Ben & Jerry's: Tennessee Volunteer Edition

In honor of the Dawgs' match-up with the Vols this Saturday, I bring you the newest flavor venture from the Vermont ice-cream king, Ben & Jerry's. A spokesman from the company states Ben Jerry's will be offering up custom flavors to local markets based in SEC college towns. The vendors will be allowed to create new flavors, package, and market their product to the same SEC fans who buy anything with their teams logo on it. The representative went on to say, if people will buy this, they'll buy just about anything.

So later this month in Knoxville, and surrounding...farmlands...the following flavors will be available from your local Piggly-Wiggly.

Fulmers Favorite - A delightful creation with vanilla bean ice cream mixed with real Krispy Kreme donut bits, peanut butter & chocolate swirl, Oreo chunks, Moon Pie bits, marshmallows, butter, bananas, french fries, pineapple, Kraft Singles, peanut M&Ms, chicken wings, ketchup, and topped with a big orange slice. Mmmm, Mmmmmmmmmm.

Straight Outta' Crompton - This flavor begins with a creamy mix of chocolate and vanilla swirled together and a blast of flavor with chocolate football helmets filled with real clumps of grass pulled from Jonathan's facemask!

Eric Berry Garcia - Pretty much the same as Cherry Garcia, except the mixture is extremely inconsistent and may include a swirl of Knoxville's own "Blown Coverage Fudge".

Chili Slaw-fense - Obviously since the term "claw-fense" is vomit inducing to most Tennessee locals, we created a more fan-friendly flavor! Granny's homemade peach ice cream mixed with real chunks of Oscar Meyer hotdogs, a swirl of Hormel chili, and a generous "spread" of coleslaw is sure to satisfy even the most bitter good ol' boy who's had his fill of Dave Clawson's playbook!

Fish Food - Not to be confused with Phish Food, the Knoxville version will be chocolate ice cream mixed in with shredded bits of Johnny Chavis' defensive schemes and comes in a 12 oz. weighted tub capable of reaching the Tennessee River if thrown from the upper deck of Neyland Stadium.

Rocky Topper - There is no better comfort food than this. Portable and refreshing, Rocky Topper is a spirit-warming base of corn whiskey ice cream with a blast of peanut butter & jelly sandwich bits. Under each lid is a picture of Tee Martin giving you a smile, a wink, and a thumbs up with a passage reading, "Never give up."