Close the book.

That's it folks. The 2011 football season is officially over. Congratulations to my team-in-law on their 14th National Championship, @Olivethetweets was ecstatic last night and I was happy for her (regardless of how much gloating she did...and YES Sweetheart, calling the Dawgs "the Cubs of the SEC" is gloating no matter how kind-hearted your intent was).

But that brings me to my next point, one thing I REALLY was not looking forward to is our fanbase today. Almost as much as I dreaded reading about us after the Outback Bowl. Be it on Twitter or some of the blogs I read, I just know somebody is going to compare our current state to that of Alabama football. It's not that I can't handle reality, because I can. I can admit that Alabama and LSU are both programs much better than ours. What I can't stomach is our fanbase. Yes, our fanbase.

I love a good 90% of you guys. But the remaining 10% lack a fundamental understanding of...well...understanding.

Every fanbase has it, but lately I just get fed up with hearing the whining and bitching that we aren't Alabama, or we aren't LSU...can you not be happy just being Georgia?! College Football is cyclical and here is how I see it following our last 10 win season in 2008:

2009 - New QB leadership (Joe Cox). No Stafford. No Knowshon. Lots of NFL talent lost following previous season. Willie's last year as DC.

2010 - New Freshman QB. New defensive staff working with players they didn't recruit. OUR RUNNING BACKS WERE CALEB KING, RICHARD SAMUEL, AND WASHAUN EALEY.

I'm making a lot of excuses, but when your cogs and personnel turnover happen at the rate it happened for us over the past 3 years...then YEAH expect a dip in quality for your program.

2011 - Started out like crap. Lost to the 2 toughest opponents on our schedule right out of the gates, but we saw a few signs of hope. When was the last time you had an ounce of faith in your defense? Did you see the season Jarvis Jones had? We watched Malcolm Mitchell become our next big passing threat. And our fans who want to bitch about Isaiah Crowell not playing on an injured ankle which NONE OF YOU, NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU WITH A "source" IN THE ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT OR A FRIEND WHO HEARD SOMETHING knows the extent of pain he felt trying to turn on a dime while carrying nearly half of our team's rushing yardage.

Getting suspended for smoking weed? "Yeah, what an idiot" says the guy in Law School who took a year off to follow Widespread Panic. Crowell has a ton of talent, and probably an attitude to match it, but we stuck a ton of pressure on an 18 year old kid and he performed well when able. Cut him some slack.

Remember the difficult time we had recruiting when these superstar high school athletes wanted playing time instead of earning reps behind AJ Green? Well, they went to other schools and some of these other schools are performing with them. But with a couple of down years, now it's UGA's turn to recruit high profile talent who can come in and make an instant impact. Last year's Dream Team did a helluva job for a bunch of young guys. I'm pretty pumped about the prospect of guys like John Theus, Jordan Jenkins (whom I just found out about this morning), and Keith Marshall (Isaiah Crowell is gonna grow up REAL FAST this off season).

We've got a defense that will return a lot of guys, really hoping Bacarri comes back for what could be an awesome year. The biggest names we lose offensively are Ben Jones (which will hurt) and with a little luck Orson Charles sticks around (which my insider source in the athletic department heard from a friend of a friend that he will).

This is Mackie being honest. Take a step back from the ledge. UGA football is not in a downward spiral following a 10 win season where we won the East with a bunch of young guys. In watching my wife's excitement last night searching out Bear Bryant quotes to post, it made me think. The Bear is without a doubt in my mind the absolute best coach in the history of the game. Mark Richt will probably never be Bear Bryant, but there was time in college football where patience paid off.

1967 - 8-2-1 (73%)
1968 - 8-3-0 (73%)
1969 - 6-5-0 (55%)
1970 - 6-5-1 (50%)

That's Alabama football, correction, that's Bear Bryant football in a 4 year stretch between some of their program's most storied seasons.

