Pantsless Predictions: Speed Dating

Since the paying job has thrown a huge wrench in my plans for blogging about Georgia's record this year, it looks like I'm forced to do a quick run-down instead of the usual mediocre analysis and garbage thoughts.

Thus far I've got us a 2-1 with a victories over U-LaFa and Arkansas. The sole loss coming at the hands of the Gamecocks. From here on out, here's what I'm thinking:


@Mississippi State - 9/25
Win.

Don't get me wrong, Dan Mullen is a great coach and will upset a team or two this year but it won't be the Dawgs. Fun fact: The last time UGA lost to Mississippi State there was no such thing as Wheel of Fortune...that's a long-ass time, folks. Dawgs win.


@Colorado - 10/2
Win.

"We won't have Joe Cox around to save Matthew Stafford's backside this time!" How weird was that to read? If you're like me you remember nothing about the Colorado game except we won by the skin of our teeth. Stafford played a stinker and Joe Cox saved the day. We'll be good, lets just hope we've got some oxygen tanks around for the big guys. Dawgs win.


Tennessee - 10/9
Win.

It's not about Lane Kiffin. It's not about the egg we laid last year. It's not about Da'Rick Rogers. It's about Vince Dooley "subtly and very conservatively" wearing something orange. Derek Dooley is a little snot and we will not lose this one. WILL. NOT. LOSE. Dawgs win big.


Vandy - 10/16
Win.

Everyone loves Bobby Johnson's replacement. Hopefully he learns his role early. Dawgs win.


@Kentucky - 10/23
Win?

Folks are calling this an upset game. I don't see it. I was at the pathetic display in Athens last year and it was embarrassing. Other than the last quarter, UGA outplayed Kentucky by leaps and bounds. Orson Charles had a banner day against the Wildcats last year and appeared to not get any touches in the second 1/2. Mike Bobo must have been fun to play NBA Jam against in the early 90's, God forbid he get the ball to anyone who's "ON FIRE". Dawgs win, why not.


Florida - 10/30
Loss.

I know nothing about how well our team will perform in this game. I see no reason to assume our team of new guys will beat their team of new guys. As I stated before I started making picks, I'm trying to play it safe this year...why not presume a loss and if we win say you knew all along we were gonna win? Dawgs "lose".


Idaho State - 11/6
Win.

Yawn. Dawgs win, this is the game to bring your toddlers and younger kids to...mark it down. Cheap, easy to find tickets, friendly-competitive atmosphere.


@OurBarn - 11/13
Loss.

We've beat Auburn for 4 straight years. I'd love to make it a .500 series (Auburn leads 53-52-8), but there is a small part of me that thinks we'll flop on this one as Auburn slowly becomes more competitive in the SEC. Therefore, I'll play it safe again and assume we lose against a hated rival. Dogs lose, but we'll finally get a bye week after a LOOOOOOONG stretch of tough football.


Kick back, relax, fire up the ELO, and watch the Egg Bowl...it's Bye Week, playa!




(cue Kernkraft 400, its time for...)
Georgia Tech - 11/27
Win.

Regardless of anything you hear from Heather Dinich, Georgia's rookie QB will probably have a good idea of how to play football by the LAST GAME OF THE SEASON. New defenses on both sides, but they are still Georgia Tech...so we win by default. 9 of 10. GO DAWGS! (Even if we've already got a new Uga mascot by this game, it might not hurt to bring Russ out with him just for good measure.)


Dawgs finish the regular season 9-3. Call it a 10-win season after the bowl game and the Dawgs keep the win-train rolling into an SEC Championship in 2011. Bank on it.

GrillTopper Open 2K10

Alright folks, it's that time again.

You've just been invited to 10-15 College Football Pick'em Groups. You've signed up for some, ignored the ones from your Facebook Friends you hate, and you're sitting pretty for college football to start next week. Well, it's time to add one more Pick 'Em Group to your list!

"But Mackie, why should I sign up for your group?"

Here's the answer, Son. For the second year in a row, Blogging Pantsless is teaming up with our fine sponsor, GrillToppers for the Grill Topper Open!!1

What's in it for you? Only the most badass tailgate grilling accessory on the market, Playa! Each week, the Group Leader in correct picks will win a prize. Last year we shipped out the Hotdog GrillToppers and several of you were able to seer your favorite football team's name into your food...outside of Heaven itself is there a greater prize in life?!? Me thinks not.


Here's how you sign up:

1. Follow this link to Yahoo's Fantasy League sign-in.
2. Group ID#: 12147
3. Password: grilltopper
4. Name your Set and make picks.
5. Prepare yourself for heartbreak after I mop the floor with you 13 consecutive weeks and hold a weenie roast in my honor where I seer "Go Dawgs" into a baker's dozen Oscar Meyer tube-steaks.

PRIZE UPDATE
I just saw on the message board for the GrillTopper Open, this year's prizes have expanded to include the following:
model HD Grill Topper (MSRP $17.99)
model 550 Grill Topper (MSRP $18.99)
Grill Topper Grill Glove (MSRP $18.99)
Grill Topper 3-piece BBQ Tool set (MSRP $19.99)
Grill Topper BBQ Apron (MRSP $34.99)
...nice!

Why I Support Damon Evans

I'm sure since this story has broken you've read all sorts of posts with everyone's opinion regarding Damon. If you're looking at this now, you're about to get another one.

I'll preface this by saying it is incredibly stupid to drive when you are sloppy-drunk and have no business operating heavy machinery. What I won't do is crucify someone for getting a DUI who just blew a .081 because there isn't that much of a difference between a person with a B.A.C. of .079 and someone with .081. The only difference is the latter's life is screwed because our government established .08 as the legal limit and anything beyond is an offense that can be held over your head for the rest of your life.

