Christmas

Well, I told you guys earlier I'd made out pretty dang good over the course of Christmas. So here, in no particular order (though the best ones seem to stay in the front of my mind) are some of the gifts I got.

#1. A banjo...you're damn right, a banjo!

(also pictured, a Rush 2112 album. WOOT WOOT!!1)

#2. Various reading material.

(you can never be too well informed)

#3. UGA grill cover and a UGA Grill Topper!

(now all my wieners shall be branded with "Georgia"...all of them)

#4. Underwear
(not pictured)
...funny story, I figured I wouldn't take a picture of the underwear I was given and look online for a skimpy man-thong or something to be funny. Little did I know if you go to google and do an image search for "man thong"...you don't get a picture of underwear laying out on the counter, you get male models...Ugh.

#5. Premium Booze

(...technically I purchased the 1792 for myself to look good with gift #6)

#6. Denture-shaped ice cube trays.

(Yep, these are just as cool as they sound. Also, looks badass in a lowball glass with 1792 and a splash of lemon concentrate)

#7. My sister back home...with gifts!

This flag actually flew in Iraq, how cool is that?!? She also gave me one of those middle-eastern lamps like from Aladdin but there wasn't a genie in it.

#8. A home office

delivered next Tuesday, should look like this.

#9. Defensive Pressure

I believe a thank you is in order for Coach Martinez. But don't be surprised if I'm looking for this again in the Fall, deliver the goods or you're back on my $#!t list.

Happy New Year to you, as of right now Ole Miss is pillaging all of Coach Leach's booty. That would be a great start to 2009 for the SEC. Regardless of what Quinton at Georgia Sports Blog thinks, I always cheer for the SEC. Don't get me wrong, I hate Florida as much as the next guy but I do believe in the strength of conference unity. Seeing the ACC lose 2/3 of their bowl games hurts their street cred. At the moment South Carolina has been the only dud of our conference. (anyone surprised though?) The Big 10 is a proven bust yet again this year, watching the Big 12 bite the dust after their pomp would be just as entertaining.

Remember, it's not GO 'DORES, HOTTY TODDY, GEAUX TIGAH'Z, ROLL TIDE, or GO GATORS...it's chanting "SEC, SEC, SEC..." in the face of other conferences. That's how I justify it, take it or leave it. However, I still bleed Red & Black and hate Urban Meyer as much as the next Dawg.

...good Lord, Pam.

For anyone who is watching the Independence Bowl, hopefully you saw how handsome Pam Ward looked in the broadcast booth. Apparently George Zimmer gave her the finest suit Men's Warehouse had to offer.

...hottie.

just for laughs...

Please post in the comments section what you got for Christmas so I can snicker mockingly at it before I reveal my uber-awesome Christmas booty. I gotta fly to a jobsite on Monday, I hope to be able to write a few good posts on the plane. Enjoy bowl season, we'll chat again later.

...and on that note, Merry Christmas

Much like George Costanza, I find it best to leave on a high note. That being said, sports headline of the year goes to Greg Wyshynski who writes for Yahoo! Congrats Greg, and Merry Christmas to everyone. I'm outie until after Christmas (barring any Earth-shattering news I feel the need to write about). Though I doubt Santa will bring me a new Defensive Coordinator for Christmas, I'm still pretty sure I'll still have a great holiday. Thanks, readers.

Birthday Weekend

Order of events for Sunday, December 21, 2008:

1. Woke up to the smell of cranberry muffins being baked in the oven.
2. Go to dining room where wife greats me with breakfast and presents.
3. Eat breakfast, open presents take picture in my underwear.

4. Get dressed for church.
5. Arrive at church, listen to sermon, receive text message from friend that included the "F" word, feel awkward reading the "F" word in church.
6. Swing by CostCo for gas, and go inside to buy some new dress shirts for myself.
7. Go home, eat soup and sandwiches.
8. Take a nap.
9. Wake up at 5 o'clock and go to La Parilla for some killer Mexican food.
10. Drink margaritas and down a Chimichanga.
11. Watch the Falcons almost blow a lead, then win, making playoffs (congrats Falc's)
12. Go to Target for movie theater candy.
13. Arrive at AMC theater to see Four Christmases.
14. Laugh until a little pee comes out.
15. Drive home, play Rockband, go to sleep.

...aaaaaaaaaand SCENE!

