Cautious Optimism

It's getting harder and harder to tell the difference between Okie State fans and anyone from Knoxville...

The Pokes are going to stomp Georgia. I mean, run them out of BPS type beatdown.

I just have to say it. There are so many scared gooner fans saying we just simply don't have a chance, that I can no longer stomach the garbage.

OSU is preseason top 10, Young is a great new addition, and our talent level is possibly the best it has ever been at OSU. This is going to be a great year and it starts with a Beat Down of the Bulldogs!

These kids are freakin good. You should be scared gooner fans.

...just a little cannon fodder from the Okie State message boards. It hasn't reached the level of insult-hurling SEC trash-talk, but the Cowboy faithful are definitely drinking the Kool-Aid. Several Dawgs have signed up and counterpointed the debate, feel free to join us. This is gonna be a fun game, see you in Stillwater, boys.

See You in the Afterlife

I'm headed down to Savannah for my buddy, Hurston's bachelor party. Guaranteed to involve all the things that make life worth living for.


As for the death of Michael Jackson, I'm of the opinion that anything worth mourning in Michael Jackson's career had already died before the Berlin Wall was torn down. Even though food poisoning is a horrible way to go, that's what you get for eating a 9 year old wiener.

Pantsless Preview: Part IIII of IIIIIIIIII (10)

9.26.2009 Arizona State (Home)

Walt Disney in a Onesie

So if the season pans out like I've got so far, our Dawgs return to Athens with a 2-1 record. The ASU Sun Devils come to town and to be perfectly honest with you, I'm not expecting a huge challenge from this one.

Though we're coming off a tough 3 game stretch, ASU is yet another opponent who will have already taken a bye week in the first 3 weeks (Arkansas). After opening against Idaho State, the Sun Devils take a week off then play UL Monroe before traveling to the Classic City.

I'm expecting our Dawgs to take out some aggression on ASU. Just like us, the Sun Devils will be breaking in a new starting QB, Danny Sullivan, who has played second fiddle to Rudy Carpenter the last few years. I'm assuming Danny won't have the mouth on him that Rudy did, which will make moments like this slightly less enjoyable.

However I'm looking for our defense to terrorize Dennis Erikson's offense. Last year their Offense placed 100th overall in total production. Most of this was due to having a piss-poor excuse for an offensive line which was more than happy to let the other guys rub Rudy's face in the dirt. As I've said before I'm expecting Coach Martinez's defense to be much more improved from last year which doesn't bode well for anyone in Maroon and Gold trying to move the ball.

On Defense the Sun Devil's return a flop that rivaled "Land of the Lost" in Omar Bolden. Omar's freshman year was exciting and he earned himself a spot on the Freshman All-American roster. His sophomore year was a different story. He got fat and lazy which makes me believe he'd been hanging out with Andruw Jones during baseball season...HEY-Oooooo! He'd get burned by receivers and played with the consistency of the Braves Bullpen...ZING-A-ROOSKY!

If Omar Bolden gets his act together, paired with Senior DE Dexter Davis who is the best pass-rusher on the team, the Sun Devil's defense could be something special. Unfortunately if their biggest question mark deals with being able to stop our passing game, advantage UGA. My prediction involves an irate bunch of Georgia boys taking a much lesser Pac-10 school out to the woodshed in a 42-20 SHELLACKING!

This will be our rallying cry before the Tigers from Cajun Country come to town. It's the landmark game that will set the mood for the remainder of the season. We got our stupid loss out of the way, Joe Cox and Co. will be fired up and ready to make some heads roll. AJ Green, the SEC's best WR (regardless of what anyone from Alabama says) will have a 3 touchdown day and Arizona State will not be able to stop our passing game.

Okie State

Just a note of warning to my fellow Dawgs making the trip to Stillwater. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT serve potato chips at your tailgate. I know once we leave the South for football games we run into some strange cultural differences, but this takes the cake.

Pantsless Preview: Part III of IIIIIIIIII (10)

9.19.2009 - Arkansas (Away)

Last year, Patrino's Pigs beat Western Illinois and Louisiana Monroe by a grand total of 5 points...combined...for both games.

