Sports' college football section each day they headline the ranking countdown. actually has all 120 schools listed but I'm only going to cover the SEC schools listed in the top 30.

They're currently at number 4 and Georgia still isn't listed which means, just like the rest of the Bulldog Nation, has some large expectations for the Dawgs this year. I'm going to start with the bottom 3 SEC schools mentioned in the top 30 countdown, once we see where Georgia falls I'll pick up with the remaining 4 including LSU, Auburn, and Florida.

Of those 30 the lowest ranked is Alabama at #29. I've watched as John Parker Wilson inherited the QB position from Brodie Croyle of whom I was none too impressed. Honestly, I think Alabama's return to greatness will be delayed yet another season because of JPW's return as signal caller. I don't follow Saban's recruiting like I do Coach Mark Richt's but until the Crimson Tide get a competent QB under center they won't be beating Auburn anytime soon much less playing in the SEC Championship. I will give him credit for keeping a level head in order to tie the Georgia game up last year, but I will also put the loss to LSU squarely on his shoulders (perhaps with a little bit of shared-weight on the OC).

Great hair gets you chicks, not victories over Auburn, PRIORITIZE D@MM1T!.

Next is South Carolina coming in at #27. Much like Nick Saban's situation, I don't think the Gamecocks will be a real serious threat until each coach is playing with his own chosen players (under these same guidelines I'm none too impressed with Urban Meyer's National Championship with Ron Zook's recruits, but that's for another post at another time). Yeah they'll have a great defense returning with Jasper Brinkley (assuming he keeps his knee in one piece), but without an offense with some fire-power I don't have much stock in the cocks. Now they just need the spraypaint reading "Brian Van Gorder was here" cleaned off the locker room wall and they'll be in good shape for the 2009 season.
Pictured: Steve Spurrier (not pictured: visor on the ground)

We now take a big jump to #19 where the Volunteers from the School of Hard Knox sit. If anyone had lady luck laughing out loud last year it was Tennessee as they rode a thin white line to the SEC Championship. Seeing Kentucky fall apart in overtime really put a damper on the Dawg's victory over Georgia Tech on 2007. Led by senior tailback Arian Foster the Volunteers hope to have a repeat season as SEC East champs, but that's a pretty tall order considering who they've got to beat to get there. Also the University of Tennessee has issued a release this season requesting fans no long bring signs that reference the "Arian Nation" in support of their star tailback. The 6'1" power-running Foster needs but 695 yds to become Tennessee's all-time leading rusher, a total UGA's Knowshon Moreno hopes to rack up after 4 carries...because he's just that good. I can has cheezburger?

No Phillip, you cannot have the cheeseburger.

That's all for now because a big fat stack of work landed in my lap, like I said I'll conclude this when Georgia is finally ranked by (right now my assumption is #2 scheduled for Wednesday...but I'll gladly take a Thursday post if I must).

Aaron Murray on UGA

One of the most fascinating things about college football to me is there are no "franchise players" because at most they stick around 5 years. This is also a reason recruiting is such a big deal because you want to meet the faces of the future. This is an older video (relatively speaking) but it's always nice to hear why a recruit has chosen your school. Especially if said recruit has been tearing the mother friggin' roof off the Elite 11 QB camp last week.

Thanks vsmfloridafb

Helmet Quiz

Per Sports Dawg at An Opinion On Sports.

I managed 43 of 50 but only because I can't properly spell the name of a state in the upper mid-west. Post your scores in the comments section, I'm eager to hear em'.

Weekend Wrap-up

When I left work on Friday I had one plan in mind. Go home, fill the cooler with beer and ice, put on some flip-flops & a Guy Harvey t-shirt, and make my way down to the Marietta Square for the Jimmy Buffett cover band. We get there, find a parking place, haul the cooler and chairs out to the square where a couple of friends already staked claim to a small area on the bricks.

Me and Mrs. Mackalicious had a great night, I drank a sixer and killed 1/2 a pizza from the Marietta Pizza Co. then made it home without having a single person I knew seeing me dance like a buffoon.

The next morning, I woke up by myself because my wife left to run a 5k in Kennesaw that morning. So I roll out of bed and head out to the softball field for our game at 9:30am. Though I'm not really "feelin' it" I kick it into rockstar mode and still manage to squeeze out a home-run, triple, and a single as our team wins 18-12. Not a bad way to start the weekend if I do say so myself.

That was about all the excitement over the break. I did get in touch with my feminine side watching The Holiday and Enchanted with my wife Saturday, but I definitely neutralized the estrogen in my system with a rocket burger from OK Cafe (salmonella-jalapenos and pepper jack cheese) and some good manly, man-work out in the yard as I weeded by the mailbox after church on Sunday.

Just like every other weekend it's over before it starts, but you gotta suck it up, be a man, and go back to makin' money like a tru playa. Just a final thought to think about, if you haven't seen the Sour Patch Kids commercial be prepared to have the image burned into your nightmares because I know one night I'm going to see this thing chase me down a never ending hallway with a butcher knife.

Good at theatres, bad in your dreams

Friday, July 25, 2008


First, I should apologize for the lack of creative posting this week. I've been covering for an employee who went to Disney World with his kids so I haven't really had a lot of time to generate the usual crap that's not worth reading.

But it's Friday, we get two days off before we gotta start it up again next week. I don't know about you but I'm gonna put on my best pair of black jeans and go back out to the Best Buy dance party to get my swerve on with some sista's.

Have a great weekend, suckers!

The Worlds Smallest Indoor Running Bet

This week thanks to the constant coverage of SEC Media Days in Birmingham we're getting fed a lot of information about the importance of the Cocktail Party this year.

It's how Urban Meyer plans to get revenge for The Celebration, or how Mark Richt insists people focus on the 2/2 record or the 46/37/2 rather than the culmination of the 90's +8 years. This year's game is big no matter how you look at it.

I just thought I'd take a moment to tell you about why it's big to me.

When Georgia recruited Matthew Stafford I did a little research to see if his hype matched his numbers out of high school...and they did. Many people think Stafford is overrated as an SEC quarterback, but I still think of him as the team leader with a TON of talent and the resources to bring UGA a National Championship.

