Tuesday, August 25, 2009

In preparation for Stillwater...

First let me start out by saying this isn't about our football team prepping themselves for Stillwater, this is more or less about my party and what we're doing.

I good friend of mine whom I lived with at my fraternity house back in college, is making this trip with me.

His name is Josh Moor and apart from him being a total a-hole, he's a pretty damn good Dawg. We used to do all sorts of stupid stuff together like:

-Pour gasoline over a gravel parking lot and then lighting it on fire...because it looked cool watching a parking lot burn.

-Collect all the un-drank booze the Sorority girls would leave at our house and then have Girly Drink Night as we watched excessively violent movies to make up for the gayness of pounding Bartles & James.

-I think we disposed of a dead hooker into West Point Lake once...but that could have been with someone else...I forget.

We'd smoke cigars, listen to music, and pretty much be rowdy college boys...until Moor left for the Army. While he was in the Middle East kicking ass I was trying to fool teachers into believing I was capable of learning.

Here is what Moor was doing:

...unfortunately I only need one picture to show what I was doing.

We've been talking this trip up since I signed up for the tickets and as it stands now we are T-Minus 8 days from heading out of Marietta, GA on a 16 hour excursion to Stillwater. We're roughing it to say the least. We'll drive the entire distance in one day and we're camping out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. But we'll be touring around Tulsa and Stillwater looking for trouble so if you're familiar with the area (or already have your trip planned) and would like to make a few suggestions please do so in the comments section. We can use all the direction we can get (especially if you know of a good place to go tubing down one of the rivers around the area).

I know he's just as pumped about this trip as I am and we look forward to seeing a few friendly faces once we're up there. I don't know where we'll be tailgating yet, but if you see us wandering around the area make sure you have a cold beer handy for Moor because he's earned it. He's currently working on finishing his degree, but until then he's just a dude in search of a party...so Georgia fans better bring it!

If anyone else is traveling without their wife and wants to rough-it look for us our around Lake Carl Blackwell. I'll be the excessively tall-skinny guy who is capable of handling his alcohol and Moor will either be wearing his own vomit or making out with the local girls from Okie State. Either way, we can't wait to get back to feeling like we're still in our glory days. I hope to document it pretty well so when we get back I'll have some good pictures to show off. We're looking forward to it regardless of the fact we're sleeping out in the Oklahoma wilderness, it might not be the Ritz but it sure beats some of the other places we could be stuck.

Hamp's Back

I got a message last night from Hamp Tanner of Hunker Down Dawg. He's back like cooked crack and ready to grace us with some writing way better than the junk you read here.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Win a Grill Topper

Just passing along the chance for you to win a Grill Topper of your favorite team, brought to you by our official sponsor!

Enter our Yahoo! Sports College Football Pick'em contest and win great prizes. Absolutely FREE to play - all you need to do is pick the winners of each college football game every week and the person with the highest weekly score wins a free Grill Topper 550 model of their choice (estimated retail value $18.99).

Registering your team is simple:

1. Follow this link to Yahoo! College Football Pick'em
2. Click the option to "Join A Group"
3. Enter our League ID: 12548 and Password: mygrilltopper

Everything is FREE - no obligations, no hidden fees. All can play, but prizes will only be awarded to residents of the continental United States. Each weekly winner will be contacted via email - winners will be asked to provide a valid shipping address and their choice of team. Team choices are limited to product availability. To see which teams are available in Grill Topper products, please refer to http://www.thegrilltopper.com/products/grill-toppers/.

Have fun!

Many of you may remember Blogging Pantsless hosted our own College Football Pick'em Group last year. This year I decided we'd open the gates for readers to win some prizes that don't include warm beer from my tailgate!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wanna piss off a nerd?

I did a little Photoshop work on this picture and it should (key word, SHOULD) print out perfectly to fit the LANDSCAPE format of a LEGAL size sheet of paper. Just print and hang prominently around your I.T. department and you'll have their second-life panties in a wad all day...you're welcome!