A chillaxed Sunday birthday is everything I wanted this year especially fighting off this cold/congestion/avian flu I've got. Hopefully I'll be back to 100% by Christmas and the decent bowl games, it's time to get a couple days of half-assed work outta the way.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SUCKERS!

Five Hour Energy and Sickness

I just want to go on the record and say Five Hour Energy is an incredible invention.



Free advertising from me is the equivalent of an endorsement, but I might not have made it through work Wednesday without this stuff. Following the AC/DC concert I couldn't hear a thing, and I stumbled into the house after midnight (wearing horns) fully prepared to hop into bed. Mrs. Mackalicious was on her game telling me to "Take those stupid horns off" and "Lord, you stink". So I went to bed, and shut my eyes for what seemed like 10-15 seconds and then my alarm went off...and I had to drag my sorry @$$ outta bed.

Work was hell, I had projects to do and wasn't in the mood to do anything but sleep. A mute reminder I'm not in college anymore where I could rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y-day. The concert was awesome and the 50-60 year old guys on stage were rocking like they weren't a day over 25. My problem is I felt like a 50-60 year old and I couldn't sleep it off. So I went to the gas station down the street and picked up a 5 Hour Energy.

If you've never had this stuff it tastes awful, but its only a shot-worth so you can down it quickly. This stuff is 1000% B Vitamins and gives you a boost within 2 minutes. The best part is, unlike Red Bull or Cocaine there isn't a harsh crash when everythings done working. I was right as rain for the rest of the day and got everything I needed done wrapped up.

I guess the only downside was it was mostly vitamin B and not vitamin C because I think I picked up a bug or something at some point. Now I've got lungs full of mucus and can't take a deep breath without coughing up slugs...ugh. Hopefully I can pull another miracle recovery as I did earlier this year when I tried to drink a gallon of OJ in one day while sickly, then 3 days later I was a champ again.

Either way, sorry to be gross but that's why posting has been so infrequent. My original assumption was my sickness was due to football withdrawal...but we all know that's more of a gastro-intestinal thing not so much respiratory. Oh well.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the craptacular bowl games. There really isn't much worth writing about for any of them...that's how awful they will be. But you know we'll still watch them anyway (/sigh).

yes, I believe the term is "Buckwild".

AC/DC tonight.


My next correspondence will be on Thursday, I'll likely be in no condition to post tomorrow.

Oddly enough, Thursday I'm going with my family to see White Christmas in a movie theater. I'll likely feel as awesome as I did last December 22nd when I had to go to the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra's Christmas concert after my birthday the night before consisted of Miller High-Life, Jagr Bombs, and vomiting on a 75/85 exit ramp.

...HOORAY CHRISTMAS!!1

Tech Fans = Misinformed

Kit over at The Dawg-Gone Blog posted the following misinformed comment from a Tech fan...

Yes, UGA will always be the football school, while Georgia Tech ranks much better in academics. Being a Tech grad, I'm happy with that and the fact that my income also ranks over and above my UGA friends'. So all you UGA fans go to the game next year in your beat up Chevy, and I'll go in my new Mercedes, and we'll all watch another good round of football. But when we leave, I'll go back to the Town Club while UGA grads go back to the farm and the convenience stores.

I find it really sad that football is UGA's biggest accomplishment.

Perhaps this person should first understand driving a Mercedes into Atlanta and leaving it parked while you're at a football game is a sure-fire way to get your car broken into and/or stole't.

Number 2, I would suggest anyone and everyone go out and pick up the latest copy of Smart Money Magazine. It is a publication put out through The Wall Street Journal and it ran a great article this month. It is in regards to the average ROI (Return on Investment) on a collegiate degree from every school nationwide. Public, Private, Ivy League, they're all compared. I think you'll find the placement of the University of Georgia rather interesting.

That being said, I will yet again readily inform you all I did not attend the Harvard of the South, UGA. I received my degree from the Princeton of the South, LaGrange College.

UPDATE:
Originally I tried to find a link from Smart Money's website but couldn't. Since then, I've found essentially the bulk of the information I tried to get across available at UGA's website. You can see the results here.

Your Guide to an "AS SEEN ON TV" Christmas

Part II: The Snuggie.

A few people commented on the last As Seen on TV post about the Snuggie. If you are unfamiliar with the Snuggie, check the commercial out below.


I'd seen this ad before, but the more I watch the creepier it gets.

A whole family decked out in these "blankets with arms" surrounding a fire smacks of Hale Bop.

If you are cold-natured (like yours truly) here is what I would do before considering the purchase of a Snuggie...

