155 lbs @ 6'5"

The title of this post is in regards to my dimensions. I am a skinny, tall guy who was born with the freakish ability to eat whatever I want and never gain weight. Women hate me, burgers fear me, ...come to think of it most women fear me too. Regardless, I wanted to post this tangent about one of my great loves, hamburgers (cheeseburgers to be precise).

I was uber-delighted when I found my new favorite blog. It's called A Hamburger Today and it's all about burgers across America. PLUS it's updated regularly!

From the Krispy Kreme burger:


To the grilled cheese (bun) burger:


This website has opened my eyes to the narrowness of my pleasure in the field of "burger". At the moment, my most exotic burger experience comes from Auburn, AL. When I pledged a fraternity at LaGrange College, we took a road trip to Auburn...for a dinner trip. We ended up at Cheeburger Cheeburger (which I was told closed down but recently heard conflicting reports) home of The Pounder.

The Pounder is a cheesburger that weighs one pound, clever huh? If a patron is capable of eating the whole thing they get their picture taken with a Polaroid camera and it gets put on the wall. Of my pledge class I was one of only 3 who was capable of eating a full pound of cheeseburger (which comes fully loaded with lettuce, tomato, etc...) My buddy Adam Riggins, whos blog is link on the right, also seemed to have room for a milk-shake and fries but that is neither here nor there. So if the Cheeburger Cheeburger is still open in Auburn there is a picture of me and two other guys next to the men's restroom.

This is no strange feat as many have accomplished it before me, but sadly that is all the excitement I have in the burger world. These days I usually stick to turkey burgers at home with the wife, or Bubba Burgers, which are boarderline shameful, when we visit my parents.

Either way, I just wanted to share this with you guys to see if you find the same pleasure I find when you sink your teeth into a thick, juicy cheeseburger. Burgers are not only a well balanced meal (beef-protein, bun-grain, lettuce/pickle-veggie, tomato-fruit, and cheese-dairy) but they are also extremely portable when you aren't in any condition to drive and there is a Wendy's down the street from the fraternity house. This, my friends, is truly God's most perfect meal. Amen!

Pterodactyl, Speak it!

Tennessee tailback Arian Foster will only do interviews to reporters speaking in Pterodactyl.

BREAKING NEWS:
Knowshon will only be conducting interviews with reporters who speak with a Scarface-like Cuban accent, mayne.

Question...

I was watching Classic College Football on tv last week and they were showing Georgia vs. Georgia Tech from 1991. As a point of reference this game took place when I was 9 and it was only my first or second year as a Georgia fan attending games (primarily because we'd just moved from Moss Point, Mississippi) and my memory doesn't really serve me well...because I was NINE. Watching Garrison Hearst run wild through Tech's defense on that ugly neon astro-turf was great, but I notice both Hearst and Eric Zeier (among others) had a black heart-shaped patch on their white away jersey. It was in the location of where the captain's "C" would be so I'm assuming it meant the same thing, but I didn't know if any of you guys knew the story behind why it was a heart-shaped patch.

Perhaps if I can't get an answer from any of you guys I can drop a comment card question to Ray Goff next time I go to Zaxby's.

Mmmmmmmmm....finger plate....Auguaguaguaugu (drooling)

Ben & Jerry's: Tennessee Volunteer Edition

In honor of the Dawgs' match-up with the Vols this Saturday, I bring you the newest flavor venture from the Vermont ice-cream king, Ben & Jerry's. A spokesman from the company states Ben Jerry's will be offering up custom flavors to local markets based in SEC college towns. The vendors will be allowed to create new flavors, package, and market their product to the same SEC fans who buy anything with their teams logo on it. The representative went on to say, if people will buy this, they'll buy just about anything.

So later this month in Knoxville, and surrounding...farmlands...the following flavors will be available from your local Piggly-Wiggly.

Fulmers Favorite - A delightful creation with vanilla bean ice cream mixed with real Krispy Kreme donut bits, peanut butter & chocolate swirl, Oreo chunks, Moon Pie bits, marshmallows, butter, bananas, french fries, pineapple, Kraft Singles, peanut M&Ms, chicken wings, ketchup, and topped with a big orange slice. Mmmm, Mmmmmmmmmm.

Straight Outta' Crompton - This flavor begins with a creamy mix of chocolate and vanilla swirled together and a blast of flavor with chocolate football helmets filled with real clumps of grass pulled from Jonathan's facemask!