...you might need to do a little bit of "Save Image As" and then print it out, but I just gave it a test run and it worked.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hindsight: 25 Things

Looking back at my preview of Auburn from yesterday, I feel nothing if not utter repulsion at my complete lack of quality information. Not that anyone cares that much about Auburn anyway, but stating Auburn's QB issue will come down to two guys as late as the season opener...then learning the decision has already been made and it was neither of the two guys you thought...that's pretty damn bad!

Since I pride myself on my lack of pride, I figured I would provide you with a list of 25 things that will go down in history as being better than my Auburn Preview:

1. New Coke

2. Saying Oasis is superior to The Beatles

3. Any television show that centers around baking cakes.

4. Michael Jordan's Baseball Career

5. Coins that are worth $1.

6. Colors of ketchup that aren't red

7. Hawaii Chair

8. Sports that can end with ties.

9. The Episode of All in the Family where Edith dies.

10. Reggie Ball, starting QB.

11. The availability of spandex in sizes >medium.

12. FOX covering any sport, ever.

13. Any sequel of this film.

14. Greenlighting any show starring Andy Dick or Kathy Griffith.

15. That time I went to the wrong theatre to see Men in Black

16. Van Halen III

17. Spray-on Hair

18. the theory of Global Warming(...yep, went there)

19. Fish sandwiches

20. Sony Minidisc

21. Scheduling Dragon Con on the same day as Tech's season opener.

22. Dunkin' Donuts

23. Minute 3:38 of this video...

24. The Designated Hitter Rule.

25. The 18th Amendment.

So just to clear the air, I can readily admit I was sloppy on my preview. I'm not going to redo it simply because I don't think the outcome will change...so, I mean really, why bother?

Journalistic integrity is for integral journalists, I prefer to view Blogging Pantsless as The Onion of Georgia Sports. Never to be taken seriously, but just realistic enough to throw off the elderly.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Pantsless Preview: Part IIIIIIIII (9) of IIIIIIIIII (10)

...in case you're wondering how it's already part 9 of 10 with four games remaining, I'm not counting Tennessee Tech (assumed W) and the Nerds will get a write-up of their own.

11.14.2009 Our Barn (Home)

There is little I'd rather see than Auburn Football open their season with a loss to a team coached by the Dooley bloodlines.

If there were ever a season it could happen (since Vinny left coaching in '88) this could be the year. First year Head Joke Eugene Chizik brings his coaching pants to the Plains for what would have been the biggest trainwreck hire of the SEC had Lane Kiffin kept his mouth shut. But all kidding aside he has no where to go but up at Auburn, and here's why.

5-19 over two seasons with Iowa State's product will probably translate into 5-7 with Auburn's players/schedule over the course of this year. Doubling your cumulative win total in only one season is something to be celebrated...right?

I think in a couple of years Auburn might be something to reckon with, especially their defense, but that time won't come until they get their Quarterback situation solved...again....this year.

A closer look at Guz Malzahn's offense makes it appear the Kodi Burns era might have come to a quick and bitter end. Junior QB Neil Caudle has the arm and the accuracy to make it happen, but Kodi Burns has a Bowl win and nearly a full season of starting experience. Does that mean anything if the Tiger Eagles aren't running a gawd-awful spread offense? Probably not, but at the moment the QB sitch isn't resolved and could potentially be up in the air until September 5th.

OC Malzahn isn't going to be throwing around a 2 quarterback rotation, so look for him to make his bed and sleep in it...even if it stinks.
though I assume a bed made anywhere near this thing already reeks of Slim Jims & Aqua Velva.

But getting back to Gene Chizik, perhaps Ed Orgeron has screwed up my view of Defense-minded head coaches. I think there is a certain level of insanity that defines the great DCs, and I'll give Chizik that much, he was a great DC. But making the transition to Head Coach hasn't come easy for many DC's since the late, great Erk Russell, God rest his soul.

Best case scenario, Auburn wins 7...I'd be surprised by 8. One thing's for sure, however many they win, one of them will NOT be against Georgia.

