News Quickie

The Senator does a good job of summing up the story on Al from Dadeville. Pro-choice Al perform this Arbortion after being provoked by seeing a Cam Newton jersey on the Bear Bryant statue in Tuscaloosa.

This admission is a complete shock to me. My initial accusations went to Yella Fella whom I presume had a beef with the Auburn Athletic Department. That guy knows all about treating lumber and has told the ticketing office NUMEROUS TIMES to change the nameplate on the Osmose Suite to the YellaWood Suite.


Calls immediately went out for crimson colored Spike 80DF t-shirts to be printed (and I'd be lying if I told you I wouldn't throw $20 toward that investment). But seriously, Al, if you're reading this. Please send some Spike 80 this way so I can finally kill off that holly bush that rears it's ugly sprouts every year in my landscaping. I've tried everything but it keeps coming back.

Aside from the Barners whining about someone poisoning their old-ass trees, the other big news yesterday dealt with the hiring of a new coach for our defensive staff. On Twitter yesterday there were several "knock out" lines being thrown around regarding who the new coach might be...

...this of course led ME to believe the Dawgs were going to hire...



...unfortunately, Iron Mike was NOT the hire our friends at UGASports.com were referencing. Looks like Todd Grantham landed a guy actually capable of coaching and not just a former-boxer-turned-actor-slash-Phil-Collins-enthusiast who will scare the hell out of our players into making plays.

So allow myself to welcome Kirk Olivadotti to our Coaching Staff. I always love bringing NFL experience down to the college level because my assumption is the kids you're coaching respect where you've been and trust your advice to get them there as well. I shouldn't have gotten my future hopes up to purchase a noble-looking, Irk Russell-esq portrait of Mike Tyson with blood running down his chin...but that falls on me, not Coach Olivadotti.

I'm making the same yearly mistake of getting my hopes WAAAAAY to high on the Dawgs, but all signs are pointing to a solid foundation for the 2011 season. I shouldn't assume 2010 is in the distant past, but we gotta move on and drink that memory away. There's a lot to be excited about for our defense this year, but I'm most pumped to see Big John Jenkins (6'4", 340 lbs) going nose-to-nose with Boise States' Center Thomas Byrd (5'11", 281 lbs). Here's hoping for a massacre in the Dome September 3rd...Lord knows both the fan-base AND Coach Richt need a big win.

Go Dawgs!

Remember 2006

I know Georgia has had a tough season this year. But heading into the Auburn game this year, I'm reminded of 2006.

We were a 4-loss team wrapping up a rebuilding year. Our highly touted, freshman quarterback had looked shaky at times...but he was a freshman so we chalked it up to inexperience. There wasn't much else to play for that year but at least we were already bowl eligible.

My boss has been a season ticket holder since he graduated in the 80's and when I asked him if he was making the trip to Auburn that year he laughed and said "If the Dawgs can't show up for Vanderbilt or Kentucky, I wouldn't put much money on me showing up for #5 Auburn."

Cam Newton is good. Auburn is a well-coached team. All signs point to a loss for the Dawgs.

But when we hit the Plains this Saturday, remember 2006. It was the Matthew Stafford & Tra Battle Electric Boogaloo that kicked off a 3 game win-streak and had fans pumped up for the 2007 season. I'm not saying we'll beat them, but we haven't been blown out all year, and I think even the most pessimistic Dawg fan knows that. Our loss average this year has been by 7 points. Last year our loss average was 16+. We're a couple of tipped passes in the Cocktail Party from playing for the East (if's & but's, who cares).

We can't change the past, but we can be supportive and hold our heads high. You can hate Mike Bobo, you can hate Mark Richt, if you dare try to strangle Todd Grantham clearly you will have a fight on your hands...but you can even hate him too. But it won't change the fact that they're in charge of OUR team for the next 3 weeks, and I say, hopefully longer.

It wasn't over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and it sure as hell ain't over until WE SAY IT IS!

Aaron Murray, this is your time to shine. Put down the Shake Weight and uncork the magic we felt back in 2006. GO DAWGS!

Auburn has Bieber Fever

Because you hate Auburn and because this is an actual video...


Please participate in Everyday Should Be Saturday's call to arms.

