...AND WE'RE BAAAAACK!!1

So I've been out for a while. I've gone on vacation, survived some nasty malware on my laptop, and worked my tail off in the past 3 weeks. But it couldn't have come at a better time because it's football off-season and with the exception of the occassional food challenge post (see KFC DoubleDown) that's my blog's primary focus.

Just because it's off season doesn't mean there isn't news going on. We, as SEC football fans, are very similar to East Cobb housewives. They don't have REAL stress because they aren't working...so instead they take the next biggest deal and blow it out of proportion just so they have a steady dose of drama in their life. (That would explain why they get hysterical about not having the snacks together for Junior's little league team...and nobody cares)

So Mettenberger tried his hand at the ladies (rimshot) and Logan Gray is 50/50 about sticking around to fair-catch punts. Does that leave us thin at QB? Yes, but the realist in me isn't expecting a cinderella season this year anyway. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect better than 8-5, but if I'm not mistaken (which I very well may be) Alabama lost to UL-Monroe after installing the 3-4...but look at 'em now (also I'm well-aware this was the first year after a coaching change so don't rip me to pieces on this).
"You will NOT bring that up again."

I still believe we've got the players and the personnel to compete for the East, but of all the stuff to fret about, the fact that football season is still 4 months away is more scary to me. The annual relinquishing of sanity will commence as usual following the MLB All-Star Game in July.

A Brush With Obesity

So today I had this "great" idea.

Monday, April 12th marked the official unveiling of the KFC dream sandwich, The Double Down. Also, I've lived in the Marietta area most of my life and not once have I ever actually eaten at The Big Chicken (Its been one of those places I drive by but never actually stop...in Auburn, AL they call this "church"). The stars aligned and it only made sense to kill two birds with one stone.

Follow me as I take you on a trip down dietary Hell.

There she is, rising like a Phoenix from the Arizona.

Hmmm...I should probably go ahead and tell you I can count my total trips to KFC in the last decade on Lance Armstrong's testicles.

I am officially the proud owner of 1 KFC Double Down "sandwich".


So here it is. A bacon & cheese sandwich held together by 2 fried chicken "buns".

...NOM

...NOM NOM

...NOM NOM NOM

FINAL VERDICT:
Patton Oswalt once referred to KFC's Famous Bowl's as "Failure Bowls". I will hereby refer to this beast as a Failure Sandwich. Why? Because I feel like Hell right now. The damned thing was salty, heavy, and 100% vegetable free...unless the USDA convinced you that condiments are a vegetable, then you got your daily serving of Colonel's Sauce. Seriously would it have killed you to put a tomato or a pickle on this thing?!?

I'm not a health-nut by any stretch of the imagination. I can't eat my wife's Kashi cereal without wanting to empty the hole-punch into the bowl to give it some taste. But if you find yourself able to eat one of these on a regular basis, chances are you either have a Dale Earnhardt tattoo or are wearing an over-sized Tweetie Bird t-shirt. Diabetes are in your not-too-distant future and your long hair compliments your red neck.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go fix myself a Lipitor and Maker's Mark...then call it a night.

The Final Countdown

So if you'll notice in that handy-dandy little box, top-right, you'll see I'm approaching my 100,000th hit. Amazingly the last 500 have come this week when I haven't posted anything, so thanks for the visits, suckers.

Next week, I'm taking a little vacation, and when I get back home get back to work and clear the piles of work that mounted during my absence there is probably going to be some BIG news I'll be sharing...maybe. My fear of commitment may have me by the balls, I don't know yet.

Either way, this is a huge milestone for me. Thanks to the few who read BloggingPantsless regularly even when I'm spotty on my posting. Also, a special thanks to my wife who has clicked refresh 99,000 times in order to get my sitemeter up. HOOTIE HOO!



Enjoy G-Day, Playaz and Playastresses...we'll see you next week!

Baseball Returns to Atlanta

Yes, it's still technically a Spring Training game, but to pro's are back in town.

The Braves are back at Turner Field and tonight we're taking on the Chicago White Stockings.


The game is at 7:05pm and tickets are starting at $5. If you're bored and feel like going downtown to cheer on the hometeam, you can't beat that deal. Also, it gives you a chance to see former Bulldog Gordon Beckham (who is the most talented $400,000 player on the White Sox Roster).

...yep, they done lost their minds.

My wife owns a Fort Knox-size vault of criticism for my desire to name our spawn Herschel Munson Alicious (should my wife eventually grow to see me as a suitable procreator).

But until that day comes, the Georgia fan-base will always have THIS to hang over the Alabama fan-base.

This isn't naming your dog, "Dooley" or "Loren"...this is the Alabama version of some nutjob actually naming their kid "Georgia Bulldog Smith".

If I've ever wanted a child to rebel against their parents, this is it. Dear Almighty Creator, please let this kid grow up to be a Plainsman/Tiger/War Eagle...that would be divine.
Perhaps he could one day grow up to kick Bo Jackson JerdenHayre's ass (pictured above, hanging in the homemade Jumparoo!)

April Fools Day

I absolutely hate April Fools Day. The pessimist in me refers to April 2nd as "HOLY S#$% HE WAS ACTUALLY IN A FATAL CAR ACCIDENT?!?! Day".

That being said, the humorist in me has always had an affinity for great pranks. If you've ever seen College Humor's Prank Wars, #8 is clearly the front-runner so far.

Enjoy.

Gators Don't Actually Wear Jean Shorts...

...APRIL FOOLS!

image courtesy of Gator Tailgating.