Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Things I Hate: Patience Edition

I consider myself a pretty patient person. When a salesmen, fund-raiser, or Jehova's Witness comes to my door I usually let them finish their schpeal before I shut the door. If a telemarketer calls I usually let them say who they are with before I hang up on them. See? Those are all qualities of a fairly patient person in my opinion.

Here are a few things I have zero patience for.

#1. People who don't know how to use the self-checkout.

There is nothing more pain-staking then seeing someone who doesn't need to be in the self-checkout lane attempt to figure it out. 9 times out of 10 it ends up turning on the "Please wait for assistance" light which slows everyone down. My wife and I have discussed this to the point where we are both in favor of people applying for a self-checkout license after passing a basic aptitude test. Just like the Kroger Plus Card, you have to scan it before you checkout and if you don't have one, wait in the cashier line with all the other people who have time to waste.

#2. Anyone in front of me in the ATM line.

This even goes for you, whoever you are, reading this right now. You are not as fast as you may think you are at the ATM. Don't try to argue this point, it's the truth, it's actual, everything is not satisfactual. What's worse is if you are heading out of town on a Friday and think you can swing by the ATM real quick and withdraw a few bucks for spending money, and every single day-laborer in Cobb County wants to deposit ten to fifteen $35 bueno, amigo, no bueno at all.

#3. LSU Fans

There is no possible way to have a civil sports-related conversation with these dirtbags. They give no inch, you take no mile. They can all geaux to heauxll.

#4. Anyone who doesn't think Haribo makes the best gummi bears.

You see that my friends? That's me 1/2 asleep with the 3 lb vanity bag (only available through limited distribution). If you want to talk sports, we'll talk. If you want to argue quality of gummi bears, we're gonna tussle! But be prepared for a fight because much like the dispised LSU fan listed above, I'll stick the barrel of a gun in your mouth before I conceed there is a better tasting gummi bear, I'm that serious.

#5. The "Tell us a little something about yourself" portion of Jeopardy.
I don't really have a picture of this as much as I have a video making fun of it. Honestly, I don't give a crap about your snow-globe collection or the fact you named your cat d'Artagnan because you like the literary works of Alexandre Dumas. Most of the time these people are complete nerds who don't do anything entertaining except appear on a show I like to try and shout out the answers to (between you and me, I don't shout them in the form of a question out of principle). So lets skip this petty BS and get back to Potpourii for $500, Alex.

The video below is a perfect example shown by Talk Soup as to how gay the "Tell us a little something about yourself." portion of Jeopardy is. Well played Joel McHale, you nailed my point exactly.


Anonymous said...

I agree with you on the Jeopardy portion of "cool stories". I am, as you know an avid Jeopardy fan, and have NEVER heard anything remotely interesting during that segment. Not that this relates too much to the topic, but there are never any hot chicks on Jeopardy either. They are just Jeopardy-hot, which doesn't amount to much.
I must disagree with you on your overall assumption of ATM users. I was recently given the award for fastest fast cash withdrawer in the southeast. Anytime you want to test me, you name the place.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree on the Jeopardy stories. Really, if they cut that portion, the contestants MIGHT seem cooler. But when they let them speak outside of the form of a question... oh, my.

Also I agree on the Self Check-out lines. My other peeve is the people (or lady in Cobb County) who thinks they (she) can start a second line to wait for the self check-out registers. No ma'am all these folks aren't just waiting in a 10 person line for kicks and giggles. Grrr.