Tuesday, February 10, 2009
How to Piss Your Wife Off on Valentine's Day
...that was easier than I thought.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think dropping $80 + shipping for a teddy bear is necessarily a BAD idea. My issue comes with the fact that any woman who isn't 6 years old could possibly be woo-ed by a stuffed animal (regardless of the occupational outfit it's wearing).
In total opposition to the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. I offer a list of $80 alternative gifts that might be more useful.
1. Vacuum cleaner.
2. A massage (you can find women on Craiglist who will barter a massage for ROSES instead of CASH!)
3. Gym membership.
4. Eighty double cheeseburgers (which you could trail back to the bedroom from the front door for a naughty surprise!)
5. $80 cash
6. iTunes giftcard so she doesn't have to hear you talk about football all Summer.
7. Speaking of football...Georgia Tech season tickets + hotdogs & Cokes! HEEY-OOooO!
8. A giftcard to a clothing store named after a woman (Ann Taylor or Lane Bryant) she'll love either one!
9. Guitar Hero: World Tour.
10. Cocaine
Yep, by my count any of those 10 would be more useful than a stupid teddy bear from a stupid state. Serious, beside Ben & Jerry's what has Vermont done for you lately?
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3 comments:
The video doesn't say if you have to go to Vermont to get the matching tatt.
Ummm Lane Bryant is for "big" girls. Do NOT ever get your wife a giftcard from a "big" girl shop. Unless of course you want to start practicing abstinence.
Getting your wife or girlfriend a gym membership goes right along with what Ally is saying. You might as well tell her she's fat and throw in a backhanded slap for good measure.
About how much cocaine does $80 buy these days? Uh, I mean.... ya know....just out of curiosity.
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