Happy Halloween

See you Monday, I'm outie.

Saturday prediction...

UGA by 10.

Go Dawgs!

PS. I got a Gator fan to admit Stafford is a great quarterback, I'm feelin' lucky.

Wesley Willis: Gator Hater

When not writing songs telling you to suck a doberman's hairy balls, he occupied himself with the "Cut the Mullett" campaign.



(h/t Ally at The Road to Copacetic)

Bucking the System

Kudos to Mike Huguenin at Rivals.com

He metaphorically hung a bird at Michael Adams and then shotgunned a Natty Lite in front of the rest of the media who refuse to call the game what it is.

The buzz: "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" always is intense, but given the stakes this season – the winner almost certainly locks up the SEC East crown and remains in the national title hunt – this one will be especially important. Will either defense have much success?
The line: Florida by 5.5. The pick: Florida 31-24.

Though I don't agree with the pick, I agree with the rebellion.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the face of a rebel.

Do you Know-pumpkin?

Just thought I'd share with ya'll my Halloween project, the Knowshon pumpkin.

#1. Find your picture and do a basic outline on a blank sheet of paper.


#2. Take a nail and go around the outline making tiny puncture holes in the pumpkin's skin.


#3. If using a rotary tool, make sure you put a tarp down. (They pretty much sling everything around.)


#4. Make love to your pumpkin...OH WAIT...I mean, cut air vents...yeah...air vents.


#5. Drill details into design, add light, and wish pumpkins were red. Then you've got yourself a tranny-fierce pumpkin!


#6. TRANNY-FIERCE!!1

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius

Sending a little love to you, Mr. jean shorts inventor.



"We really love your jor-orts"

10 Questions with the Enemy

When I went to college I befriended a small group of Florida fans. I have chosen to highlight the weakness of our friendship by interviewing a few of them. I will try to post one interview daily until I run out of friends.

My questions are in bold, Gator responses follow.

Interviewee: Big Philly Style

Relationship: Fraternity Brother, got me my first job (which I left after 5 months), Beer Snob, Film Critic.

1. As a Bulldog, what’s going to make me crap my pants from this Florida team this Saturday?
The combination of Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin, Urban Meyer’s defensive plays overall, and Major Wright.

2. Who has been the biggest surprise of the Gator offense and defense so far?
Brandon Spikes and Major Wright. They have been both a defensive and offensive threat.

3. Which of the following films (Kindergarten Cop or Meet the Parents) has had a more profound effect on the man you are today, why?
Definitely Kindergarten Cop due to it being a social commentary on an Austrian who is thrown into a role to intimidate and punish kids. Who Is your daddy and what does he do?

4. If anything what will the Gators do (or not do) to lose this game?
I don’t want to jinx myself. Last year I was so confident, I bet a huge Dawg fan $20 that Florida would cream them. Obviously, I was wrong, and I will not make the same mistake this year.

5. If Urban Meyer was to plan a revenge for Georgia’s endzone celebration last year, what would you want it to be (don’t say winning the game…be creative).
Putting up the same numbers as say the Kentucky blow out last week would be revenge enough to overshadow any post game antics.
(obviously didn't get the "don't say winning" portion)

6. What would you rather have happen in each situation:

a. Georgia win this game or have your mom catch you watching beastiality porn?
How did you know about that?

b. Georgia win this game or catch your girlfriend making out with Matthew Stafford?
Tebow, ok, Stafford, no.

c. Georgia win this game or never know love?
I already know love, and I love Florida

d. Georgia win this game or become a vegetarian?
I don’t need meat, I’m no …

e. Georgia win this game or never be able to see color again?
I don’t see color, I’m no racist.

f. Georgia win this game or lose your pinky toe?
Don’t really need it.

7. What is Tim Tebow’s greatest weakness?
Knowing that Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

8. If you could have one of Georgia’s players on Florida’s team who would it be?
This one is a no brainer Mackie….Knowshon Moreno.-he is quite talented.

9. Urban Meyer isn’t your coach and Ron Zook just got fired, which current D1 coach would you want as the new head Gator?
Steve Spurrier.

10. Seriously, what’s the deal with jean shorts?
Fashionable, yet comfortable. Seriously, there are a FEW at BOTH Florida AND Georgia games. What would you say is the UGA equivalent?
Camouflage

BONUS:

You are no longer a Gator fan, you’re new favorite college team is...
UGA (I am probably the only one.)

The State of Politics in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee:

Stop being crazy. Perhaps the fact it's a down year for the Vols has you turning your attention to politics, but please stop. Perhaps your governor could do a broadcast letting you know guerrilla campaigning of the Tennessee nature isn't really effective for either candidate. At the moment we've got...

-Sarah Palin's email hacker.

-Crazy girl who carved a "B" into her face and claimed a black guy did it.

-White supremacists who plot to assassinate Obama.

This isn't a political blog, but I am seeing a strange trend growing from our neighbors to the north. I'm just ready for the elections to be over nationally AND locally. I can only hear about how Jim Martin kills children and Saxby Chambliss is a tree with the roots of all evil so many time.

But now back to something we can all agree on!

Facebook Event: The Jortout

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing.

Fake TT's girlfriend sent me this via facebook. You can find it right chare.

For those who aren't in the Facebook community, the invitation reads as follows...