1. Turn the heat up...if someone complains tell them to SHUT THE @#$% UP OR ELSE YOU'LL BUY A SNUGGIE AND WEAR IT IN PUBLIC TO EMBARRASS THEM!!1

2. Throw on a sweatshirt. Who needs a blanket with sleeves when you can wear a shirt with sleeves.

3. Use a blanket (sans sleeves) and if the phone rings tell your wife to answer it while taking a break from the dishes/dinner/laundry/child birth.

4. Purchase multiple dogs to sit on and/or around you.

5. Drink hard liquor 'til the chill wears off.

...Hope that helps!


Finale:
If I receive this for Christmas I will:

Have a pair of black Nike's, $5.75 is a cash advance, and a cup of phenobarbital laced Kool-aid ready to exchange with them. I'll also let them know the spaceship anxiously awaits their arrival.

After all, it's what Marshall would have wanted.

For Auburn, Chizik = Great Hire!

GRRRRREAT work, Tigers!

In case you are wondering why I'm not on the "Auburn's AD made a moronic decision to hire this loser" bandwagon, I present to you exhibits "A" and "B".

Exhibit A: In July of 2008 I went on record with the following dumbass statements.

"I think Alabama's return to greatness will be delayed yet another season because of JPW's return as signal caller."

"...until the Crimson Tide get a competent QB under center they won't be beating Auburn anytime soon much less playing in the SEC Championship."

JPW is of course, John Parker Wilson, and if you are looking for your eggs, they're on my face.


Exhibit B: I can't give you a specific date or quote (automatically making it inadmissible in the court of law), but I'm sure at one point in time I made a joke about Tech's highschool offense being totes lame and Willie Martinez's teh awesomxorz defense shutting...them...dooowyyiiiiiii.


In addition to those previous statements, I would like to go on record with the following comments regarding future occurrences:

-Knowshon and Matthew will leave for the NFL.
-UGA will not go undefeated next year on their way not to win the national championship.
-Tim Tebow will delay his missionary work for one more year for Gator football.
-I won't receive a big Christmas bonus this year.
-My wife won't give me AC/DC's Nintendo Wii Rockband Track Pack.
-My early male pattern baldness will not be temporary and won't reverse itself.
-All the time and effort I put into this blog will never blossom into a killer book/movie deal.

Glad I was able to get that all out on the table there.

How to be a gay newspaper sports columnist...

Much like the steps to creating a great infomercial, I think I've figured out how to be a totally gay newspaper sports writer...

Step 1. Find a story you want to cover. Lets take for example the Auburn search for a head coach.

Step 2. Put together a list of coaching candidates who are either free or you imagine are easily swayed from their current job. (IE. Mike Leach, Turner Gill, Derek Dooley, Will Muschamp, etc...)

Step 3. Take one of those names and run an "exclusive" story that Auburn will announce _________ as their next head coach on (insert date/time).

Step 4. Once it is disproven move on to the next name on the list and fill in the blank with that coach's name.

Step 5. Eventually one of them won't be disproven and you will have broken the "big story"! HOORAY!

Obviously FOX10 is all over this example like a hobo on a ham sandwich! (h/t Paul, GSB)

...has there ever been a newsless coaching story you've been less interested in???

Your Guide to an "AS SEEN ON TV" Christmas

If you are anything like me, you know the 4 major components of creating a great television infomercial.

If not, here's your guide:

Step 1 - Show a grown person attempting to do some everyday menial task and epic fail like they've got diarrhea for brains.

Step 2 - Show same person doing the said task over again with the assistance of your "amazing" product, smiling like the gold metal winner of the Special Olympics.

Step 3 - The "Bonus". This section is only for those paying attention, because if you aren't paying attention you are about to miss out on a great deal. Often times your order will be doubled if you call in the next 5 minutes! So don't be dummy and put it on your Christmas list, you gotta order it NOW to qualify for 2 tubes of Magic Putty for the price of one. PLUS they'll throw in a SHAMMY!

Step 4 - The blue/green Order Now! screen with 1-800 number, accepted credit card logos, and excessively small legal print at the bottom.

VIOLA! You've got yourself one killer commercial now, amigo.

So the purpose of all this information is to pass along some of my favorite television product commercials just in time for Christmas. Hell, the economy ain't gonna fix itself without Billy Mays screaming at someone so I figured I'd give 'em a hand with some free advertising. This is also a sign of how little sports news I've got right now.