Looks like it'll be a beautiful early afternoon game in Athens, Dawgs roll 34-12.

...yes only an hour after I wrote this I'm updating it. Unfortunately when you don't do your research you miss things of minor importance like the fact Chris Todd has already been awarded the starting QB posich. Nit-picky I know, but only because I want to bring you the latest & the greatest information from the interwebs. I still stand behind my claims of 0% journalistic integrity.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Lets Play a Game...

...it's called "Why is this happening?!?".

(click to enlarge-ify)

In the comments section feel free to leave possible scenarios which ultimately led up to someone brokering this deal.

Best answer gets a warm PBR from my tailgate in Stillwater.

If it was socially acceptable, I would drape myself in velvet.

The people have spoken, and by a resounding vote of 2 to 1:


I take this to mean the Orson Charles jersey I bought last week SHOULD remain within the comfort and security of my home's 4 walls.

...but chances are it probably won't.

I doubt I'll put aside the red pants and polo for Saturdays in Athens, but for the Saturday beer run to Kroger(s) chances are you'll see an obscenely tall, lanky guy wearing a Georgia football jersey extremely poorly.

So in review, gentlemen...




Play it safe, listen to your wife/girlfriend. Chances are they know what's best for you anyway, and as long as it doesn't interfere with The Ritual, you'll at least keep her happy...and we all know that's what matters most.

(women stop reading here, there is no more to this story...in fact, look what's going on at TMZ's website!)




Alright guys, since it is way too obvious some womens website high-jacked my poll here is how we should handle this. If you're a guy who likes to wear a football jersey to football games chances are there isn't a straight man alive who gives a damn (as long as it's not a fake Wal-Mart jersey, then it's open season). You're a fan, show your fanhood. Chances are Mike "Big Dawg" Woods didn't get to where he is by caring what people thought.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The SEC's Brave New World

Since an Aldous Huxley reference would be a little cliche I'll go with a STYX album instead.

As many of you have already heard from here, here, here, and here there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Horse Sh*t.

I'll readily admit I haven't analyzed this stuff under a microscope but from what I gather unlicensed media cannot post clips, interviews, shower-scenes, etc... from SEC football. I take this to mean no more YouTube collaborations from bloggers and Sunday Morning Quarterbacks (please correct me if I'm wrong).

Being that I had some great ideas for this season, I'm a little irritated at these new restrictions but I think I might have a tip for those who are interested.

Last year I bought some software called, Dazzle, from a local electronics store called Micro Center for approximately $75. This software allows you to record football games or TV shows to your DVR and then run an A/V line out to a USB cable where you can download and edit them with your computer. Needless to say I had a blast with this stuff and my levels of self-gratification from doing stupid stuff such as this...
...were at an all-time high.

But I quickly learned thanks to handy little notices like this one:

"This video contains an audio track that has not been authorized by WMG. The audio has been disabled."

...you don't tag your background music unless you want Eddie Van Halen's piss-on to write you an ugly note about using copyrighted music.

So that's my suggestion if you still want to create your own tributes to SEC football by making highlight collages. Pick up some capture/edit software and as long as you don't tag any of the stuff hopefully no one will find it by doing a basic search. Will it make it difficult for the average fan to find? Absolutely, but if nothing else it won't completely disable your ability to have a little fun due to the SEC's new Fairness Doctrine.

Per David Hale:
...I’m guessing after your favorite team gets spanked by a rival, you’re not looking for the watered-down version of what happened. Perhaps you really don’t care where the information is coming from, but my guess is that you value quality journalism a lot more than they give you credit for. Maybe you go to one place and one place only for your news. But I’d be willing to bet the majority of you have gotten used to being able to surf a few dozen sites to get a broad view of Georgia football.

I'd agree with that, my first stop after a Georgia win is to get the quality journalism first and foremost. I want to know the stats, I want to know where we lagged, and I want to relive moment after glorious moment of a victory. Then after I've had my fill of people who obtained degrees in Journalism I want to hear from the Business majors. Yeah, I know it's not the most politically correct crowd, but if I want to see Tim Tebow highlights set to a Wham! song with the word "queer" plastered on the screen I think (as an apple-pie eatin' American) I have that right!