That same team later went on to beat LSU and Auburn by a grand total of 4 points...combined...for both games.

I think we'll all drink to LSU and Auburn being down on their luck in 2008...but being able to rub it in Alabama's face that you beat ULM by 1 isn't really getting the praise piled on you.

So what the hell are we supposed to make out of Arkansas?!?
Here's something to make of it, the first loss of our 2009 football season.

To put this claim into perspective I'll share a list of other things I'm equally as confident in:

-Jon & Kate announce they're working it out tonight...for the kids.

-Once you get past the stank, Indian food is actually quite delicious.

-Women who sound like Macho Man Randy Savage probably don't smoke.

-This is acceptable to wear in public.

-...these too.

-Nickleback has an album that doesn't suck balls.

-The boys at Georgia Tech are capable of picturing a woman naked in their imagination without tentacles present.

-There are benefits to cocaine.

-Our tax dollars are being used in the most efficient and cost-effective manner possible.

-Seeing this with my wife won't make me want to hang myself in the theater.

Bottom line, I have no idea what to make of Arkansas. Some people think this is the year Petrino gets all his boys on the same page, others think they're still a year or two away. But I have been burned so many times by Georgia trying to cakewalk through their mid-to-lower SEC schedule that I can't help but think the stars will align for Arkansas. On the otherhand, Arkansas does have quite the "Oh-fer" record against us in the last 14 years* (last win came in '93 in Athens).

In Coach Goff's defense, he was out-coached by the legendary Danny Ford.

I don't think Arkansas has anything special this year, but I think they catch a travel-weary UGA team with their pants down in a game we should have won...but didn't. Plus if I set myself up for failure, it'll hurt less when it actually happens. (That means I will be assuming UGA goes 1-13 on their way to winning the 2009 National Championship.)

Arkansas has an uber-fast RB in Michael Smith, go here and fastforward to the :47 second mark. If you think our infamous shoulder-tackles will stop this kid...you're a moron. Transfer QB Ryan Mallett is a 6'7" hoss, but he's still relatively green and his O-Line might be better suited to protect a D-III quarterback. If Willie is hungry, he'll have his plate full but we've got to put Mallett on his back a few times. I'm counting on Demarcus Dobbs to throw that big meaty paw up in the air and knock some passes down too. Between that and stopping Michael Smith we should find out if we are men or...men shaped mice in this game.

The upside:

Their defense should be the biggest weak spot. If Joe Cox still wants to put up some large numbers, he'll get his chance here. AJ Green should have a field day, but anytime the football isn't tucked safely under the pads of someone with a bigass "G" on their helmet it's up for grabs. In other words, it'd be nice to have Caleb, Richard, or Carlton step up and give us some quality runs.

My final call is Arkansas 27, Dawgs 24. They will have played Missouri State and taken a "bye" week over the same span of time we've traveled to Stillwater for Okie State, back to Athens for SCU, then back out again to Fayetteville (for a grand total of 2,620 miles by the 3rd week). It sucks, and I hate to lose...but I'm being a realist here and I think this is the first loss of the season.

If nothing else, take comfort in knowing a team with 1 loss has nothing to lose in regards to playing any undefeated counterparts.

LSU? YOU AIN'T SO BAD! Florida? YOU AIN'T SO BAD!
Rocky got his mouth shut once by Clubber Lang. Once. And it never happened again.





*That sounds a lot better than it actually is, we've only played 5 times since then but they haven't won in 14 years so I'll go with the wording which makes us sound better.

Blogging Pantsless Update

Just wanted to let you guys know I've finally found a blog for every team on the schedule this year except Tennessee Tech (which is fine because I don't think Cookeville has the internets yet).

You can find the updated "Know Thine Enemies" section below on the right. If you get the chance to look at only one today, check out Gator Tailgating . Yeah, I know it's a Gator Blog but they've got a great layout and you can definitely steal some ideas from their Tailgating Guide if you're already planning your away game schedule for the season.