First up, the Get A Grip! Enjoy the segment, and don't forget...operators are standing by.



Apparently this thing is acceptable to be seen on your yacht, your bosomy grandmother's shower wall, and by your incontinent grandfathers porcelain throne!

SWEET!!1

If I receive this for Christmas I will:

Attach it to bottom of my shoe, then proceed to kick the person who gave it to me in the face.

Ooopsy

Oops, sorry I didn't post yesterday I took the...day...oohhhh...nevermind.

No, I didn't call in gay to Pantsless Enterprises, LLC. I just got an emergency project dropped in my lap which has tied me up since yesterday morning. I'll have it wrapped up later this afternoon and hopefully pop out some less than enthralling reading material.

Until then, stay dry. It's raining buckets out there.

IMPORTANT REMINDER

If you are feeling a little sour today, you might want to either be dead or in the hospital before you think about missing work tomorrow. Come to work sick, vomiting, and with poo stains on your pants but DO NOT MISS WORK TOMORROW...

...unless.

...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dashed Hope

I saw this headline per the AJC...

Embarrassed Georgia Holds Players Only Meeting

...and for a moment I thought the Seniors and upper-classmen are stepping up and talking to the younger guys on our team, trying to get them motivated for the Capital One Bowl and it's importance.

Then I read the article (.../sigh.)

A Brief Lesson on Peppers

There are 3 things I do well in life...

1. Hold my liquor.




2. Outdoor grilling (be it ribs, steaks, or ice cream...I can grill them all to perfection).

3. Jambalaya.

(no photo available, reduces risk of secret recipe being stolen)

This year for the SEC Championship Game we had a few friends over and I thought I'd make my world famous recipe for Jambalaya. There is nothing like a warm bowl of stewed cajun yumminess to warm the soul on a chilly day. I figured the recipe tasted good enough, I'd add a little bit to help it look more presentable with larger chunks.

The recipe is moderately spicy and aside from the little dash of red pepper, there isn't really anything else to add spice. As I perused the aisle of my local grocer looking for cool stuff to throw in, I ran across the produce section with a wide selection of fresh peppers.

Eventually I figured if I threw in a couple of these pretty little yellowish/orange colored peppers I found, they'd look really cool floating around in the stew.

I have very little knowledge about peppers. I know Habaneros are a NO-NO, I know Jalapenos are awesome on cheeseburgers, and I know the long skinny red one that comes with my chinese food is damn near inedible.

So these little bitty yellowish/orange peppers (called Scotch Bonnet peppers) were no larger than a golf ball, and I'd always assumed as long as they were yellow they were pretty mild. Long story short, when it came time to throw everything in the pot, I cut these bad boys length-wise and tossed 'em in.

They looked a lot like this.

To put how incredibly frickin' holy hell hot the jambalaya turned out can only be best described with a bit of Mr. Roger's style schooling.

The degree of "hotness" in a pepper is measured in Scoville Heat Units.

The spicy Jalapeno weighs in at a hearty 5,000 units. The flame throwing Cayenne comes in at 60,000 units.

The Scotch Bonnet (of which I used 2 in a single pot) lands in the 325,000 range...second only to the Habanero which ranges from 100,000-1,000,000 units.

...Mrs. Mackalicious says I am no longer allowed to run Helter Skelter through the grocery store purchasing ingredients I think look pretty. Oh well, my punishment was having to eat the leftovers which stewed for 24 hours only to become more pungent to the taste. But since I enjoy spicy food, and she still has to sleep next to me...who is really getting punished here?

...heh, heh, heh.

It's Official

We're going to the Citrus Bowl!!!

Make that the Capital One Bowl...my bad.

We'll play Michigan State just like everyone thought, and hopefully go out on a high note.

Milestones WOOOOOOooOooo!!!!

In just 158 days I've managed 20,000 hits. My Office Depot calculator tells me that averages 126.58 hits per day. What it doesn't tell you is that I hit refresh a minimum of 120 times per day. In all reality there is a group of approximately 70-75 who swing by with a fiber diet-like regularity and that does a lot to keep me motivated, so thank you.

Here's to 20,000 more!

...and Go Dawgs.

Innerview with the Enemy: Bama Report

Here to represent the Bama fan-base, a young house-wife from Marietta and Alabama grad, everyone's favorite wife I've ever had, Mrs. Mackalicious!

-Why will your team win this game?

