Friday, October 10, 2008

A good question...

Last year my good friend Gayman made an appearance at the Outback Bowl. If you will recall last year's Outback Bowl was between Tennessee and Wisconsin (ugh). Though Gayman is a Tennessee native he is a die-hard-jort-wearin' Gator, but like myself a fan of college football none the less.

On New Years Day earlier this year while my dad and I were in Louisiana for the Sugar Bowl, I got a call from Gayman. He was sitting at the game and had a pretty funny question/observation, it was as follows.

"I'm sitting here, Mackie, and I can't decide who has the fatter fan-base, Tennessee or Wisconsin?"

So I decided to take it upon myself to break down the two. We'll tackle Wisconsin first.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Cheese - Hard to avoid up there.

Brats - It's like a hotdog but for Yankees and visitors to Helen, GA.

Brats with Cheese - 'dats howz we eats 'em in Whizkahhhnsin.

Chilly Winters - Extra layers of fat help the natives keep warm during the cold seasons (Fall, Winter, Spring, and 1/2 of Summer).

Lack of Exercise - It's hard to get excited enough to stand during Big 10 football games, so I can't really blame them.

Now the Tennessee breakdown.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Bad example set by coaching staff...ZING! - Had to throw that one in there.
Dennys? Just over the river and take the first exit and you'll see it on the right. Tell 'em Phil sent ya!

Lack of exercise - Favorite activities include sitting in a tree stand for long hours and driving a car in circles...both involve sitting.

Access to GAWD awful microbrews - You know the ones I'm talking about. You make a trip to any restaurant near Gatlinburg and it's those same crappy "Black Bear Ale", "Thunder Road Beer", and the one with a bat on the label. All of which Epic Fail when put head to head with Sweetwater and Terrapin.

The Tennessee River - It is a common assumption that anything pulled from it can be fried and eaten.

Pride is loaded with calories - So swallowing excessive amounts just 5 games into the season without a doubt puts Tennessee over the edge as a clear winner.

Mystery solved, fatvantage Tennessee!

Regardless of who is most overweight, as a Dawg fan, I'm hoping we beat Tennessee to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game. Really anything we can do to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be great. Did I mention how unexciting playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be? Playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be excruciatingly boring. So lets take care of business on the football field so we don't end up playing a bowl game.

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