The game has changed, I'm well aware. Every fanbase expects a new coach to win immediately (see our jort-wearing neighbors to the south). But it's a cycle and as long as you aren't in the lower echelon of the SEC you'll have your time to shine in the national spotlight. Eventually Tennessee will be Tennessee again, eventually South Carolina will be South Carolina again. When my wife and I were still dating, I saw some pretty awful Alabama football games. Since my wife and I have been married, she's seen some pretty awful UGA football games. And now that we're expecting our first child there is a pretty good chance he or she will see some pretty good and pretty awful games in their lifetime.
(...still looking for one of these)

I've always been a patient person, sometimes too patient. It probably doesn't help that I'm turning into this worthless ball of emotion when I see a sonogram of my baby. I might be going soft when it comes to taking a stand against what is acceptable from UGA Football, but when I put it into perspective I like what I see, no matter how frustrating it can be sometimes. I'm happy we went for it on 4th and 1 in Michigan State territory last week. You know why? Because we didn't go for it on 4th and 1 in Central Florida territory last year. We wanted Mark Richt to take more chances this year and he did. On-side kicks against South Carolina and LSU were huge (yes even though the USC one was overturned on a crap call) but if you're willing to take the good when it happens, then suck it up and take the bad too.

Mark Richt is not Nick Saban, but Nick Saban isn't Mark Richt either.

2012 can be something special for the Dawgs. Stop bitching and get on the bus.

Go Dawgs.

Thoughts on the Dawgs

I've been pondering how exactly to approach the status of UGA football. I don't want Coach Richt fired (ftr I didn't want Jim Donnan fired at the time either) but I don't want to settle for mediocrity. If this just another rebuilding year? The best possible outcome from here is for us to run the table and watch South Carolina and Arkansas play in the SEC Championship Game...(yawn).

I'm not hopping on the FIRE RICHT/BOBO/RUSS bandwagon quite yet. I'm giving this season a chance. I thought Aaron Murray fought valiantly to get us into a tie game after we came out sluggish. I thought the defense made some great stops. I also think Arkansas and South Carolina have some superstar athletes and right now Georgia is struggling to identify a leader while AJ Green is on the sideline.

I think the season can turn around, I really do. Seeing what Paul wrote about the improvement from last year on Defense was a ray of hope toward that. More than 2 TDs and 2PAT cut from the totals against each of the MUCH improved Arky and USC teams is a step in the right direction.

You can say I'm settling for mediocrity and that under Richt Georgia will never win the big one. But right now I don't see any viable options that WILL win the big one. Chris Petersen?!? Bitch, please. Even Dan Hawkins says you have a weak argument.

I'm giving the Dawgs until 2012 to get 10 wins and beat the Gators at least once. If they don't, it doesn't matter because the Mayan calendar says we're all screwed by then anyway.

Time to go on a 5-game tear Dawg fans. Mississippi State is next, time to step up because you can't afford to drop this one! GO DAWGS!

Oh Noes Teh Dawgs Iz Failxorz!!1

Yep, Georgia lost an ugly game Saturday. Somehow Carolina found a way to stop runs up the middle, and Georgia didn't. However, that is NOT intended to devalue the run-away pantie-magnet that is Marcus Lattimore. Seriously, I don't think any SEC team is looking forward to trying to stop that kid. Aside from our missed tackles (taking no less than 3 defender's touches to get the kid down) I would love to ask Stephen Hawking what kind of physics based, time-space continuum allows a human who is 2 yards tall to fall forward 7 yards.


But Lattimore or no Lattimore, if Orson Charles catches the TD pass and Washaun Ealey doesn't fumble in the red zone and we score, we've got a tie ball game. Also, if "IF's" and "BUT's" were candy and nuts...then we'd all have...candy and nuts...or whatever.

I would have liked to see Mike Bobo call some non-running plays when our backs were against the wall, but he didn't and I'm not the OC so really all I can do is bitch about how much losing sucks. I will say I was amazed how quickly it seems everyone has bought into Paul Finebaum's Fire Mark Richt campaign. The best retort to this I can find comes from Lucid Idiocy who argues,

"Misspell "lose" once, and it's not worth mentioning. Do it three times and it discounts your opinion considerably."

Claiming he doesn't "want it" enough doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm pretty sure if not "wanting it" equaled losses then Bobby Johnson was skipping practices to smoke weed and listen to Panic. The better team won Saturday, blame whomever you want...(like you needed my blessing).

If you're looking for a blog to support opinions like this: ...then you might want to take Blogging Pantsless off your RSS feed.

Perhaps I'm too patient (hell, I thought Jim Donnan should have gotten another year) but realistically I expected Georgia to go 9-3 regular season. Freshmeat QB and a new defensive package isn't going to give you an undefeated season in the SEC. That being said, if we don't OBLITERATE the next 6 opponents I'll be a little nervous about where we're headed. If I'm wrong and we screw the pooch over next few weeks I'll dim my outlook, but for now I think South Carolina will surprise some folks this year. Will they win the East? Well...not quite ready to fit them with that crown just yet because they've got Auburn, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Florida to get through.