In the Year of Our Lord 1990, Stephen Orr Spurrier became Head Ball Coach of the Florida Gators, ushering in a period of brutal beatdowns over the “University” of Georgia, the likes of which had not been seen since the marriage of Ike & Tina Turner.

After 4 or 5 years of such beatings, the battered Bulldogs of Georgia had little bite left to their bark. In hopes of filling the void left by their lack of trash-talking ammunition, Georgia fans created perhaps the most dastardly, yet cruel taunt that has ever graced the grand tradition of college football: “Gators Wear Jean Shorts.”

However, despite such hateful rhetoric, the Gators continued to win in Jacksonville (no doubt due to the overwhelming denim presence), winning 15 of 18 meetings. Even through player graduations, coaching changes, and the Ron Zook Error (uh … I mean, “Era”), the Curse of the Jorts continued to haunt Georgia.

Last year, though, everything changed. Gator fans, embarrassed by their fashion faux pas, largely abandoned the denim delights that underpinned our good fortune. And the results were humiliating (WARNING: Graphic, and not intended for minors):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnsC5ZxnD_8

Due to the sequence of these events, I am calling for a Gator Nation-wide jort-out of Georgia. We must bring back the magic, and jean shorts are the obvious key to our success. We need to fill Jacksonville Municipal Stadium with a united, concerted, and jorted effort to help will our Mighty Gators to victory.

And just think about it … imagine how intimidated Matthew Stafford will be when he drops back to pass and sees half the stadium clothed in cut-off denim. It will be scarier than any Halloween costume you might wear on the night before the game, and it will strike such fear in young Mr. Stafford that he will probably revert to his spooning ways (http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/05/StaffordAndCox.jpg) “just for the comfort.”

And think of the fear that will engulf Knowshon Moreno when he bounces outside towards the Gator sideline and sees a wall of drunk, jorted lunatics urging the Gators to lay his ass out. At halftime, he’ll probably change into denim football pants just to feed off of some of our jort-inspired energy.

The Gator players, on the other hand? They’ll be stoked by the sight of such jorted camaraderie. Word on the street is that Brandon Spikes supports the jorts. Not only that, but Chris “I’m a white girl kind of man” Rainey rocks jorts to the clubs, even if his black-denim preference seems to conflict with his love for white girls. And I know this is hard to believe, but Percy Harvin told me that he runs faster in jean shorts than he does in pads. Heck, even Tim Tebow – whose face emblazons the pajamas of both Superman and Chuck Norris – wears jorts to bed each night.

Look, I know jean shorts look ridiculous. In fact, I really hate only 3 things in this world: jorts, organized fan attire for sporting events, and the “University” of Georgia. But I am willing to look past the first two in order to spite the latter. It is imperative that we all do so, as this is one of the key components in the ass-whoopin’ that Georgia has coming their way. You have the rare opportunity to truly be a part of a history-making spectacle.

So on November 1st at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, I urge each of you to sport jorts. Don’t do it for me. Do it for the team. Oh, and invite your friends. Spread the word that we need to support the jorts!


P.S. – Note to girls: there is no reasonable excuse for you to not wear jorts for this one game. It’s much more acceptable for you to wear jean shorts than for a guy to do the same. Don’t get me wrong – I love how you look in a sundress, baby, but you also look hot when you rock the Daisy Dukes. Even a jean skirt will do. Go ahead, try it on in front of the mirror. You know you look good. Wear it on Saturday … just this once.

Oh to Father a Child

One day, I shall name thee...

Herschel Munson Dooley Moreno Richt Quincy Alicious...wait...scratch Quincy.



Thank you Tri-Runner, the fact I might one day be able to mould a human mind into doing such things make parenthood not seem so gay.

10 Questions with the Enemy

When I went to college I befriended a small group of Florida fans. I have chosen to highlight the weakness of our friendship by interviewing a few of them. I will try to post one interview daily until I run out of friends.

My questions are in bold, Gator responses follow.

First up: Fake TT
(Caption: There used to be icebergs here, DAMN you global warming!)

Relationship: Roomate, Best Man, Fraternity Brother.

1. As a Bulldog, what’s going to make me crap my pants from this Florida team on Saturday?

I think one of the most worrisome aspects of our offense (from your perspective) is the fact that pre-season All-American speedster Percy Harvin holds the distinction of being the THIRD fastest player on our offense.

2. Who has been the biggest surprise of the Gator offense and defense so far?

Well, we’re past the halfway point, so I think a lot of folks have forgotten how worried we were about the state of our defense (in particular the secondary) going into the season. However, this has proved one of the most consistent pieces of this team from day one, and so I think the stellar play of the secondary (which is quite young) has been surprising. On top of that, I personally can’t believe how hard the secondary hits folks, both our cornerbacks and safeties. It makes it fun to watch. Unfortunately, I was surprised that the offense was overshadowed for so long this year by a superior defense (this offense was supposed to be “prolific” or some other similarly ridiculous adjective). However, it’s been a successful run game that seems to have gotten everything on the right track. Oh yeah, a running attack headlined by the two who are faster than Percy.

3. Which of the following films (Kindergarten Cop or Meet the Parents) has had a more profound effect on the man you are today, why?

I’d have to say Kindergarten Cop played a major role in forming me into the man I am now. It’s very nearly true that not a day goes by when I don’t quote Detective Kimball. And that can be a bit sad because I spend a lot of time alone in my office working on research.

