Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Saturday Morning: A Day of Ritual - Round 1

As I promised Monday, I present you with the secrets to winning on your part. Today I'll cover just the basics of what to and what not to do when it comes to Gameday. These are the things you should know by heart already and should be a staple to any one's Saturday morning who takes their ritual seriously. So lets begin.

#1.

Never, ever, ever, EVER under any circumstance shave on Gameday. Guys, don't shave your face, your unibrow, don't trim your body hair, etc... Ladies, don't shave your legs or pluck anything if you want to take this seriously. Don't even trim your fingernails. Bottom line don't do anything that makes you less of a person (mass wise) when it comes to cheering your team to victory.

Here's another way to look at it.

Things that happen when you shave:
-weddings
-funerals
-court appearances
-jobs

Things that happen when you don't shave:
-hard liquor
-BBQ
-Guitar Hero
-hockey fights

...choose wisely, I know you will.

#2.

Know your Gameday attire, and have it ready the night before.
Pictured above:
1. Bulldog pattern underwear
2. UGA dri-fit polo
3. Red Eddie Bauer shorts
4. Red & Black New Balances
5. Gameday hat

No variations allowed unless you want to test your luck. The only acceptable changes are due to weather related events (rain ponch is a plus, long sleeves and full pants acceptable in late Fall) but even then you might want to make sure you're wearing the originals underneath...just to be safe.

#3.

Know what you're drinkin' and what you're drinkin' it out of.

Pictured above:
1. Jack Daniels (or chosen brand of whiskey)
2. Coke...NOT PEPSI...very important
3. Gameday cup

Last year I went through a handle of Jim Beam during the football season. A buddy of mine gave me a bottle of Jack for my birthday so I figured I'd give it a try this year. If things start getting too close I'll be heading down to Mink's Package to pick up some more Jim Beam...you can never be too safe (plus, said friend is a Tech fan, sabotage is always a possibility).

There is no acceptable alternative for Coke Classic. Bottom line.

Finally make sure you have your Gameday cup washed and ready to go come Saturday morning. This season I'm donning my plastic Sugar Bowl cup I got in New Orleans last January. Drinking is to commence at the beginning of ESPN's College Gameday Live (in moderation) only to slow until gametime. 15 minutes before your game of choice starts you better start hittin' the sauce again.

At the beginning of each quarter I down a shot of whiskey with a squirt of lemon juice concentrate on top. This shooter is in honor of Larry Munson who is all man (the whiskey) but still doom & gloom when it comes to sizing up the competition (the sour).
"Boy, Georgia Southern has a good lookin' team this season. Even with 8 starters out for the opener we better bring our A-Game because they'll come out swinging and we better be prepared."
Come 12:30 Saturday, this man will have you fearing Georgia Southern.

I'll cover a few more rituals later which are more specific to me personally. As I said earlier, the above should be standard traditions for anyone who is a football fan. I'll get into the crazy stuff tomorrow when I can take more pictures without getting rained on.

8 comments:

Sweetie said...

Awesome! I'm so glad you're sharing your secrets. Even though I've known them all, I haven't used this tecnique to help Bama. I might try this season (except for the drinking).

Mackalicious said...

you are free to all days except 9/27/08

Darryl Strawberry said...

A handle lasted the whole season???

lightweight.

Mackalicious said...

Ouch, that hurt Strawberry. Though I will be the first to admit, 3 years removed from college/fraternity tolerance I hung in there like a champ.

Darryl Strawberry said...

Do you have kids? If not, no excuse!


;)

Although, this year i would say a handle wont be enough....for the Bama game!


(I enjoy the blog)

Sammy the Taint said...

THIS IS GREAT. YOU ARE SETTING YOUR SELF APART AS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST BLOGS AROUND. GO DAWGS. I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS ON THE BOOT

Bop said...

Yeah, this is a really good post. There really is a ritualistic approach to Saturday's around these parts.

Ludakit said...

Don't be afraid of the Jack. It's been great to me since 2002 and it will treat you right as well. For an added twist, on non-Gamedays (so you don't f*ck up your mojo), mix the Jack with Dr. Pepper. You won't be disappointed in the results.