Don't jump off the bandwagon just yet, Dawg fans. We've still got some good opportunities to get back in the race. Hopefully we've breaking down film, learning to wrap-up, and REMOVING THE SHOULDER TACKLE from our habits. GO DAWGS!

UGA Gear Review: Part Eins

82 days.

That's how close it is. You can't taste it, you can't smell it, but you can buy it...and if you're like me, you start eyeballing the gear for the upcoming season right about now.

Not so much the high-end market (polos/red pants) that's more for the time period after the All-Star break ...or as I call it the official end of baseball season. Right now it's when I'm looking at the t-shirts, hats, etc...

But as I'm sure I've posted before, I have a real problem with knock-off, sub-standard UGA stuff. You know, the Wal-mart FAILjersey that AJ Green wears every Saturday in the Fall.
...it's not that I think the guy who wears it is a bad person, he clearly isn't as bad as the one who shells out $75 for the replica Gators jersey. But like anyone who shows up to a wedding in jeans, we're glad you made it, but we're all secretly judging you.

That brings me to the point of my post...THIS SHIRT.
I can admit, I don't know the entire ins-and-outs on the history of UGA logos. I know a good bit, but I can't find a single instance where the Samford Bulldog (as I call it) was considered a graphic representation. Yet even Sportslogos.net (my go-to source for school logo graphics) has it in their catalog (and in the comments section you can see a few fans disagree about it's authenticity).

I don't hate the shirt, I assume if it was a licensed product it would be semi-authentic and probably some 40's/50's era design. But as I scrape the bottom of the barrel for non-PAC-16 expansion posts I try to stick to the basics and get the fan-base thinking. Anyone else seen this before?

Green UGA Stuff...not A.J.

As many of you know, today is St. Patrick's Day (or for the undergrads, Wake Up With Sharpie Penises Drawn on Your Face Eve). It's a day where the people of Ireland celebrate a liturgical day of solemnity, and the rest of the world mocks the Irish by drinking, fighting, and vomiting green fluids. It also happens to be the only day of the year all nationalities get away with wearing "Kiss me I'm Irish" shirts and it's alright!

...clearly not Irish.

But I also wanted to use today to address something I've never really understood. That would be the issue of Lucky St. Patrick's Day team paraphernalia. Now don't get me wrong, I'm as big of a UGA gear junkie as the next guy. I've got UGA socks, lawn ornaments, flags, trailor-hitches, etc... but I have never understood the draw toward GREEN stuff for St. Patrick's Day especially when it's not a school/team color (Tulane, feel free to party on with your St. Patrick's Day specials).

Perhaps if the Diamond Dawgs are playing, (I don't follow college basketball close enough to know if March Madness would ever be played on SPD), or I guess a Thrashers/Hawks/Braves Spring Training game it's acceptable for the day...but when else do you expect to wear this?!?

You would stick out like a sore-thumb any of the remaining 364 and 1/4 days of the year should you attend an event. But in my honest opinion, green team wear is nothing more than a scam to get you to buy stuff...no different than Valentine's Day or your Wedding Anniversary.

I could be way outta line on this, and I'm not calling those who do buy the green stuff "tools", but come on guys...don't be a marketing sucker. There. I think it needed to be said.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've finished my morning coffee and I need to go brush my teeth.

...oh, Matthew

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Matthew Stafford. I thought he was a great talent for Georgia and if Detroit can be a little more Ford and a little less Chrysler then perhaps he'll get a decent career outta the Lions.

That being said, it pains me to see him pushing AXE products.

Though I can see how advertising this stuff makes Middle School boys (who have no concept of smell radius) want to bathe in the stuff...but I like to think most grown men file this between "gold necklaces" and "Ed Hardy tshirts" in the category of Stuff Real Men Don't Actually Wear.

The product has more life in satire than shelf.

Matthew, if it makes you money by all means go for it...but we all know you don't need it. You don't have to smell like a middle school boy's locker room to get women. We saw your performance against Cleveland, and we know you're a man.


Of course, this is coming from a guy with a receding hairline and a 5 year marriage. Perhaps my idea of manhood falls more within the bounds of hard work and being a good husband, but there is something to be said for sewing your wild oats in your early 20's. More power to you. Have fun, kids.

Tax Day

I'd like to write a quick post today regarding something I have little to no respect for. That would be our governing tax system.