We have a great defense that has been able to contain the running game all season. The gators believe they’ve already won the SEC, so they’ll be too busy looking ahead to the National Championship.

-Why will your team lose this game?

JPW’s frat bangs get in his eyes, and he’s unable to throw the winning touchdown… just kidding. I’m fearful of the costly, stupid mistakes that have plagued the Tide during previous seasons.

-If your team’s coach was a tree, what kind of tree would he be? Why?

Money tree. Get it? Because, we’re paying Saban a boatload of money to win.

...wishes Tuberville all the best.

-For each situation you only have 1 option, would you rather your team win or…

1. Have the pet of your choice live forever.

I love my dogs more than I love college kids who play football (Note: it says “dogs” not “dawgs”). Long live Olive, the Chihuahua. Sorry, Pepper.

2. End world hunger.

Since I’m not entirely heartless, I’ll go with ending world hunger.

3. Never know the feeling of throwing up again.

ROLL TIDE! I’ll take that feeling to see the Tide roll to victory.

4. Win the lottery (I’m talking powerball, not scratch-offs).

I’m old school, like the Tide’s Process this season, so I prefer work ethic and smart business sense to handouts on the road to financial success. I’ll go with Bama.

5. Have Heath Ledger alive again to reprise his role as the Joker. (I stole this one).

Roll Tide! Sorry, Heath Ledger fans.

6. Be assured you would die of old age (not a car crash or painful disease).

I’ll leave it up to the Man Upstairs to decide. Roll Tide.

7. Have your own personal sushi chef to impress your friends and fix you sushi whenever you wanted.

I’m already great cook, so ROLL TIDE!

8. Be friends with me.

You have to be my friend because you married me. ROLL TIDE!

9. Have your favorite television show never get cancelled and always not suck.

Have you watched TV lately? It’s already crappy. ROLL TIDE!

10. Never be too cold or too hot ever again.

ROLL TIDE!

-If your team wins, it is likely they will play for the National Championship. In a dream world, who would you like to be able to say you beat for the National Championship (assuming you don’t have a visceral hatred for Oklahoma)?

Well, this is really easy. In a dream world, we would play Auburn and beat them mercilessly... just like last weekend. However, beating Oklahoma would be nice. We played a #3 Oklahoma team to start the regular season my junior year of college and lost a very close game. It would be pretty sweet to avenge that at a National Championship game.

-How gay is it that Georgia lost to Tech last weekend? I mean really, be honest?

Honestly, it’s awful. I have to listen to you moan about losing. Therefore, I would prefer if Georgia always beat Tech.

-Who do you consider to be your school’s most famous alumni? If you could replace him/her with the celebrity, politician, artist of your choice whom would it be?

I will go with Harper Lee, because I was an English minor. She’s irreplaceable. You can’t beat the Pulitzer Prize winning To Kill a Mockingbird.

Boo Radley approves.

-Early picks for next year, take into account your team’s loss of seniors/early draftees, what will be your team’s record and which bowl will they attend?

I actually thought that next year would be Bama’s year. We’re losing JP-Dubs, but most of our talent is very young. The future looks bright. If we don’t go to the National Championship this year, I think we have a shot again in the next couple of years.

-What will you be drinking as you watch the game on Saturday, any good luck traditions?

I don’t know what I’ll be drinking. As far as good luck traditions, I will get up and run 9 miles. The last time I did that, we beat a team that was projected to win that day. I’m looking at you, Georgia Bulldogs.

-It’s pretty cold outside, eh?

It’s all that global warming.

-In the year 2019 there will be another famous football player become a national embarrassment to his school (Example: Orenthal James Simpson early 90’s to USC), which current NCAA football player do you wish this to be? Why?

I don’t really know. I’ll go with De’Shon Sanders of Texas Tech, given today’s headline. If you can’t keep in line in college, you sure aren’t going to have an easy time in the real world.

____________________________

ALRIGHTY! That wraps up the SECCG Innerviews. I want to thank our lovely guests Fake TT and Mrs. Mackalicious for taking time out of their busy day to take part in my bullcrap blog non-sense. I will say the win goes to Mrs. Mackalicious based soley on her jab at Fake TT for being a UF grad-student studying the effect of "global warming" on sea coral. Sweetie assured me his degree will go a long way toward getting him a job funded by taxpayer dollars somewhere! Hopefully 10 years from now he'll be able to find a good job based on something that actually exists.