After the Cocktail Party two years ago when Georgia was still trying to figure out their QB situation I was starting to grow restless with the production of true freshman Matthew Stafford (see the Colorado game of that season as a PRIME example).

Somewhere deep inside I knew he had the talent but he had to grow into it, that's when I made a little bet with a buddy of mine who is currently a grad-student at Florida. Lets just call him "Gayman".

Somehow LaGrange College attracted a small group of Gator fans who all joined the same fraternity, Gayman was one of them.

The year is 2006, I am hanging out with Gayman at a buddy's apartment playing Jeopardy (circa 1987) on Nintendo, we make a little wager.

I bet him Matthew Stafford wouldn't lose 2 of the next 3 games to Florida, he bet me Tim Teabag wouldn't lose 2 of the next 3 to Georgia. The winner will receive a bottle of the finest bourbon whiskey that $50 can buy as a congratulatory gift from the loser.

As we already know, the Dawgs decided to wear their ovaries on the outside during the Cocktail Party last year and it paid off with a victory. This year's game is big because it either signals the turning of the tide, or it verifies what most of the Gator Nation thinks was a fluke win while their golden-boy QB was injured.

To me a victory this year will have the sweet flavor of charred oak barrels (actually if we win or lose I'm gonna be smelling like booze either way). A loss will give the Gators momentum in the series again and I risk losing my bet, not an option.

One thing I think is uber-important is whether Stafford or Tebow decide to go pro after this year. #7 has a pro gun, #15 has the size/speed to be a pretty good back but I doubt he'd be a first year pro QB in the NFL. If Stafford goes and Tebow stays I don't think Logan Grey would be skilled enough to beat a Gator team led by Tim Tebow. If Tebow leaves and Stafford stays I think the Dawgs have the advantage. If they both leave I don't know enough about Florida's future backups to match it but I hear Logan is catching on pretty quick to the Dawgs offense. The final scenario is both QBs stay with their school and we play a game for all the marbles. THAT my friends would be a game for the ages. Two teams who despise each other led by two of the best senior quarterbacks in the game (and AJ Greene would be next in line for the Heisman after Knowshon wins it in 2008 and is awarded the one from 2007 as well because the committee saw the error of their ways.)

So long story short, I hate you Florida. it football season yet?

Friday Morning Fart Scene

As I said last Friday, I find nothing funnier than a good fart scene. I remember when my dad let me watch Blazing Saddles for the first time, I thought it was hilarious. Guess what, there isn't a single mother alive who thinks this movie is as funny as her spouse. So get ready to make your momma roll her eyes.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

T. Boone's Commercial

As I sat watching the news, I saw the following commercial from Mr. Pickens.

Blogging Pantsless actually got an exclusive phone call with T. Boone Pickens' PR guy, who wished to remain anonymous. I asked him how Mr. Pickens' funding toward wind energy would compare to the $165,000,000.00 donation he made to Oklahoma State's athletic program. He laughed and asked me how I wanted him to differentiate the two. I was a little confused until I received the following picture over my Blackberry from said contact...

Make of this what you will, but apparently domestic dependency is the new 40.

SEC Media Days

So far my favorite quote from Media Days in Birmingham, AL came from UGA receiver Mohammed Massaquoi.

Reporter: "What's the farthest you've seen Matthew Stafford throw the ball?"

Massaquoi: "He could probably throw it here if you want him to."

(Last time I checked Stafford was at the Elite 11 QB camp in California working with future Georgia QB Aaron Murray).

Hat tip to Spencer Hall at The Sporting Blog.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Circle August 28th

By mentioning that I was going to the JSU vs Georgia Tech game I'd actually recieved a few requests for ticketing info.

I believe it might be one of the best match-ups of the Thursday night slate perhaps second to that of USC and NC State. This wouldn't even be on my radar without Ryan Perriloux transferring from LSU, but I'm not counting JSU out of this completely. If Tech doesn't put on their triple-option winning pants, the Gamecocks might be primed for an upset in Bobby Dodd Stadium at historic Mark Richt Field.

Either way, I'm having football withdraws so I'm going to throw on something red (I'm sure I can find some laying around), hop in the truck, make my way down to that disaster of modern engineering they call a stadium, and scream "NEEEERRRRRRDDDDDDSSSS!" until I lose my voice.

Care to join me?

Call JSU's ticket office at 256.782.8499 (a sweet lady named Jan should answer). Tickets are $25 each + a $3 mailing fee added to the total purchase. I bought 4 seats and the charged me $103. I haven't paid that little for 4 tickets to make fun of Tech EVER, if I was Clark Howard I would be spitting my glass of tap-water across the room at a deal that great!

The JSU seats will be in the 130 and surrounding section, so break out your red pants a game early to get the wrinkles out and the beer stains in (just in time for UGA's opener on the 30th). Even if JSU gets pounded into the ground you can still wear Georgia gear and tell them "Congratulations, you beat JSU. We'll see you in November." with a smile on your face.

One thing I hate about college football.

I absolutely love college football. Every year about 3 months before the first game, I get extremely impatient. These last 36 days (yes I'm counting to the Thursday night games) are like waiting for Christmas to come when you're a child. I love football so much I have purchased a ticket at Bobby Dodd Stadium to watch JSU play (and hopefully beat) the North Avenue Nerds. My only affiliation to JSU is high school band camp and my wife went there for one year before transferring to Alabama...that's it.

As the titular line of this post reads there is one thing I hate about college football. It isn't anything you can really explain, because it's a feeling. The feeling when your team loses is bad, but I don't hate it because it's just part of the game. What I hate is the feeling of thinking your team has won, and THEN losing in the final minutes. It's that kick in the nuts,
punch in the stomach, nausea you feel. Having the victory wind knocked out of your sails leaving you a little confused and when it's all said and done emotionally exhausted.

I'm including this video to provide an example. The year is 1985, I'm 3 years old and living in Moss Point, Mississippi without any knowledge of what's going on in Athens, GA. I could sense something, something wasn't right in the world. The balance of Yin and Yang was distorted and somewhere there was great distress. Even at such a young age I knew there was injustice happening; so I shed a single tear as I sat on my Sit & Spin and slowly stopped my rotation. That feeling was so awful, it still haunts me to this day when events like the following happen.