The first year my wife and I were married, we ended up cleaning out our first year of savings in order to pay our first tax bill together. I will accept blame for this because neither of us had any idea how to properly fill out a W-4 form. Combine that with our status of Married filing separately and we pretty much shot ourselves in the foot.

If you're a liberal or a conservative I can't imagine it matters much, tax season sucks. Since our first mishap I've become more educated in the vast details of our tax system and set out with a personal vendetta against it. That's why even though I think Sean Hannity is somewhat of a D-bag I'll be in Atlanta tonight protesting our country's tax policy.

I've looked at several other plans and personally I find the FairTax to be the most beneficial for the country. The funny thing is I hear people say they like the idea but it'll never happen. Did you ever think the country would be borrowing money from China to give its residents as a "stimulus"? Did you ever think the government would be the main shareholder in any banking operation? Did you ever think your tax money would be helping companies with bad business models continue to do what drove them toward bankruptcy to begin with?

...then don't tell me the FairTax will never happen.

Job growth would explode, take-home income across the country increases, the government still gets the funding it needs to operate, and (for you bleeding hearts out there) the poor are still taken care of.

So take just a minute today and imagine what it would be like to actually take home your full paycheck. Someone making 35,000 per year under the FairTax actually takes home more than someone making $50,000 per year under our current system (unless my math is WAAAAY off). Imagine not being taxed on inheritance from deceased relatives (who have already paid tax on their possessions). Imagine the job growth as the United States becomes a haven for businesses looking to run a more effective operation without payroll, business, and operational taxes.

If you want to see how this would benefit you, click here for the FairTax Calculator.

The whole deal is much bigger than I can cover in a blog post, but do some research. If you think it doesn't effect you because you get money back, you need to get educated. Hopefully people are getting passionate about this stuff because complacency never accomplished anything. These are your elected officials we're talking about, they work because we allowed them to get the job. Let's make sure they're working for us.

So I'm sorry I'm not covering any sports news this morning. Did you really want me to bitch about the Braves/Dawgs losing? I didn't think so.

Today's "Ugh" Thing.

I love rock music. In my opinion I find it superior to all other genres of music. Saying that I'm also implying there are lesser forms of music. Therefore, allow me to express my disgust with this product.

Before I put my two cents in, I want to preface my rant with the fact I am a regular church going Christian guy. Now don't get me wrong, I understand there is a huge audience for Christian music. I do not enjoy it, nor am I really fond of it due to one primary reason.

There are only so many songs you can possibly write about a singular subject matter before it all becomes redundant.

That being said, I know the subject matter of Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll isn't quite the same family friendly stuff you find with most Christian artists.

BUT, it also brings up the issue of how much importance one allows him/her self to place on entertainment if you aren't competent enough to realize the following:

1. Musicians are artists, not role models.

2. Your life philosophy shouldn't be based on how catchy a rhyme or tune is.

3. No matter what the London subway wall tells you, Clapton isn't God (which is obvious because God's son died on a cross...not by falling out of a window).

So take from this what you will, but my greatest outrage is that "Guitar Praise" made it to shelves before "Banjo Hero". Now THAT I could get into!

I #$%@*ing hate Nickleback

Things I hate less than Nickleback.

-The Florida Gators
-Explosive Diaherria
-People who don't pull out into an intersection awaiting a left turn
-Papercuts on my knuckles
-Child Molesters (CORRECTION: I already listed Florida Gators)
-Working on Saturdays
-Attempting to breastfeed snapping turtles
-Eating glass
-Drowning
-Toilet paper that hangs from the back of the roll
-Dave Matthews Band...and I really hate the Dave Matthews Band.
-Getting kicked in the gonads.
-Rye Bread, seriously that stuff tastes like vomit.

Rock 100.5 just played the new Nickleback song from their latest album Massengill and I seriously looked at a pair of scissors wishing I had another pair to stab into both earholes. Instead I just muted my radio for 4 minutes until the lingering smell of AXE Bodyspray left my radio speakers.

You know that one relative you're slightly embarrased about sharing a last name with? Rock music has one of those...and his name is Nickleback.

