Friday, February 27, 2009
Otherwise known as, so what else is new?!?
AJC has the story.
*(Paul Johnson doesn't really use the N-word to my knowledge, I just found it humorous to assume he does as routinely as the sun rises and Quincy Carter gets arrested)
...Coach Hewitt burped and was not amused by my allegation. UUURP!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
This is good because many thought he was leaning toward UF. This is bad because Tennessee is still in the running meaning if he becomes a Vol Lane Kiffin will stick his tongue out at us.
Best possible scenario he becomes a Dawg, second best he goes to So.Cal. and has the option to lose 1 game per year to either Stanford, Cal, or Oregon Polytechnic State Community College. At least at UGA he'll have the satisfaction of losing a game against someone with Jesus on their side...
Who else were you expecting? Tebow?!? ...please.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
...no, not that lame curry smellin' Mecca.
The redneck Mecca we Southerners know as Golden, Colorado.
I took myself a little vacay and tapped the Rockies with my beautiful wife. You guys are lucky she was there, otherwise who would have taken all these awesome pictures?!?
Mackie at the entrance to Golden, CO.
Mackie climbing the summit of Pike's Peak! (creative wording)
Coors Brewery Tour
Mackie at Estes Park
Ralphie's stomping grounds
...Yogi's stomping grounds
Anyway, not that I want to amaze you with my totally bitchin' pictures of Colorado. I just wanted to let you know I've taken a breather, collected my thoughts, and hopefully we're ready to unleash an avalanche of editorial sports ramblings. Also, my search for a new automobile is in full sprint due to the insurance company totalling my truck and writing me a fat-nasty check for like a million dollars.
But thanks for allowing me to take a leave of absence from the blogging world...thanks furthermore to those of you who continued to check my blog out even when I specifically wrote I wouldn't be posting until last Monday...which turned into Tuesday. Traffic was steady which meant there was a void left in the lives of 40-50 people who longed for my voice of reason in a world with free government money (if you suck bad enough at life) and moms with eight arms?!?
Hopefully if I get my desk cleared off at work I'll get some stuff up tomorrow. I'd especially love to have a little piece about Orson Charles up under the right circumstances...otherwise I totally knew that kid was a homo. But smoke 'em if you got 'em, it's time to get pantsless!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Regarding my truck getting totalled I should be able to go to the insurance impound to get some pictures this afternoon and hopefully post if they look really cool. Long story short, someone on Powers Ferry took a corner too fast and came head-on into my lane. They over corrected and fishtailed on a wet road allowing me to t-bone them at around 40mph. I've never been in an accident where my airbags deployed...if I'm never in one again I'll be just fine. No one was hurt, but my truck is totally cashed. The front axle is snapped making the drivers side wheel hang off at the most pathetic angle you've ever seen.
The good news is I was in the market for a new car and now don't have to worry about a buyer. The bad news is I doubt the guys insurance will give me what I could have made in a sell.
Aside from all that stuff, I'm announcing a weeklong break from my duties as a sports blogger. Hopefully with the advent of baseball upon us I'll reach some divine inspiration whilst adventuring around the mountainsides of Denver, CO.
Sorry to disappoint all my fans (...please stop laughing until I finish), but I'll make it up to you next week.
ONE MORE THING:
I wanted to let everyone know in regards to the things to get your wife for $80...
-I know better than to get my wife a vacuum cleaner, gym membership, or Lane Bryant gift card (...well, NOW I know better about the Lane Bryant gift card after an embarrassing trip to the mall).
-$12,000 gets you 1 Kilo of crappy cocaine (2.2 lbs). The good stuff runs you around $35,000 per kilogram. I'll let someone else do the math to figure out how much $80 gets you...because math was never my forte. Also, I have never actually done cocaine. The only thing to penetrate my nostril is the occasional index finger or Chihuahua tongue. I just find cocaine to be the most entertaining of the drug family...meth runs a close second.
-My wife and I celebrated an excellent Valentine's Day together by dining over homemade fish tacos and planning our little vacay to Colorado. Also, Fish tacos isn't slang for anything we actually enjoy authentic San Diego style fish tacos.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
One of my favorite bonuses of the car show is the special appearances. Previous trips allowed me to get some pretty cool autographs. My most prized would be Hall of Fame pitcher Don Sutton. My least known, but I got anyway because other people were in line, was racecar driver Ward Burton...yeeeaaahhhh...I don't really do the NASCAR thing so if that means anything so anyone let me know.