4. If anything what will the Gators do (or not do) to lose this game?

These are two unbelievably good SEC football teams, and I think many such games tend to be decided by turnovers. Unfortunately, even in some recent huge wins, Florida has had a slight case of the butterfingers (Timmy has been a culprit). I worry about a fumble at the wrong time or on the wrong yard line, because I’ve seen a few lately. I hope they shore that one up (by the way, the verb “to shore” seems to be quite the word of the week here since everyone in Washington has been talking about “shoring up” our economy). On the other hand, never in my life have I seen special teams like I saw on Saturday in the first half against KY (two blocked punts and a blocked field goal – Brandon James didn’t even get the chance to display his punt return magic), so that could be a deciding factor.

5. If Urban Meyer was to plan a revenge for Georgia’s endzone celebration last year, what would you want it to be (don’t say winning the game…be creative).

Well, this could very well be just what I want – I think in such a case: Urban should strip off all his clothes and run around the field in nothing but his headset (I think they’re wireless now). I’m not sure if they can penalize for that one, but I would think they could.

6. What would you rather have happen in each situation:

a. Georgia win this game or have your mom catch you watching beastiality porn?

b. Georgia win this game or catch your girlfriend making out with Matthew Stafford?

c. Georgia win this game or never know love?

d. Georgia win this game or become a vegetarian?

e. Georgia win this game or never be able to see color again?

f. Georgia win this game or lose your pinky toe?

D, e, and f are easy ones – I’d probably do any of those without blinking. Although, if I’d agreed to f when Spurrier came to town I’d have a couple of club feet - WHAM. A is easy; I think it’d make for interesting dinner conversation (and I’m pretty quick on my feet; I could find a few Bible verses to justify my actions). Now b and c are tough, but here’s the scary thing: I think I would have gone conservative and said I don’t want my girlfriend making out with fat-face, or to not know love, but after the stunt UGA pulled last year, to hell with it, I want the win. I would be worried, I’m sure some of our football players are going to pull out all the stops as well.


7. What is Tim Tebow’s greatest weakness?

I think Timmy is a little bit conservative throwing the ball. I get the feeling he’s a little worried about that interceptions column, and I think that he tends to overthrow a lot of long passes because of that. After he threw his first one this season (after something like 200 without a pick), he seemed to loosen up.

8. If you could have one of Georgia’s players on Florida’s team who would it be?

I think I’d like to have Know-nothing Moreno. I’d feel pretty smug about benching him behind Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey, and perhaps even Emanuelle Moody if he ever gets healthy. Although I think he could battle it out for fourth on the depth chart with Kestahn Moore (maybe the one with the more original first name could have that fourth spot automatically, and I’d probably go with Knowshon).

9. Urban Meyer isn’t your coach and Ron Zook just got fired, which current D1 coach would you want as the new head Gator?

I hate to say this, but we’re getting into hypotheticals, so I will. I’d have to go with Pete Carroll. I can’t stand the guy, and I don’t know how he would look in the South/Not Hollywood, but he’s a hell of a recruiter, and he would feast on the talent in Florida and the rest of the South.

10. Seriously, what’s the deal with jean shorts? What would you say is the UGA equivalent?

You know what, Mackie, I think this is a frame of reference thing. I was born outside of the state of Florida, and so when I came here, it was a big deal. But now that I’ve lived in Gainesville, and been a student for the three major national championships (this is a terrible plug for justification, I know) it doesn’t seem that bad. Now, I won’t do it myself, but I don’t judge others. I feel that people who wear jean shorts are generally a wrung higher on the ladder of life than the best dressed Georgia fan, because at least they resemble some portion of the Gator fanbase. I don’t know that there’s a fashion faux pas equivalent, but I think your (admittedly talented) moron quarterback’s shenanigans would be a good place to start. I think I recently saw a picture of him passed out spooning some individual of questionable gender… Actually, I think I will remember the “bad deal” of last year’s game the most. And I think Percy said it best when he said that people do something like that when they don’t expect to score. At Florida, we expect to score.

BONUS:

You are no longer a Gator fan, you’re new favorite college team is...
my other alma mater, the LAGRANGE COLLEGE PANTHERS!!!

Thanks Bop

I wouldn't have even known where to find this if it wasn't for Bop over at Catfish & Cornbread. The Original Gator Hater.

Completely Unrelated Awesomeness

My buddy Adam Riggins ( of Adamriggins.com fame) met Lumburgh from Office Space at a Radio Shack in Alpharetta.



I don't know what was more surprising, him meeting Gary Cole, or finding out people still shop at Radio Shack.

This Week

This week, if you've noticed the new header, Blogging Pantsless is focused on the task at hand...talking trash.

Enjoy.

The Gambler

Darrell Gamble made me happy today. Knowshon made me happy today. Matthew Stafford made me happy today. Blair Walsh made me happy today. For the most part, the Dawgs made me happy today.

If you want to see be bitch and moan, the only area of gameplay you'll find it was in our defense. Our impecable run defense COULD. NOT. STOP. LSU's Charles Scott. Other than that and giving up a couple of garbage TDs, I'm satisfied with the win.