That's all for now, I'm gonna get my work wrapped up and then swing by the package store to get all the supplies my wife has requested. Being a die hard Bama fan, she obviously knows more about downing hard liquor than I do, so I'm gonna take her word for it when she requests the ingredients for Russian-Jager Bombs. I never thought about dropping a shot of Jager into a pint of Vodka then dropping the pint of Vodka into a pitcher of beer...and pouring it all into a funnel. But hey, marriage is a journey, even if it takes you through the hard calloused liver of Tuscaloosa!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, SUCKERS!

Oh, final verdict? ROLL TIDE! #$%^ the Gaytors!

Innerview with the Enemy

I tried to contact a few Gator and Bama blogs about doing these "innerviews", but I realized the probably check their blog email as often as I do. So faced with a deadline I decided to look elsewhere. Therefore we're getting a couple of classy students from each university to entertain me.

First up on the dockett, representing the Denim-nation of Florida University, a young housewife from Gainesville, FL who goes by the name, Fake TT!

-Why will your team win this game?

Although Alabama’s defense is probably the best second best defense in the country (behind, dammit, Pete Carroll’s crew), their offense is quite lackluster. Meanwhile UF possesses wonderful teams on both sides of the ball. Add in the best special teams in the country, and the 10 point spread appears well justified.

-Why will your team lose this game?

I truly believe the Gators will be the superior team out there, but any superior team can lose if it turns the ball over. The only loss of the Gators season thus far was a product of five turnovers. Fortunately the dome setting assures there will be no weather issues.

-If your team’s coach was a tree, what kind of tree would he be? Why?

I’ll try to provide an equally silly response: Kelp, of course is a type of marine plant which grows in “underwater forests” (thank you for making this stretch plausible, Wikipedia) which I think represents Urban quite well. Why, you ask? Because kelp has the reputation of being able to grow more than a foot per day under ideal conditions, appropriate for the man who has built the fastest offense in the history of college football (I know you don’t think they’re as fast as that ’56 Notre Dame squad, but trust me.)

...points, stares.

-For each situation you only have 1 option, would you rather your team win or…
1. Have the pet of your choice live forever. UF win – Cloning is right around the corner

2. End world hunger. _UF win – what would we have to complain about?

3. Never know the feeling of throwing up again. UF win – I got used to throwing up when I went away to college?

4. Win the lottery (I’m talking powerball, not scratch-offs). UF Win – Hey, I’m 27 and still in school for a reason

5. Have Heath Ledger alive again to reprise his role as the Joker. (I stole this one from CH) UF Win – how many sequels of sequels have really been any good anyway?

6. Be assured you would die of old age (not a car crash or painful disease). UF Win – very boring life

7. Have your own personal sushi chef to impress your friends and fix you sushi whenever you wanted. UF Win – although I do love sushi

8. Be friends with me. Oh, Mackie, don’t make me decide
(THE ABOVE ANSWER IS ASSUMED TO MEAN BE FRIENDS WITH ME)

9. Have your favorite television show never get cancelled and always not suck. UF – please…

10. Never be too cold or too hot ever again. UF Win

-If your team wins, it is likely they will play for the National Championship. In a dream world, who would you like to be able to say you beat for the National Championship (assuming you don’t have a visceral hatred for Oklahoma)?
USC, not Oklahoma. In a dream world, UF would score 50 against the defense that Corso proclaims to be the best ever (which would then vault Bama’s defense to number 1… hmm, a nice consolation prize)

-How gay is it that Georgia lost to Tech last weekend? I mean really, be honest?
C’mon, man, you gotta represent the SEC. I mean, really, way to go Dawgs and Cocks for losing to the ACC.

-Who do you consider to be your school’s most famous alumni? If you could replace him/her with the celebrity, politician, artist of your choice whom would it be?
I suppose one of the most famous alumni of UF is Emmitt Smith.
Now, we'd really have to find a jack of all trades to replace the NFL's all-time leading rusher and, more importantly, champion of Dancing with the Stars. But again, just like cloning my pet, I'm sure in the future we can make a person out of Joe Montana, Brad Pitt, Mikhail Baryshnikov and Mother Teresa (for good measure, although I don't think she'd approve). I digress. I think I'd like to see Tiger Woods as an alumnus.

You read it here first, 100% of Gator fans interviewed would rather have Tiger Woods as an alumni than Mother Teresa.

