WOOT WOOT IT'S WEEKLY AWARDS TIME!!1

If you will recall, at the end of the week is when I award people who exemplify awesomeness with the Lee Roth Award, and those whom are the picture of douche-i-ness with the Hagar Award.

This will be a two-part post because #1 boss-man's got me covered up, and #2 I still haven't figured out who I thought sucked the most this week.

So let's get this party started with some positivity!



This weeks winner of the Lee Roth Award for Awesomeness is...

Sol Price!!!

For those who may not know, Sol Price is considered the warehouse-retail store pioneer. Today we may know his most excellent achievement known as Costco which was merged with Price Club in 1993. A year and a half ago, a Costco opened near my house...my life has never been the same as evidenced by the photograph below.


That's right, the 72 pack box of Bagel Bites. I placed it next to my wife's stand-mixer so you can see the mammoth size of the box alone. Not to mention there are 6 individually wrapped packs of 12 inside just DARING me to eat them all in one sitting.

Sol Price, the roof of my mouth thinks you're a bastard, everyone else knows without you we'd have to buy our 50 gallon drums of mayonnaise from the Chinese...and nobody wants that. Therefore I honor you with the company of Senator Blutarsky in the inner circle of Lee Roth Award recipients.

Tune in later to see who gets to hang out with Terence Moore in the losers-bracket known as the Hagar Award winners.

Life's Most Important Question, Volume I

As we all know, the question we ask ourselves on our death-bed is...

Who will play my role in the movie about my life?

I decided to take this ball and run with it at Blogging Pantsless and it got me thinking. Who would play some of the coaches in college football in the movie version of their life...I believe The Bear already has his in the form of Tom Berenger of The Junction Boys.

So I did some deep thinking of who I thought looked (or acted) like who and came up with the following:


Phil Fulmer as played by Fred Thompson
The Law & Order star (wait, he did politics too!?!) would portray the life of The Doughnut King in his 13 years as an assistant coach at UT then taking the reigns from Johnny Majors in '92.

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Steve Spurrier as played by Regis Philbin
The Evil Genius will chronicle the rise, the fall, and the "Duuhhhh, I just knows we gone win da' SEC this yeer" future rise again of the Ol' ball coach.
Tag Line: "DID YOU SEE HOW BAD I BEAT RAY GOOF? DID YA'? IT WAS NUTS...NUTS I TELL YA'!

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Mark Richt as played by Helen Hunt
Alright look, this was hard to avoid but I wanted to go ahead and get it over with. Yes we Georgia fans have all heard how much our coach looks like Helen Hunt. But if Cate Blanchett can play Bob Dylan and be nominated for an Oscar, then Helen Hunt can portray CMR in The Saint.

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Urban Meyer as played by Lou Diamond Phillips
The star of La Bamba remakes himself as Coach Urban Meyer. From Bowling Green to Utah to Florida, Phillips does a spot-on portrayal of Meyer culminating in what would easily be the highlight of Meyer's career...the Simply Orange commercial.


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Lou Holtszz as played by Will Ferrell's Harry Caray impression
Bypassing any year Holtzszz coached with NCAA violations, Will Ferrell's Harry Caray picks up Lou's career beginning with his role on ESPN U. I understand the similarity in appearance pretty much ends with the glasses, but you gotta admit the "HAY, IF YOU WERE A HOTDOG WOULD YOU EAT YOURSELF!?!" line would easily fit in with ANY of Lou Holtzszz' "Pep Talk" segments.
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Feel free to leave me any other coaching similarities you know of, I plan on doing a few more of these once I think of some.

Matthew Stafford Interview

As I glanced at the AJC sports section today I saw the following from Chip Towers...

"I ran into quarterback Matthew Stafford and spoke with him very briefly. From my perspective, he appears to be in the best condition he’s been in since he’s been at Georgia. All I could go by was looks but there was virtually no sign of the pudginess that’s always been part of Matt’s physique. He actually looks taller."

Wow, that's always good to hear. You never want your star QB to turn into Jared Lorenzen during the off-season. As a Blogging Pantsless exclusive I actually had the opportunity to check in with Matthew Stafford. It was mostly just exchanging pleasantries, but I siezed the moment to ask him about what Chip Towers reported.
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Me: Matthew, can I call you Matty?

MS: Sure Mackie, and btw I love Blogging Pantsless, I read it everyday.

Me: Oh Matty, you're too kind. If I may ask, what did you do this off-season to lose the pudge and lean-up?

MS: Well, I'm not really supposed to say.

Me: Come on Matty, you gotta tell me now with a comment like that.

MS: I told her I'd keep it a secret, but...Mackie, you are my hero...I really admire how you are able to hit crush a softball, you know all the words to my favorite Van Halen songs, and nobody...NOBODY can play a face-melting Guitar Hero solo like you.

