Columbus-Carver

...perhaps Coach Richt should ban all Columbus-Carver players from visiting until Coach McGee apologizes. That would be poetic justice.

I perhaps they'll get the chance to play with Zach Mettenburger someday in the prison yards (or LSU).

Motorized Barstool

While many tout the iPad or some other garbage Apple product as the greatest invention of the last 10 years...I beg to differ. I totally could have used one of these the other night when I was in no condition to walk. Apparently it's pretty simple to construct. All you need is:
1. counter stools
2. an old lawnmower
3. a friend who can weld (...you're on your own there).
4. a good lawyer

VOILA! Merry Christmas.

Missy State

Dawgs win big. We lost to two unusually talented Arkansas and South Carolina teams. There is a talent gap between Mississippi State and Georgia that gives me confidence we take care of business this weekend. The players know we've given away all our freebies, it's time for the lines to gel, players to step-up, and errors to disappear.

Dawgs 34 - Dogs 10

I plan on sitting down and watching UGA football with the volume turned off. I just saw on The Senator's page that Bob Rathbun is calling this one. This clown used to call Braves games and if I'm not mistaken still does the Hawks play-by-play. He is by far my #1 most hated voice in sports, I'd rather listen to Pam Ward than Bob Rathbun if that puts this into perspective.
The voice matches the face...think about this picture when you watch the game tomorrow night.

Thoughts on the Dawgs

I've been pondering how exactly to approach the status of UGA football. I don't want Coach Richt fired (ftr I didn't want Jim Donnan fired at the time either) but I don't want to settle for mediocrity. If this just another rebuilding year? The best possible outcome from here is for us to run the table and watch South Carolina and Arkansas play in the SEC Championship Game...(yawn).

I'm not hopping on the FIRE RICHT/BOBO/RUSS bandwagon quite yet. I'm giving this season a chance. I thought Aaron Murray fought valiantly to get us into a tie game after we came out sluggish. I thought the defense made some great stops. I also think Arkansas and South Carolina have some superstar athletes and right now Georgia is struggling to identify a leader while AJ Green is on the sideline.

I think the season can turn around, I really do. Seeing what Paul wrote about the improvement from last year on Defense was a ray of hope toward that. More than 2 TDs and 2PAT cut from the totals against each of the MUCH improved Arky and USC teams is a step in the right direction.

You can say I'm settling for mediocrity and that under Richt Georgia will never win the big one. But right now I don't see any viable options that WILL win the big one. Chris Petersen?!? Bitch, please. Even Dan Hawkins says you have a weak argument.

I'm giving the Dawgs until 2012 to get 10 wins and beat the Gators at least once. If they don't, it doesn't matter because the Mayan calendar says we're all screwed by then anyway.

Time to go on a 5-game tear Dawg fans. Mississippi State is next, time to step up because you can't afford to drop this one! GO DAWGS!

Has the NCAA seen our Trapper Keeper?

Lets just pretend, instead of asking the NCAA for an appeal on AJ Green's excessive celebration suspension that we're asking them about our Trapper Keeper...

...either way, the response is probably the same.

Disillusionment

The wife was on a business trip in Little Rock this week. She, being of the Crimson Tide persuasion, was getting an ear-full from the Razorback fans over there. She was kind enough to email me some of their disillusioned statements. And I read:

•This is Arkansas’s year.

•We will beat Alabama in Fayetteville this year.

•We have a Heisman trophy candidate playing for our team, so we will win against Alabama.

•Alabama has an unknown defense, so Mallett can easily put up 50 points against Alabama. The question is whether Alabama can score 51 points.

•Arkansas will run all over Alabama’s defense.

•If we beat Georgia, there’s no way we’ll lose to Alabama the next week. If we lose to Georgia, it will be tougher for us to win against Alabama, but it still can and will be done.

•We are ranked higher than any other SEC team (…except Alabama and Florida).

•After we win, we’re calling you, and you have to “call the Hogs” for us.

•Back in the day, Arkansas and Alabama was a huge rivalry game (...back in the day?!? 1992 when we played you for the 3rd time eva?!?). You had to come to the state of Arkansas to find the best coach in history. We’re ready to reignite that this year with a win.

•Arkansas could very easily go undefeated. Worst case, we’ll lose one game the whole season.

•Arkansas almost beat both Alabama and Florida in the last few years (then time spent reminiscing the moral victories of almost winning).