This might be the only video evidence of Alabama fans showing love toward Mike Shula.

What has two thumbs and a lot of balls? THIS GUY!

Perhaps I'm a bit "chicken" or a "wuss" when it comes to playing practical jokes on people who are holding weapons. This guy, however, has got A LOT of sack when it comes to pranking his wife.

thanks to College Humor.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

SEC East - The Batman Division

Since the rest of the world has gone all Turd Fergueson for The Dark Knight, I thought I'd compare some coaches to the multiple Batmen that have graced the silver screen. From current to past, my goal is to match each Batman to a coach of the SEC East. Will it be spot on? Doubtful. Will it be biased? Most definitely! But hopefully some humor will ensue once I get this horse galloping.

Current Batman: Christian Bale (of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Mark Richt (UGA)

Why it works: For starters, the guy's name is Christian what other connection could you possibly need? More substance? Fine. Coach Richt is no executioner, he will work his players hard, make them want it, push them to their limits, but he won't break them. He is a good steward to the community and deep down knows there is more to life than football or fighting crime. Just as Bruce Wayne is Bruce Wayne in public, so is Mark Richt...but you put either guy in black, and you better hold on to your F-ing hat.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Previous Batman: George Clooney (Batman & Robin)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Urban Meyer (UF)

actually...for this, lets use a different George Clooney picture...

Ahh, much better.

Why it works: Much like my opinion of George Clooney, I care very little about what Urban Meyer says outside of his area of expertise. His area of expertise? Pointing and staring.

So when he goes out talking football and says things to the effect of "Tim Tebow is the greatest player of our era", it goes in one ear, takes a smoke break, and blows right out the other ear.

The voicing of stupid opinions isn't the only similarity though. Aside from homosexual undertones with the whole Robin/Chris O'Donnell thing, George Clooney also was rated as the least liked Batman of the entire series of movies. In my opinion, of the current SEC East coaches Urban Meyer is also my least liked. If only Coach Meyer would don a rubber suit with nipples for football season, he would be the quintessential George Clooney Batman.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Previous Batman: Val Kilmer (Batman Forever)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Phil Fulmer (UT)

Why it works: Of all the Batmen, Val Kilmer has probably put on the most weight over the years, this would be a complete side-note and not a rip on how fat Phil Fulmer is (because fat jokes don't help you beat him as UGA found out last year). The other similarity is that both actor and coach had their heyday in the mid 90's and have since dropped off the map as far as being regarded as serious top contenders. Don't get me wrong, Tennessee is still a great program, but gone are the days where they just walk through their division and end up at the Sugar Bowl.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Previous Batman: Michael Keaton (Batman and Batman Returns)

Comparable SEC Each Coach: Rich Brooks (UK)

Why it works: Once considered a god among men, Rich Brooks ruled the coaching world at Oregon. Just as Michael Keaton was the best of the Batmen, it is my opinion that he has been dethroned by the current king Christian Bale. Either that or Christian Bale reverted back to his role as Patrick Bateman and hacked Michael Keaton to bits with an ax after seeing his business card (a little American Psycho humor for you).

Sure Brooks had a pretty good season last year, but it too fell short of spectacular. With Andre Woodson now gone it looks to be another rebuilding year for the Wildcats, perhaps Keaton is out rebuilding his career with a role in another new Herbie movie.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Previous Batman: Adam West (you know, the POW, WHAMMO, Batman)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Steve Spurrier (USC...the other one)

Why it works: Both are a couple of old coots most entertaining when animated.

...well that was fun, I'm off to a softball game tonight so I'll try to get more posting done tomorrow when I have a full day at the office.

The Man's Keepin' Me Down: Mid-west Georgia Edition

I'm making a trip down to LaGrange this morning to check out a job site and meet an old college buddy for lunch. For those who don't know LaGrange is a hot-bed for football recruiting out of the high school system. It is also the home of the oldest non-tax funded college in the state, LaGrange College (since 1831). The college's most notable alumni include the guy who drew Dagwood in the funny papers, a bunch of judges, Clint DeMooney (the guy Big Fish was based on), and Mackalicious the most beloved blogger in all of America. The Panthers also field a Division III football team that has won fewer games than Atlanta's WNBA team (I'm just kidding, I don't really know how many games our WNBA team has won...but it's gotta be more than zero).

I'll figure out something witty to write on the drive to & fro so when I get back I'll have some good posting around 2-ish,


Monday, July 21, 2008

Alabama = Gay

I like Alabama, I LOVE Georgia, but I like Alabama. They've got a helluva football tradition, they've got Bear Bryant, they've got a great stadium, my wife went there, they hate Auburn, what's not to like?

Well here's something not to like, here's something I find to be downright disgraceful.

Senator Blutarsky is reporting the University of Alabama is SELLING tailgating spots on their Quad. Yeah it belongs to the university, but trying to make money off tailgating is just plain wrong. Thanks to rule changes last year we couldn't park on the side of the road (and if I wanted to make my millions faster I should have opened up a towing company last year), now this year they want to sell tailgating spots!?

The reason I have a problem with this is, like the good Senator said, it is biting the hand that feeds you. Alabama fans have put up with a lot, and I mean A LOT of crap from this instituion over the years. They've finally got a few things going the right way for them (they don't even have to play Louisiana-Monroe this year) and now they want to bastardize the most cherished pre-game tradition of all.

I'm gonna call a rat, a rat. University of Alabama, that's pretty dang gay. You should pay more attention to the preacher outside the Tate Center when you're in Athens this year for your annual tail-whippin'.

PS: Do UGA fans have to pay for Alabama quad space since we own the place?!?

No Larry Munson in 2008?

I saw on that Damon Evans is anticipating Larry Munson to return in 2008 to call UGA home games...but Munson hasn't officially signed on yet.

I can't help but assume this might be Munson's final season calling games for the Dawgs. If I had it my way Larry Munson would call games until football was outlawed and rogue warriors defended the planet. Unfortunately all great things must come to an end, it's just a shame that the voice of the Georgia Bulldogs is having constant health problems and may call it quits soon.