I've never had a DUI, but I couldn't honestly tell you I haven't driven with questionable BAC levels. But I didn't have a breathalyzer to tell me, and Damon Evans didn't blow in one so we will never know if he was 3 beers or 10 beers into the evening.

I've told my wife numerous times that I would NEVER put our lives at risk and I'm man enough to tell her we need to sit at the restaurant drinking water and eating crackers for another hour if she can't take the wheel for us.

So that's where I stand on the D.U.I issue, we'll never know IF he was drunk or HOW drunk he was, but his mug-shot isn't going to do him any favors.

Which brings me to my next point...the mug-shot. The dude looks like he's about to fall over. Did the camera operator say, "Alright Damon, smile and say GO DAWGS!" and that was the best he could muster? I doubt it. Perhaps I'm going over the limit (no pun intended) of defending the guy, but if the angry, overweight woman at the DDS isn't going to give ME the heads-up to smile I'm not going to assume Damon was given a 3-2-1 countdown either.

The last point is the girl in the car. I can't help him on this one, it looks skeezy as hell to be a married man with bambinos driving around Atlanta with a 28 year old woman close to midnight. He says they're just friends, the only thing we'll know to counter that is if he told Mrs. Evans he's going out to pick up some "groceries"...and by groceries he meant Courtney Fuhrmann.

So, that's where I'm at on this. I can't see how one night of exposed personal life should wipe out 7 years of OUTSTANDING service to UGA athletics. Mark Bradley of the AJC thinks UGA should send him packing...I've thought many-a-time the AJC should send Mark Bradley packing for much lesser offenses.

It's a touchy subject, and I'm sure anyone who has been personally affected by the death of a loved one see's this through a different light. I've lost a child-hood acquaintance to a drunk-driver who blew through a stop sign after a softball game. But what "I" think of the situation doesn't matter, his fate doesn't depend on my approval. I'm glad he didn't resign, and I think if he were to be released from Georgia he'd find another school in a heartbeat because he's great at what he does. A black eye for the program that's for sure, but as someone who has been hit in the face MANY TIMES, I assure you black eyes heal.

If nothing else, we can turn this event into an a photoshop free-for-all and pretend what it would have been like if Damon had just been drinking at the fraternity houses instead.


Let me know if my stance is way outta line. I mean no harm to the program, but I think we're better WITH Damon than without him. And for those concerned about how he can possibly tell athletes not to Drink and Drive now...look at the media circus that's followed him since this story broke yesterday.

New Look

Going into my 3rd year, I finally updated the layout of BloggingPantsless. I've also updated the "Know Thine Enemy" section for this year's opponents on the schedule.

Of course I couldn't find any hardcore Ragin' Cajun or 'Tater fans who have a blog dedicated to their favorite whipping boy, so those paychecks will have to wait.

Also, I might need a little help from those in the know. Being a small-time blogger I prefer to link other small-time guys in the Know Thine Enemy section, but sometimes I have to go with SB*Nation blogs.

Nothing against SB*Nation, but they don't need the clicks and us little guys get a thrill out of traffic so I try to help them out the best I can. I'm looking for blogs supporting the following teams:

-Mississippi State
-Colorado

Let me know if you guys run across any, I'd love to stick a poorly disguised attempt at humor (AKA, link name) to it and send a few clicks their way.

But let me know what you think of the new layout, I'm pretty proud of it and I think it'll last us a few more years. Or at least until the Mayan calendar or nuclear holocaust wipes everything off the face of the Earth except roaches and Williams Brice Stadium.



...both are faking dead and will get up and crawl away once you walk off.

If it was socially acceptable, I would drape myself in velvet.

The people have spoken, and by a resounding vote of 2 to 1:

"GROWN MEN ARE NOT MEANT TO WALK AROUND IN PUBLIC WEARING A COLLEGE FOOTBALL JERSEY."

I take this to mean the Orson Charles jersey I bought last week SHOULD remain within the comfort and security of my home's 4 walls.

...but chances are it probably won't.

I doubt I'll put aside the red pants and polo for Saturdays in Athens, but for the Saturday beer run to Kroger(s) chances are you'll see an obscenely tall, lanky guy wearing a Georgia football jersey extremely poorly.

So in review, gentlemen...

UNACCEPTABLE.

NEVER ACCEPTABLE

...NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

Play it safe, listen to your wife/girlfriend. Chances are they know what's best for you anyway, and as long as it doesn't interfere with The Ritual, you'll at least keep her happy...and we all know that's what matters most.

(women stop reading here, there is no more to this story...in fact, look what's going on at TMZ's website!)




...


......


............


Alright guys, since it is way too obvious some womens website high-jacked my poll here is how we should handle this. If you're a guy who likes to wear a football jersey to football games chances are there isn't a straight man alive who gives a damn (as long as it's not a fake Wal-Mart jersey, then it's open season). You're a fan, show your fanhood. Chances are Mike "Big Dawg" Woods didn't get to where he is by caring what people thought.

Jon Richt

Apparently it's big news everytime Coach's son visits a school campus. Since his departure from Clem(p)son the AJC has run stories about the visits to Valdosta and Georgia State. The funniest part (per usual) is reading the comment section below each story.

They are chock full of Tech fans and Georgia bashers who make comments like:

-Some parent Mark Richt is if he wouldn't even want to coach his own son.

-His kid must really suck if he can't even get into ugay on his daddy's coattails.