But in all seriousness, would you expect otherwise? It's the same type of money-grab free-for-all that replaced Mr. Toad's Wild Ride with Winnie the Pooh Takes a Dump on Your Soul at the Magic Kingdom. Mo Money, Mo Problems says I and it doesn't appear to be getting better anytime soon. The awful part is, with the free-market, this still falls well within what fans are willing to put-up with in order to get their college football fix. The crux of the biscuit isn't the apostrophe, it's where the media deal decides it can squeeze more limitations into the picture. THAT should be about as fun to watch as Mississippi State/Auburn 2008 highlights.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Pantsless Preview: Part IIIIIIII (8) of IIIIIIIIII (10) - The Two-fer

10.24.2009 Bye (Home)

Time to be chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool.
Completely metaphorical for having denim on our mind.

Hopefully we actually make good use of this bye week...unlike 11/22/2008.


10.31.2009 Gators (Neutral)

Where to start with this?

First, it's hard to argue when these guys are on your side.

AC/DC recently added a show in Jacksonville for Friday night, October 30th. How do I know they'll cheer for Georgia? Compare everything Tim Tebow stands for with everything AC/DC stands for. I'm sure Nickleback or Creed will schedule locally so the jean-short faithful will have something to do Friday night.

Florida enters this game after a 3 game stretch @LSU, Arkansas, and @Miss State. LSU has the best shot of beating Florida, Arkansas and Mississippi State will both lose (regardless of what Dan Mullen knows). My hope is this run takes a toll on the Gators. I hope Tebow has to run directly into 300 lb. defensive linemen for three straight weeks (according to Thom Brennaman their lives will be better for it). I don't want injuries, I want weariness.

I want the Gators to enter this football game knowing they've owned us for 16 of the last 19 games. I hope they're still #1. I hope they've got a big ol' jug of Kool-Aid they're drinking on the sideline. I want their confidence to be a mile high in this game, because for once I think we've got the fire.

No stats or reasoning, because there is no reason we should win this game.

No gameplan, because the gameplan is to play Georgia Football.

No excuses for not being prepared.

Mark Richt will coach us into Jacksonville.

This guy will do his thing.

But this...
...will be the face you'll see on the front of the AJC November 1st when the Bulldogs shock the world.

Georgia 23, Florida 21.

Go Dawgs!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


I had this up on Twitter earlier but heard people were having trouble seeing it due to Twitpic being blocked through work.

I guess Enterprise understands your I.T. guy probably won't be moving out of his parent's basement anytime soon so he'd have no use for one of these.

Way to know your consumer, Enterprise!

Also, if you're on Twitter and want to help extend my group of Followers beyond "LiveXXXSexCam" spammers...follow me!

Dawg Gear for 2009

Year in and year out, the University of Georgia ranks in the top 10 of branded merchandise sold. Most top SEC schools do, simply because we are a rabid fan base who squeal with glee once August rolls around and start to pee our pants with hopes Gameday goes back to the old Bubba Sparxxx opening instead of that GAWD AWFUL Big & Rich "Comin' to your sh*ttay" version (5 years removed, it looks like it ain't happening).
An Auburn version was the only trace of its existence I could find, BARF!

Anyway, back to my main point. Every year, if you are anything like me, you set a budget on how much money to blow on preseason Georgia gear. My family is a thrifty bunch, I've even been accused of being cheap by my wife...who's blog includes posts on where to get excellent grocery coupons online...so I must be pretty bad. This post is to help you get the most for your money and share a tip on where I've found some good deals.

If you are familiar with the Marshall's, Ross, and TJ Max circuit you know there are times you'll find a disaster area with random crap. Other times it's reasonably clean with some good deals. The college football preseason is one of those times you'll find some quality stuff.