I also have a funny story about a girl I was "dating" in middle school
(as much as it is possible to actually date someone when you don't have a car and her mother insisted on listening in to our phone calls). I got an autograph from NEW FALCON'S HEAD COACH DAN REAVES!!! (it was 1997). I asked Dan if he would mind signing an additional photo for my girlfriend, Sarah...which he did. Well the following Monday I packed my backpack for school and carried the autographed picture with extreme care for this girl. I finally met up with her during lunch-time and handed it to her with the biggest smile on my face just knowing I was about to blow her mind with such an awesome gift.
...she looked at me and asked "Who's this?"
To this day, the only autograph I have since given a woman was that of Robert Randolph (& the Family Band) whom I ran into at a bar in Paris, France. It was a ticket stub and I knew she was already a fan. I also was able to snag a busted drumstick from their drummer and a broken guitar string from his pedal-steel guitar. The even better news is I married the girl so I ended up getting it back!
But the real purpose of this post is that if you want a chance to meet former Bulldog QB, D.J. Shockley you now have that chance. He will be signing autographs on March 21st from 1-2pm. His Falcons teammate, DT Grady Jackson will be there from 2-3pm if you want to stick around for both.
They'll both be set up in the Ford exhibit (hopefully near a big screen looping CMR's F-150 spot) and it's a good chance to meet a guy with more character in his little finger than Michael Vick had in his whole entourage...kennels included.
More details...riiiiiight chare.
...that was easier than I thought.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think dropping $80 + shipping for a teddy bear is necessarily a BAD idea. My issue comes with the fact that any woman who isn't 6 years old could possibly be woo-ed by a stuffed animal (regardless of the occupational outfit it's wearing).
In total opposition to the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. I offer a list of $80 alternative gifts that might be more useful.
1. Vacuum cleaner.
2. A massage (you can find women on Craiglist who will barter a massage for ROSES instead of CASH!)
3. Gym membership.
4. Eighty double cheeseburgers (which you could trail back to the bedroom from the front door for a naughty surprise!)
5. $80 cash
6. iTunes giftcard so she doesn't have to hear you talk about football all Summer.
7. Speaking of football...Georgia Tech season tickets + hotdogs & Cokes! HEEY-OOooO!
8. A giftcard to a clothing store named after a woman (Ann Taylor or Lane Bryant) she'll love either one!
9. Guitar Hero: World Tour.
Yep, by my count any of those 10 would be more useful than a stupid teddy bear from a stupid state. Serious, beside Ben & Jerry's what has Vermont done for you lately?
Monday, February 9, 2009
After an awesome weekend of laying in a hammock and going to a hockey game (with the longest man-to-man fight I've ever seen, the AJC clocked it at around 2:00 minutes) it's time to get back to work.
I'm assuming GoDaddy let this domain name register at a premium. I'm still looking to purchase www.iwaspistolwhippedbyJeriSpurrier.com
file photo from the Donovan Baldwin aftermath last year
Coach Mark Richt was asked about an 0-4 skid on NSD before eventually signing Marlon Brown. Coach claimed that keeping score with recruits was "kind of nutty". Out in Los Angeles Pete Carroll caught wind of that statement and jokingly asked if "Mark would be disciplining his players like Ward Cleaver handled the Beaver's hijinx". Coach Richt responded that any player who violates team policy will endure a stern talking to, then taken out to Floyd's Barbershop for a shave & trim just to let him know he's not mad at THEM, just their behavior.
...to this Lane Kiffin threatened NCAA sanctions.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Before I put my two cents in, I want to preface my rant with the fact I am a regular church going Christian guy. Now don't get me wrong, I understand there is a huge audience for Christian music. I do not enjoy it, nor am I really fond of it due to one primary reason.
There are only so many songs you can possibly write about a singular subject matter before it all becomes redundant.
That being said, I know the subject matter of Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll isn't quite the same family friendly stuff you find with most Christian artists.
BUT, it also brings up the issue of how much importance one allows him/her self to place on entertainment if you aren't competent enough to realize the following:
1. Musicians are artists, not role models.
2. Your life philosophy shouldn't be based on how catchy a rhyme or tune is.
3. No matter what the London subway wall tells you, Clapton isn't God (which is obvious because God's son died on a cross...not by falling out of a window).