-42-45

-THWG

-ARP ARP ARP

-110101111101101000110000100001010101111000010101010010110001001110000110100110010010101010100001101001010001111100101000101010001010000100101101001001101000101010100101010101010010010101010101001010101001010101100110001010101100101010101001010!!!

Bottom line, Jon Richt isn't good enough to start at Georgia...no problem with that statement. His father can still be the second coming of Vince Dooley without spawning a litter of Matthew Staffords in his own name. If you'll recall, Mark Richt wasn't really the best QB in Miami during his younger days but so goes the old adage, "Those who can DO, those who can't TEACH".

Jon Richt came from a small private school in Athens, unfortunately we can't all be Catamounts. So I think we can all agree the best thing for Jon Richt to do is forget about scholarships and go down to LaGrange College and play Division III football. He'll still be able to bleed red & black and get a great education in the same small, private school environment in the state of Georgia.

Aside from the 2006 and 2007 seasons, LaGrange has a history of winning and a strong tradition of dominating its conference. This year we return as reigning SLIAC Champions and Coach Todd Mooney is ready to defend his title. Also, you can rush Delt and have your dad donate a lot of money to our fraternity to build us a new house. Just some ideas for you, Jon. Don't worry, I'm friends with Coach Richt on Facebook and I'll make sure I link this post to him (though I doubt he'll need it because he told me personally he reads BloggingPantsless regularly each morning between coffee and Bible study).


...this could be you, Jon. Plus our Krystals is open 24 hours!

Your Money & Your Bowels...but no football.

Mrs. Mackalicious and I have been conducting a little experiment this past month.

We took up the challenge of the leopard-print clad financial sex-cougaress herself, Ms. Suze Orman, and attempted not to eat out for an entire month. Luckily for us February is like the shortest month EVER!

"Ms. Orman are you trying to seduce me? ...No? ...Well, should I purchase this new Lexus now that I've got a mortgage and making $35,000/year with nothing in savings???"


So essentially the wife and I haven't spent a dime at any food serving establishment. You always hear people say "If you want to save money don't eat out so much and pack your lunch!" Take it from me, this is true.

Question.

What would you do with an extra $200 each month? I know it's a toughie, right? By eliminating two $30 meals each week ($60 total/week) and instead adding roughly $10-$15 extra to your grocery bill each week to cover adding one more big meal and leftovers...you, yourself could easily add an extra $200 to your income.

These figures were based off the Mackalicious household who is generally pretty good about eating a homecooked dinner most nights of the week, yet occasionally goes out for La Parilla or sushi if it's been a particularly craptacular day at work and we don't wanna cook.

Was it tough for an entire month? You bet. We both went through weak moments the first half of the month but once we got in the swing of things it was actually quite refreshing to sit down with each other over a fail-proof dinner. Unless you are my sister, you probably cook better than restaurants do anyway (...she found a way to smoke out her apartment by burning a loaf of store-bought bread in the oven...still wrapped in the bag of plastic).

Anyway, I was able to break my fast food-fast today at lunch by taking a trip to one of my favorite establishments...McDonalds.

If you have ever gone a long time without eating fast food, and out of nowhere you are compelled to down a Big Mac and large order of fries, then you feel my pain.

The term "massive dirrhetic blowout" really fails to embody the demon I've been exercising since 3pm...but that's all beside the point.

During this down economic cycle I highly recommend this exercise. Fortunately for me we were able to attempt this not out of necessity, but simply for the helluvit. But I am now able to rest assured knowing if for some reason I ever needed to tighten the belt on the family budget, the wife and I are more than capable.

My only suggestion would be to break your cycle with a trip to Doc Greens or somewhere...light. Otherwise you'll feel like you've got a huge purple Grimace shaped turd blocking your digestive tract.

"EAT SOME BRAN FLAKES, BITCH!"

The Great Depression

I fought it. I fought it hard. I didn't want to put myself through it all over again. But the whole time I knew it was there, I couldn't avoid it. After a long day of work, I would sit down in the living room with my dinner in hand as my wife flipped through the DVR to watch her Oprah for the day...and I would see it, staring at me. Though Oprah talking to a whole family addicted to heroin was mildly interesting, my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't avoid the DVR'd Georgia/Alabama game I so desperately wanted to delete...but I knew I'd have to look it in its ugly black eye eventually.



So in my state of depression, I bit the bullet. I had to know if it was really as bad on television as it felt in person. To be honest, I didn't watch the whole first half, I couldn't. I knew those first 2 quarters were something so vile and disgusting it would make the owner of an adult movie store in Thailand vomit like my aunt watching 2 girls 1 cup for the first time.

MOM, can I have another spoonful of Willie Martinez' defensive schemes?


So I sat there, and I watched eCMR tell Holly Rowe our defense needed to "get after their asses". It was good to see G.A.T.A. get thrown out there for old times sake. I believe Coach Richt is one of those guys who doesn't have to curse to get his point across, but when he does, and it's headed in your direction, you better hold on to you #&$%'n hat because cameras aren't allowed in the locker rooms and like space, no one can hear you scream.

Watching the second half, I almost, almost, thought we had a shot when we pulled within two touchdowns. Of course I knew we lose in the end, but I was trying to view this from the unbiased eye. To sum it all up, we had shiny golden moments of "holy crap we might just pull this off" mixed in with Latino Honda Civic green moments of "AAArrgghhhhhhh!!!1".

Michael Moore looked like he used every single one of his tattoos to catch some impossible balls in double coverage. Yet, he also got hit square in the chest with distanced single coverage a few times making it look like his pads were made of trampolines. That was frustrating and painful to watch, but overall it didn't seem as bad as it felt Saturday night.