I found a couple of good things at Marshall's yesterday, here's what I got.

#1. New UGA hat. I've got a lucky hat I wear all the time. It's dirty, smelly, and used to be red (it is now a pinkish-brown). That being said I still try to buy a new Georgia hat every season just because I feel the urge to do so. There are a ton of online retailers where you can find the variety you'd like, but for a small selection at great prices check out Marshall's (this was found by Cumberland Mall in Marietta). I decided to go with the bone pattern, Nike hat which was priced at $7.99.

#2. At the same Marshall's I came across a freakin' STEAL! They've somehow managed to come across the brand spanking new Authentic Orson Charles Blackout jersey before UGA even played the kid in a Blackout game!

...alright, well obviously this is an old Stafford jersey but from what we're hearing so far Orson might be our next big thing.

Therefore, when I saw it with a EM EFFIN' $19.99 pricetag hanging off it I decided to consult Bernie who is known around Larryville as a man of high-fashion (regardless of the whole dark socks with sandals fiasco). With Bernie's blessing I decided to make the purchase which had obviously been mispriced.

I'll readily admit, I'm more of a Reds and a Polo kinda guy when it comes to attending the game. But I figured since it wasn't the dreaded Wal-Mart screen-printed jersey it would work well around the house when I decide to hang around home for Saturdays. That brings me to another question that I've set a poll up for (top right of page).

"Is it socially acceptable for a grown man to be walking around in a college football jersey?"

I know I've seen them around Athens, but since college football is a slightly more formal affair in the South I wasn't sure how people viewed this. Vote or Die.

So that's basically the sales pitch for discount clothiers. It wouldn't hurt just to swing by and check out what they've got. I also saw some polos, gym shorts, etc I would have purchased had I not already owned some. But aside from your wardrobe I'm going to hit on one more thing.

The Grill Topper
I recently added Grill Toppers as a sponsor of Blogging Pantsless which I couldn't be more thrilled about. They've completely renovated their webpage as of yesterday and offer most big-name schools (even thought there is only one that matters). Grill Toppers didn't have to send me anything in order to get my praises. I've been branding every single hot dog I've eaten since Christmas with "Georgia" because my wife bought me the hot dog iron last December! If you want to really impress your fellow tailgaters this Fall, pick up the full rack sized Grill Topper which will brand 5 hamburgers at once!

But we welcome Grill Toppers with open arms and open mouths. We're all aware there are only 31 days left until we show the numbnuts in Stillwater how to properly tailgate. So break out the cash, get you some new UGA stuff, and get ready because September will be here before you know it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Pantsless Preview: Part IIIIIII (7) of IIIIIIIIII (10)

10.17.2009 Vandy (Away)
...also available in Brandy Snifter.

I had waited my entire life to see Vanderbilt go to a bowl game. No literally, I was born 10 days before the Commies lost to Air Force in 1982 and since then Vandy has been...well...Vandy. The Athletic Department was dissolved and the Commodores have become the conference game of choice for SEC Homecoming. Each year they tend to upset one team or another, but it stands to reason that Vandy has been fighting Miss State for #1 doormat contention in SEC football.

This was not the case last year.

Vandy got off to a hot start pulling off what some would consider upset wins against South Carolina, Ole Miss, and Auburn. Then we found out South Carolina was having their typical season and Auburn was uncharacteristically awful...however they beat a surprisingly good Ole Miss team.

But that 5 game hot streak came to a screeching hault with losses to Miss State and Duke. What the hell, Vandy?!? Are you legit or not?!? Fortunately they got Kentucky to roll over for a bellyrub and ended the regular season 6-6, and that's bowl eligible.

Their match-up with ACC Atlantic Division Champions Boston College was one of the most watchable mid-grade bowl games I'd seen in a while. I wanted Vanderbilt to win that game slightly less than I wanted Georgia to win their bowl game. You know I'm a sucker for conference supremacy, especially over the ACC and we got just that in a game winning fieldgoal for the Commies.

With a bowl win under his belt, the pleated khakis now make sense.

