Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Pantsless Predictions: Part I of IIIIIIIIIIIII

September 3. 2011
Boise State
Georgia Dome

Let me preface this post with a little-known fact about yours truly.


I hate the way they smell, the way the prance around, and their stupid Sarah Jessica Parker faces.

On my honeymoon I was viciously attacked by one of these beasts on a nightmare experience I refer to as the 1st/last/only time I went horseback riding.

Long story short, after 2 hours of being bounced around uncontrollably by one of these monsters, my horse takes off galloping. Apparently the lead horse didn't like the way I was managing my horse...because we all know these horses listen to first time riders and not their owners who direct them with a series of whistles. But anyway, my horse gallops past the group and as we approach the lead horse, that MF-er reached out and BIT me on the leg like it was an ear of delicious, grilled silver queen corn.

I'm not over-reacting and saying he nipped at me, that horse LATCHED ON to my leg just above my right knee-cap. So I did what anyone in my position would do, I yelled "SON OF A BITCH!" and punched him in the nose.

...yes, I punched a horse in the face. IN THE FAAAAAAACE!

And then, the world went in slow motion, just like in Rocky 5 when Rocky punched a horse, the 1000 lb animal reared back on his 2 hind legs, whinnied, and then fell over like a little bitch.

I felt sorry for the woman riding the lead horse, I immediately hopped off my horse and went to make sure she was alright. I (and most of the civilized world) knew I was strong...but I didn't think I was knock-out a horse strong. So I apologized to the woman (but not the horse, he can rot in horse Hell because there is no way those soul-less, dead-eyed savages are welcome in Heaven) and I said SCREW THIS and hopped on an ATV to go back to the ranch while my wife finished the ride.

So now, with that background knowledge, you can understand why the Boise State Broncos are not quite in my circle of trust due to my history with their mascot's breed.

Aside from this, myself like most people in the SEC, don't take Boise State seriously. They've got a nice, shiny 0'fer going against Arkansas, South Cackalacky, and us in 4 attempts. Not the conference's worst trio, not our best, but I'd say that's a good middle-to-upper echelon of SEC opponentry.

My only problem with this match-up is that now most people in the SEC don't really take Georgia seriously either, and who can blame them?!? We've had two real stinkers of a season the past couple of years. But here's my call on this game (keep in mind, predictions 100 days out tend to be as accurate as government forecasting and incredibly bold).

UGA 26, Boise St. 17

I think our biggest problem going into this game is going to be our offense. If the line holds up, if the running game gets going, and if our receivers can hold onto passes we're golden.

I think Boise State has a great team that will win a lot of games this year, but the Chick-Fil-A College Kickoff ain't one of them.

I'm so pumped up about our defense this year with Big John Jenkins (6'4"-340 lbs) and Kwame Gathers (6'5"-350 lbs) at Nose. Watching either one or a combination of the two plowing over Boise States starting Center (Thomas Byrd, 5'11"-284 lbs) should be a lot of fun. If this puts pressure on *COUGH* Heisman *COUGH* candidate Kellen Moore to rush his passes and hopefully not give him the opportunity to pick apart our weakness at Safety, then the score difference might be greater than I predicted.

Can't wait to see Isaiah Crowell on the field to see what this kids got. I doubt he'll get the first round of carries, but you're smoking crack if you think homeboy is sitting out this dawg-fight. There's a lot of hopes/dreams riding on this young man's shoulders and if he's got the motor and the legs to give our running game new life, UGA could have a great season.

Go to the :21 mark, if you think Washaun Ealey wouldn't be downed BEHIND the 40-yd line, then go ahead and make him your school's Premier Running Back.

Go Dawgs!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

New Enemies for 2011

If you'll scroll down and take a look at the "Know Thine Enemies" section of the blog, you'll notice links have been provided for the scheduled opposition. Feel free to click around and troll their posts with trash talk.


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Pantsless Predictions: Preamble

We are less than 100 days away from college football. In fact, 98 would be the exact count until the Dawgs head downtown to tee it up between the hedge-funds.

But this brings us to the time of year where college football junkies like myself start to declare this the "Year of the Dawg" and slowly begin a downward spiral towards "OMG HOW R WE GOING TO BEAT (insert worst team on schedule)!?!1?" by the first game's kickoff.

For the guy that once declared Joe Cox would shock the world and lead the Dawgs to victory over the Gators, 2011 year is going to be different.

I expect great things year to year from Georgia. Every Summer, I assume we're going to win the East and then play for a National Championship...then Fall comes around and for the last 2 seasons reality sets in and next thing you know, you put all your hopes and dreams on beating Tech just to save face.

It's been a REALLY long time since UGA had a season as craptacular as last year's. In fact, I believe the Olympics were in town if that tells you anything.
A losing season?!? WHATIZIT?

The SEC East is a bust, South Carolina is the expected to win the division by people OUTSIDE of Columbia?!? When the Gamecocks have established themselves as a front-runner in football, we've GOT to figure this thing out.

I'm a notorious Mark Richt apologist, and I was furious with the guy after we started out kicking a fieldgoal in the red zone against UCF in our post-season celebrity appearance (please dear God don't tell me that was our bowl game). He has a way of melting my heart with his Mayberry smile, his Slingblade haircut, and his overall nice-guy-ness. But dammit under things I want separate, I file my church, my state, my football, and my football coach's likeability.

For Pete's sake the guy can't even sell his lake house out of fear of losing his job!

Aside from what an awesome human being Mark Richt is, we wouldn't know his name if he wasn't the coach of the most popular football team in our state. Sad, but true. We expect this man to lead our football team to Championships every year, so there's a lot on the table for Markie-Mark. My hope is that he shuts up his critics and gets to stay around for another 10 years, but my next few posts will focus on whether or not I think the Dawgs have got what it takes to rebound from an AWFUL season and make the Bulldog Nation fall back in love with Mark Richt.