My final thoughts are as following:

#1. I am uber-thrilled this is a bye week. With the injuries we sustained last Saturday, we might be toast against a mediocre Tennessee team if we had to play just 7 days later.

#2. Judging solely by the fire and poise we came out with in the second half, I feel confident if we play 4 quarters of football (as opposed to 2 quarters of grab@$$ and 2 quarters of fight for your life) we can make it through the next stretch relatively unscathed...hopefully. Again, that's playing 4 whole quarters of blood-boiling, fire-breathing, knock the festivin' snot outta people SEC football.

#3. Ben Jones going toe-to-toe and forehead-to-chest with Terrence Cody in slow motion might be one of the most inspirational things you could ever show future freshmen centers. Jones did about as good a job as you could possibly ask someone in his position to do. ESPN showed several replays of Mt. Cody getting his moneys worth from Ben Jones. Yeah Stafford still felt pressure and Jones got flagged for holding, but Terrence Cody outweighed our freshman center by 60+ lbs. I look forward to seeing him shape up to be a brick wall in the next couple of years, thanks Ben.

#4. I have been patient with Willie Martinez so far this year. I was patient with him last year, even when I didn't want to be, and he turned it around after the near loss to Vandy making last year a season to remember. The South Carolina game was too close, strike one. The Bama game is strike two. If I have to watch another half of uninspired defense coached by a stubborn DC who refuses to change his gameplan, even as the opposition is tearing it to shreds, I'm willing to jump on the Fire Willie Bandwagon. I want to love you, Willie, I really do. But I enjoy you on the sidelines like I enjoyed seeing Ray Goff. Your heart is there, but my faith in your skills and qualifications is waining.

Hopefully our boys are taking their aspirin and keeping ice on the swelling. Pray for quick healing before this long haul because we need to be 100%. Break the thin ice of depression fans because our team needs us more than ever. They know the pain of loss. They are no longer the invincible wonder Dawgs they originally thought. I'm hoping it left a void only winning the SEC East can fill. We need to be hungry, we need to play with emotion, and we need every single kid out there in silver britches to step up and perform at the level they were recruited to perform. I hope practice this week is a living hell for the Athens boys who got beat by Alabama. Some testicles better drop before we get Tennessee, Vandy, LSU, Florida, Kentucky, and Auburn because that is a man-sized portion to put on your plate.

Go Dawgs and G.A.T.A.

Things I think are B.S.

The Georgia Sports Blog is the world-wide leader in all things UGA for a reason.

1. They're wearing black because they're going to a mother f---ing funeral!

Always remember how lucky you are to have a coaching staff with class. As a commentor on another blog put it, if you're wearing black to a funeral, you're not the one who's dead.

2. It's hard to score a goalline touchdown when Arizona State has more people on the field than you do...nice job Pac-10 refs. Just remember to keep calling your "Leaping" penalties and you'll be fine.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

I was looking at YouTube for footage of Arizona St. QB Rudy Carpenter and stumbled across the last few minutes of the movie Rudy which stars that kid that played Brian Reynolds in the made for TV movie Please Don't Hit Me, Mom. Anyway, that movie is still as entertaining today as it was the first time I saw it. Why? #1. Tech gets beat. #2. Some garbage about personal triumph, believing in yourself, following your dreams, and all that other feel-good liberal hippie crap!

But all that aside I also did some looking into Arizona State's loss to UNLV last week. I don't know if that sucked more for them or for us as we realized we would yet again be playing a previously ranked opponent who bit the dust before we're scheduled to play them. Which makes it a lose/lose for UGA if Arizona St. plays us close and we barely win again, I can just hear Mark May now...

"Georgia might be the most overrated team ranked in the Top 10 because they've barely squeaked by two unranked opponents in a row who lost games to lesser squads. Now Dr. Lou if you'll excuse me I need to run to the little girl's room (grabs purse stuffed full of Playtex Heavy Flows and exits stage-right)."

Either way, Rudy Carpenter was being hailed as the 2nd best QB in the Pac-10 because of his "experience as a veteran" being that he is a 5th year senior and everything. Let it be known Reggie Ball was also a "seasoned vet" his last years of play and that experience doesn't compensate for lack of talent.

I didn't watch the end of Arizona State/UNLV because I was driving through Bumblefrick, South Carolina looking for $5/gas to make it home. But it says right cha' that the Sun Devil's final OT possession consisted of the following...

1st & 2nd Downs: Dimitri Nance has 2 carries for 7 yard.

3rd Down: Carpenter overthrows TE Jovon Williams in the endzone.

4th Down: Kicker ruins chances of ever getting laid as an undergrad at Arizona St.

(UNLV Celebrates, Dennis Ericson books trip to Arkansas assuming there will be an opening soon).


Carpenter might be worried the playcalling was too conservative for overtime play, but the question it doesn't answer is how they let UNLV tie up the game to force overtime to begin with.

Are you familiar with the phrase, "Luck is where preparation meets opportunity."?

For those still worried about our Pass Defense, whether you like it or not, our defense was prepared to take advantage of mistakes made by South Carolina's offense last weekend. Yeah it sucked watching 2 consecutive drives headed toward our endzone but if the aforementioned saying holds true at least our guys are able to recognize mistakes and take advantage of them. Rennie Curran can recognize an exposed football trying to reach into the endzone (albiet from 4 yards away) and knows it's time to punch the fire outta that ball to knock it loose. Our drop 8 defensive scheme was still smart enough to see Chris Smelley's eyes get big as he thought of throwing it into the endzone (resulting in a game-saving pick with seconds left).