Eric Berry Garcia - Pretty much the same as Cherry Garcia, except the mixture is extremely inconsistent and may include a swirl of Knoxville's own "Blown Coverage Fudge".

Chili Slaw-fense - Obviously since the term "claw-fense" is vomit inducing to most Tennessee locals, we created a more fan-friendly flavor! Granny's homemade peach ice cream mixed with real chunks of Oscar Meyer hotdogs, a swirl of Hormel chili, and a generous "spread" of coleslaw is sure to satisfy even the most bitter good ol' boy who's had his fill of Dave Clawson's playbook!

Fish Food - Not to be confused with Phish Food, the Knoxville version will be chocolate ice cream mixed in with shredded bits of Johnny Chavis' defensive schemes and comes in a 12 oz. weighted tub capable of reaching the Tennessee River if thrown from the upper deck of Neyland Stadium.

Rocky Topper - There is no better comfort food than this. Portable and refreshing, Rocky Topper is a spirit-warming base of corn whiskey ice cream with a blast of peanut butter & jelly sandwich bits. Under each lid is a picture of Tee Martin giving you a smile, a wink, and a thumbs up with a passage reading, "Never give up."

The Man's Keepin' Me Down

Sorry for such spotty posting this week. It's been nuts trying to get these projects out the door this week, but thanks for sticking around regardless. Next week we'll get a few big stories covered before Fat Phil comes to town. When it comes down to making fun of fat guys I've got an endless supply of material so hopefully I'll make it up to you.

Happy Friday, Suckers!

Thanks Coach!

I'm a Pitt fan whenever you play someone ranked ahead of the Dawgs, and I might be the only person you never seem to let down, thanks Dave!

Yesterday = A Good Day

I'm struggling to put together decent posts during the bye week (which makes me wonder what I was writing about before football started), but in honor of my 10,000th page view I just thought I'd let you all know yesterday was a pretty good day.

(really I just hit refresh 10,000 times to get my numbers up)

I've finally moved past the Alabama game and feel that same standard of homeostasis I felt prior to September 27th. I'm looking forward to a weekend of relaxation and football where Vandy is hosting Gameday. It's like a vacation overseas where all the sports coverage is strange, new, and Vanderbilt is a decent team. I usually pull for Vandy whomever they play, but now do I need to cheer for the Cow College to make sure Vandy drops in the East? WHHAAAAA!?!? Looks like I'll be taking 2 showers Saturday; one for general hygiene, and one to wash off the stink of rooting for ABUURN. Ugh.

Also, my sister's basset hound, Eleanor Roosevelt (yes I know, she named the dog Eleanor Roosevelt), will be staying with us briefly while my sister is overseas. Dogs will outnumber humans in our house and I assume they will mount an all-out offensive attack to overtake the television and watch Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl we still haven't deleted from the DVR.


But back to my original rambling of what a good day yesterday was, I noticed for the first time I was approaching the 10K milestone around lunchtime. I didn't think this little creative outlet would produce such results in just a few months. I appreciate the 50-60 people who stop by on a daily basis, my site-tracker shows me what kind of traffic I'm getting and I'm thrilled daily. So thank you to everyone who swings by and drops a comment letting me know I misspelled something or have posted factual inaccuracies. It motivates me to think of more random stuff that hints at creativity.

Other highlights from yesterday include BBQ at lunch, learning Phish was getting back together, and (my guilty pleasure) Dirty, Sexy, Money returning to television.


I don't allow myself to get "sucked in" to many television dramas primarily because I don't like broadcast corps telling me what I should like, because it causes the exact opposite reaction they hope for and I end up not even giving it a chance. There are a few exceptions however.
#1 Dirty Sexy Money
#2 Nip/Tuck
#3 Days of Our Lives (but only for 1 season when I was in college, and it was really interesting because Jon Black's ex-wife Marlena was possessed, there was a tiger running loose through New Salem, a masked man was going around "killing people" but was really taking them to a strange island, and Sami and Lucas were THIS CLOSE to getting back together until that ho-bag Chloe came into the picture.)

Most other shows I like get cancelled, like Notes From the Underbelly. Anyone remember that one? It was hilarious, but got tossed after the writers strike.

Geez, I see how prone I am to tangents after looking at the above paragraph.

...and finally, my AC/DC tickets came in the mail, HALES YESH!.

Anyway, thanks again for finding the crap I write about mildly interesting enough to check out daily, here's to 10,000 more hits! So pick up your balls and load up your cannon for a 21 gun salute...