I'm not as happy with the win as much as I'm happy with the offense. Our offense has been dragging it's butt on the grass like my dog trying to pass one of my wife's hairs. We finally clicked. We finally had a solid gameplan. Mike Bobo, as Gary Danielson said over and over again, was having the time of his life in Death Valley. Putting 52 points up in LSU's stadium (which is widely considered one of the most difficult places to play) makes me really happy. Also the 5 Jack Daniels (straight up...I'm off caffiene) made me pretty damn happy too. Blair Walsh breaking the kicking curse was awesome, and I can't blame him for missing that 54 yarder.

Hear me now and believe me later, next week's Cocktail Party will be a game for the ages. My pessimism is at a drinker's low right now, but I'm predicting a Georgia win by 10. I reserve the right to change that number daily as the day draws closer, but seeing Georgia playing with some offensive authority makes my confidence go "Yay!".

I will most likely regret this later, but I'm throwing it out there that if Georgia wins next weekend, I'll be running around my neighborhood sans pants with pictures to come.

But thank you Dawgs for the win tonight. I wanted to believe we would win, but deep down in my heart I wasn't convinced. We just had our season changing game, I feel much better about Florida next weekend.

Time to throw some Bagel Bites in the oven and ready myself for Bama/Tennessee. I'll get some more stuff up next week leading into the Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, it's too big of a game to let work take the lead like last week did. Go Dawgs, and F#$% Florida!

WOOOOoooo!!!1!!one!1!!!January!!!1!!Texas Longhorns!!!1!!!juan!


I love you Darrell Gamble

A Few Quick Notes

I would say thank God it's Friday but unless I get busy I'm gonna be working on Saturday. So I doubt there will be massive amounts of posting today, but if nothing else take comfort in knowing I'm a contributing member of society today and not some lazy bum who does nothing but spend all day cruising around the "blogosphere".

First off, I'd like to thank Auburn for having a down year. It's times like this where future Mackalicious will look back and think "How in the world did we make it through this schedule?". Then I'll remember 2 of the big name teams we played were having down years (lookin' at you Rocky Top) taking some of the weight off. But if we make it through these next two games with no more than 1 loss we'll be in good shape for a quality bowl game (but if I have to choose the loss by all means let it be to LSU). I say once we get back from Jacksonville our home stretch will be much easier than the middle stretch we completed. Looking at it now, Tech looks to be a pretty big game...who'd a thunk it?

Secondly, did anyone else catch Hines Ward on Pardon the Interruption yesterday? Sporting his Georgia hat and dismissing notions that his is a dirty blocker.

The interview was pretty funny especially when he pulled out a copy of the NFL policy on "putting bounties on players". Check it out if you can find it...I couldn't though.

Finally, if I don't get back on later to post anything else, know this. I think the LSU game is going to be our make or break game. If we go into Death Valley and take care of business, play like the game our guys were recruited to play, and leave with a solid performance we'll win and take the next one in Jacksonville. My fear is that we're going to go into this game like it's just another SEC game and play a mediocre game, with numerous mistakes, and penalize ourselves into a loss...heh heh, penalize ourselves.

But seriously we've got to have the breakout game that has become known as the trademark "Turning Point" of Coach Richt's seasons. I think LSU got blown out by Florida because they weren't the better team. I think we should be able to man-handle the tigers because we are the better team, whether we decide to perform is up to the players. My pick? Dawgs 32, LSU 18. Go Dawgs!

How to reply to LSU heckling...

LSU Fan: EEEEY BOODAWG! NIZE ROUGE PAINTS! HAW HAW HAW!

Approved Blogging Pantsless responses...

#1.

UGA Fan: Nice fat guy dance moves.

#2.
UGA Fan: Come on Beaux, we goin' to DA game, you can bring your purple hat!



(and by the way, red pants ain't got nothing on #2 from the left's LSU pattern prints)


#3.
UGA Fan: Nice...ugh...paint job!
(photo from RJYH)

#4.
UGA Fan: Nice face!


#5.
UGA Fan: Nice life!


#6.
UGA Fan: Nice college town!


#7.
UGA Fan: ...What?!? I can't understand you! SPEAK ENGLISH!

(With all due respect, Justin Wilson was the man as far as chefs go. I remember watching his cooking shows when I was a kid on GPTV just because I thought his accent was hilarious. I doubt he would have made it on the Food Network in today's world, I hear they look down on eating squirrel.)

Light Posting Today

Covered up with work and not to mention today is my wife & I's anniversary. Fun stuff to come...just not today.

For the time being, enjoy a little highlight video of my favorite LSU Tiger.

LSU Season Recap Thus Far: LOL Cajun Perspective

As I've stated before, I can't stand LSU fans. For all intents and purposes (or "intensive purposes" for you Red Batonians) they serve their purpose well. Being obnoxious to the point of opposing fans feeling threatened definitely creates an intimidating atmosphere Death Valley has become known for. Known for their complete lack of humility I chose to highlight the LSU season thus far from a cajun's perspective. Just to prepare you, the cajun language written out is actually very similar to LOL CAT so put your translating pants on.

Aug 30, 2008: Appalacian State
HAW HAW HAW IZ TIME FO DE FOOZBAWL AGIN WE'Z GONE WHOOP SUM DAT APPELACHY AZZ CUZ WE BESTER DAN DE MITCHGAN WOLFYREENS AN YOUZ CAIN'T STOP DE TIGERZ! HEY BEAUX, GIT YO P'UPLE n' GOLE PIMP SOOT ON WE HEDDED OWT!

later that evening...