It is apparent Arizona won't be able to run the ball either from incompetence or our stellar Run Defense. Also unless we relapse into last weeks mindset our offense should EASILY run wild over the Sun Devil's couch-cushion fortress they call a defense. In my eyes it's shaping up like this, we have a competent offense and a defense that has ALOT to prove next Saturday. Arizona State's only option will be to throw the ball and hope it lands where Rudy directs it...that's it. They gave up 23 points to UNLV against their first-string defense.

Advantage Dawgs, bottom line.

CORRECTION:
Last night I actually finished watching the UGA/USC game and it turns out the Gamecock player wasn't trying to reach the ball into the endzone like I thought I'd seen in person. Rennie actually just plowed into the guy and it knocked the ball loose. When I saw the guy reaching out trying to grab the loose ball, that's what I assumed was him trying to stretch it into the endzone...my bad.

My thoughts on USC...

Now that its officially too late to offer any insightful commentary concerning the Dawg's performance I bring you my opinion of the game.

This was my first trip to Columbia for what Gamecock fans refer to as The Border War. Let me tell you a little something about this "rivalry".

#1. To a Gamecock, this is their biggest SEC game of the year, and the second biggest rivalry game of the year (behind Clem(p)son).

#2. To me, a staunch UGA supporter, this game is a tie for 7th with the Arizona State game as far as games I was excited/worried about (in order, 1.Florida, 2.LSU, 3.Auburn, 4.Tennessee/Alabama, 6. Tech, 7.USC/Arizona State, 9. Kentucky/Vandy/CMU, 12. Southern).

So when I walked into Willy-Brice Stadium and it was louder than most UGA games I go to, I began to think USC might want this game more than we do. I'm of the opinion two weeks ago against Vandy the 'Cocks got caught thinking ahead. Just like last Saturday we got caught thinking ahead to our trip to Arizona (and honestly Arizona St. did too, we just managed to think about it and win).

Everyone and their grandmother saw the AZ St. kids holding their Chick-Fil-A sponsored "Bring on Georgia" signs a while back. We might as well have been holding Wienerschnitzel sponsored "Our hearts are in Tempe" signs as we strolled around Columbia because our offense played like we were already members of the "Wiener Lover's Club".

Either way, we won and I'll take an ugly win over a pretty loss any day of the week.

Yeah, we dropped in the polls but don't worry. If we keep winning that won't matter any more. If you want to blow out a team coached by Tyrone Willingham each week and expect ESPN to bless you with a golden shower every time then you've got another thing coming, Bob Stoops. When we get into the heart of our schedule and prove we deserve to be ranked as high as we were preseason, then that's where we'll make our bread. I think South Carolina is going to surprise some people this year if they can get some competent offense going because their defense wasn't going to give us any freebies.

Yeah I was pissed to be out there in the 95 degree heat index with no wind (kicker's paradise) and have my team participate in an offensive pee pee sword-fight, but the good guys won, and we'll learn from having true competition expose our weaknesses we need to work on. Unlike the guy sitting behind me (who apparently should have been out there calling plays as much as he knew about the game), I'm not quite ready to fall into the rut of calling for Coach Martinez's first-born to be sacrificed because we rushed 3 and dropped 8. Our coaches know what they're doing and soon enough we'll win a big one by a large margin and we'll all be praising Willie and hopefully forgetting our old DC Brian Van Gorder who jumped ship to begin his quest for the world record of most jobs in a 10 year period (which is going swimmingly I hear).

Perhaps if/when we lose a game from the errors we made we can all throw our collective turd-logs into the fan, but until then rest assured that practice this week will be focusing on what we lacked and improvement is sure to come. Arizona State is a pass-happy team and our Pass Defense got 'pants'ed in front of the entire city of Columbia last weekend. Chillax, we'll fix it.

Each game from here on out is do or die. If you'll recall last year it took a scare from Vandy to start us on a Tazmanian Devil style path of destruction through the SEC's toughest. Perhaps an obliteration of Rudy Carpenter will open some eyes next weekend. If that doesn't work a presumed Black Out of Alabama should light the fuse to the Dawg-Rocket.



Either way, I still think it's a great time to be a Dawg fan because we've got a 5 game win streak in SEC play, under our current mascot we're undefeated, and Matthew Stafford STILL hasn't thrown an interception. Keep the faith, there is still a LONG road ahead of us and now is not the time to throw people under the bus.

How 'bout them Dawgs?

10 Commandments of College Football

I didn't write this, I don't even necessarily agree with all of them. I'm just essentially forwarding an email I received from a fellow fan of college football. And I read...


Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends, fiances, mothers, sisters and daughters.

1. From the first weekend in September until the end of the bowl season, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be cancelled for a month.

2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.

3. During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you understand who I’m yelling at during the season. As a tip, check the box scores for the referees names too.

4. During the games I will be drunk as Cooter Brown. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, kill any spiders, answer the phone, etc. It ain 't gonna happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say I'll get over it, it ' s only a game, or don't worry, they'll win next time. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called ' words of encouragement ' will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo. If my team wins, you will be showered with gifts for the next 6 days. If they lose, you will be blamed repeatedly for moving, blinking or secretly not believing in your heart of the power of mojo.

8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go.

However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach ' Code Blue ' .

9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. College Gameday and the highlights on Saturday night are just as important as the games themselves. Even if I curse Lou, Herbie, and Corso like the anti-SEC, biased dogs that they are, I still want to hear what they say.

10. And finally, please save your expressions such as: ' Thank God the football season is only during the Fall. ' I am immune to these words, because after this comes the NFL playoffs, the Pro Bowl, AFL, AFL2, the CFL, and the replays on the college sports channels.