New Braves pitcher and Smoltz thoughts

I remember being utterly facinated by Dodgers pitcher Hideo Nomo (sp?) when he first broke on the scene. Japanese pitchers being all the rage lately, I can understand why the Braves hopped on the bandwagon. Seeing how they screwed the pooch with Smoltzy, Frank Wren's needed to make a big sign. They got Derek Lowe today, but the contract of Kenshin Kawakami flew under the radar. After looking at his highlight reel, I think this guy will carry his weight at Turner Field. Although a fastball in the upper 80's isn't anything special, his mix of a rising fastball (2nd pitch) and a ruthless breaking ball (3rd pitch) looks spectacular.



As heretical as it seems to say this, I think it's best we move on past Smoltz. Yes I would have liked to see him stay but the guys getting pretty old. Some guys love the game so much, they play past their best years and their game gets salty. If you saw John Smoltz return after his surgery last season to try and close out game, you saw him get lit up and it was painful to watch. John Smoltz of 1996 he was not, Smoltzy game isn’t a complete loss but he’s not the same talent level of the John Smoltz we remember pictured in the AJC being straddled by Greg Olsen.

Last year I saw the Braves make some additions to their rotation I saw as being BAD calls. I love Tom Glavine, but to put him back in a tomahawk jersey was nothing more than a novelty move. It backfired horribly as Glavine’s body did what most aging pitchers’ bodies do…it began to give out on him. To throw a ball as hard as you can every summer for 20 years is hell on your shoulder. Mix a curve ball in there and you take years off your elbow life. I guess the china shop phrase I’m bulling my way through is that we have to let our legends move on. The only bad part of this situation is that we want our favorite players to throw in the towel on their own accord instead of continuing to search for how things used to be. John Smoltz still thought he had some fire in his game and went searching for the highest bidder, unfortunately it wasn’t from Atlanta which sucks donkey balls. John Smoltz doesn’t belong up north that’s why he left Detroit to begin with. He’ll play ball 2 more years (max) and hang it up, but don’t worry (and mark my words), John Smoltz will no more be remembered in a Red Sox jersey than Brett Favre will be remembered in a Jets jersey. That’s a guarantee.

Good luck in Boston, John. I hope you win every game except during interleague, where I want you to pitch 8 innings of shutout ball and have your closer blow the game in the 9th.

UPDATE: You will be surprised how odd the word "Smoltz" looks after you write it 100 times and try to proofread.

10 Football Expectations for 2009

1. I'm expecting Georgia to have a 2 loss season in 2009.

2. I'm expecting us to drop an ugly game we should have won, perhaps one we didn't prepare for properly.

3. I'm expecting Tim Tebow to leave the University of Florida with a 1-2 record as a starter against Georgia. 2-1 is not an option, it must be 1-2 and I'm counting on Joe Cox to make this happen.

4. The evening of November 28th, 2009 I'm expecting us to leave a few blocks of property across the interstate from the Varsity the same way that heathen bastard William Tecumseh Sherman left it.

5. I'm expecting a minimum of 1 sack & 1 INT by our defense each game. This we are owed.

6. I'm expecting our QB to have 3-4 seconds minimum per snap in the shotgun formation. This Joe Cox is owed.

7. I'm expecting Blair Walsh to kick the football and have it go between the goalposts for each fieldgoal, point-after, AND KICKOFF. Give up the directional garbage.

8. I'm expecting my Dawgs to still be playing football in January of 2010.

9. I'm expecting a harsh welcome to the SEC for both Coach Kiffin and Coach Chizik sincerely from the Red and Black.

10. Season openers have become the new Christmas, I'm expecting the next 235 days to DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAG by.

...Ugh.

Today in a press conference Tim Tebow made the decision to stick around for his senior year at Florida. I imagine the press conference went a little something like this...

"Thanks everyone for showing up, I'd like to first start off with a prayer... (Tim recites lengthy prayer)...alright.

I guess you all are wondering why I called you all here today. Well, I wanted to let all my fans know, I've prayed about it for a long time...in fact...I'm gonna pray about it again right now (Timmy kneels down, bows his head...whispers, stands back up to mic).

Alright guys, I've talked to God, my family, my coach, and my boyfriend and I've decided to return to Florida for another season of football.

(Florida press goes nuts)

Alright, alright. I just wanted to say the main reason behind by decision to stay was because I felt God wanted me to stay and get my degree before I begin my pro career. The second most important reason was all the phone sex I receive from Kirk Herbstreit. Finally, knowing that Mackalicious from Blogging Pantsless would point a gun to his head anytime reporters started stroking their meat over me in a CBS backstory was all the motivation I needed to hang around one more season.