•The referee kept us from beating Florida last year.

•Arkansas will be playing for the SEC Championship this year.

•Nick Saban is an evil man who will leave Alabama soon for something else (okay… everyone kind of says that).

Just wanted to share that with you guys. Apparently Arkansas = University of South Carolina West.

UGA/Tenn Arrest-off 2010!

Nothing took the spotlight off Damon Evans like the word-play associated with the arrest of Da'Rick Rogers and his band of merry outlaws.

Not to be outdone, Dontavious Jackson and Tavarres King, recent graduates from the Damon Evans School of Decision Making, saw a golden opportunity to get UGA athletics back in the headlines.

I know many of you might look at these headlines and shake your head thinking, "What has become of our beloved Bulldogs?" But I tell you, dear friends, if this formula holds true:

(Alcohol Arrests)-(Violent Crime)/non-starters > 0 = Futball Excelsiorz!

2010 looks to be a great year for the Dawgs. I hate losing players to athletic suspensions, and you definitely want your top talent against SEC opponents, but we didn't have any off-season arrests last Summer. This year our freakin' Athletic Director got canned for getting his swerve on (double entendre).

How can you not expect great things this year?!?

Where that little snot, Derrick Dooley made his mistake was thinking that face-stomping an off-duty cop increases team talent. That's a first-year SEC coach's mistake. Veterans like Coach Richt know non-violent crimes (MIPs, DUIs, beating up hospital signage, Emerging from alleys, and other scooter-related offenses) are where it's at. Bottom line, if you can't associate The Who's, Quadrophenia album cover to the offense...it probably won't make you play better.

I think it'll be interesting to see what Dooley does with Da'Rick who essentially MADE his recruiting class. You can bet your bottom dollar he's hoping for anything that allows him to pin this all on Darren Myles (who has already been dismissed) so he has reason to suspend Rogers for the opener against Tennessee-Martin. You want your 5-star recruits to learn their lesson before Oregon comes to town in week 2...pptptttt!

Either way, lets get through the remaining 54 days and take the field September 4th with the rest of our team, back-ups included, intact. GO DAWGS!

Gator Country

...there is a part of me that assumes this is just normal, everyday life down there.

Damon Evans Needs to Go

...damn, Damon.

It took less than 24 hours for all Hell to break loose on your "DUI". If the DUI was your biggest problem my post below would have stood. But from police reports it sounds like the DUI is going to be the least of your worries.

I'd say Mama Bear (far left) allowing your testicles to stay attached is #1.

AND, as I write this I get an update from AJC saying you've been canned. Way to go, pal. In one night you managed to get a DUI, get busted cheating on your wife, and lose your job. I would have let the DUI slide, but you've got to be a real dirtbag to cheat on your wife, family man. That's why the official position of Blogging Pantsless has performed an about face.

Have fun celebrating your Independence, Damon. You've let more people down than you realize, and to top it you've made me look like a fool for supporting you which is the WORST of all your offenses. I wanted to eat burgers today, not crow.

Why I Support Damon Evans

I'm sure since this story has broken you've read all sorts of posts with everyone's opinion regarding Damon. If you're looking at this now, you're about to get another one.

I'll preface this by saying it is incredibly stupid to drive when you are sloppy-drunk and have no business operating heavy machinery. What I won't do is crucify someone for getting a DUI who just blew a .081 because there isn't that much of a difference between a person with a B.A.C. of .079 and someone with .081. The only difference is the latter's life is screwed because our government established .08 as the legal limit and anything beyond is an offense that can be held over your head for the rest of your life.

I've never had a DUI, but I couldn't honestly tell you I haven't driven with questionable BAC levels. But I didn't have a breathalyzer to tell me, and Damon Evans didn't blow in one so we will never know if he was 3 beers or 10 beers into the evening.

I've told my wife numerous times that I would NEVER put our lives at risk and I'm man enough to tell her we need to sit at the restaurant drinking water and eating crackers for another hour if she can't take the wheel for us.

So that's where I stand on the D.U.I issue, we'll never know IF he was drunk or HOW drunk he was, but his mug-shot isn't going to do him any favors.

Which brings me to my next point...the mug-shot. The dude looks like he's about to fall over. Did the camera operator say, "Alright Damon, smile and say GO DAWGS!" and that was the best he could muster? I doubt it. Perhaps I'm going over the limit (no pun intended) of defending the guy, but if the angry, overweight woman at the DDS isn't going to give ME the heads-up to smile I'm not going to assume Damon was given a 3-2-1 countdown either.