Again, I take no credit for this. I just figured it'd make a good filler post while I catch-up with some work this morning. I had a pretty good brain-fart as to something that would make a good read when I woke up this morning. My goal now is to turn that into an entertaining/coherent post. Check back in a few hours to see if it has come into fruition (pronounced "froot-shun").

What it means to be a bulldog.

After I'd posted earlier about how annoying yellow jackets (the insects) and yellow jackets (the geek squad) are and considering it to be a largely appropriate mascot for the school, a reader who goes by Naychaboy made a very insightful comment...

"Why would you CHOOSE to have a yard pest as your mascot? I was thinking about
it in context to Uga. When Uga VI passed, several people said that he
represented everything that the Bulldog Nation stands for. He's tough, he's
loyal, he's strong, and then he's kind of cute and playful for the kids...now
THAT'S a mascot. But a yellow jacket? You nailed it...just an annoyance. To put
it in the context of the Uga discussion, yellow jackets are annoying, not
dangerous (unless you're allergic to them), cowardly..I realize that this does
in fact describe the Yellow Jackets, but is this what they STRIVE to be? Isn't
that what a mascot should represent?"

So that got me thinking, what exactly does it mean to be a bulldog? Well, first I must come clean. I am not in fact a bulldog by collegiate affiliation, however I am a life-long dawg fan. Now you can feed me that garbage about how annoying fans who didn't even go to the school they cheer for are, but if you think only alumni of UGA are buying tickets, apparel, and funding UGA athletics then you are sorely mistaken. I for one like the way the private school chip on my shoulder looks with this fleece vest and cheap bottle of Andre champagne.

You see that drunken face, bitches? That's the drunken face of a non-taxpayer funded education!

But back to my original topic, what does it mean to be a bulldog. Naycha brought up loyalty, strength, and charm. I thought I'd throw a few more out there. How about the vision of stability, an icon of dedication, the spirit of "never say die". How about a friend to all who will have him, and an enemy to those with bad intention. A ferocious competitor with a proven record of winning (no matter what Stuart Mandel vomits into his columns). How about the wrinkles of an old dawg's face (Larry Munson) and the youthful exuberance of young pups (AJ, Caleb, Knowshon, etc.). What about the Saturday congregation and fellowship among family, friends, and friends you haven't met yet who stumble into your tailgate promising you the world for just a shot of whiskey and a coke to chase it. It's what you set your schedule and calender around, it's the values you raise your kids with, it's the rousing highs of victory mixed with the heartbreaking pain of defeat. It's the charm of southern tradition, the pride of the battle hymn, and vulgarity of barking at total strangers. It's win or lose, you know the next day at church the outcome of the game and your actions following it will be justified before God and your fellow-man. It may not be America's favorite pastime, but it's the South's favorite by far.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait for college football to start. Amen.

UPDATE: My wife, being a big Alabama fan, wanted to add her 2 cents about the similarities between me and a bulldog. I don't find this very funny though.

1. Snoring.
2. Sometimes you drool when you eat or sleep.
3. Public urination.
4. Stubbornness
5. You only have a small bump where your tail should be.
(agree to disagree, I think I have a nice butt)

ugh...

Continuing my quest to title my posts today with "reaction words", I bring you a quick lunch-time story.

I brought my lunch to work today as I do most days. But today I just wasn't feelin' it. So I make my way over to the Checkers down the street from my warehouse. As I'm in my truck at the window receiving my order I see a big fat lady waddle up to the walk-up window and proceed to scream her order into the building.

The thing that got me was the fact she ordered "A NUMBER SIX COMBO UPSIZED WITH A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE, WITH EXTRA TARTER SAUCE ON THE FISH SANDWICH AND 2 APPLE PIES".


...and I'm sure it looked just like this.

I will admit I find excessively obese people who indulge themselves slightly gross, but ordering the fish sandwich at a fast food restaurant might be the closest thing to telling someone "you know what? surprise me!" when you order. Because fish sandwiches are the equivalent of eating fried fish particle-board. Then to top it off with extra tarter sauce just makes my stomach turn...ugh, disgusting.

To tell both sides of the story I did order 2 Checkerburgers, a medium order of fries and a milkshake which isn't much healthier. BUT, I weight 155 lbs and I'm 6'4" and I've eaten like a pig my whole life which means 1 of 2 things.
#1 My wife hates the very air I breathe when I tell people I don't gain weight, because she thinks she fat even though she's skinnier than I am.
#2 I have better metabolism than Otis Nixon after just snorting 2 bumps of cocaine through a tampon applicator...which just like Otis' career in baseball will eventually fade away and I'll end up looking like the pregnant man who wasn't really a man at all, no matter what Oprah told you.


Guess what America? I just got away with putting a picture of a topless woman on my blog AND you're wife won't care that you're looking! Thank me later, preferably when you finish vomiting.

That pretty much sums up my rant. Now to really man this post up a little bit here's a picture of a guy trying to light his fart and the Jackyl music video for their song Lumberjack (which includes a chainsaw solo). Enjoy, my fellow man!




I don't know about you, but my chest hair just got a little thicker watching that.

Georgia and Russia

I've seen several films regarding how to best approach foreign policy with Russia. Being the expert I am, I believe we can all agree this is the best way to handle the Georgia and Russia conflict...



Yes, I do understand that was the Soviets and not modern-day Russia but come on, serious, can YOU tell a difference? Didn't think so.

Just remember, if I can change, and you can change, then we can ALL change.

Weekend Wrap-up

Well it was a pretty uneventful weekend. Just like Friday ended with me playing Rockband so did Saturday and most of Sunday.

We had some of Mrs. Mackalicious' Alabama friends over for a couple of tax-free shopping days. I didn't really purchase much, but my prize buys of the weekend came from a couple of shops at the Marietta Square.