Having multiple clots removed from his brain earlier this year probably isn't making life easier for the ageing broadcaster. After deciding to quit calling road games last year the Bulldog Nation slowly came to terms with the fact their radio hero might be on his way out.

My dream scenario, UGA goes undefeated this year. Munson calls the National Championship game, Dawgs win and another historical call is added to the archives. The next day Larry goes to the Athletic Department to record the audio for every pregame intro to be shown on the scoreboard in future games, then turns his resignation in to Damon Evans on his way out to see Deuce Bigelow 3 with the movie group. From there on out Larry spends the rest of his days fishing, drinking, chasing women, and watching movies as any good Dawg should.

I looked far and wide to try and find my favorite call by Larry Munson but I couldn't find it on YouTube. My absolute favorite doesn't involve Lindsay Scott, or Herschel Walker, it involves Kevin Butler the kicker for the Bulldogs in the early 80's. It was 1984 and the Dawgs were tied with Clemson as the clock was running out and Kevin Butler kicked a field goal "100,000 miles" to win it as time ran out.

You can find the link here and scroll down to Georgia vs. Clemson 1984 to hear the audio clip. It has the agony of Larry's pessimism, the glimmer of optimism to keep you interested, the outrageous comments to break the tension of it all, and as the ball sails between the uprights you hear Munson go absolutely nuts with excitement. The culmination of all of these is what I believe puts this on the same level as the Lindsay Scott call and begging the Dawgs to "hunker it down ONE MORE TIME!" at Auburn. I could watch these clips 1000 times and my eyes will water 1001 times, they are just that good.

So instead of putting my favorite up, I'll put up my favorite current Larry Munson call. This is from the Georgia vs. Georgia Tech game in 2006 at Sanford Stadium. I think I love this clip so much because my wife and I were sitting in the middle of the Georgia Tech seats surrounded by mustard colored shirts. I didn't get to hear this until the ride home that Saturday night. UGA wasn't supposed to win, Tech had Calvin Johnson and a senior quarterback in Reggie Ball. All the Dawgs had was a freshmen quarterback by the name of Matthew Stafford who had played fairly inconsistently that season. Georgia's last possession of the game was their opportunity to take the lead. The following ensued...

It was at this time I took it upon myself to start sending back all the trash the Tech fans had been talking to me all night (especially to the guy who'd been letting his kid throw peanut shells at me all game). My wife told me I needed to sit down and shut up before I got myself killed...which was probably a smart thing to do in hindsight.

Special thanks to Ugamummra for the great videos he's posted.

Weekend Wrap-up: Addicted to Cinema Edition

Holy cow, what a weekend. For some reason we got on a movie kick over the past 3 days. It started with deciding one day we'd catch The Dark Knight but needed to refresh ourselves with Batman Begins (which was showing on the airplane as we flew to Aruba on our honeymoon, but the film environment was so dark the reflection on the screens made it impossible to see).

So Friday we watched Batman Begins (which pumped us up for The Dark Knight), Saturday morning we watched Mystic River which we'd DVRed earlier last week. Saturday night we went with 1/2 of East Cobb to see The Dark Knight which was VERY intense (and teh awesomxorz!!1). When we got home at 12:30am Sunday morning we watched the last 1/2 of Batman (with Michael Keaton) which was almost painstaking to watch after seeing the new one. Sunday we realized it was Batman Week on TNT and saw Batman Forever and Batman and Robin (again, laughable) later last night we watched The Prestige before calling it a weekend and going to bed.

So total we saw roughly 6.5 movies, but it was a lot of fun relaxing and taking it all in. Seeing the older Batman movies was a trip and the more I think about it, Jack Nicholson was playing Jack Nicholson as The Joker as opposed to Heath Ledger playing The Joker completely creeping my wife (and myself) out in the process. The only thing I didn't like in The Dark Knight was hearing Bruce Wayne constantly being referred to as "the bat-man". All together, it was awesome but hearing that reminds me of my parents calling it "The Google" or "The Blogging Pantsless blog".

Finally if you want to date your movies, make a reference to the technology of the time. The funniest thing I heard all weekend was Val Kilmer telling Nichole Kidman that "The Bat-signal isn't a beeper". Suprisingly enough, the children of Gotham City may still be playing with POGS if the things popular in 1995 have been holding up for the past 13 years.

UPDATE/EDIT: I almost forgot to mention another highlight of the weekend was me throwing up in the bushes outside of the Salvation Army on Saturday. Apparently a late night of Mexican food, etc... isn't good for your constitution if you want to attend your wife's fitness bootcamp the next morning. Who's a champ? I'M A CHAMP!

Friday, July 18, 2008

When the cat's away...

This past week I have spent what I think might be the longest amount of time away from my wife since we've been married.

Some of you might not understand how different life is when your significant other isn't around, but it is like being in another world, the world of bachelorhood.

Both worlds have their pros and their cons, but I love my wife, I'm not afraid to admit it so that obviously wins out as the greater of the two. Although, as you can see in the following pictures, my week was filled with things I don't really get to do much as a married man. So I took pictures to document it.

#1 - Hamburger Helper

I understand the importance of "veggie nights" and "meals with sides" but one of my favorite meals when the Mrs. is away is Hamburger Helper. It is easy to cook, takes like 20 minutes to make, tastes pretty good, AND usually makes leftovers for future meals. Mrs. Mackalicious absolutely hates Hamburger Helper, so therefore it is sits next to my $4 bottle of Cooks Champagne in the "Special Occasions" section of the pantry.

#2 - Not Shaving- AKA. The Neck Beard

Let me throw this out there for you guys, I HATE shaving. I hate the way my face feels when it's clean-shaven, I hate trying to shave around an Adam's apple, and if I had it my way I'd have a thick, manly, man-beard. Well, unfortunately my facial hair is so splotchy it makes Matt Cerione look like the guys from ZZ Top. So I usually try to shave once or twice a week because my wife prefers it that way...but she ain't let Scraggle Fest 2008 begin!

#3 Guitar Hero in My Underwear

My wife purchased Guitar Hero III for me as a Valentine's Day present, my life hasn't been the same since. I've found a way to run every single song on the game into the ground for her with constant practicing and enthusiastic, style-heavy performances, God bless her for what she has to put up with. When she leaves, so do the rules of what is proper to lounge around in, therefore late-night shows featuring Through the Fire and Flames occur. Also, I know I have great legs so please don't overload the comments section of this post with flattery.