Actually, the phone sex with Herbie might be number 3...after all, it could be worse. I hear Clausen hates when Dr. Lou calls...poor little guy.

But I'd like to answer a few questions.

(ESPN's Mark Schlabach raises hand)

Mark: Timmy, how does this picture make you feel? (passes up picture)

<

Tebow: Mark, I feel this picture is an accurate portrayal of my interests and hobbies. I don't regret painting that on the side of the Kindercare building at all.

Actually guys, that's all the time I've got today. I've gotta get to my fourth Bible study of the afternoon, the fifth and sixth ones usually run a little long...but that's cool, JC's the man!"

...AND SCENE!

Like, I said I wasn't actually watching or paying attention to Tebow's announcement a buddy of mine sent me a text to let me know the story...I was less than pleased.

I'm sure Tebow's decision to stick around one more year had WAAAAAAY more to do with his desire to get an education, play Gator football one more year, and chase tail at the local Boy Scouts facility than it had to do with him being a system QB with Draft Stock lower than General Motors'.

Tebow's future might include breaking all the rushing records in Toronto Argonauts history, but he is to be commended for being a team player and a legend in the Jean Short Nation.

Seriously I can't believe I've gotta put up with this horse$#!% for another season.

...I'm gonna friggin' puke.

For Auburn, Chizik = Great Hire!

GRRRRREAT work, Tigers!

In case you are wondering why I'm not on the "Auburn's AD made a moronic decision to hire this loser" bandwagon, I present to you exhibits "A" and "B".

Exhibit A: In July of 2008 I went on record with the following dumbass statements.

"I think Alabama's return to greatness will be delayed yet another season because of JPW's return as signal caller."

"...until the Crimson Tide get a competent QB under center they won't be beating Auburn anytime soon much less playing in the SEC Championship."

JPW is of course, John Parker Wilson, and if you are looking for your eggs, they're on my face.


Exhibit B: I can't give you a specific date or quote (automatically making it inadmissible in the court of law), but I'm sure at one point in time I made a joke about Tech's highschool offense being totes lame and Willie Martinez's teh awesomxorz defense shutting...them...dooowyyiiiiiii.


In addition to those previous statements, I would like to go on record with the following comments regarding future occurrences:

-Knowshon and Matthew will leave for the NFL.
-UGA will not go undefeated next year on their way not to win the national championship.
-Tim Tebow will delay his missionary work for one more year for Gator football.
-I won't receive a big Christmas bonus this year.
-My wife won't give me AC/DC's Nintendo Wii Rockband Track Pack.
-My early male pattern baldness will not be temporary and won't reverse itself.
-All the time and effort I put into this blog will never blossom into a killer book/movie deal.

Glad I was able to get that all out on the table there.

...is it me?!?

I must have the most rare sense of entertainment because for some reason television shows I enjoy get cancelled. I'm not really one to make a habit of scheduling my life around a television series, but that's what DVR was invented for.

It started back in highschool when Comedy Central cancelled The Upright Citizens Brigade which was a sketch comedy show featuring a pre-SNL Amy Poeler. More recently, last year they cancelled Notes from the Underbelly which I thought was hilarious. This year's casualty is ABC's Dirty, Sexy, Money. Of course DSM isn't a comedy but as far as entertainment goes it was a pretty dang good show.

R.I.P. Jeremy Babison - 2008

Now my life is supposed to go on without knowing what that snake Simon Elder is trying to do to the Darling family business. But it's all good because I can take the edge off a long day at work watching that fat, whore Rosie O'Donnell host a variety show...GREAT IDEA!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!

WHAT THE FRICK, WORLD?!?

The Tech Whiteout

After the Alabama loss this year, many Dawg fans were perfectly fine tossing the whole "Blackout" thing away. I, however, sat through the entire game so my wife could scream the words to Rammer Jammer at my ear following the loss...and still enjoyed the Blackout game.

Yeah the loss sucked balls, but you have to admit a Blackout game gets the Dawg fans barkin'. The atmosphere is electric even if the team comes out and poo's on the field. So that being said I think we should bring the Blackout game back into rotation...in 2010. Take a year off and get our priorities straight so the media can stop with the "Georgia needs to stop caring about fashion" stories.

I went to 2 of the 3 Blackouts (Hawaii and Bama) and thought it was awesome, that's why I have such a hard time understanding this story.

I ate lunch with my wife today, and she brought up a very good point (and not the one telling me I need to ask for dress clothes for Christmas because "Professionals don't wear Georgia sweats and Pink Floyd t-shirts").