This season has all the ingredients to send Vandy back to Bowlsville, but it's gonna take some luck on Bobby Johnson's behalf. Returning Senior QB Mackenzi Adams might have the experience to lead Vandy to 6+ wins, but he's tailed by 2 back-ups (the talented Larry Smith and pass-master Jared Funk) who might take the job if Adams starts to play inconsistently.

Vandy's not much of a threat with their offense, especially in passing. Last year they ranked 112th in the nation in passing and 110th in efficiency...that's awful. So if nothing else, expect it to get better because it couldn't possibly get worse (sound familiar, UGA defense?). Where Vandy will shine is their Defense:

Per Scout:
The pass rush should be fantastic. With Broderick Stewart returning after getting hurt late last year, to go along with Steven Stone, Tim Fugger and Teriall Brannon on the outside, the Commodore ends will get to the quarterback early and often. The tackles are great at generating pressure from the inside while the speedy linebackers can fly into the backfield. And then there’s corner Myron Lewis, who tied for the team lead with five sacks. The Commodores will bring the noise from all angles.

So that means when push comes to shove, our offense will have to...


#2. Have our playmakers step up and make it happen. I'm hoping our O-Line can give AJ Green the time to get open, but from what I'm hearing Vandy's Pass Rush will be a thorn in our red-headed QB's side.

#3. Hopefully by the seventh game of the season we won't still be looking at our roster of running backs like the toppings menu at Five Guys. "Whom do we want to play this down?" might not cut it against a solid defense of veterans.


#5. TAKE THIS GAME SERIOUSLY!!!1 (the #1 is added for extra emphasis)

It is so frustrating to see Georgia walk into the Vandy game assuming a win. They'll 'pants us once in a blue moon, and I don't want to know if #14's carpet matches the drapes. This should be a blow-out considering the talent we pull in, but sometime it's a little too close for comfort and as a Dawgs fan it pisses me off.

There was a quote made by a South Carolina player last year (or maybe the previous year) regarding how teams shouldn't lose to Vanderbilt because they're the worst team in the SEC. If you can find the quote please post it in the comments section and I'll give you mad-credit. But as stupid of a thing that was to say after you JUST lost to Vandy, it doesn't make it any less true.

Blogging Pantsless predicts we leave Nashvegas 6-1 after we hang 24 on the board and limit the Vandy offense to 14 or less. We then proceed to pull those stupid looking ascots off their necks, use it to pick up UGA VII's droppings, and toss them through the windows of the Vanderbilt School of Dentistry. We would have gladly left quietly had the Commie faithful not broken out the "You will work for us one day" chant.


Alright, after getting called out by Bernie my goal is to get back in the saddle this week.

I saw a few sights in Charleston last week over the course of catching one of the most fascinating concerts of my life. The trip was for work but we managed to schedule it around the Zappa Plays Zappa tour.

Frank's son Dweezil is touring the country playing his father's music (if you weren't aware Frank Zappa died in the early 90's from terminal prostate cancer). But imagine going to a jazz/rock concert where everyone remains seated and you can be sitting between a dirty college guy who is high as a kite and a couple in their 50's who are sipping on a glass of wine and tapping their feet to the music.

It was pretty wild, I'm not gonna lie to you.

I'd never actually made it to a Zappa show but apparently this was the norm back in the day. More times than not I'm used to going to a Widespread Panic show where I'm surrounded by patchouli-stank-noodle-dancers who somehow find a way to dance during a drum solo. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to sit and enjoy music in the comfort of a nice theater seat while I drink the PBR I snuck in.
...at Blogging Pantsless, we keeps it real.

But I'm not making excuses, I'm putting forth great effort to keep my work on schedule but I know my blogging skills have been lacking lately.

I still manage to swing by Bubba & Earl on the daily just to remind myself how close football really is. As I dress myself for work each morning I keep eyeballin' those red pants and imagining just how damn good I'm going to look in them come September. Spilling the first beer of the season on myself can't come soon enough. Go Dawgs!