WE WINZ!!! CREOLE!!1

Sept 6, 2008: Troy (postponed)
BEAUX, DIS WATAH GITIN HIGH BRING ROWN DE FAN BOTE I NEED MO ANDOUILLE SAWSEDGE FO DE GUMBEAUX, WE GONE TO DE PIGGYWIGGY BEFO DE GAMEDEY COMZ ON. HAW HAW HAW!!!

Sept 13, 2008: North Texas
BABA REY, YOU GIT DE ZAPPS POTATAH CHIPS FO DE TALEGATE? WE GOTSTA GIT ON DE ROAD ELSE WE GONE MISS DE UDDAH TEAMS BUS PULLIN INTO DE STAYDYUM. BEAUX, YOU GO GIT US SOME EGGS OUTS DE HEN HOWSE TA TROW AT DE BUS. HURRY NOW IZ TIME TA GO WHUP DAT MEAN GREEN AZZ!!! F#$% DA SUN BELT!

later that evening...

WE WINZ!!! CREOLE!!1

Sept 20, 2008: @ Auburn
HAW HAW HAW IZ TIME TO HIT DE ROW TO ALBAMA. BEAUX, PULL DE TRUCKVERTIBLE ROWN SO I CAN PUT DE COOLA IN DE BACK! BABA REY, MAKE SHUR YOU PACK DE TONY CHACHERE SEASONING FOR DE BAHBEQYOO! WE'Z GONE WHUP DAT TIGAH' AZZ...DAZ FUNNY I JUZ NODIS WE'Z DA TIGAHZ TOO BUT WE DA REAL TIGAHZ OF DE S.E.C. FOOZBAWL! pictured: Beaux and Barbara Ray's "truckvertible"

later that evening...

WE WINZ!!! CREOLE!!1

Sept 27, 2008: Mississippi State
SLY CROOM YOU BEZ HEAD BACK OVA TO MIZZIPPY CUZ YOU AINT GONNA CROOM US! WE GONE WHOOP DAT BULLDOG AZZZZZZZ!!! HAW HAW HAW! YOU GOT BLOW'D OUTTA DE G'YAWG'YA TEK GAME AN WE'Z BESTER DAN DE YELLOWEY JACKETS! BABA REY COM IN HYEH AN SHAVE MY HEAD SO I LOOK AS HANSOME AS JAMES CAH'VILLE FROM DE PICTURE BOX.

later that evening...

WE WINZ!!! CREOLE!!1

Oct 11, 2008: Florida
OH MAN WE GONE GEAUX TO DE GAINESVILLE AND WHOOP DEM FAGGITY GATORS AZZZZ!!! DE TIMMY TEBEAUX AINT GONE KNOW WHUT HIT EM CAUSE RIKKY JEAN-FRANCOIS AN DE TIGAH'Z COMMIN TO PUT HIM IN DE GROUND. DEY LOSS TO DE REBULS AN WE'Z BESTER DAN DE OLE' MISS AND WE GONE BEAT DE TEBOW WIDOWT MERCY!!!

later that evening...

F#$% DE GATORZ, DEM MUTHA F$#%IN REFS BLOWD EVRY G#$D@#$% CALL AN SCROOD US OUTS DE GAME. DEY NEED TO FIRE DE LES MILES, HE CAN'T COACH WURTH A D@#$ SEAUX WE CAN PAY DE NICK SABAN $5,000,000 A YEA'H AN COACH DE TIGAH'Z BACK TO RESPECTDABILTY! F#$% FLAWDA! G#$ D@#$%MIT!

Oct 18, 2008: South Carolina
HAW HAW HAW WE GONE WHOOP DE S#$% OUTTA DAT GAMECOCK AZZ!!!! STEVE SPURRYER AINT GONE HAVE DE TIME TO PICK HIS PLAYERZ OFF DE GROWND CAUSE DE TIGAH'Z COMMIN TO CLOBBAH DEM CHICKENS! YO TEAM IS DE JOKE OF DE S.E.C. AND GOT BEAT BY DE VANDYBUILT COMMODOSE. IF YOU T'OUGHT DE VANDY WAS TUFF YOU AIN'T SEEN NUTHIN LIKE WHATS COMMIN TO DE FAIRGROUNDS TODEY!! WE AIN'T GONE TO DIS GAME CUZ WE JUSS GOT A NEW BIG FLAT TV FROM DE TY PENNINTON AND OUR HOUSE GOT REBILT BIGGER FROM DE MOVE DAT BUS MAKEOVER SHOW. NOW DERS ROOM FOR ALL DE NEIGHBORHOOD CATS TO LIVE AN I NAME DEM ALL "MIKE"!

later that evening...

WE WINZ!!! KITTY CREOLE!!1 BABA REY BRING ROWN DE BUBBLE WATAH, IMA COOK MIKES 1-11!

All this week:
O MAN O MAN O MAN IS WE EVAH GONE WHUP DEM BULLDOGS AZZ!!! DIS AIN'T HAWAII YOU PLAYIN ROWN WIT, DIS IS DE L.S.U. TIGAH'Z, TIGAH BATE! WE EAT DE DAWGS! WE GONE SHOW NO MERCY! ALABAMA BEAT DE HEYLL OUTSTA YOU PUPPYS AND DE ALABAMA SUX! YOU BOYS IZ TIGAH BATE! TIGAH BATE!!!!!