Charles Barkley, Auburn Fan

When I think of Charles Barkley, I think of 2 things.

"Fat" and "gambler".

If I were to throw in a 3rd, it'd be "bad golf swing". Make it a 4th and I might associate him with playing basketball or something.

But it takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Barkley's bad golf swing might not be pretty to look at, but any Auburn grad will gladly cheer him on when he achieves these types of results (see 0:32 second mark).

...yep, they done lost their minds.

My wife owns a Fort Knox-size vault of criticism for my desire to name our spawn Herschel Munson Alicious (should my wife eventually grow to see me as a suitable procreator).

But until that day comes, the Georgia fan-base will always have THIS to hang over the Alabama fan-base.

This isn't naming your dog, "Dooley" or "Loren"...this is the Alabama version of some nutjob actually naming their kid "Georgia Bulldog Smith".

If I've ever wanted a child to rebel against their parents, this is it. Dear Almighty Creator, please let this kid grow up to be a Plainsman/Tiger/War Eagle...that would be divine.
Perhaps he could one day grow up to kick Bo Jackson JerdenHayre's ass (pictured above, hanging in the homemade Jumparoo!)

...because it never gets old.

Of course the question marks have moved from RBs to QBs this year, but one thing that will never change is the joy that comes from beating OurBarn.

PS: I absolutely love the display of athleticism in Ealey's TD attempt (both times).



This was following Bacarri Rambo's scary hit which saved the game (because their receiver had ball-in-hand barreling toward the endzone). One of our defense's finest moments of the 2009 season...and believe me there weren't too many. They did it for Rambo and came up huge with a solid win against a bitter rival.

Just for insight, my lack of posting has been due to an INSANE work schedule. I'm trying to get a few more things wrapped up before the weekend but with a little luck I'll have more time next week.

Also, I have no idea why the High Def videos get cut in half...feel free to click and watch directly from YouTube.

Pantsless Preview: Part IIIIIIIII (9) of IIIIIIIIII (10)

...in case you're wondering how it's already part 9 of 10 with four games remaining, I'm not counting Tennessee Tech (assumed W) and the Nerds will get a write-up of their own.

11.14.2009 Our Barn (Home)


There is little I'd rather see than Auburn Football open their season with a loss to a team coached by the Dooley bloodlines.

If there were ever a season it could happen (since Vinny left coaching in '88) this could be the year. First year Head Joke Eugene Chizik brings his coaching pants to the Plains for what would have been the biggest trainwreck hire of the SEC had Lane Kiffin kept his mouth shut. But all kidding aside he has no where to go but up at Auburn, and here's why.

5-19 over two seasons with Iowa State's product will probably translate into 5-7 with Auburn's players/schedule over the course of this year. Doubling your cumulative win total in only one season is something to be celebrated...right?

I think in a couple of years Auburn might be something to reckon with, especially their defense, but that time won't come until they get their Quarterback situation solved...again....this year.

A closer look at Guz Malzahn's offense makes it appear the Kodi Burns era might have come to a quick and bitter end. Junior QB Neil Caudle has the arm and the accuracy to make it happen, but Kodi Burns has a Bowl win and nearly a full season of starting experience. Does that mean anything if the Tiger Eagles aren't running a gawd-awful spread offense? Probably not, but at the moment the QB sitch isn't resolved and could potentially be up in the air until September 5th.

OC Malzahn isn't going to be throwing around a 2 quarterback rotation, so look for him to make his bed and sleep in it...even if it stinks.
though I assume a bed made anywhere near this thing already reeks of Slim Jims & Aqua Velva.


But getting back to Gene Chizik, perhaps Ed Orgeron has screwed up my view of Defense-minded head coaches. I think there is a certain level of insanity that defines the great DCs, and I'll give Chizik that much, he was a great DC. But making the transition to Head Coach hasn't come easy for many DC's since the late, great Erk Russell, God rest his soul.

Best case scenario, Auburn wins 7...I'd be surprised by 8. One thing's for sure, however many they win, one of them will NOT be against Georgia.

Looks like it'll be a beautiful early afternoon game in Athens, Dawgs roll 34-12.