The last point is the girl in the car. I can't help him on this one, it looks skeezy as hell to be a married man with bambinos driving around Atlanta with a 28 year old woman close to midnight. He says they're just friends, the only thing we'll know to counter that is if he told Mrs. Evans he's going out to pick up some "groceries"...and by groceries he meant Courtney Fuhrmann.

So, that's where I'm at on this. I can't see how one night of exposed personal life should wipe out 7 years of OUTSTANDING service to UGA athletics. Mark Bradley of the AJC thinks UGA should send him packing...I've thought many-a-time the AJC should send Mark Bradley packing for much lesser offenses.

It's a touchy subject, and I'm sure anyone who has been personally affected by the death of a loved one see's this through a different light. I've lost a child-hood acquaintance to a drunk-driver who blew through a stop sign after a softball game. But what "I" think of the situation doesn't matter, his fate doesn't depend on my approval. I'm glad he didn't resign, and I think if he were to be released from Georgia he'd find another school in a heartbeat because he's great at what he does. A black eye for the program that's for sure, but as someone who has been hit in the face MANY TIMES, I assure you black eyes heal.

If nothing else, we can turn this event into an a photoshop free-for-all and pretend what it would have been like if Damon had just been drinking at the fraternity houses instead.


Let me know if my stance is way outta line. I mean no harm to the program, but I think we're better WITH Damon than without him. And for those concerned about how he can possibly tell athletes not to Drink and Drive now...look at the media circus that's followed him since this story broke yesterday.

Oh, Damon.

The bright-side is, neither him or the dead hookers in the trunk were attempting to text while driving.

I'll admit, it really sucks to think we might lose a great Athletic Director over this...but so goes the world of unforgivable offenses.

UgA futball iz teh dOOm3d!

Welcome back to the 10 o'clock hour of the Paul Finebaum Radio Network. Today we're talking about the future of Georgia Football and I gotta tell you, folks...it's not looking good.

When you look around the SEC, one thing is becoming more and more GLARINGLY OBVIOUS. Coach Nick Saban is building something at Alabama and the rest of the conference isn't keeping up. It couldn't be any more GLARINGLY OBVIOUS than when you look at the SEC East...which is in shambles. Tennessee is a wreck, Florida took a hit with the departure of Tim Tebow who has MADE that team for the last 3 years. South Carolina is looking to be the strongest of the pack, and aside from the other 2 whipping boys, you've got Georgia who couldn't be in more of a downward spiral if Russ went down with heartworms. And by the way let me throw this in, MARK MY WORDS, Russ WILL be named UGA VIII for the 2010 season.

So at Georgia, you've got 3 big issues. #1. The state of the defense is up in the air, #2. The poor recruiting class of 2010 isn't going to fare well, and #3. the fans are tired of Mark Richt's excuses.

Lets take a look at these one by one.

#1. State of the defense. So the heat behind Mark Richt finally got so hot he had to make a move and kick his long-time buddy Willie Martinez to the curb to save his own job. After getting turned down not once, not twice, not THRICE, but FOUR PLUS times by Defensive Coordinators who are now currently employed and pulling serious green...Mark Richt had to settle for some NFL defense lines coach whom nobody's ever heard of in Rod Graham.

Make no mistakes about it, the Dawg fans are trying to spin this as a huge win. "OH WE WANTED AN NFL GUY ALL ALONG" or "KIRBY SMART WASN'T EVEN ANYONE WE WERE LOOKING AT" these blind fans are beating their chest over this guy and in reality they're scared to death. Nobody knows a thing about him, and all their hopes and dreams are resting on this guy turning their team around. It's GLARING OBVIOUS the Georgia Bulldogs are in for a rude awakening when 2010 wraps up and they're sitting at 8-5 again...no, I tell you what, MARK MY WORDS they'll be LUCKY to get to 7-6.

#2. Lets take a look at how shoddy the state of recruiting has turned at Georgia. 2010 had kids JUMPING SHIP because they saw it was going down quick. DaRick Rogers was smart enough to see it coming and headed to Tennessee to a team that's starting to look pretty solid with that Quarterback kid who would have been second string, but we'll hit on the VOLs another day. The Dawg fans are HOWLING about who's going to even want to step foot in Athens much less sign up to play ball.