HAahaHa Wurld Sereez AnARky!!1

Just a quick post about the World Series.

I couldn't be happier with the World Series match up. For those who don't know, last night Tampa Bay _____ Rays beat the Bastan Rad Sax to advance on to play the Philthedephia Philthys in the World Series...aaaaaand SCENE!

For starters I can't stand people from Boston. It's not the person, it's...well...yes it is the person. It's the accent, it's the arrogance, it's the clam chowder, it's all that wrapped up in obnoxious New England paper that makes me wish they were still over in Old England. It was seeing tons of them on my honeymoon in Aruba wearing their stupid "I LOVE MY PATS" t-shirts that makes me think they all love their socially awkward, androgynous people.

Also, I hope the whole Postseason on TBS gig was a ratings BOMB for the once proud TBS network. I don't know why I care, but I hate the fact people in Oregon won't be flipping through their channels and see the Braves playing every single game of the season on TBS. This is the equivalent of me being a kid visiting my grandmother during the summer time, and NOT seeing the Cubs and White Sox play on WGN between The Golden Girls and Matlock reruns.
Ben Matlock, loved hotdogs, loved the Braves on TBS

Finally the last thing I'm gonna harp on about this. I will be cheering for the American League team to win for the first time ever. My grandfather would be ashamed, but I can't bring myself to cheer for the Phillies...I just can't. I love the fact there isn't a great backstory to this match-up. I love that it's not the Cubs and the Red Sox like Fox would have ideally wanted. I eat it up. There is a perfectly good backstory with the best team in the National League playing the best team in the American League, it's just a shame this doesn't work for the talking heads running the broadcast. As my Dad told me in reference to the monstrosity the All-Star Game has become, "When the whole production takes precedent over what is actually happening on the field, there is something wrong with the sport".

Do you like physics?

If so, here goes the second half of your Friday!

Fantastic Contraption

...oopsy.

The minute I say "light posting" I find something I wanted to post...so my bad.

This is a high school kid blocking like a freakin' pro. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing Mohammed or AJ setting up a block like this sometime. Go Dawgs!



...I could hear Will Muschamp yell "BOOM MUTHER F@#$%'R" all the way from Austin.

Finally Friday

Posting will probably be light today. I've got a ton of work to do before I leave the office to get my gayness-on at Wicked tonight, THEN drive down to Callaway Gardens for the weekend. I'm sure if I get burned out I'll throw some stuff up later, but I wouldn't bank on much informative stuff today...or ever really.

If there was any news of awesomeness it's that my Mom's alma mater assisted in knocking a team out of UGA's way last night. So thanks TCU, you showed those Mormons who's boss! Poor Coach Mendenhall had to tuck his tail and return home to the wives & kids with his winning streak broken. I have no problem with either school, but in general I cheer against the team ranked ahead of the Dawgs.

Again, congratulations TCU, I'm sure my mom didn't even know you guys had a football team much less beat a Top 10 ranked opponent, but deep down inside she's going to be a little happier...because I'm happier, and she loves her baby boy.

GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!

Alternative Helmets: Commie Edition

With the upcoming game against Vandy, I thought I would provide the Commodores (or Commies) with some alternative helmet designs to help them run with the Socialism theme.

#1.

#2.

#3.

#4.

#5.

#6.

C'mon everybody, hop on the bandwagon!

When it comes to football conferences, my heart belongs to the SEC. But if I was really drunk at a party, and I knew no one would ever find out, I would consider a fling with Division III SLIAC. That's right, the St. Louis Intercollegiate Athletic Conference. Home of the Blackburn Beavers, Maryville Saints, Webster Gorloks (whatever that is), and many other teams, but most importantly the LaGrange College Panthers (just one of the 3 "panther" teams in the SLIAC).

The LaGrange College football team has been around for all of 3 years, none of which were during my tenure there. I went to the first ever football game and haven't been to another game since. For a little football history, until September 6th, 2008 LaGrange had not won a single football game. Since September 6th LaGrange has lost only one game to Shorter College by only 5 points gracing them with a current record of 5-1.

This weekend, I will likely miss the Georgia/Vanderbilt game for Homecoming in LaGrange. The Panthers take on division rival Westminster at 1:30pm and for the first time, I'm looking forward to going to a Division III football game. This is directly influenced by their winning record which makes me a total bandwagon fan!

For once, I'm okay with this. I see this completely different than when a buddy of mine starts dating a girl who goes to Auburn and automatically turns into the world's biggest War Eagle. I see this as, I'm a huge Georgia fan and oh by the way I went to LaGrange College who is tied for first in their conference for the first time ever so perhaps I'll catch a game this year. No hate in 2008.

Here are a few pictures of our guys in action so far:



and one facilities shot...


In Division III there are no scholarships, so these kids are at LaGrange to go to school first and play football on the side. They got a LARGE sum of money to throw at this football experiment and for the first 2 years it looked like it was going to be lost. Then something finally started clicking (as it usually does with a third year head coach) and we starting outscoring our opponents to the tune of 225 (points for) to 109 (points against) translating into outscoring them nearly two to one. So congratulations Panthers on your winning record thus far. It sounds like Coach Mooney is really turning things around this season and I look forward to being back in the realm this weekend.

Wheel of Fortune: Gaytor Edition

I knew if I watched Wheel of Fortune enough I could eventually turn a clip into a form of perverted football humor.

