Monday, March 2, 2009

Herschel on Celebrity Apprentice: or what Mackie calls news during off season

I'm not a terribly huge fan of Donald Trump, I think he is a relatively decent businessman who made a couple of stellar real estate decisions. Then he made a bunch of really really BAD investments, one of which included a girlfriend when he was already married (I subscribe to the Frank Barone philosophy of "If you're having problems with your woman, don't go out and get another one because then all you've got are two problems"). Anyway, he made a couple more good financial calls and ended up back on top and landed a television show.

But the only reason I'm relatively interested in Celebrity Apprentice is because #34 is on this season. In case you missed it, here's a summary!

Herchel is elected by Brian Boytano or Scott Hamilton (whoever the gay little ice skating guy was) to be the PM of the men's team. They gave themselves a horrible team name, KOTU which is an acronym for "Kan't Otherwise Think Upaname"...don't quote me on that.

Anyway a while back the Georgia Sports Blog sent a PSA out to any Dawgs in or around New York City to go buy a cupcake from Herschel Walker. That happened to be the first challenge for both the male and female teams of Celebrity Apprentice.

Long story short, the male celebrities lost to the female celebrities who's Project Manager was either Joan Rivers or a siamese cat riding in a car with its head out the window. The good news is, Herschel didn't get fired even though he was in charge of the men's team. The bad news is, now I'm probably going to have to watch Celebrity Apprentice again.

Apparently The Donald thought Andrew Dice Clay was enough of a D-Bag to fire instead so he did. That being said, the Dice Man took his firing relatively well. In his cab ride away from Trump Towers ADC parted ways with this inspirational piece of philosophy...

"Hickory, dickory, dock. The mouse ran up 'da I f*@%ed Trump's mutha. OOOoOOOOOOO!!!1"

...if nobody got that joke, it just goes to show how irrelevant Andrew Dice Clay is by today's standards.

The highlight of the show for me was seeing a Georgia fan on television holding his freshly autographed UGA helmet in the middle of downtown New York beaming with joy. There is something to cherish about SEC football fanaticism and I'm glad we were represented well by a rebel transplant (opposite of yankee transplant?).

My other opinions of the show:

-Melissa Rivers is every bit as ugly as her mother.

-Tom Green should always have a beard.

-There is a reason nobody knows who Khloe Kardashian is.

-A little part of me was scared Clint Black would suggest one of his black teammates be fired.

-Scott Hamilton must have lost his testicles in a tragic ice skating accident.

-My wife and I mistook Playboy Playmate, Brande Roderick for Gene Simmon's wife (Shannon Tweed).

-I'm glad the majority of high definition television came after Dennis Rodman stopped playing basketball.

-Professional poker players come across as very sleazy people to me.

-I can't tell you a single song Brian McKnight sings.

-I don't consider the women who hold briefcases on Deal or No Deal to be "celebrities".

-Donald Trump mistakenly referred to Herschel Walker the greatest college running back of all time, what he meant to say was he is the greatest college football player of all time.

As a footnote to this story, I'm sure all of us got a little bit of snow yesterday. I found the most entertaining aspect of this inclimate weather to be watching Channel 2 Action News and seeing the pictures people sent in showing off the snow in their yard, much in the same manner shortbus kids show off their macaroni artwork to the school janitor. is the one I sent in.

...his name is Pepper, and he is cold.

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