It's GLARINGLY OBVIOUS the fanbase is writing off the latest class as a fluke down year, but the storm is coming Dawg fans, MARK MY WORDS. You're about to hear them bragging about the 2011 class, they'll start throwing around "WE GOT A VERBAL FROM THE SPORTING NEWS' #1 QB PROSPECT" or "THE FASTEST KID IN THE STATE JUST COMMITTED"...but if you see either of Christian LeMay or Justin Scott-Wesley wearing a "G" on their helmet I'll eat my crow. And lets not forget about this Sterling Bailey character either, these 3 huge commitments, with a total of nearly 50 offers between them, will have the Dawg fans barking loudly...but its only May, it took them nearly THREE WHOLE WEEKS this month to get verbals outta these guys. Lets see if they decide to stick around.

That brings me to our last point. #3, and MARK MY WORDS, I'm going on record here...Mark Richt will be looking for work in January of 2011. Trust me, I know how fickle the Georgia fanbase is. They are tired of the down seasons. Yes, this was the first one they've had in a while but they aren't going to put up with another one over in Athens this year. And it's unfortunate, I've met Mark Richt many times, he's a great guy, a good person spiritually, but the fans don't want a good person, they want to beat Florida...like Alabama does.

It's gotten so poisonous over in Athens, I've read on many message boards they're starting to burn effigies of the guy. Rumor has it, if Les Miles turns down the Michigan job he'll be heading East because he can beat Florida and he's tired of losing to Alabama in the West. MARK MY WORDS, its GLARINGLY OBVIOUS, the fans are sick of him and don't even turn out for his excuse making news conferences anymore...


So best of luck Bulldogs, and you know I mean it with the most heartfelt sincerity. I want you to do well, and I want the ship to get turned around, but the Dawg Nation is headed for a world of hurt. There are many rumblings out there that if the SEC proves too tough for the Dawgs, they might petition to join the ACC in an effort to get some wins and not have to play Alabama because they wouldn't be able to beat the Crimson Tide EVER in a million years. But after the beating they took in 2008 at the hand of their instate ACC rivals I doubt that'd be the answer...but I don't make the news, I only report it like I see it.

We're gonna pause for a break on the Paul Finebaum Radio Network, stick around after a word from our sponsor...Golden Flake Potato Chips!

...yep, they done lost their minds.

My wife owns a Fort Knox-size vault of criticism for my desire to name our spawn Herschel Munson Alicious (should my wife eventually grow to see me as a suitable procreator).

But until that day comes, the Georgia fan-base will always have THIS to hang over the Alabama fan-base.

This isn't naming your dog, "Dooley" or "Loren"...this is the Alabama version of some nutjob actually naming their kid "Georgia Bulldog Smith".

If I've ever wanted a child to rebel against their parents, this is it. Dear Almighty Creator, please let this kid grow up to be a Plainsman/Tiger/War Eagle...that would be divine.
Perhaps he could one day grow up to kick Bo Jackson JerdenHayre's ass (pictured above, hanging in the homemade Jumparoo!)

Gators Don't Actually Wear Jean Shorts...

...APRIL FOOLS!

image courtesy of Gator Tailgating.

OMG WTF IZ ON A-MURRZ HAYUND!?!?

...welcome to spring football news in the South.

Perhaps we should check with new QB's Coach Papadapolis for an explanation.

Football Nightmare

I had a REALLY bad dream last night. I dream that UGA Football opened the season against Wofford at Sanford Stadium and we lost 44-42. We lost because our Special Teams play was absolutely AWFUL! We couldn't cover returns whatsoever and it was like watching all your hopes and dreams come crashing down in EMBARRASSING defeat.

...isn't that pleasant?

Well, don't worry because I've never really been one to have prophetic dreams. If so, this whole terrorism nonsense would have been handled a while back when I first started having John Mclane style hero dreams.

For the record, in those dreams I single-handedly defeat the Russians, save my wife from her Ruskie captors, AND prevent The Pier in St. Petersburg, FL from being blown to pieces.
I'M A M-EFFIN' STUUUUUUUUD!

Work has been bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

I don't know why I ever feel the need to explain myself when I don't post at least 3-4 times per week...but work has been insane this week and frankly, we're not playing football right now so what's the big deal?

Anyway, my inner commentator is screaming like a female curler to be expressed so I figured I'd throw it a bone.