I couldn't resist.

Well, I was wrong...

Looks like Tater Tot's out at Clemson. If you see my post below from Friday I asked how long ya'll thought he'd be there. I myself figured the mediocrity at Clemson ran deep and he'd still be there next year. Looks like I'm eating my words for lunch.

BP-TV lives! EXCELSIOR!!!

Without a doubt, my favorite moment of the whole game was captured at minute 3:08, the triple-juke.



Also, if anyone has seen our Red Zone Offense let them know we have a game next weekend. K Thanx.

OK State

Zack Robinson; hair as black as coal, played a game as clean as zero-emission wind turbine energy.

T. Boone smiles and lights a cigar with a $100 bill.

True or False

With 3 wins under their collective belt, Clemson still has to play...

-Georgia Tech
-Boston College
-Florida State
-Duke
-Virginia
-South Carolina

To be honest I think they only have 2 gimmie games in the remainder of their Atlantic Cupcake Conference schedule. Regardless of bowl eligibility...


TRUE or FALSE: Tater Tot finishes the regular season.

A Good Friday Trashin'

I swear, we better not lose this game.

I'm hoping the two weeks we've had to prepare were put to good use. I hear there is a 12 point spread but I don't know how I feel about it. Somehow Tennessee always seems to kick us in the nuts when we should be cakewalking. If Tennessee is as bad as everyone thinks we shouldn't have a problem, I just don't have the confidence/faith in our defense even against the worst offense in the history of the world. Fingers crossed for a blowout, Lord knows we need a confidence boost heading into this stretch. Also, a game without anyone getting injured would be teh awesumxorz!

A good question...

Last year my good friend Gayman made an appearance at the Outback Bowl. If you will recall last year's Outback Bowl was between Tennessee and Wisconsin (ugh). Though Gayman is a Tennessee native he is a die-hard-jort-wearin' Gator, but like myself a fan of college football none the less.

On New Years Day earlier this year while my dad and I were in Louisiana for the Sugar Bowl, I got a call from Gayman. He was sitting at the game and had a pretty funny question/observation, it was as follows.

"I'm sitting here, Mackie, and I can't decide who has the fatter fan-base, Tennessee or Wisconsin?"

So I decided to take it upon myself to break down the two. We'll tackle Wisconsin first.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Cheese - Hard to avoid up there.

Brats - It's like a hotdog but for Yankees and visitors to Helen, GA.

Brats with Cheese - 'dats howz we eats 'em in Whizkahhhnsin.


Chilly Winters - Extra layers of fat help the natives keep warm during the cold seasons (Fall, Winter, Spring, and 1/2 of Summer).

Lack of Exercise - It's hard to get excited enough to stand during Big 10 football games, so I can't really blame them.

Now the Tennessee breakdown.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Bad example set by coaching staff...ZING! - Had to throw that one in there.
Dennys? Just over the river and take the first exit and you'll see it on the right. Tell 'em Phil sent ya!

Lack of exercise - Favorite activities include sitting in a tree stand for long hours and driving a car in circles...both involve sitting.

Access to GAWD awful microbrews - You know the ones I'm talking about. You make a trip to any restaurant near Gatlinburg and it's those same crappy "Black Bear Ale", "Thunder Road Beer", and the one with a bat on the label. All of which Epic Fail when put head to head with Sweetwater and Terrapin.

The Tennessee River - It is a common assumption that anything pulled from it can be fried and eaten.

Pride is loaded with calories - So swallowing excessive amounts just 5 games into the season without a doubt puts Tennessee over the edge as a clear winner.

Mystery solved, fatvantage Tennessee!

Regardless of who is most overweight, as a Dawg fan, I'm hoping we beat Tennessee to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game. Really anything we can do to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be great. Did I mention how unexciting playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be? Playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be excruciatingly boring. So lets take care of business on the football field so we don't end up playing Wisconsin...in a bowl game.

New Thoughts on Old Movies

I just watched Days of Thunder on one of the HD movie channels. I haven't seen this move since I was little and found a few new things to appreciate it.

#1. Robert Duvall's Georgia Bulldogs hat.
(couldn't find a picture but I wish I did)

#2. Apparently this...
...wasn't John C. Reilly's first NASCAR movie. Shake & Bake BABY!

#3. Tom Cruise wasn't driving the #18 Thetan car sponsored by the cult of Scientology.

#4. I look way better in a racecar than Cole Trickle.

Also, one final unrelated thought, Brian Darling is gonna be super-pissed Nick George is the new VP of Darling Enterprises...I'm KNEW Tripp was going to do that!

Franklin is to Auburn what Van Gorder is to Southern

I'm not one to criticise...oh hell, even I can't pull that one off. I'm always one to criticise. If I wasn't I won't be blogging about any random happening I think is total dog squeeze.

In my opinion Tony Franklin pushing a spread offense on Auburn was the equivalent of Brian Van Gorder chunking Georgia Southern's Option. It was a dumb idea, but it didn't really have any effect on me so why should I worry. Tubby was in a pickle to replace Gorgeous Al Borges before the Chick-Fil-A Bowl and in my opinion rushed his decision in picking Franklin to take over as OC.

On that same note when Brian Van Gorder left UGA for Georgia Southern's head coaching job, he scrapped the triple option that worked so well the I-AA team. Yeah, Franklin's offense didn't piss off everyone immediately like Van Gorder's idea did, but in the long run they both proved unpopular to large fanbases.

