Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pantsless Predictions: Parts IIII - IIIIIIIIIIIII

Working out of state this last couple of months has really screwed up my ability to write meaningful, quality predictions of UGA's upcoming 2011 football schedule...


I couldn't really write that without laughing in my hotel room, everyone knows my blind faith that UGA should win every game and a few "C-"s is what hold me back from quality journalism and writing good and doing other stuff good too.

So while I'm taking a break from surviving massive earthquakes (that could have passed as a violent gaseous emission and/or a brief encounter with 2 beers at lunch) I figured I'd spend a little time on the ol' blog wrapping up my season predictions for the Dawgs.

9/24 - at Ole Miss
I'll go out on a limb and call this one a "W". With a little luck one of their 3 QBs will get into a fight and cap off the night in a jail cell after popping a cop in the lip. Nah, that'd be far too unrealistic to expect in the SEC. Lets just hope we show up and play a solid game and get some back-ups in early for reps.

10/01 - Missy State
Part of me fears this game more than the Auburn matchup later in the year, the other part reminds me that they are Mississippi State and up until last year we hadn't lost to them since '74 ten meetings prior. Unfortunately for us these aren't the same lousy Bulldogs that base a good season on winning the Egg Bowl...Dan Mullen has these guys wanting the West (however unlikely that may be).
This is a toss-up, but for S's & G's I'll call it a loss because running on the South Carolina theory of "I don't know if we suck or are teh awesomexorez" I'll play it safe and call it a Loss. Please prove me wrong in October, I'd love it.

10/08 - at Tennessee
To win this game you've got to have opportunity, and by now we all know where opportunity is in Knoxvegas. "W" for the good guys.

10/15 - at Vandy

Hope they get that bull semen cleaned up off the floor because we're going to drop a lot of Vandy jaws. Not just a "W" but perhaps the biggest hurtin' we've put on Vanderbilt in the last 20 years.

10/29 - Florida (WLOCP)
I'm not entirely convinced Florida will win a single game in the month of October. Bama>LSU>Auburn>UGA...that's a helluva stretch and even with their bye week before the Cocktail Party they've faced some real bruisers leading up to us. Toss in a new coaching staff and the fact that everyone but UF thinks John Brantley sucks and I think we've got a win over the team I like to beat most. "W"!

11/05 - New Mexico $tate
...give 'em a paycheck and send 'em back west. "W".

11/12 - Auburn

(prior to reading, press play on YouTube player below)
Phil Steele said these guys are gonna go from first to worst, I love Phil Steele. If you were as pissed off as I was about Auburn's foul play last year...AND DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A SORE LOSER BECAUSE I DIDN'T WAIT 6 LOSSES INTO THE SEASON TO MAGICALLY START THINKING THE WINNING TEAM IS PLAYING DIRTY...then you'll agree we've got some demons to exercise. Therefore I hearby declare Slayer the official house-band of Blogging Pantsless during the week leading up to the Auburn game, and "Raining Blood" shall be our National Anthem.
I don't want to beat Auburn this year, I want to absolutely dismantle them. I want to see John Jenkins with a piece of Auburn jersey in his mouth a la Ben Jones dining on Tech's field. I want to see the ENTIRE Auburn coaching staff have to sit through a game we dominate from start to finish. I want us up by 50 at the end of the first minute. I want the student section to photoshop Cam Newton's face on a bunch of $200,000 bills and make it rain onto the Auburn sideline every time we score. Honestly, if we're kicking ass all season and Auburn is haplessly flopping around with a losing record, I wouldn't mind us breaking out the black jerseys again just to completely obliterate this team emotionally as well. Last year's game lit something in me that burns with the fire of a thousand suns in the Hate-O-Sphere. If there was ever a time for Todd Grantham to prove to me that he cares about this team and will hold a grudge, this is it. If we're up by a million in the 4th quarter with :10 left, BLITZ 11. If they get a first down with :09 left, BLITZ 12. Put your hob-nailed boot on their worthless mullet-covered necks and squeeze the love of T-Top Camero's out of them. We will win this game, and we will destroy Auburn. "W" period.

Well, that was where was I? Ah may stop the YouTube player now.

11/19 - Kentucky
Lots of people calling this a trap game, I'm not one of them. Kentucky will be horrible this year. We'll still be so jacked up from beating Auburn we'll handle them easily. "W".

11/26 - at Nerds
The in-state rivalry game always tends to be a little close. If we're the real deal this year Tech will try and play spoiler to a great rebound season for the Dawgs. What exactly will Tech be playing for? The ACC Coastal?!? One man's trash is another man's treasure...I guess. Anyway, Coach continues his streak of away wins against Tech and we keep calling it Bobby Dodd Stadium at Historic Mark Richt Field. "W", Tech fans finally begin to question whether or not Coach Manboobs' is actually going to live up to Mark Bradley's expectations.

So with a little quick math that puts us at.....(scribbles on paper, mumbles somthing)...(carry the 1)...(rabblerabblerabblerabble)....10-2!

Does that win the East? Dunno, depends on if South Cackalacky decides to fold under the pressure of Media expectations. Everyone assumes they'll win the East, I hope they sincerely believe that and assume the East will be a cake walk...makes it easier for us.



Anonymous said...

Flariduh could field a team of 6 middle schoolers and Georgia would still find a way to nut up in Jacksonville. Until they prove me wrong, this game always gets an automatic preseason 'L' from me.

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