#4 Excessively Large Cereal Bowls

Is that a mixing bowl? Nope, this week it's a cereal bowl.

Those were just a few highlights of my week as I attempted to celebrate acting single again. Other top moments included sleeping with the radio on, unlimited hot-water, and controlling the remote.

But to be honest with you, I don't think I could keep it up. I'm ready for my wife to get back, #1 because I miss her, #2 because I'm healthier & happier with her around, and #3 because she reads this blog. So if you all will excuse me, I need to go clean house before she gets back.

See you Monday with the Weekend Wrap-up! HOLLA!

UPDATE: After reading this I realize what a lazy slob I sound like, but let me include the smart things I did. Take care of the dogs, do the dishes, make the bed (even though I don't believe in making the bed if you're just going to be sleeping in it again in less than 24 hours), not spend money on eating out every night, and not going with my buddy Big Phil to see The Dark Knight at midnight (he most likely will have his review of it up at My Reel Reviews sometime today if you're interested) when I knew I had work the next day even though I REALLY wanted to see it. So there you have it, I'm a slightly responsible guy who can take care of himself and use good judgement even when his better half is away.

Friday Morning Fart Scene

Everyday Should be Saturday has Mustache Wednesday

Hey Jenny Slater has the Friday Random Ten+5

Here at Blogging Pantsless, I wanted to have something unique/humorous to call my own day of the week thingy. To be honest with you, I find nothing funnier than farts, and lets face do too. As a side note, I'm 26, not 12 as my wife might tell you. (I personally think it's sick she thinks I'm 12 because that would make her a total pedophile and if we ever moved we wouldn't be able to live near schools.)



Thursday, July 17, 2008

Milestones, WAAAAY better than kidney stones

Here at Blogging Pantsless, I've reached a pretty big milestone today. Regardless of how much "whoring" of my blog I've done within my circle of friends, we reached the 100th unique page view today. That means no matter how many times my friends came and hit the refresh button on the main page to bump my ticker up, I've still had 100+ different people view my blog and for that I am extremely appreciative (especially considering I only have 5 friends, and 2 of them are dogs...who don't have computers).

This just goes to show you that the internets is the new America, a land of opportunity where an average Joe can become a sensation. I'm living proof! And to thank you all for checking out my blog daily, here's a Norma Lee video about Dr Phil and Paris Hilton...ENJOY!

Take Norma Lee's advice, don't drink and grive...what?!?

Thirteenth Jersey - Oregon Edition

In Nike's never ending quest to provide the University of Oregon with the ugliest jersey combos, they've blown WAY past a 3rd jersey and now sit at their 13th jersey.

This time though, it's serious. Lets face it, the PAC-10 along with every other conference is sick and tired of hearing about the speed of the SEC. Their solution to this problem is to make their players stronger. If you add weight, you strengthen leg-muscle, if you strengthen leg-muscle, you get faster and stronger in your lower-body.

Previously Nike unveiled the Oregon jersey with the diamond plate graphic on the shoulders. People were not impressed by this. In order to strengthen their players AND create yet another stupid looking jersey for the Duck Nation, Nike actually added rigid, diamond-plate metal to the jersey shoulders and numbers of this new practice jersey. This added an additional 25 lbs. to the jersey weight which over the course of the season's practice schedule should speed up the team as muscle grows. Gamedays will see the Duck's football team don their traditional, non-traditional green & yellow combination which is significantly lighter and will allow the Ducks to showcase a lightning quick offense without last year's Heisman hopeful, Dennis Dixon.

Much like how if you want to impress me with your barbed-wire tattoo, you wrap an actual piece of barbed-wire around your bicep; the Ducks have finally impressed me by putting real diamond plate metal on their jerseys...but they're still ugly.

Breaking the tradition of my 3rd jersey segment, these will not be worn against any opponent, rather they are limited to practice only between the offense and defense of the University of Oregon's practice squads.

Hopefully these new practice jerseys will continue to help the Ducks produce consistent, top-quality players like the Atlanta Falcons' own Joey Harrington...wait that can't be right...Joey!?! Pay no attention to this last paragraph, that can't be right.

EDIT: Hopefully this new practice jersey will help the Ducks begin to produce consistent, top-quality players which we don't normally associate with the University of Oregon...yeah...that sounds more like it.

Strange Smells I Heart

Completely random and not sports related, I've decided to list a few smells I enjoy that most people may consider to be a little strange.

#1 Gasoline

If I'm going to drop $94 to fill up my truck, I might as well enjoy the smell of it.

#2 Home Depot

The minute those door slide open and I'm greeted with a blast of Lumber + Fertilizer + Pesticides = Housework Heaven.

#3 Krystal Hamburgers (before I eat them)

Note: I specifically added before I eat them, after I'm stuffed the remaining food smells like car exhaust, but when I'm hungry, a sackful is a aroma nirvana.

#4 Fresh Pavement

My guilty pleasure? Ever Saturday this summer I've been driving the 75/85 Connector with the windows down.

Season Tickets

I'm sure I'm the last person to make comments on the UGA season ticket issue, but I found this interesting.

The AJC has a poll posted asking if you would pay $10,000.00 to see the Bulldogs play. (For those who don't know they had approx. 698 season ticket slots open up and the minimum donation to the Hartman Fund was $10K to get the opportunity to purchase tickets)

As of 7:55am this morning the answer was overwhelmingly NO with 83.59% and YES was down with only 16.41%. But here's the catch, there is a total of 4,345 votes cast. Those who excel at math will understand that 16.41% of 4,345 is 713.

Right now there are 713 people who would pay $10,000 for the opportunity to purchase season tickets, there are only 698 open slots which means economics wins again. Demand has exceeded supply meaning those who voted "YES", should they put their money where their mouth is, will be selling out the season ticket plans yet again.

