Tuesday, August 12, 2008

ugh...

Continuing my quest to title my posts today with "reaction words", I bring you a quick lunch-time story.

I brought my lunch to work today as I do most days. But today I just wasn't feelin' it. So I make my way over to the Checkers down the street from my warehouse. As I'm in my truck at the window receiving my order I see a big fat lady waddle up to the walk-up window and proceed to scream her order into the building.

The thing that got me was the fact she ordered "A NUMBER SIX COMBO UPSIZED WITH A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE, WITH EXTRA TARTER SAUCE ON THE FISH SANDWICH AND 2 APPLE PIES".


...and I'm sure it looked just like this.

I will admit I find excessively obese people who indulge themselves slightly gross, but ordering the fish sandwich at a fast food restaurant might be the closest thing to telling someone "you know what? surprise me!" when you order. Because fish sandwiches are the equivalent of eating fried fish particle-board. Then to top it off with extra tarter sauce just makes my stomach turn...ugh, disgusting.

To tell both sides of the story I did order 2 Checkerburgers, a medium order of fries and a milkshake which isn't much healthier. BUT, I weight 155 lbs and I'm 6'4" and I've eaten like a pig my whole life which means 1 of 2 things.
#1 My wife hates the very air I breathe when I tell people I don't gain weight, because she thinks she fat even though she's skinnier than I am.
#2 I have better metabolism than Otis Nixon after just snorting 2 bumps of cocaine through a tampon applicator...which just like Otis' career in baseball will eventually fade away and I'll end up looking like the pregnant man who wasn't really a man at all, no matter what Oprah told you.


Guess what America? I just got away with putting a picture of a topless woman on my blog AND you're wife won't care that you're looking! Thank me later, preferably when you finish vomiting.

That pretty much sums up my rant. Now to really man this post up a little bit here's a picture of a guy trying to light his fart and the Jackyl music video for their song Lumberjack (which includes a chainsaw solo). Enjoy, my fellow man!




I don't know about you, but my chest hair just got a little thicker watching that.

1 comment:

Sweetie said...

I'm feeling a little veklempt after that post.

I'll give you a topic. Which is worse... the fish sandwich or the "Failure Bowl" (a.k.a. KFC Famous Bowls)? Discuss amongst yourselves.