UPDATE:
...yes only an hour after I wrote this I'm updating it. Unfortunately when you don't do your research you miss things of minor importance like the fact Chris Todd has already been awarded the starting QB posich. Nit-picky I know, but only because I want to bring you the latest & the greatest information from the interwebs. I still stand behind my claims of 0% journalistic integrity.

Quick thought

The morning show I listen to frequently uses the sound clip of Shaq's freestyle rap to Kobe Bryant in when he requests for Kobe to "Tell me how my ass tastes."

As I was watching old UGA videos on YouTube, I had a funny thought.

If he really wants to know how his ass tastes he should ask Uga for assistance. Robert Baker would be more than happy to provide him as a reference.


This video never gets old...unless you're Robert Baker.

For Auburn, Chizik = Great Hire!

GRRRRREAT work, Tigers!

In case you are wondering why I'm not on the "Auburn's AD made a moronic decision to hire this loser" bandwagon, I present to you exhibits "A" and "B".

Exhibit A: In July of 2008 I went on record with the following dumbass statements.

"I think Alabama's return to greatness will be delayed yet another season because of JPW's return as signal caller."

"...until the Crimson Tide get a competent QB under center they won't be beating Auburn anytime soon much less playing in the SEC Championship."

JPW is of course, John Parker Wilson, and if you are looking for your eggs, they're on my face.


Exhibit B: I can't give you a specific date or quote (automatically making it inadmissible in the court of law), but I'm sure at one point in time I made a joke about Tech's highschool offense being totes lame and Willie Martinez's teh awesomxorz defense shutting...them...dooowyyiiiiiii.


In addition to those previous statements, I would like to go on record with the following comments regarding future occurrences:

-Knowshon and Matthew will leave for the NFL.
-UGA will not go undefeated next year on their way not to win the national championship.
-Tim Tebow will delay his missionary work for one more year for Gator football.
-I won't receive a big Christmas bonus this year.
-My wife won't give me AC/DC's Nintendo Wii Rockband Track Pack.
-My early male pattern baldness will not be temporary and won't reverse itself.
-All the time and effort I put into this blog will never blossom into a killer book/movie deal.

Glad I was able to get that all out on the table there.

How to be a gay newspaper sports columnist...

Much like the steps to creating a great infomercial, I think I've figured out how to be a totally gay newspaper sports writer...

Step 1. Find a story you want to cover. Lets take for example the Auburn search for a head coach.

Step 2. Put together a list of coaching candidates who are either free or you imagine are easily swayed from their current job. (IE. Mike Leach, Turner Gill, Derek Dooley, Will Muschamp, etc...)

Step 3. Take one of those names and run an "exclusive" story that Auburn will announce _________ as their next head coach on (insert date/time).

Step 4. Once it is disproven move on to the next name on the list and fill in the blank with that coach's name.

Step 5. Eventually one of them won't be disproven and you will have broken the "big story"! HOORAY!

Obviously FOX10 is all over this example like a hobo on a ham sandwich! (h/t Paul, GSB)

...has there ever been a newsless coaching story you've been less interested in???

...really, Abuurn???

Is Abuurn really that dumb?!?

Talk about a down year for (firing/letting your head coach walk). Tennessee had to settle for Lane Kiffin, whom I can't possibly see as a long-term head coach for the Vols. Who is Abuurn going to get? When I hear the list involves names like Leach, Petrino, and (Paul) Johnson I REALLY REALLY REALLY thing Abuurn just screwed themselves.

Then again, with the level of opposition our defense provides Leach will do just what Paul Johnson did to us last weekend.

I would love to see Tuberville wind up at Mississippi State. I can't stand the guy because afterall he is the enemy, but I also don't like a cocky fan-base outing a more than competent coach. If Tuberville went to Miss. State, do you know what that would mean???

Imagine the hated rivalry games based SOLEY on previous head coaches...

1. LSU - ALABAMA (Saban)
2. ARKANSAS - OLE MISS (Nutt)
3. OLE MISS - AUBURN (transfer to) MISS ST (well the Egg Bowl could use a good storyline).
4. AUBURN - MISS STATE (Tuberville)

The SEC West could potentially turn into the football version of 90210 with so much triflin'!