A hidden camera was placed in the rental car of the athletic department as they received a call from AD Damon Evans. With news of yet another sell-out season at Sanford Stadium you can obviously understand why everyone is so excited.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Third Jersey - Notre Dame Edition

There is no denying how huge the black jersey was last season (I'm of the opinion if Auburn would have clobbered us, they never would have seen the light of day again). Regardless, they looked great and we ended the year with a 2-0 record in them.

During the off season other teams have taken notice how throwing a 3rd jersey into the rotation can really energize the players, the fan base, and the bottom line in merchandising. So as a Blogging Pantsless exclusive, I've been in contact with several athletic departments across the NCAA and have received private access to their designs of a 3rd jersey they're looking to market this season.

Each day I'll showcase the school, the jersey, and the game which they choose to unveil it.


If there are any Irish fans out there after last season, I'm sure you guys are looking forward to a huge rebound. They planned to kick this all off by hiring new AD Jack Swarbrick. I spoke with Swarbrick shortly after his conference announcing his new position took place this afternoon.

Jack said he'd been working closely with quarterback Jimmy Clausen to design a third jersey to pump up the fanbase and players after a disappointing 3-9 campaign last season.

You may remember Clausen from a few of the pictures below.

Hmm...looks familiar.


Ah, there he is. I recognize him now, the whole upright thing was fooling me.

Now that we can all place whom Ad Swarbrick has been designing with we'll unveil the FABULOUS new jersey for the Fighting Irish.

It will be marketed as the Pot o'Gold Jersey. QB Clausen understands the pain Irish fans endured last season. He said this season will metaphorically be a rainbow. Mentions of how you follow a rainbow to get to the pot of gold were spoken as I looked on in disbelief. AD Swarbrick wanted the Notre Dame faithful to have PRIDE again. The path they speak of leads them to their pot of gold, the National Championship.

The new jersey isn't going to be held for a huge rivalry game, they wanted to release it for the season opener against San Deigo State, August 30th.

Coach Weiss couldn't be reached for comment, but several Domino's Pizza delivery drivers were seen entering with multiple orders and leaving with shredded sleeves.

Best of luck to you Irish fans, I'm sure you're parents will be proud.

The Man's Keepin' Me Down!

Light posting today. I hate it when things that pay take priority over things that are more fun, but don't provide financially. Check back after lunch, I'll have Notre Dame's third jersey up by then.

All-Star Shame

Back like cooked crack was the MLB All-Star Game last night, and Josh Hamilton was NOT interested. You caught all worth watching in the first 30 minutes when they had player introductions with 40 some-odd Hall of Fame members present. If you stayed up for all 15 innings you saw the National League lose, not to be confused with the American League winning.

I personally hold the Mets' Billy Wagner responsible, but you know what? Holding someone responsible means I might care about this and I don't want Bud Selig to have that satisfaction so scratch that.

As I said, the best part was seeing Willie Mays, Mr. October, Yogi Berra, Hank Aaron, and all the others who played baseball in what I blindly assume to be a clean period of the game's history. I'm a bit of a traditionalist so when it comes to the monstrosity the All-Star Game has become I get a little turned off. I'm of the opinion the team with the best record at the end of the season should get home field advantage in the World Series. If by some chance the Braves make it to the World Series, I don't want our chances to ride on how well an over-rated Mets closer pitches.

Either way, I like to think my Dad put it best when he told me "Baseball is at its best when it is the main event of the evening." The whole pageant of the All-Star Game and Home Run Derby isn't as interesting to me as it used to be. If I never had to hear Chris Bermann say "BACK BACK BACK" again I might not be so bitter about this.

Other than seeing all the legends of baseball the only other thing I found entertaining was listening to George Brett give the motivational speech in the American League clubhouse. This was not entertaining because it was an awe-inspiring moment, it was entertaining because the only thing I think of when I hear the name George Brett is his freak-out over being called out due to the pine-tar on his bat after he hit a home run.

Now for a moment of Imagine If You Will Theatre

Apparently this clip isn't available on You Tube due to copyrights, but if you imagine the young lady standing up wearing a Kansas City Royals uniform, she will play the role of George Brett. Everyone else will be playing the roll of umpire Tim McClelland.

George Brett just hit a 2-run homer in the top of the 9th to take the lead at Yankee Stadium. After being asked to examine the bat by Yankees manager Billy Martin, home plate umpire Tim McClelland ruled that Brett's bat had more than 18 inches of pine-tar on the handle. He held up his fist to signal Brett out (over-turning the home run in the process). Brett charges out of the dugout, and the following ensues...

...also replace the "N-word" with "Umpire", because Tim McClelland raped George Brett...with his rule-book.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Third Jersey - Auburn Edition

There is no denying how huge the black jersey was last season (I'm of the opinion if Auburn would have clobbered us, they never would have seen the light of day again). Regardless, they looked great and we ended the year with a 2-0 record in them.

During the off season other teams have taken notice how throwing a 3rd jersey into the rotation can really energize the players, the fan base, and the bottom line in merchandising. So as a Blogging Pantsless exclusive, I've been in contact with several athletic departments across the NCAA and have received private access to their designs of a 3rd jersey they're looking to market this season.

Each day I'll showcase the school, the jersey, and the game which they choose to unveil it.


Auburn actually got the business end of the 3rd jersey's whoopin' stick last year in the Classic City. The "Ath-uh-let-ic Department" at Auburn is reporting they held an open contest for the design of their 3rd jersey.

There was more than 1,000 entries of which 724 were EXACTLY the same premise.

Coach Tommy Tuberville has been informed of the winning jersey and is requesting fans show up to the LSU game on September 20th decked out in orange.

Posters have been printed up to be distributed thoughout the surrounding trailor parks / student dorms hyping up the "Arnge Out"(sp) against LSU.

Wow Mackie, you really out-did yourself with this one.

As you can tell there is definitely a NASCAR element inspired in this design. Apparently (and I had no idea) NASCAR is big in the area. Many of the entries had sponsor patches included from various fan-favorite companies Hot Pocket, West Point Stevens, and Sam's Choice Cola, but after informing the student body of NCAA jersey regulations the patches were removed.

The second place jersey was a throw-back style still popular around the Auburn campus today. It involved a shorter length that left an exposed midriff similar to the one's seen back when REO Speedwagon and Poison ruled the campus (or as I like to call it 2004).