Anyway, have a great weekend...let's go out on a low-note.

When Blogs Collide

I had an interesting lunch today with fellow blogger/Dawg fan Bernie, of Bernie's Dawg Blawg fame.


We met at the Varsity and had a nice little convo about life, football, and our interests. We had similar stories about how we got into blogging, and there were other common things we shared as well. Bernie spent time at LaGrange College before transferring to UGA. We both were in Italy for vacation last year. We both find women more attractive than men. He has 2 kids that are humans, I have 2 kids that are chihuahuas. The list goes on and on.

So I figured I'd take this time to introduce you to the Bernie many of you might never meet. Here we go...

-Bernie collects purple ShamWows.

-He works nights as a bus boy at Swinging Richards downtown.

-He once killed a man using nothing but an "I'm Georgia!" towel.

-His favorite part of college football is the Spring Game where everybody wins.

-When he was in college he somehow managed to get a bid from Phi Mu (women's fraternity).

-He lost 115 lbs. using Avesil weight-loss supplements, a proud sponsor of Blogging Pantsless.

-"I actually find jean shorts delightful." -his exact words.

-He drives a 1999 Ford Crown Victoria with 20" spinnaz' which is painted purple on the outside with brown leather interior. He refers to his ride as "peanut butter & jelly".

-He voted for Perot...in 2008.

-Last Fall he survived being lost in Tempe, Arizona by drinking his own urine

...unfortunately he was lost in downtown Tempe and was subsequently arrested.

-His favorite animal is the Narwhal.

-He believes in magic.

-He thought Van Halen peaked in 1998 with Gary Cherone.

-He thinks Ray Goff should be rehired as head coach.

-His "super-secret tailgate spot" is at Toppers.

-He performed LASIK surgery on himself using a pair of scissors and a keyring laser.

-He cries when he drinks.

...as you can tell he's quite a character. So if you haven't checked out Bernie's Blog yet, do yourself a favor and stop on by. He's a great guy who can totally tell when I'm struggling for material because I write stuff like this.

Pantsless Preview: Part II of IIIIIIIIII (10)

9.12.2009 - South Carolina (Home)


If I was to dress up like a Hasidic Jew and take a stroll through downtown Tehran, I might still have a better time than I had in Columbia, SC last year.

If you were one of the fortunate few to make a long-ass drive to a boring-ass warehouse district on a hot-ass day to watch a pathetic-ass game AND you found a gas station that didn't charge $7/gallon (limit 5 gallons) on the ride home...then you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Just their luck, the USC fans get to come to our campus where trees abound and the occasional breeze and/or cloud blows through. Their fans should consider this an "Away Game" as much as I should consider my trip to Disney this September as "5 Consecutive Sick Days"...it looks tough on paper, but you know they're looking forward to it.

We will be making a long trip home after our 34-10 victory in Stillwater, riding a media wave of "WHERE DID THESE GUYS COME FROM?!?!?" ...which we couldn't need LESS.

CFN doesn't tell us anything we don't already know, that USC has been a picture of mediocrity since the OBC took over. They predict the same song & dance for the offense, but sophomore QB Stephen Garcia could possibly develop into an excellent QB in the next year or two. Unfortunately another year wiser doesn't make a competent offensive line appear out of nowhere. As we all know, you can have a superstar QB...but without protection he's fertilizer.

They're defense might be their strong suit which will come as a change for our boys from the previous week. Since 2000 (with the exception of blowout victories in 2003 & 2006) the average margin of victory has been...get this...5 1/2 pts. We can poor-mouth their offensive prowess until the sun goes down, but until we can guarantee a touchdown+ against these visor wearing goons they're going to keep hanging with us and get the occasional victory.

So USC comes to an amped up Sanford Stadium for a night game September 12th. To us it'll be like playing a mid-level SEC team...which is what it is. To the Gamecock's it's the Iron Bowl - East. They care about beating us WAAAAAY more than we care about beating them...which sucks. I'm just as guilty of it as the rest of you, but I don't see this as LSU, Florida, or Auburn. However, it's the mindset that "Oh it's just South Cackalacky" that drives me freakin' nuts when it comes down to the final play in the 4th as time expires. They play with a passion we used to only reserve for Georgia Tech, so we better have our @#$% straight.