-Early picks for next year, take into account your team’s loss of seniors/early draftees, what will be your team’s record and which bowl will they attend?
I feel pretty good that Monty Kiffin, the new head coach of the Vols, won’t have time to get it together up there in Knoxville (yes, I said Monty, in case you’re wondering, Lane will really just be the head recruiter). A Stafford/Moreno-less Georgia should be fairly mediocre, and therefore I think Florida has a nice road to the SEC championship game. I think they will face Bama again next year, especially due to the youth of both these teams. We’ve seen one and two loss teams make the national championship, so I think Florida will at least play in a BCS bowl next year. That’s as far as I’m going to take it.

-What will you be drinking as you watch the game on Saturday, any good luck traditions?
Just a little beer, I think. No good luck traditions, sorry.

-It’s pretty cold outside, eh?
Believe me, all us thin-blooded Floridians are sure glad this game is in a dome.

-In the year 2019 there will be another famous football player become a national embarrassment to his school (Example: Orenthal James Simpson early 90’s to USC), which current NCAA football player do you wish this to be? Why?
Sorry, Mackie, I’m not going with any Dawgs this time of year. I have a feeling Terrance Cody will end up being one of those guys who gets so fat he can’t leave his home. When inevitably he begins having health problems, they’ll have to tear down the wall to get to him and fly him out like a misplaced whale (however that happens). I certainly don’t wish this upon anyone, but I certainly see it as possible.

GO GATORS!

_______________________________________

Well, that was quite an insightful look into the denim-heart of a Gator fan.
Tomorrow we'll hear what the Crimson Tide faithful are thinking about the SECCG

Patience is a Virtue

I'm switching back to the blackout color scheme, be patient with me as I try to redesign this bad boy.

Quick thought

My inner knowledge of all things tranny-fierce made me sense this was importent to comment on.

If you looked at Yahoo! this morning you may have noticed their announcement for fashionable colors for 2009.

If you were unaware, apparently 2009 is the year to look like a Marta logo.

...which brings me to this gem...

...shall we expect a follow up with "Bitch You Look Like a Marta Bus"?

...really, Abuurn???

Is Abuurn really that dumb?!?

Talk about a down year for (firing/letting your head coach walk). Tennessee had to settle for Lane Kiffin, whom I can't possibly see as a long-term head coach for the Vols. Who is Abuurn going to get? When I hear the list involves names like Leach, Petrino, and (Paul) Johnson I REALLY REALLY REALLY thing Abuurn just screwed themselves.

Then again, with the level of opposition our defense provides Leach will do just what Paul Johnson did to us last weekend.

I would love to see Tuberville wind up at Mississippi State. I can't stand the guy because afterall he is the enemy, but I also don't like a cocky fan-base outing a more than competent coach. If Tuberville went to Miss. State, do you know what that would mean???

Imagine the hated rivalry games based SOLEY on previous head coaches...

1. LSU - ALABAMA (Saban)
2. ARKANSAS - OLE MISS (Nutt)
3. OLE MISS - AUBURN (transfer to) MISS ST (well the Egg Bowl could use a good storyline).
4. AUBURN - MISS STATE (Tuberville)

The SEC West could potentially turn into the football version of 90210 with so much triflin'!

...lets make it happen.

Concerning Supplement Income

My wife might be the most intelligent person I know. She's a straight shooter who isn't afraid to tell you the truth if you need to hear it. Last night she made a statement encompassing each of the following ingredients:

1. Insult
2. Wisdom
3. Love
4. Insight
5. Sympathy

and

6. Criticism (which is slightly different from insult)

To make the setting, imagine we are sitting around the living room drinking some spiced tea to warm our spirits.

We discussed our drive to work that morning where she and I had both heard a portion of the same morning radio show. There is a member of said radio show who was known for his work donating sperm to supplement his income. I had heard this person say his last "donation" was rejected, but I left for my office when he was explaining why. Mrs. Mackalicious revealed to me he was diagnosed with Chlamydia and the sperm bank turned him away. She told me how upset he was because he counted on sperm donation for approximately $5,000 of his yearly income.

My jaw hit the floor. I had ZERO idea people got paid that much for sperm donations. The minute my wife saw my wheels turning, she put a stop to it with a quickness. She unleashed this statement which (as mentioned earlier) made me have a great appreciation for the woman she is.

"NO, NO, NO, NO!!! You are NOT going to do that! The only kids running around with 1/2 a brain looking like you are going to be MINE! So don't even think about it!"

If you really think about it, the depth in that statement is mindblowing. My only hope is that someday you, the reader, will be as lucky as I was in finding true love.