So the Nerds are having a tough time getting their fanbase on the Whiteout bandwagon. Mrs. Mackalicious brought up the fact, if they have any recruits coming to watch Tech play a big conference rivalry game...what will that kid think when he looks up into the stands and sees not only A SHART-LOAD of ugly chicks and nerdy looking dudes, but a fan-base divided on an idea meant to support the athletic program. Yeah, it's a long running joke that Tech fans wear 13 different shades of mustard, gold, and yellow and can't decide if they want to match it with blue or black, but if the football program they "support" wants them to wear white and give that GAWD AWFUL stadium some atmosphere for Pete's sake what is the problem?!?

Neither of us could put into words how pathetic and elitist this comes across.

Common complaints against wearing white were:

- “just a silly thing to do.” (sillier than World of Warcraft?)

- "Those who don’t own white Tech gear don’t want to buy something just to wear to one game." (the WORST excuse from a football fan ever!)

- " It will be too cold to wear just a sweatshirt, a problem for those who don’t own white jackets. Temperatures are expected to be in the 30s by the end of the game." (Boo Hoo, did you see the Central Michigan fans sitting in the SNOW last night?!?)

- "They say it’s gimmicky and, if Tech loses, the school will look foolish." (not as foolish as a failed Whiteout)

- "They don’t want to appear as if they’re copying Georgia, which has had three blackouts since last year." (or copying FSU, or Penn State, or Texas Tech, Arizona State, etc... who all do (insert color)-outs)


Anyway, there was one single awesome part of the article, which reads as follows...

“I was telling one of my friends that if we wanted to do something original, we should have a geekout and have a football game at the library,” Pritchett said, “because that’s where everyone is, anyway. It’d be a guaranteed sellout.”

PREACH IT, PRITCHETT!

But hearing that people were complaining about having to purchase a white article of clothing to wear once was the gayest thing I've ever heard. Fan Commandment #14 reads "Thou shalt purchase a minimum of 3 t-shirts yearly for your favorite team, and it shall be totally rad!" (Please note, the 20 Fan Commandments were written in the mid-80's so the language is a little dated). Anyway, if you can't find a way to purchase something that is white over the course of a lifetime of football seasons, you should be hanging out with Mr. Pritchett in the library and give me your ticket so I can go boo Tech in person wearing all black, which I'm prepared to do.

(Also, let it be know I'd boo Tech in person, but deep down inside I want them to win every game of the year...except one.)

Florida on Upset Alert

I distinctly remember this commercial for Sportscenter last night with an intro something like...

"Up next, Steve Spurrier might have the Gators on upset alert. On Sportscenter, next!"



...yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!



...OJ might be innocent.



...John Gruden might coach at Tennessee next year.



...popsicles might just mean popsicles.



...I might (be a vegetarian) and/or (start growing hair again). I couldn't decide which ball to run with so I went with both.



...these guys might ____________________ . (please feel free to come up with your own in the comment section. I'll get you started!)

The State of Politics in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee:

Stop being crazy. Perhaps the fact it's a down year for the Vols has you turning your attention to politics, but please stop. Perhaps your governor could do a broadcast letting you know guerrilla campaigning of the Tennessee nature isn't really effective for either candidate. At the moment we've got...

-Sarah Palin's email hacker.

-Crazy girl who carved a "B" into her face and claimed a black guy did it.

-White supremacists who plot to assassinate Obama.

This isn't a political blog, but I am seeing a strange trend growing from our neighbors to the north. I'm just ready for the elections to be over nationally AND locally. I can only hear about how Jim Martin kills children and Saxby Chambliss is a tree with the roots of all evil so many time.

But now back to something we can all agree on!

How to reply to LSU heckling...

LSU Fan: EEEEY BOODAWG! NIZE ROUGE PAINTS! HAW HAW HAW!

Approved Blogging Pantsless responses...

#1.

UGA Fan: Nice fat guy dance moves.

#2.
UGA Fan: Come on Beaux, we goin' to DA game, you can bring your purple hat!



(and by the way, red pants ain't got nothing on #2 from the left's LSU pattern prints)


#3.
UGA Fan: Nice...ugh...paint job!
(photo from RJYH)

#4.
UGA Fan: Nice face!


#5.
UGA Fan: Nice life!


#6.
UGA Fan: Nice college town!