Final call? Georgia wins a nail-biter 14-10 and time expires as Stephen Garcia throws a Hail Mary from mid-field.

Here's the vid from last years game. It'll really make you wish we had #24 out there, but make no mistakes about it AJ Green will have a career day against their pass defense. If nothing else seeing Spurrier's sideline mannerisms is worth listening to Journey for 5 minutes.

We'll need pinpoint accuracy from Joe Cox to seal the deal. It'll be your typical ugly UGA/USC early season game but Dawgs will be 2-0 when we visit Patrino's Pigs out in Arkansas.

Pantsless Preview: Part I of IIIIIIIIII (10)

9.5.2009 - Okie State (Away)

They don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee, but they've been known to smoke unprepared defenses in Stillwater. The AP has us entering this game as #16 playing #13 Oklahoma State. Like I said I'll be taking preseason rankings with a grain of salt but that doesn't mean I should completely ignore them.

This will officially be the farthest distance I've ever traveled for a UGA football game (New Orleans 2008 drops into second). It gets said every time we start off with a big boy, this is the most important game of the year. It will set the tone for the remainder of a long and grueling season of SEC football. Few of us know much about Okie State other than they will be stacked on returning Offense and at one time their coach was 40.

Here is my completely one-sided, horse-squeeze prediction for UGA/OSU:

Final Score - UGA 34, Okie State 10...seriously.

Here's why, OSU has our attention right now especially with a higher ranking. I'll be the first to admit the Dawgs have a HORRIBLE habit of going into mid-level difficulty games with a gameplan of playing half-assed football (see Vandy, South Carolina, etc...) but we tend to show up for the (non-ACC) OOC games with a different mindset because they are a different breed. Boise State had our attention going into 2005 and we had the same questions yet to be answered.

The Cowboys have an offense that will be looking to put us away early, but it ain't gonna happen. Willie Martinez is ready to shut people up...and as much Hell as I've given him in the past I've got a gut feeling this will be the year he gets our boys in line and they perform the way we recruited them to perform. Just look to last years film minus WR d'Juan Woods to see what we have to stop. Our big boys will be ready, Willie's livelihood depends on it.

On Defense the Cowboys will have some serious question marks. Here are the words straight from mrorange from the Orange Power messageboards...

Our defense pretty much stunk last year, but we've got a new DC that should hopefully stop someone every once in a while. We had a good d-line last year, but most of them graduated. You could call it our most glaring weakness. Our secondary was iffy last year, but we played a lot of young players that have hopefully gotten better. Our linebackers should be really good, although legal issues may prevent one of our best defenders from playing. I'm still unsure about our corners; we got burned way too many times last year for me to get super excited about them.

...now THAT is what I like to hear. A vote of No-Confidence from the Cowboy faithful means there might be some serious problems to exploit. Here is the Dawg mindset for this. Joe Cox has been Led Zeppelin playing second ticket to Pink Floyd (Matthew Stafford) for the last 3 years. Both players are incredibly awesome but for two completely different reasons. Matthew is now out of the picture making money in a city where people don't make money (...other than Vegas) and it's Joe's time in the limelight. If my knowledge of red-headed stereotypes serves me right Joe Cox is the kind of guy who will hold a grudge and get fired up when he's challenged on his level of competence.

By our second possession, Joe Cox will have a good understanding of OSU's defense and he'll smell blood in the water. He will do anything and everything to get the football in the endzone because he's got a chip the size of T. Boone's bankroll on his shoulder. When it's all said and done, the score will 34-10 and just like Zeppelin Joe Cox will be beating his critics with a mudshark.