...lets make it happen.

Real Quick

I know I've been hard on Georgia the last few weeks, but I think we all can agree how frustrating the last half of this year has been. Seeing extremely talented players underperform can be quite disheartening. I think it's great a few of our starters might leave for the NFL having never lost to ABUURN, lets just hope they do the same to Tech in a couple of weeks.

That being said, we all know I'm one of Willie Martinez' smallest fans. I don't think he's getting the job done motivationally or schematically and I think Georgia is due a change of defensive personel. Also, I'm one of the rare people who wants Willie gone and DOESN'T want Brian Van Gorder back. I'll admit BVG is more like the person I want coaching out defense, but if anyone watched the second half of the Falcons game yesterday you'd know BVG's boys weren't getting the job done against a team we could and should have beaten. We need someone with the exact same blood pressure reading and a solid understanding of adjusting sets with our defense packages.

The Dave Trifecta on Raycom last Saturday could talk about what a great defensive battle it was...but I ain't buyin' it. Georgia's defense made Kodi Burns look competent, that is unacceptable. Somebody, ANYBODY needs to step in over the bye week and figure out what is going on. Special teams, Defense, and red zone Offense are all teh suxorz. I'm not paid to be a coach (and if I was you'd finally get Coach Richt to admit firing someone is the right thing to do) but I'm a concerned fan who bleeds red & black and doesn't really know what to make of this year. We just as easily could be 6-5 right now but regardless of the unlucky breaks we've received, we got the lucky ones right when we needed them.

Tough schedule or not, we've got to finish the friggin' drill. Yeah we've been on the road for the last month, but we get one more shot at impressing a home crowd November 29th. If it was next weekend I don't think we'd win, fortunately the thugs from Miami get to rough up the North Avenue Nerds before the last regular season game.

Go Dawgs, and for cryin' out loud GATA!

The Deep South's Oldest Rivalry

Highlights set to music.

Dude...is that a nutsack?

I was trying to get some inspiration to write about the Abuurn game tomorrow, but I gotta be honest, I'm fighting a serious case of writers block right now. I blame it mostly on work being completely overwhelming this week, but I still try to pop out a post each day regardless.

Then it struck me, we need to play balls-out football tomorrow. If nothing else go out of SEC play with only 2 losses. We've got a well timed bye-week after Abuurn with enough time to get guys rested and healed before the Nerds swarm Athens. So play a little more loose, make the tackles hurt, and win the friggin' game by a blow-out margin.

Anyway, the whole balls out inspiration came to me from a video post over at Catfish & Cornbread. It's from the 1986 UGA/ABUURN game many refer to as "Between the Hoses". I could be wrong about this, and if it was in HD I'm sure I'd be able to tell...but watch this video and tell me if anything sticks out to you.



Specifically around the 1:02-1:05 mark. There is a guy in grey pants with a black sweatshirt walking toward the camera. Does he have his nutsack hanging out?!?

Now I completely understand where the guy's coming from, I was in a fraternity in college and there were plenty of times I've seen guys waving their junk at people. But if that guy really is out on the middle of Abuurn's football field not only tearing up the grass on the 50 yard line, but showing his jewels for the world-wide leader of sports to broadcast nation-wide, then he is nominated for Georgia Fan of the Year 1986.

But that's really all I've been able to come up with, perhaps if we win I can edit together a video for the bye-week and be ready to Nerd bash the following week with new material. Otherwise, have a great weekend and as usual...

GO DAWGS!

Matthew, leave the iPod in Athens.

Per the Mobile Press-Register...

Tennessee-Martin players reported nearly $2,000 worth of electronics and cash missing from their locker room at Jordan-Hare Stadium after Saturday's game, the Opelika-Auburn News reported Tuesday. Auburn spokesman Kirk Sampson said there was no forced entry to the locker room, which was locked.

Vince Vance isn't going to be playing. Lets allow him to hang out in the locker room and beat the hell out of anyone who enters wearing orange. At 6-8, 320 lbs I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say our boy's stuff will remain in place during all 4 quarters of the South's Oldest Rivalry.