#1- There is a pretty girlie store called Doodlebugz that has a pretty good selection of collegiate stuff. I bought myself a new pair of UGA Croakies to attach to my sunglasses for the upcoming football season, just to stay classy.

#2- There is an antique store across the street from McCrackin's Irish Pub that sells a ton of old vinyl albums. Being the music fan / interior decorator I am (I have my Pink Floyd albums framed in one of the bedrooms of my home) I went in search a few missing pieces of my collection. I found Pink Floyd's: The Final Cut and the Roger Waters solo album The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking. Both are pretty rare and hard to find in good condition.

That was pretty much the extent of my tax-free spending spree, yes the records were tax-free because the dude told me if I paid him in cash he wouldn't charge me tax because Visa would leave a paper trail of what was sold...so there you go.

No big stories, I'm actually working on throwing some UGA stuff together because I think it's been nearly a week since I did anything sports related. Sorry 'bout that.

OH, one more thing (you can tell I write this blog as things flow from my mind because this is WAY off where the topic started). I mentioned last week I was going with my family to the Stone Mountain Laser Show. It's been a family tradition of ours to go to the laser show once a year and this year they changed it up. I personally think it's much worse, but then again I tend to fall on the traditionalist side of most arguments.

Here's where they went wrong.

#1 Leaving out the godfather of soul, James Brown. That's right, no Livin' in America.

This Laser Show sucks. I'ma take it to tha' bridge! ...and throw it ova'!

#2 Elvis' American Trilogy was the SECOND song. Stoney Jackson, Bobby Lee, and Jeff Davis were definitely not happy with this move, you could tell because not ONCE during their portion of the show did they smile...or it could be because they were losing the War of Northern Aggression. American Trilogy has long been the set-up song to Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA as a closer. Queen never played We Will Rock you without DIRECTLY following it with We Are the Champions...same mistake here.

Thank you, thank you very little.

#3 THEY DIDN'T EVEN PLAY GOD BLESS THE MOTHER FESTIVIN' USA! I couldn't believe it. They kept that stupid synthesizer song with a bunch of crappy trapezoids and geometrical shapes...but they didn't keep Lee Greenwood's most significant contribution to southern patriotism!??! THAT'S SOME HORSE SHIRT! Instead there was some Gawd-awful version of the national anthem done by Sandi Patty. That woman shrieked out verse after verse of the song trying to make the dogs over in Rockdale County howl along with her and it was absolutely HORRIBLE! When the lights came up after that I was seriously in disbelief as to how bad that song was.

A Golden Patriot

A Golden Corral Patron...but you can't blame her, the rolls are fantabulous!

Well, that's pretty much my review of it, perhaps I'm way outta line. I wasn't too thrilled with it, but then again my job isn't to play music and shine lasers at a big rock while drunken rednecks gawk with their mouths open on the lawn. But I tell you, if it WAS my job, they'd throw me in jail for manslaughter because so many minds would get blown!

Who ordered the bullcrap?!?

I saw this on Yahoo and it caught my attention. As I'd mentioned in the comments section of the Tattoo post yesterday I think Dark Side of the Moon might be the best album ever, not because I'm biased, but because it sold a crap load, it holds the record for staying in the top 100 albums sales charts longest, it has only one song that you don't hear on the radio to this day (Great Gig in the Sky), and it was the kick start to Pink Floyd's concept album run.

Anyway, the nutsack who does music reviews at Yahoo came up with some mythical BCS-esq formula to rank the all-time albums.

Darkside was #2...behind Stevie Wonder's, Songs in the Key of Life, as #1.

Perhaps I'm a little out of bounds here, but come on...Stevie Wonder?!? I don't even think he saw that coming...what?...it's my blog I can make blind jokes if I want!

Anyway, I thought that was pretty gay. You can check out the entire list here.

Other beefs include The Eagles: Hotel California being in the top 10 (at number 8), George Michael: Faith being in the top 20 (at number 20), and a very one-sided opinion of my own thinking 1984 is a better Van Halen album than their self-titled debut...but that last one is a pretty weak argument on my end.



Van Halen 1's Hit Songs:
-Runnin' with the Devil
-Eruption/You Really Got Me
-Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love
-Jamie's Cryin'
-Ice Cream Man (hey, if you hear it on the radio in 2008, it's a hit)



1984's Hit Songs:
-Jump
-Panama
-Drop Dead Legs
-Hot for FRIGGIN' Teacher
(which without a doubt had the best music video of the 80's)
-I'll Wait

Going head to head I declare 1984 the superior album!

I'm sure everytime one of these bullcrap top _____ of all-time lists gets published everyone goes on a rampage, but to claim a formula and do it is WEAK! I'm sure Big Phil is complaining that Joshua Tree isn't higher-up because he likes U2. I'm sure Auburn fans are complaining that Poison didn't make the list because they are stuck in 1988. I'm sure Gayman is complaining that George Michael isn't higher-up because he's gay. And I'm sure my wife is complaining the Beatles aren't higher-up because she's classy like that. Anyway, I've wasted your time voicing my opinion, feel free to waste mine by posting yours in the comments section.

The Age Dilemma: Tattoo Edition

For most it is never a question, they either get one (or 100) or they don't. All through college I never really thought about it mostly because I didn't really know where I'd be going career-wise. Those years are past now and I sit in a pretty steady position as Vice President of a good size company that "ain't goin' nowhere". A chillaxed work environment allows for all sorts of attire and I don't really do much face time with the general public who might care about such things like shorts with black socks and sandals.