I'd look for UGA to put up some big numbers and get our hopes up for a great season before tragedy strikes in a subsequent game...you'll have to keep checking back to see which ones I think we drop. If there is any good to come out of this game for the Okie State faithful, it will be that T. Boone doesn't have to fly his solar powered helicopter too far after a crushing defeat. Hopeless optimism? Overly confident? Call it what you will, but Mackie's looking to start the season with a quality win.

Who knows, we've still got 2.5 months, something could happen that makes this a whole new ballgame.

Be the voice of reason here, tell me why I'm wrong.

UPDATE:
I'm a moron and did a copy & paste job of MRORANGE from a OSU messageboard from 2 years ago...the good news? Apparently things haven't changed too much! Try this article for a more up to date idea of the OSU defense. It's a damn good thing I claim no journalistic integrity, otherwise people would question my viability...HAHAHAHAHA!!!1

But if you want a serious professional's assessment of OSU, peep this.

Ruin a Poll

Actually more like, truth in numbers.

Go to this story and vote:

"No I'm a Georgia fan"

Woooah Nelly, here we go.

Remember this time last year? When preseason polls and speculation had our boys sitting on top of the world. It wasn't a question of IF a Georgia player would win the Heisman...it was a matter of which one. The most modest fans had us losing 2 games, but those were the same downers who told not to take Tech for granted this year...PPPptptttttttt!

Alrighty, here we are one year older and one year wiser. Our last National Title was 1 year ago + 28 years. Our golden boys got a little tarnished, but that was before Maria Sharapova was here to give makeovers. Debbie Downer got her 2 loses +1...and Tech...eh, we can't wear our red & black without having 42-45 shouted at us (funny how they can stop their Second Life long enough to heckle in their first life with that stunning 1-7 record over the last 8 years).

But I've officially taken my step into reality for the 2009 season which is still so far out of reach dummies like me can do nothing better with their time than speculate. What is a Dawg fan to do after being told all last Summer he is invincible only to get 3 swift kicks to the sack? Well this year's episode of the Preseason Pantsless Preview will be served with a cold-fresh side of pessimism and you're gonna like it. Urban Meyer will not be betting me I'm a good enough dentist to pull my own tooth out this year.

My hope this week, with a slightly diminished workload, is to let you guys know where I'm expecting our team to be this year. I'll give you my win-loss predictions with point spreads so you'll know how much to withdrawl from the bank on your way to The Bellagio. This could get ugly, boys...I hope your sitting down.

Go Dawgs.

Interesting fact

I know this sounds completely random, but I to preface this I had a softball game last night and I platooned with another guy at Catcher.

In trying to leave a witty comment on the pitcher's Facebook page, I wrote the following:

"Great game last night. I'm sorry about my poor performance, I'll try to be a little more Greg Olson and a little less Mike Piazza."

While this comment was intended to #1 make fun of how gay Mike Piazza is, my #2 was to reminisce about the Braves catcher from my childhood. To prove what a bad fan I am I couldn't remember the proper spelling for Greg Olson so of course I go to Yahoo and type in "Braves Catcher Greg Olsen"(sp). I later found the correct spelling and pulled up his info on Wikipedia.

I didn't remember who did it, but I remember watching the game where there was a play at the plate and Greg Olson got completely leveled. This resulted in his leg getting broken and pretty much ending his career (because it led to prospect Javier Lopez being brought up).

But the interesting fact I was getting to was this. Do you happen to remember who broke Greg Olson's leg? Here's a hint, he is now deceased.


This picture has nothing to do with who broke his leg but I'm trying to provide some buffer space and time for you to guess whodunnit.



In 1992 the Atlanta Braves were playing a series against the Houston Astros. In an attempt to score, none other than cocaine addict Ken Caminiti rounded third and collided with Olson. I remembered hearing about Ken's death in 2004 from an overdose of cocaine and opiates, but I failed to recall the way he changed the history of the Atlanta Braves back in the early 90's.

Link Dump

Just a few and ribbed for your pleasure.

-Apparently last Fall the terrorists finally won.