2 Days Before Abuurn.

Who would have thought the week before the Georgia/Abuurn game the big story would be which school Scout's #1 prospect Derrick Favors will go play basketball?!?

I'll admit I'm as fairweather a UGA basketball fan as there is, but I jumped into the pool neck-deep during the SEC Championship earlier this year. Coach Felton hasn't really impressed many up until that incredible run, but I'm hoping if we land this kid the program can get over the hump to becoming a consistent contender in the NCAA and perhaps develop a solid following.

The comments section of AJC.com's story about Derrick Favors is loaded with Tech nerds trying to persuade Derrick their way, which I'm sure he is taking into consideration when making his decision. For those who don't know, he's between UGA, Tech, NC State, and Memphis. I'm not banking on this kid becoming a Dawg, but as I've said before, Athens being Athens could be a huge part of the decision. Favors is from South Atlanta so Tech might be a little too close to home (I know when I was picking schools I didn't want to be within earshot of my parent's). Memphis is a dump and Raleigh is too close to Mount Pilot where Barney and Gomer went to try and sell Miracle Salve to cure the mange on dogs. Athens is a great college town where there is just enough to do when you want to party, just without all the prostitutes and crack wandering around Tech's campus.

Finally lets look at our coaches.

Coach Felton looks like a cool guy who might throw back a 40oz with you while playing Miles Davis' Kind of Blue. I also assume he likes to play Halo, Madden, and NCAA on X-Box. Probably likes Family Guy, has a Playboy subscription, and wears Busted Tee's when he's off the court. Take notice Derrick, this guy is THE MAN!

Derrick come here, let me show you this video of a dramatic chipmunk! It's the funniest 4 seconds on the internet I swear, I swear! Richt, cue it up again...AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!1

On the Tech side of life, you've got Coach Paul Hewitt.

He's most likely into Warcraft and Second Life. Probably drives around in a mid-90's Honda Civic with cloth interior. I assume he would rather watch Battlestar Galactica and listen to Nickleback than go out and grab a beer. Also, I imagine he's into Asian women because that's all he's exposed to.

It's only appropriate this file photo reminds me of a freeze frame from...



Who knows, if you're lucky I'll get my act together and post something about the Abuurn game sooner or later!

Franklin is to Auburn what Van Gorder is to Southern

I'm not one to criticise...oh hell, even I can't pull that one off. I'm always one to criticise. If I wasn't I won't be blogging about any random happening I think is total dog squeeze.

In my opinion Tony Franklin pushing a spread offense on Auburn was the equivalent of Brian Van Gorder chunking Georgia Southern's Option. It was a dumb idea, but it didn't really have any effect on me so why should I worry. Tubby was in a pickle to replace Gorgeous Al Borges before the Chick-Fil-A Bowl and in my opinion rushed his decision in picking Franklin to take over as OC.

On that same note when Brian Van Gorder left UGA for Georgia Southern's head coaching job, he scrapped the triple option that worked so well the I-AA team. Yeah, Franklin's offense didn't piss off everyone immediately like Van Gorder's idea did, but in the long run they both proved unpopular to large fanbases.

If nothing else this won't give Auburn a chance to have a moment when the players buy into the system like the Tennessee game in Coach Richt's first year. I don't recall where I first read that but I believe it factually to be a turning point. Either way, Franklin getting the boot leaves a good chance the Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen might be willing to lay down and concede this as a rebuilding year (which was already announced by multiple fans following the LSU loss, Miss State hockey-score debacle, and the Vandy loss). I'll give it to Tubby though, losing Al Borges and Will "BOOM MF'ER" Muschamp in the same year is a big ugly orange and blue suppository to have inserted into anyone's Hershey highway.


Just remember Auburn fans, Spurrier got the same perscription.

155 lbs @ 6'5"

The title of this post is in regards to my dimensions. I am a skinny, tall guy who was born with the freakish ability to eat whatever I want and never gain weight. Women hate me, burgers fear me, ...come to think of it most women fear me too. Regardless, I wanted to post this tangent about one of my great loves, hamburgers (cheeseburgers to be precise).

I was uber-delighted when I found my new favorite blog. It's called A Hamburger Today and it's all about burgers across America. PLUS it's updated regularly!