So take from this what you will, but my greatest outrage is that "Guitar Praise" made it to shelves before "Banjo Hero". Now THAT I could get into!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
For those of you unfamiliar with my guide, it is as follows:
Locate a small length of metal pipe. (pick it up)
Locate the meanest MF'r of all your fellow inmates.
Walk up to said inmate and swing that pipe as hard as you can at his mouth.
(as he lays stunned & bleeding) Loudly proclaim, "I AIN'T NOBODY'S BITCH AND I'M NOT GONNA GET BUTT RAPED!"
Immediately start getting butt raped because people see through your guise and know you're just a scared little boy out of his element.
Oh well, I don't plan on going to prison anytime soon.
However, Lane Kiffin is talking a MUCH bigger game than he ought to be at this point. I prefer Coach Richt's approach of speak softly and carry a big stick. That way if you get your salad tossed (by a team of Wyoming's calibre) every once and a while you're not stuck eating your words.
Also it is reported officials from the University of Alabama are relieved the Knoxville Newshounds have found another violations whipping boy to focus their attention on.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
So if this kid is approximately 8 years old, I'll expect to see him in 6 more stumbling up to my tailgate in Jacksonville screaming "You fags don't know how to drink some beers! Here, give me that, I'll show you how to drink some beers! I'M THE KING OF THE BEACH, RRAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!!"
Also, I was a little disappointed by Greg Reid's decision last night, but I guess it really came down to which team he felt best about losing to Florida with.
...looks like pessimism won out on that last statement. ouch.
Looks like he's sticking with the Nerds. I'm not heartbroken losing a 3 star recruit, especially when we penned Rantavious Wooten this morning.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
As I was watching old UGA videos on YouTube, I had a funny thought.
If he really wants to know how his ass tastes he should ask Uga for assistance. Robert Baker would be more than happy to provide him as a reference.
This video never gets old...unless you're Robert Baker.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Her father Gary Britton had a heart attack last night. I just caught wind of the news from a phone call so the details are lacking. If you remember her mother passed away from breast cancer 2 months before she, herself was diagnosed. I don't know any news about Gary's status, but if you are a religious person the whole Britton family could probably use some kind thoughts.
Gary was the pastor of Jacksonville State University's Baptist Campus Ministry years ago. If you ever want to make God laugh tell him your plans in life. I don't claim to understand why some people can't seem to catch a break in life, but it sucks balls having to watch good people suffer while seemingly the scum of the Earth live it up. Please think about these guys when you say your prayers, I'll keep sending out updates as I hear them.
Coach Richt has saved #24 for Greg Reid whatever he decides tomorrow night. He has also committed #7 to Orson Charles should he sign with the Dawgs.
If these guys pan out to be all they are built up to be it looks like your Moreno and Stafford jersey will get a few more relevant years of use.
Unfortunately all of David Pollack's supporters a few years back get mistaken for HUGE fans of tight end Trenton Turner.
I'm not a terribly huge fan of the NFL, but the game last night turned out to be pretty good. I watched the first half and decided to head home after Bruce Springsteen's crotch slid into a camera at half-time.
Though the obvious end-all was the Steelers telling Kurt Warner that Jesus didn't love him enough to let him win, you still gotta give the old guy credit. The Cards hung in there until the very end and didn't allow Pittsburgh to beat the spread so there are a lot of happy people in Arizona today regardless of the loss.
But back to the halftime show...
I think the best thing that ever happened to Super Bowl halftime was Janet Jackson getting her elderly boob exposed on national television. It was through this the higher-ups decided it was time to go the safe route and pick up more of a conservative rock band act (conservative is not meant in the political manner...The Boss was a prime example of that). Now I usually don't have a problem sticking around to watch the halftime festivities knowing I'd get to see Tom Petty or The Rolling Stones. I could care less about Aerosmith or Bruce "I can't sing with my eyes open" Springsteen but at least the audience is getting a show they care more about rather than pandering to the remaining 75% of viewers who watch the Super Bowl because it is the traditional American thing to do.
As a side note, the most obvious statement came from my boss 2 weeks ago.
"Hey, I was looking at getting us some tickets to the Super Bowl but they were too expensive."
Anyway congrats to Hines and any other Dawgs who are on the Steelers roster. Your success looks good for the team I love. Also, big Leonard Pope had a fairly decent game himself. Hopefully he'll get another shot at it in the future.