-Olive the News brings us a performing arts story every Auburn fan can hate, Bear Country. I see this thing taking the Tony's by storm after UBER-gay Adam Lambert takes on the roll of a young Bear Bryant on Broadway next year.

-Assuming he can count to 10 and make some grades, please welcome your newest Bulldog, the Rick Rogers...wait, what?...oh, I got it now...please welcome, Da'Rick Rogers.

-Most obscene caption involving Billy Bennett...EVER.

-If you haven't checked out Rex Robinson's blog yet...it might be worth it, just for this story and picture of him and Chris Collinsworth.

Work has me by the balls, I'll holla back giiiiiiiiirl.

Not sports related...

...unless you consider eating a sport!

(I sweat when I eat so it's technically exercise...right?)

Entertain my rant for a moment, but I've got a craving for something that isn't served in the United States.

Long story short, over in Europe (and maybe elsewhere but I've only seen them in France and Italy) the McDonalds there serve a unique breakfast thingy. It's similar to the top of a chocolate chip muffin filled with chocolate and it's awesome. I believe it's called a "Mandise" overseas which loosely translates to "OMFG YOU GOTTA TRY THIS!" in English.

Here is a picture I was able to track down through McDonald's French website...
(click for grande)

If you're asking yourself why would he eat at McDonalds when he's overseas...well the answer is simple. I went to France first and just like the French people, their food sucks. I found a McDonalds and that's when I discovered the Mandise. Last year when the wife and I went to Italy I was able to track one down again because they make a great breakfast compared to the cold-cuts and cheese being served at the hotel.

Anyway, if any of you guys work at McDonald's and can convince someone to add these to the U.S. breakfast menu I will eat nothing but these for breakfast for a month just to prove my loyalty. Make it happen.

The Brittain Family

Because I wrote about it earlier, it breaks my heart to finish the story.

If you remember my post about the 12 year old Alabama fan, Megan Brittain (who got a special phone call from Bama QB John Parker Wilson, and subsequently a personal call from Coach Saban himself) then you know Megan had been struggling with Rhabdomyosarcoma (which involves cancerous tumors rapidly developing around her spine.)

This is from Megan Brittain's father, Gary posted yesterday evening on her blog.

Safe in the arms of Jesus! No angel wings here. She's a child of the king!

Megan breathed her last breath at 4:15 this afternoon. No more struggle. No more pain.

There has been a grand reunion in heaven with her Mom and her Nana, countless other relatives, even meeting her Grandfather for the first time. Heaven will never be the same!

I won't tell you to stop praying, I know my family and I still need the prayers. Giving her up today was not an easy thing to do. There are many more tears to come. What I want to say is "thank you" for your faithfulness in praying for us. We have been truly blessed.

If nothing else I take this time to realize how precious life can be, and how unimportant everything I worry about is. I wish nothing but peace for Gary who has also lost a wife to cancer and is now left by himself to take care of 2 boys. No parent should have to outlive their child, but I know in Gary's case there must be a slight bit of relief knowing his baby-girl is no longer suffering in pain.

We all know college football is a huge part of southern culture. Especially when a pre-teen girl would cast aside Barbies and sleepovers for Crimson Tide Football. I assume if in Alabama she had Coach Saban and John Parker Wilson lined up to meet her, that in Heaven there's one more guy who will want to introduce himself.


Here are a couple more links to Megan's story:

-Anniston Star

-ABC 33/40

Everyone behind Blogging Pantsless is praying for the Brittain family, if you find time to squeeze one into your day, please do so.

Quick Update

The Yahoo! Sports Minute says Georgia is still in the running for QB Nick Montana. Among the other schools competing for Joe's spawn are:

-Alabama
-LSU
-Ohio State
-Notre Dame
-Some gay school
-Some other gay school

(...wait I think I listed Ohio State twice. BOOM! Roasted.)

I still don't think he'll be in Athens due to the young competition he'd have for playing time. I'm assuming Notre Dame will be his pick because the timing would be right once the Clau-hammer wraps up his stay. Plus I heard his father was fond of the Irish.

Still no word on where Joe's daughter, Hannah will be attending.