Tuesday, July 22, 2008

SEC East - The Batman Division

Since the rest of the world has gone all Turd Fergueson for The Dark Knight, I thought I'd compare some coaches to the multiple Batmen that have graced the silver screen. From current to past, my goal is to match each Batman to a coach of the SEC East. Will it be spot on? Doubtful. Will it be biased? Most definitely! But hopefully some humor will ensue once I get this horse galloping.

Current Batman: Christian Bale (of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Mark Richt (UGA)

Why it works: For starters, the guy's name is Christian what other connection could you possibly need? More substance? Fine. Coach Richt is no executioner, he will work his players hard, make them want it, push them to their limits, but he won't break them. He is a good steward to the community and deep down knows there is more to life than football or fighting crime. Just as Bruce Wayne is Bruce Wayne in public, so is Mark Richt...but you put either guy in black, and you better hold on to your F-ing hat.

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Previous Batman: George Clooney (Batman & Robin)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Urban Meyer (UF)

actually...for this, lets use a different George Clooney picture...

Ahh, much better.

Why it works: Much like my opinion of George Clooney, I care very little about what Urban Meyer says outside of his area of expertise. His area of expertise? Pointing and staring.

So when he goes out talking football and says things to the effect of "Tim Tebow is the greatest player of our era", it goes in one ear, takes a smoke break, and blows right out the other ear.

The voicing of stupid opinions isn't the only similarity though. Aside from homosexual undertones with the whole Robin/Chris O'Donnell thing, George Clooney also was rated as the least liked Batman of the entire series of movies. In my opinion, of the current SEC East coaches Urban Meyer is also my least liked. If only Coach Meyer would don a rubber suit with nipples for football season, he would be the quintessential George Clooney Batman.

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Previous Batman: Val Kilmer (Batman Forever)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Phil Fulmer (UT)

Why it works: Of all the Batmen, Val Kilmer has probably put on the most weight over the years, this would be a complete side-note and not a rip on how fat Phil Fulmer is (because fat jokes don't help you beat him as UGA found out last year). The other similarity is that both actor and coach had their heyday in the mid 90's and have since dropped off the map as far as being regarded as serious top contenders. Don't get me wrong, Tennessee is still a great program, but gone are the days where they just walk through their division and end up at the Sugar Bowl.

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Previous Batman: Michael Keaton (Batman and Batman Returns)

Comparable SEC Each Coach: Rich Brooks (UK)

Why it works: Once considered a god among men, Rich Brooks ruled the coaching world at Oregon. Just as Michael Keaton was the best of the Batmen, it is my opinion that he has been dethroned by the current king Christian Bale. Either that or Christian Bale reverted back to his role as Patrick Bateman and hacked Michael Keaton to bits with an ax after seeing his business card (a little American Psycho humor for you).

Sure Brooks had a pretty good season last year, but it too fell short of spectacular. With Andre Woodson now gone it looks to be another rebuilding year for the Wildcats, perhaps Keaton is out rebuilding his career with a role in another new Herbie movie.

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Previous Batman: Adam West (you know, the POW, WHAMMO, Batman)

Comparable SEC East Coach: Steve Spurrier (USC...the other one)

Why it works: Both are a couple of old coots most entertaining when animated.

...well that was fun, I'm off to a softball game tonight so I'll try to get more posting done tomorrow when I have a full day at the office.


bigphilnaglee said...

I think that's a pretty fair assessment. Urban Meyer being compared to George Clooney is definitely not the worst he has been called from a Georgia Fan.

My definite favorite, however, is the Val Kilmer/Philip Fulmer one. Man, I can't stand that guy. Great picture of both as well, with the nasty stained shirt on Fulm daddy.

Sports Dawg said...