Baseball:
In the wake of Spring Training and the Braves getting their roster worked out, Bernie made a trip out to Foley Field last night to watch the Diamond Dawgs man-handle a bunch of Presbyterians looking for a quick game after Wednesday Night Supper and Choir Rehearsal. As cold as it was out there I'm assuming cups weren't necessary, but either way Dawgs won 11-3 and Bernie was able to pick up his limited edition Chance Veasey ballcap. If you're able to make it up to Athens to catch a game sometime, make sure to make a donation to the Prayers for Chance fund. The first 500 people who donate $20 will get one of these hats for their generosity and you know it's going to a good cause.

MMA:
In the wake of Herschel beating the dog squeeze outta some guy in Mixed Martial Arts, apparently Knowshon is testing the waters as well. From what I'm hearing some 18 year old got hopped up on goofballs and liquid courage then approached Mr. Moreno about his bicycle. Fortunately, Blogging Pantsless was able to obtain this exclusive video of the incident (NSFW)
Tough call on who made the worse decision, and I'm no lawya', but I'm going to assume this kid thinks he's going to get some of $$$uperman's money before it's all said and done.

AKC Dawg Show:
It could be that I've been so dang busy it slipped my mind, but I don't know how I could have completely forgotten that we don't have a mascot right now. David Hale does his best David Hale impression and gives us a great look into the goings on of the Seiler families search for UGA VIII. My favorite part is where Sonny delves into the PETA story and tells it like it is FAAAAAAR more eloquently than I would have.

Though I don't subscribe to the "Russ For 8" talk, I think Russ has done a great job with his role as fill-in. There is something to be said for patiently looking for the right Dawg for the job instead of seeing a void and filling it with any ol' dog. The good news is, no matter how "mascot-less" we might feel, at least we aren't trying to replace 80 years of tradition with a Star Wars character. If you asked me 10 years ago which NCAA school I thought would have a Star Wars character as their mascot, it likely would have been: It's really a better representation of their institution's interest AND female constituency.

Skeleton? Put it in the closet with the others.

To further compound my plan to never run for public office, a picture has surfaced from a party I attended last week. The picture below is from the Johnny Weir Viewing Party MY WIFE AND I attended last Thursday. People from across the state gathered to watch Johnny Weir's Free Skate Program last week and once everyone discovered he was the 2nd-to-last skater most of us just drank and went back home.


But aside from any excuses I could make to justify my presence at said event, I feel the need to make 3 points proving my heterosexuality.

#1. Wedding ring, left-hand.

#2. Look at the masculine grip I have on that rose...nothing gay about that.

#3. Closing argument, "Flora-Bama" coozie stuffed with Coor's Banquet...'nuff said.

Of course the glaring obstacle to these points is the "Queer 4 Weir" shirt I'm wearing, but Blogging Pantsless has been around 2 years. If this surprises you, then you haven't been paying attention.

...oh, Matthew

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Matthew Stafford. I thought he was a great talent for Georgia and if Detroit can be a little more Ford and a little less Chrysler then perhaps he'll get a decent career outta the Lions.

That being said, it pains me to see him pushing AXE products.

Though I can see how advertising this stuff makes Middle School boys (who have no concept of smell radius) want to bathe in the stuff...but I like to think most grown men file this between "gold necklaces" and "Ed Hardy tshirts" in the category of Stuff Real Men Don't Actually Wear.

The product has more life in satire than shelf.

Matthew, if it makes you money by all means go for it...but we all know you don't need it. You don't have to smell like a middle school boy's locker room to get women. We saw your performance against Cleveland, and we know you're a man.


Of course, this is coming from a guy with a receding hairline and a 5 year marriage. Perhaps my idea of manhood falls more within the bounds of hard work and being a good husband, but there is something to be said for sewing your wild oats in your early 20's. More power to you. Have fun, kids.

Inflatable Mascots

So I got a few comments on Twitter last night regarding my hatred of Spike, the inflatable Georgia mascot at the basketball games.

I'm sorry Dawgs, but if you can't accept that inflatable mascots are incredibly creepy you're fooling yourself. Their blank, cartoonish expressions make me feel like I'm trapped a strange 1950's sports-themed nightmare.

Plus, it was just a matter of time before Cornhusker photoshopped this so I figured I would beat them to the punch.
Good mascots? No. Good Christmas lawn deco? Yes.