If nothing else this won't give Auburn a chance to have a moment when the players buy into the system like the Tennessee game in Coach Richt's first year. I don't recall where I first read that but I believe it factually to be a turning point. Either way, Franklin getting the boot leaves a good chance the Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen might be willing to lay down and concede this as a rebuilding year (which was already announced by multiple fans following the LSU loss, Miss State hockey-score debacle, and the Vandy loss). I'll give it to Tubby though, losing Al Borges and Will "BOOM MF'ER" Muschamp in the same year is a big ugly orange and blue suppository to have inserted into anyone's Hershey highway.


Just remember Auburn fans, Spurrier got the same perscription.

Ignorance in the Presence of Greatness

Paul over at the Georgia Sports Blog posted yesterday how Herschel Walker was selling cupcakes in New York. Aside from making me want to catch a plane up to New York for cupcakes, it reminded me of a story, a shameful story, a VERY shameful story.

Imagine, if you will, back to the year 2007. The streets were filled with horseless carriages, gasoline was a mear $3.68/gallon, and the wife and I had just made a long trip to Tuscaloosa, AL to watch the Classic City Canines take on the Alabama Elephants in a match for the ages. After stopping by a local speakeasy to get our fill on bootleg corn whiskey, a Tuscaloosa Teetotaler...okay I gotta stop with this schtick.

We went to Tuscaloosa for the UGA/Bama game and made plans to stay with one of her friends who was still living there. After the game we went to said person's home where we met up with some of my wife's other college friends who were in town for the game. This is where this story takes a foul and disgusting turn.

My wife's friend, for privacy sake we'll just call her "Lydia", had just met up with us at the house. Of course I am the only Georgia fan there and "Lydia" starts talking about the football game we'd just witnessed that ended with a spectacular overtime win for the Dawgs. You see, "Lydia" had been invited to sit in the Ivory Boxes with an old roommate who is very well to do. The conversation is summarized as follows:

"Lydia": Mackie, there was a Georgia fan in the suite with us!

Me: Oh yeah? I hope he was obnoxious to everyone.

"Lydia": Oh no, he was really nice. I sat next to him and we talked for nearly the entire game, he was just a really nice person!

Me: That's great, I'm glad we were well represented.

"Lydia": Yeah, as a matter of fact, I think he said he played for Georgia!

Me: Oh yeah? What was his name?

"Lydia": I don't remember what he said his name was, but he said he played back in the 80's or something like that, I think he was a rushing back?

Me: I think you mean running back, but wow, that's pretty cool.

"Lydia": Yeah, he said he was on their National Championship team and he won a big trophy.

Me: ..."Lydia"...this wasn't Herschel Walker was it?

"Lydia": YEAH, that was his name! You've heard of him?

Me: ...@#$%&^@#$^*@##$%&@$%, DID YOU GET AN AUTOGRAPH OR ANYTHING?!?!? @#$^@&&@$

"Lydia": No I didn't know who he was!

Me: #$%&#@*^@$%%!@#^$%*#$

My Wife: MACKIE, PUT DOWN THE LAMP!

...END SCENE...


Bill Bates made a bad decision in trying to tackle him, but at least he knows who Herschel Walker is.


...sigh.

155 lbs @ 6'5"

The title of this post is in regards to my dimensions. I am a skinny, tall guy who was born with the freakish ability to eat whatever I want and never gain weight. Women hate me, burgers fear me, ...come to think of it most women fear me too. Regardless, I wanted to post this tangent about one of my great loves, hamburgers (cheeseburgers to be precise).

I was uber-delighted when I found my new favorite blog. It's called A Hamburger Today and it's all about burgers across America. PLUS it's updated regularly!

From the Krispy Kreme burger:


To the grilled cheese (bun) burger:


This website has opened my eyes to the narrowness of my pleasure in the field of "burger". At the moment, my most exotic burger experience comes from Auburn, AL. When I pledged a fraternity at LaGrange College, we took a road trip to Auburn...for a dinner trip. We ended up at Cheeburger Cheeburger (which I was told closed down but recently heard conflicting reports) home of The Pounder.

The Pounder is a cheesburger that weighs one pound, clever huh? If a patron is capable of eating the whole thing they get their picture taken with a Polaroid camera and it gets put on the wall. Of my pledge class I was one of only 3 who was capable of eating a full pound of cheeseburger (which comes fully loaded with lettuce, tomato, etc...) My buddy Adam Riggins, whos blog is link on the right, also seemed to have room for a milk-shake and fries but that is neither here nor there. So if the Cheeburger Cheeburger is still open in Auburn there is a picture of me and two other guys next to the men's restroom.

This is no strange feat as many have accomplished it before me, but sadly that is all the excitement I have in the burger world. These days I usually stick to turkey burgers at home with the wife, or Bubba Burgers, which are boarderline shameful, when we visit my parents.

Either way, I just wanted to share this with you guys to see if you find the same pleasure I find when you sink your teeth into a thick, juicy cheeseburger. Burgers are not only a well balanced meal (beef-protein, bun-grain, lettuce/pickle-veggie, tomato-fruit, and cheese-dairy) but they are also extremely portable when you aren't in any condition to drive and there is a Wendy's down the street from the fraternity house. This, my friends, is truly God's most perfect meal. Amen!