The Bayou Bengals better bring their A Game come September because there are going to be A LOT of rowdy Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen decked out in orange cruising town in their IROC-Zs just waiting for the purple people to give them "the ol' stink-eye".

If I might add a bit of advice to the LSU fans who arrive in Auburn that weekend, wear your purple and gold hard-hats. If you piss these people off they will throw their cans of "Bud Heavy" at you...and it will hurt.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Going to Hell Store Called...


EXTREMELY ruthless?
...Uh huh.

Congrats coach, you're an @$$hole!

Technically it is a legal play. The center employed a side-snap technique so the ball is live as the QB walks the "wrong ball" to the sideline and then takes off for the end-zone. I just can't imagine what I would do as the coach of the opposing team if I saw someone running this against a team of children. Although I guess a "BOOM!!! MOTHER@#$%^'ER!!1 KNOCK THESE M'F-ers OUT!1!" wouldn't be out of the question if one of my defensive line-men absolutely obliterated the kid.

Obviously the "bleep guy" wasn't into Pokemon, because he couldn't catch 'em all.
...yes I know, that was a pathetic Pokemon joke.

The Third Jersey-UF Edition

There is no denying how huge the black jersey was last season (I'm of the opinion if Auburn would have clobbered us, they never would have seen the light of day again). Regardless, they looked great and we ended the year with a 2-0 record in them.

During the off season other teams have taken notice how throwing a 3rd jersey into the rotation can really energize the players, the fan base, and the bottom line in merchandising. So as a Blogging Pantsless exclusive, I've been in contact with several athletic departments across the NCAA and have received private access to their designs of a 3rd jersey they're looking to market this season.

Each day I'll showcase the school, the jersey, and the game which they choose to unveil it.

This week starts with our leathery friends to the south, the University of Florida. Several Georgia fans remember the orange shouldered jersey they wore at the Cocktail Party a few years ago. Well be warned Dawg fans, just like Terence Moore predicted (and continues to predict), Urban Meyer is looking for revenge.

As the month of October draws to an end, Coach Meyer is going to send out a call to the Gator Nation. When November 1st arrives, he is requesting ALL Florida fans, put on their coordinating shirt for...that's right...a DENIM OUT!

The Gators will take the short drive to Jacksonville that Saturday, with jorts and jirts (can I copyright that?) for the first EVER Denim Out of Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. The jersey is currently in production with the following design to be available the week before the WLOCP.

As I said, the last week in October is the projected release date of the denim jersey. The UF athletic department wanted to replace that weird flowing nylon with a fabric the players were more accustomed to. There is a chance they will release the jersey a week prior to the expected date. This is to allow plenty of time for the fans who wish to cut the sleeves off to get a good thick, white, fray for the cut-off look most are familiar with.

As a Georgia fan with a good bet riding on this game, I for one am terrified. A loss this year could completely wipe-out the progress UGA has made in breaking the freakishly poor record of the last 18 years.

Weekend Wrap-up

A pretty lazy weekend was just what I needed and just what I got. The only thing relatively interesting I did was on Saturday between sleeping half the day and eating mexican food WAAAAAY too late was watching a show about Saturdays in the South from RAYCOM. It aired on My ATL which is 813 on Comcast HD and it showcased the following.

1. Tailgating in The Grove at Ole Miss. One of my goals in life is to travel to a UGA away-game at each of the SEC stadiums (though I'll probably have to take my wife see Bama play at The Swamp if I want to go to Gainesville and root against Florida). The one I most look forward to when I'm able to finance this tour would be the Ole Miss game. These fans understand you might not win every game, but you can definitely tailgate the pants off your competition, and honestly, isn't pants-off what this blog is all about?

2. The tradition of Uga the bulldog mascot for the University of Georgia. Nothing really new here, the same story about how Uga I got his start, II got 2 SEC Titles, III got our second National Title, IV went to the Heisman ceremony with Herschel, V was a movie star and tried to cut Robert Baker's nuts off, and how VI had an affinity for co-axle television cables and ended with the best record of them all. Really nothing you missed if you watched UGA and His Family on CSS later Saturday night.

"You see, Baker's been talking down to Dawg fans on faith-based initiatives"

3. The human canvas of Alabama known as Nate Davis. You might know Davis as the guy with the HUGE tattoo of Bear Bryant leaning against a goal-post on his entire back.

Nate Davis has more than $8,000.00 invested in tattoos honoring the football heritage of the University of Alabama. It is actually an interesting story how he left school, joined the service, finished his time in the service, joined a police department in Georgia, all while wishing he'd still gotten his degree from Alabama. So he left his job, went back to square one, and is in the process of getting his teaching degree from Bama. I don't want to bash on the guy, he's definitely got a lot of heart, but those things are pretty permanent and 8 grand is a lot of money. My guess is a couple thousand more and Daniel Moore will come knocking wanting to immortalize him on the walls of thousands of "Crimson Rooms" across the state.

Friday, July 11, 2008


I found this picture of Marcus Howard and Colt Brennan from the Sugar Bowl...

My first reaction was remembering how it was just 7-8 months ago I took my dad with me down to New Orleans and what a good time we had.

My second reaction was the memory of thinking "This guy isn't going to make it through the 3rd quarter." as we sat in the stands watching Colt get tenderized like a steak from Waffle House.

My third and final reaction to seeing this picture was how annoying it is when a buddy hands you a bottled-beer at a tailgate and it doesn't have the twist off lid...don't you HATE that!?!

Have a great weekend everbody, we'll see you Monday with the Weekend Wrap-up. HOLLA!

well...I figured it out.

Earlier this morning I was having trouble figuring out who to give the (Sammy) "Hagar Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Screwing Things Up for the Rest of Us", and I finally figured it out.

Yes Officer, that is definately the woman I saw kill Van Halen.

I love movies. Sometimes I'm even willing to give movies I don't think I'll like a shot, sometimes. Imagine if you will, you are a top-dog at Disney several months ago. In the near future your Pixar studios will release WALL-E which you know is going to make you millions. As you lean back in your office chair and light your cigar with a $100 bill, a lowly employee enters your office to pitch an idea to you.