From the Krispy Kreme burger:


To the grilled cheese (bun) burger:


This website has opened my eyes to the narrowness of my pleasure in the field of "burger". At the moment, my most exotic burger experience comes from Auburn, AL. When I pledged a fraternity at LaGrange College, we took a road trip to Auburn...for a dinner trip. We ended up at Cheeburger Cheeburger (which I was told closed down but recently heard conflicting reports) home of The Pounder.

The Pounder is a cheesburger that weighs one pound, clever huh? If a patron is capable of eating the whole thing they get their picture taken with a Polaroid camera and it gets put on the wall. Of my pledge class I was one of only 3 who was capable of eating a full pound of cheeseburger (which comes fully loaded with lettuce, tomato, etc...) My buddy Adam Riggins, whos blog is link on the right, also seemed to have room for a milk-shake and fries but that is neither here nor there. So if the Cheeburger Cheeburger is still open in Auburn there is a picture of me and two other guys next to the men's restroom.

This is no strange feat as many have accomplished it before me, but sadly that is all the excitement I have in the burger world. These days I usually stick to turkey burgers at home with the wife, or Bubba Burgers, which are boarderline shameful, when we visit my parents.

Either way, I just wanted to share this with you guys to see if you find the same pleasure I find when you sink your teeth into a thick, juicy cheeseburger. Burgers are not only a well balanced meal (beef-protein, bun-grain, lettuce/pickle-veggie, tomato-fruit, and cheese-dairy) but they are also extremely portable when you aren't in any condition to drive and there is a Wendy's down the street from the fraternity house. This, my friends, is truly God's most perfect meal. Amen!

Pick'em Reminder

I just wanted to remind everyone to make your picks this week if you haven't done so yet.

http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy

I went 2 for 3 with my upsets last week, I've got a couple slated for this week also. If you're dumb enough to take the risks I do, you're lookin' at...

-Kansas over South Florida
-UCLA over BYU

...that could be why I'm running in the middle of the pack.

Things to look out for but I'm sure as hell not picking:
-Auburn getting Croomed?
-Ohio State not being as bad as we all think they are and/or USC not covering the spread?
-Skip Holtz pulling a Lou Holtz against Tulane?
-South Carolina...hmm...you know what? I'm not even gonna say this one.

Dawg Fans on Television

Lately I've noticed a couple of Georgia fans on several television shows. I think it'd be interesting if any of you guys knew them or knew of them if you wouldn't mind commenting about it.

#1 Lady contestant on American Gladiators.

When it came time for The Eliminator of the two women left, the contestant who didn't get the head start said something to the effect of. "You know Layla Ali, I think you might really be a man wearing women's clothing*, but I understand my opponent has a ____ second head start. I'm a Georgia Bulldog and we have a little saying called "finish the drill" and I'm not counting myself out of this yet!" She went on to lose, but none the less we knew where her allegiance was and I was rooting for her the whole time.

*okay I might have embellished this a little bit.


#2 Project manager on one of the 43 property-flipping shows on TLC, HGTV, or whatever channel you women watch none-stop.

This guy I've actually noticed him a couple times before, and I actually thought he got fired, but apparently not. This show takes place out in Los Angeles (which is a long way from home for a bulldog) and it centers around some guy who buys pieces of crap foreclosures, has contractors fix them up, bitches at anyone and everyone as to why they aren't helping get the property sold, then sells the place...what a novel idea. Anyway there is one fella' who I think is a project manager for the main guy; he's early, maybe mid-30's and always wears a Georgia hat. He usually does the job he's assigned, gets yelled at, and goes to do another job (...sounds a lot like marriage to me! HEY-OOOO!!!!!!!)



I have notice other people who aren't Georgia fans, but they are from Duluth (or maybe it was Dunwoody). Anyway, there are two whiny teenagers from Baby Borrowers who deck themselves out in Auburn stuff and do nothing but fight all the time. Here is a clip from Talk Soup referencing the aforementioned couple.

Perhaps they're preparing themselves for a teenage pregnancy and married life in the Midway Manor trailer park in Opelika.

Seriously though, how much more awesome would that be if teenagers could buy booze?!? I'm gonna write my congressman.