...but perhaps I should stop finding stuff like this funny first.

Bowl Projections

I recently checked ESPN's Bowl Projections and I saw UGA is no longer projected to play Ohio State in the What's In Your Wallet Bowl. Yes we are still a likely candidate for Capital One's Bowl game, but we're actually paired with Michigan State according to Mark Schlabach and Bruce Feldman.

If we had beaten Tech, I would say I'm disappointed in this match-up because Ohio State is by far a much larger marquee brand of football. Unfortunately we were unable to win a football game against the ACC by scoring 42 points which means we obviously don't have our act together. As sucky as it was to lose to Tech this year, it would have been equally as embarrassing for UGA's name to be shown as a statistic everytime Ohio State weaseled their way into a National Championship game against an SEC opponent (That name would have appeared under the only win against our conference).

Could Georgia beat Ohio State? I think we could, but I wouldn't want to test it this year. I have a lackluster confidence in our defense after losing to a much lesser Georgia Tech team running a gimmicky offense. Call me a pessimist, but I think a Michigan State match-up would be much more beneficial to our ability to salvage a quality end to this season. I know this is a crappy attitude to have as a Dawg fan, but like Santa told the know-it-all kid from The Polar Express last night on the Family Channel, "A little humility would serve you well". (btw that kid had the same voice as Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory if I remember correctly)

The humility line was initially meant for all you Tech nerds, I'm using it in another context.

But as you can tell, since ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas is still showing strong in my household I'm obviously not over the Tech loss so it could be the sorrow speaking.

In other news I do want to wish Tech the worst of luck at the Peach Bowl...and yes it is still the Peach Bowl no matter who sponsors it. I'd be lying if I told you I think it's a crappy bowl game because to be honest, anything not in Boise, Idaho is a step in the right direction for the North Avenue Nerds. Plus, when UGA played Virginia Tech there 3 years ago it was the setting for one of Matthew Stafford's most impressive comeback wins.

Finally, I wanted to mourn the loss of a true Atlanta food legend. James Paschal who opened Paschal's Restaurant passed away at 88. Many people know Paschal's as being the restaurant that fed those who fought in the Civil Rights Movement. Being that I'm neither 60 years old, black, or racist; I only remember a different Paschal's location as being the only place worth eating at when I was on my lunch breaks when I worked at Hartsfield years ago. Soul food at it's finest, even when served in an airport terminus. God speed, James Paschal...God speed.

I hope you're serving this in Heaven's airport.

New Sponsor

Kit has the UGA Grilltoppers.

Paul has Sportscrack.

Mackie has Avesil.

If you are looking to lose weight, burn fat, reduce appetite, and give your energy levels a swift kick in the pants, then try Avesil.

You can find it linked down in the Amigos de Mackie section.  If nothing else click on the link and check them out.  It's people like my buddy Andy sponsoring this blog that helps the creativity flow like blood from a severed limb.

Okay, severed limb is probably a bad analogy.  But check out Avesil none the less!

If Tech Ran Christmas

For those who go back to the early days of Blogging Pantsless (by early days I mean last July) and remember what I thought it would be like if Tech ran Atlanta, here is a Yule Tide follow up.

If Tech ran Christmas...

Not on my mantle. I think I'll just throw it into the fire.

If I were Santa I'd just use a GPS to guide my sleigh.

...ugh. Grosscusting.

Did you know Mrs. Claus was oriental?

This would be all over the place.

...now the healing starts.

What's the best way to get over a loss to your instate rivals? Aside from firing high caliber weaponry and hand-to-hand combat with a sheetrock wall, I like to take a much less sensible approach.

Seeing that it's been 8 years since I last had to cope with this feeling, I was like a lost dawg trying to find a home. So I turned to the only comfort I could find.

I drank a lot of booze and watched the beginning of ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas kickoff. It was a made for TV movie about Dennis the Menace helping Mr. Wilson to find the Christmas spirit...it was corny, awful, poorly executed, and exactly what I needed (the pint of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream helped too).



Yes my soul hurts, but it can't possibly hurt as bad as a man who has no compassion for Christmas.

My only hope now is we somehow find a way to contain Beanie Wells. Because if we play water-gun coverage on Ohio State like we tried with Tech, we'll go down in history as the only SEC team Ohio State has beaten. And just so you know, there aren't any Christmas movies on television after Jan 1st, this could get ugly.

Go Dawgs, Fire Willie.