You hear him out, thank the guy, send him out, then immediately proceed to call your superior telling him you've got an idea that is nothing less than solid gold. He gives you funding, you pass it on to production and tell them to make you this movie.

Someone is responsible for this...whomever it is, you just got yourself a Hagar Award.

My beef with Beverly Hills Chihuahua is the sheer un-originality of the idea. I know it's not targeted to me, but geez, if I had kids I don't think I'd take them to see this movie. Perhaps this is why I'm not in Hollywood because I don't understand, but I'll take a movie based on the life & times of one Larry Munson in the near future if they want my ideas.

Until then, congratulation "Go Ahead" guy at Disney, you're a douche, and you just won yourself the Hagar Award!


If you will recall, at the end of the week is when I award people who exemplify awesomeness with the Lee Roth Award, and those whom are the picture of douche-i-ness with the Hagar Award.

This will be a two-part post because #1 boss-man's got me covered up, and #2 I still haven't figured out who I thought sucked the most this week.

So let's get this party started with some positivity!

This weeks winner of the Lee Roth Award for Awesomeness is...

Sol Price!!!

For those who may not know, Sol Price is considered the warehouse-retail store pioneer. Today we may know his most excellent achievement known as Costco which was merged with Price Club in 1993. A year and a half ago, a Costco opened near my life has never been the same as evidenced by the photograph below.

That's right, the 72 pack box of Bagel Bites. I placed it next to my wife's stand-mixer so you can see the mammoth size of the box alone. Not to mention there are 6 individually wrapped packs of 12 inside just DARING me to eat them all in one sitting.

Sol Price, the roof of my mouth thinks you're a bastard, everyone else knows without you we'd have to buy our 50 gallon drums of mayonnaise from the Chinese...and nobody wants that. Therefore I honor you with the company of Senator Blutarsky in the inner circle of Lee Roth Award recipients.

Tune in later to see who gets to hang out with Terence Moore in the losers-bracket known as the Hagar Award winners.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Life's Most Important Question, Volume I

As we all know, the question we ask ourselves on our death-bed is...

Who will play my role in the movie about my life?

I decided to take this ball and run with it at Blogging Pantsless and it got me thinking. Who would play some of the coaches in college football in the movie version of their life...I believe The Bear already has his in the form of Tom Berenger of The Junction Boys.

So I did some deep thinking of who I thought looked (or acted) like who and came up with the following:

Phil Fulmer as played by Fred Thompson
The Law & Order star (wait, he did politics too!?!) would portray the life of The Doughnut King in his 13 years as an assistant coach at UT then taking the reigns from Johnny Majors in '92.


Steve Spurrier as played by Regis Philbin
The Evil Genius will chronicle the rise, the fall, and the "Duuhhhh, I just knows we gone win da' SEC this yeer" future rise again of the Ol' ball coach.


Mark Richt as played by Helen Hunt
Alright look, this was hard to avoid but I wanted to go ahead and get it over with. Yes we Georgia fans have all heard how much our coach looks like Helen Hunt. But if Cate Blanchett can play Bob Dylan and be nominated for an Oscar, then Helen Hunt can portray CMR in The Saint.


Urban Meyer as played by Lou Diamond Phillips
The star of La Bamba remakes himself as Coach Urban Meyer. From Bowling Green to Utah to Florida, Phillips does a spot-on portrayal of Meyer culminating in what would easily be the highlight of Meyer's career...the Simply Orange commercial.


Lou Holtszz as played by Will Ferrell's Harry Caray impression
Bypassing any year Holtzszz coached with NCAA violations, Will Ferrell's Harry Caray picks up Lou's career beginning with his role on ESPN U. I understand the similarity in appearance pretty much ends with the glasses, but you gotta admit the "HAY, IF YOU WERE A HOTDOG WOULD YOU EAT YOURSELF!?!" line would easily fit in with ANY of Lou Holtzszz' "Pep Talk" segments.

Feel free to leave me any other coaching similarities you know of, I plan on doing a few more of these once I think of some.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Matthew Stafford Interview

As I glanced at the AJC sports section today I saw the following from Chip Towers...

"I ran into quarterback Matthew Stafford and spoke with him very briefly. From my perspective, he appears to be in the best condition he’s been in since he’s been at Georgia. All I could go by was looks but there was virtually no sign of the pudginess that’s always been part of Matt’s physique. He actually looks taller."

Wow, that's always good to hear. You never want your star QB to turn into Jared Lorenzen during the off-season. As a Blogging Pantsless exclusive I actually had the opportunity to check in with Matthew Stafford. It was mostly just exchanging pleasantries, but I siezed the moment to ask him about what Chip Towers reported.

Me: Matthew, can I call you Matty?

MS: Sure Mackie, and btw I love Blogging Pantsless, I read it everyday.

Me: Oh Matty, you're too kind. If I may ask, what did you do this off-season to lose the pudge and lean-up?

MS: Well, I'm not really supposed to say.

Me: Come on Matty, you gotta tell me now with a comment like that.

MS: I told her I'd keep it a secret, but...Mackie, you are my hero...I really admire how you are able to hit crush a softball, you know all the words to my favorite Van Halen songs, and nobody...NOBODY can play a face-melting Guitar Hero solo like you.

Me: Matty, you're making me blush, really the honor is all mine.

MS: Well, she's not gonna like it but here is how I stayed in shape. (pulls a folded picture from his wallet)...


MS: You got it Bra'.

Me: WOW!!1

MS: And Timmy is gonna be PISSED! (Ha-Haaaaaaaaa!!!)

Me: You know it! Plus Terrence Moore keeps telling us how Urban Meyer can't wait to get revenge for The Celebration last Sir, are THE MAN! HIGH FIVE!

(We high-five, still laughing)

(Matthew's c-phone rings)

MS: Sup C-Bo?!....Yeah, no problem... I'll be right there. (hangs up)

Me: Everything kosher?

MS: Ehhh, Boling's tanked again and needs a ride home from Topper's.

Me: ugh...well, it was great to talk to you, we'll see you August 30th!

MS: (walking to his car) I'll be looking for you in the stands! Go Dawgs!



Well, there you have it. A Blogging Pantsless exclusive interview with Matthew Stafford. Remember folks, you saw it here first!