#7.
UGA Fan: ...What?!? I can't understand you! SPEAK ENGLISH!

(With all due respect, Justin Wilson was the man as far as chefs go. I remember watching his cooking shows when I was a kid on GPTV just because I thought his accent was hilarious. I doubt he would have made it on the Food Network in today's world, I hear they look down on eating squirrel.)

HAahaHa Wurld Sereez AnARky!!1

Just a quick post about the World Series.

I couldn't be happier with the World Series match up. For those who don't know, last night Tampa Bay _____ Rays beat the Bastan Rad Sax to advance on to play the Philthedephia Philthys in the World Series...aaaaaand SCENE!

For starters I can't stand people from Boston. It's not the person, it's...well...yes it is the person. It's the accent, it's the arrogance, it's the clam chowder, it's all that wrapped up in obnoxious New England paper that makes me wish they were still over in Old England. It was seeing tons of them on my honeymoon in Aruba wearing their stupid "I LOVE MY PATS" t-shirts that makes me think they all love their socially awkward, androgynous people.

Also, I hope the whole Postseason on TBS gig was a ratings BOMB for the once proud TBS network. I don't know why I care, but I hate the fact people in Oregon won't be flipping through their channels and see the Braves playing every single game of the season on TBS. This is the equivalent of me being a kid visiting my grandmother during the summer time, and NOT seeing the Cubs and White Sox play on WGN between The Golden Girls and Matlock reruns.
Ben Matlock, loved hotdogs, loved the Braves on TBS

Finally the last thing I'm gonna harp on about this. I will be cheering for the American League team to win for the first time ever. My grandfather would be ashamed, but I can't bring myself to cheer for the Phillies...I just can't. I love the fact there isn't a great backstory to this match-up. I love that it's not the Cubs and the Red Sox like Fox would have ideally wanted. I eat it up. There is a perfectly good backstory with the best team in the National League playing the best team in the American League, it's just a shame this doesn't work for the talking heads running the broadcast. As my Dad told me in reference to the monstrosity the All-Star Game has become, "When the whole production takes precedent over what is actually happening on the field, there is something wrong with the sport".

A good question...

Last year my good friend Gayman made an appearance at the Outback Bowl. If you will recall last year's Outback Bowl was between Tennessee and Wisconsin (ugh). Though Gayman is a Tennessee native he is a die-hard-jort-wearin' Gator, but like myself a fan of college football none the less.

On New Years Day earlier this year while my dad and I were in Louisiana for the Sugar Bowl, I got a call from Gayman. He was sitting at the game and had a pretty funny question/observation, it was as follows.

"I'm sitting here, Mackie, and I can't decide who has the fatter fan-base, Tennessee or Wisconsin?"

So I decided to take it upon myself to break down the two. We'll tackle Wisconsin first.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Cheese - Hard to avoid up there.

Brats - It's like a hotdog but for Yankees and visitors to Helen, GA.

Brats with Cheese - 'dats howz we eats 'em in Whizkahhhnsin.


Chilly Winters - Extra layers of fat help the natives keep warm during the cold seasons (Fall, Winter, Spring, and 1/2 of Summer).

Lack of Exercise - It's hard to get excited enough to stand during Big 10 football games, so I can't really blame them.

Now the Tennessee breakdown.

Leading contributors to obesity include:

Bad example set by coaching staff...ZING! - Had to throw that one in there.
Dennys? Just over the river and take the first exit and you'll see it on the right. Tell 'em Phil sent ya!

Lack of exercise - Favorite activities include sitting in a tree stand for long hours and driving a car in circles...both involve sitting.

Access to GAWD awful microbrews - You know the ones I'm talking about. You make a trip to any restaurant near Gatlinburg and it's those same crappy "Black Bear Ale", "Thunder Road Beer", and the one with a bat on the label. All of which Epic Fail when put head to head with Sweetwater and Terrapin.

The Tennessee River - It is a common assumption that anything pulled from it can be fried and eaten.

Pride is loaded with calories - So swallowing excessive amounts just 5 games into the season without a doubt puts Tennessee over the edge as a clear winner.

Mystery solved, fatvantage Tennessee!

Regardless of who is most overweight, as a Dawg fan, I'm hoping we beat Tennessee to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game. Really anything we can do to avoid playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be great. Did I mention how unexciting playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be? Playing Wisconsin in a bowl game would be excruciatingly boring. So lets take care of business on the football field so we don't end up playing Wisconsin...in a bowl game.