So lately I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. It wouldn't be anywhere that showed in day-to-day activities (like my face, fore-arm, or butt). It'd be something special to me, but not like my dog's name or anything gay like that.

There are a few things I know will never change in my life, #1 my love of God, #2 my love of Mrs. Mackalicious, #3 as tacky as you may think this sounds, my love of Pink Floyd.

Here is why I don't want to go with #1 or #2. I think the cross tattoo or Bible verse is something people did back in the 90's. I'm sure they are still good Christian people, but I think there is something special to literally not wearing your religion on your sleeve. In my opinion you should lead your life by example and not by whatever the goatee sportin' holy-rollers are doing which comes off to me as a big show of "OOooOoo LOOK AT ME!!!1"

I don't want to go with anything regarding my wife's name because Mrs. Mackalicious is just way too long to fit on almost any body part...HEY-OOOO!!! No I have other reasons I don't really think are public stuff but bottom-line, I don't think it's a good idea.

Which leads me to #3, to say I'm a huge Pink Floyd fan might be an understatement. I am a guy in his mid-twentys who wears band t-shirts like a high school kid, but that's just fine with me. I don't want to get into the politics of why I think they're the best band ever, but one thing is for certain, they had the best album artist of all time working for them. My favorite album is Animals, which features the old Battersea Power Station near London with a pig flying between 2 of the smokestacks.

There is a George Orwell's, Animal Farm type message running throughout the album but is much more appreciated on my end due to the incredible music accompanying it.

So if I found an artist who could accurately recreate this album cover without it looking tacky and cartoonish, this was my top choice.

But that's not what I want to know, regardless of the tattoo's content, my big question is whether 25 is too old to get a tattoo?

Pros: I think it'd be cool to have, fun to showoff on vacations, and its a great extension of my character as a person.

Cons: I'm not in college anymore when it's cool to have tattoos, it costs money, if done poorly it might look like the dead horse from Animal House when I'm 70.

Hitchhiking: Sorry...a little Roger Waters humor there.


So, if you'll look to the right side of the blog I have set a poll up to get everyone's input. Please only vote once because I don't think I have any way to regulate the results at this moment. Also you can post comments to let me know your opinion.

Alabama = Gay

I like Alabama, I LOVE Georgia, but I like Alabama. They've got a helluva football tradition, they've got Bear Bryant, they've got a great stadium, my wife went there, they hate Auburn, what's not to like?

Well here's something not to like, here's something I find to be downright disgraceful.

Senator Blutarsky is reporting the University of Alabama is SELLING tailgating spots on their Quad. Yeah it belongs to the university, but trying to make money off tailgating is just plain wrong. Thanks to rule changes last year we couldn't park on the side of the road (and if I wanted to make my millions faster I should have opened up a towing company last year), now this year they want to sell tailgating spots!?

The reason I have a problem with this is, like the good Senator said, it is biting the hand that feeds you. Alabama fans have put up with a lot, and I mean A LOT of crap from this instituion over the years. They've finally got a few things going the right way for them (they don't even have to play Louisiana-Monroe this year) and now they want to bastardize the most cherished pre-game tradition of all.

I'm gonna call a rat, a rat. University of Alabama, that's pretty dang gay. You should pay more attention to the preacher outside the Tate Center when you're in Athens this year for your annual tail-whippin'.



PS: Do UGA fans have to pay for Alabama quad space since we own the place?!?

All-Star Shame

Back like cooked crack was the MLB All-Star Game last night, and Josh Hamilton was NOT interested. You caught all worth watching in the first 30 minutes when they had player introductions with 40 some-odd Hall of Fame members present. If you stayed up for all 15 innings you saw the National League lose, not to be confused with the American League winning.

I personally hold the Mets' Billy Wagner responsible, but you know what? Holding someone responsible means I might care about this and I don't want Bud Selig to have that satisfaction so scratch that.

As I said, the best part was seeing Willie Mays, Mr. October, Yogi Berra, Hank Aaron, and all the others who played baseball in what I blindly assume to be a clean period of the game's history. I'm a bit of a traditionalist so when it comes to the monstrosity the All-Star Game has become I get a little turned off. I'm of the opinion the team with the best record at the end of the season should get home field advantage in the World Series. If by some chance the Braves make it to the World Series, I don't want our chances to ride on how well an over-rated Mets closer pitches.

Either way, I like to think my Dad put it best when he told me "Baseball is at its best when it is the main event of the evening." The whole pageant of the All-Star Game and Home Run Derby isn't as interesting to me as it used to be. If I never had to hear Chris Bermann say "BACK BACK BACK" again I might not be so bitter about this.

Other than seeing all the legends of baseball the only other thing I found entertaining was listening to George Brett give the motivational speech in the American League clubhouse. This was not entertaining because it was an awe-inspiring moment, it was entertaining because the only thing I think of when I hear the name George Brett is his freak-out over being called out due to the pine-tar on his bat after he hit a home run.

Now for a moment of Imagine If You Will Theatre

Apparently this clip isn't available on You Tube due to copyrights, but if you imagine the young lady standing up wearing a Kansas City Royals uniform, she will play the role of George Brett. Everyone else will be playing the roll of umpire Tim McClelland.

George Brett just hit a 2-run homer in the top of the 9th to take the lead at Yankee Stadium. After being asked to examine the bat by Yankees manager Billy Martin, home plate umpire Tim McClelland ruled that Brett's bat had more than 18 inches of pine-tar on the handle. He held up his fist to signal Brett out (over-turning the home run in the process). Brett charges out of the dugout, and the following ensues...

...also replace the "N-word" with "Umpire", because Tim McClelland raped George Brett...with his rule-book.