Me: Matty, you're making me blush, really the honor is all mine.

MS: Well, she's not gonna like it but here is how I stayed in shape. (pulls a folded picture from his wallet)...





Me: HOLY CRAP, YOU'VE BEEN BENCH PRESSING THE GIRL FROM THE TIM TEBOW PICTURE?!?!

MS: You got it Bra'.

Me: WOW!!1

MS: And Timmy is gonna be PISSED! (Ha-Haaaaaaaaa!!!)

Me: You know it! Plus Terrence Moore keeps telling us how Urban Meyer can't wait to get revenge for The Celebration last season...you Sir, are THE MAN! HIGH FIVE!

(We high-five, still laughing)

(Matthew's c-phone rings)

MS: Sup C-Bo?!....Yeah, no problem... I'll be right there. (hangs up)

Me: Everything kosher?

MS: Ehhh, Boling's tanked again and needs a ride home from Topper's.

Me: ugh...well, it was great to talk to you, we'll see you August 30th!

MS: (walking to his car) I'll be looking for you in the stands! Go Dawgs!

Me: GO DAWGS!

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Well, there you have it. A Blogging Pantsless exclusive interview with Matthew Stafford. Remember folks, you saw it here first!

The Man's Keepin' Me Down!

Light posting today, I'm covered up with projects. I'll try to squeeze something out over lunch if possible.

The Future of Footwear

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and make a claim.

The end is near for the nasty, grey New Balances you see all the guys on college campuses wearing now a days. Behold the future...


THAT'S RIGHT MCFLY!!!

Wired is reporting that Nike has put these into production and they'll be available in late July. They won't have the vacuum seal lace-tying system, but at least they'll look similar.

So if you are an upcoming freshman, go ahead and pick you up a pair for the upcoming semester. You know by the time you get to campus, all the other kids are going to have them. Don't forget to pick up several pair of tapered-leg jeans to tuck in the high-tops, because you know boot-cut won't stay in.

Dude, are you SERIOUS!?!?

I happened to catch the link from Paul "The Golden Conscience" Westerdawg at Georgia Sports Blog about the Georgia Tech kid who made news with his Craigslist ad.

Click this link if you believe white men can't dance, oriental people are good at math, african americans excel at sports, homosexuals raise property values, and there are more Second Life's than real lives on Georgia Tech's campus...because it will all be true.


For those who don't know, a Tech student fails to break every stereotype I've ever had about Georgia Tech students being nerds. This kid put an ad on Craigslist to get a girl to teach him how to kiss. Don't worry though, it's not because he wants to know how to properly animate his Sims characters. His "girlfriend" who he met online lives up in Maryland and will be travelling down to visit him and he wants to know how to kiss properly (btw he thinks they're soul-mates).

I've bought a few things on Craigslist; a hammock, UGA tickets, some Pink Floyd vinyl records. I feel that if my parents ever found out about these transactions they would not only be okay with it, they might want me to explain more about "The Craiglist" to them.

For parties involved, how should the parents react to this? This kid's mom is okay with it; no surprise, most moms love their sons no matter how pathetic they are, my mother told me so. I feel the real disappointment comes when Pops finds out his little girl actually shared her knowledge of oral trade (the clean kind) with this kid.

I will give this guy credit, he's using what he is most comfortable with (computers) to get past the awkward stage of getting someone to kiss him (commonly associated with...being social...in public...with people).

My only hope is that he at least knows how to treat her when she gets into town. If he wants my advice, he should wait until mid-Fall and take her to a football game (seats should be plentiful) and then the Homecoming concert.

Weekend Wrap-up

As a contributing member of society I understand there are few rewards in life greater than the 3 day weekend. Needless to say when you get one, make the most of it. Highlights of this weekend included...



The Peachtree Road Race
I didn't run this year, primarily because #1 they returned my check and entry-form, #2 because I didn't want to pay going-rate for someone else's number. My wife on the otherhand found someone who was trying to dump their number at the last minute and was able to make it to the largest gathering of Kenyans, athletes, and people who will get looks of disbelief wearing their 10K t-shirts to the buffet they no-doubt are headed to after they cross the finish line at 3:45pm. But while they were burning precious calories, I was sleeping late and cutting grass with the DVR recording so I could try to pick out people I knew later.




Wall-E
I still have yet to find someone who DIDN'T like this movie. In my opinion, perhaps Pixar's best yet. When an animated movie blurs the line between what I can't tell is real or cartoon...that is impressive (except the Final Fantasy movie...that blew). Not to mention I'm a sucker for Hello Dolly fans, man or machine.




Fireworks
How do we as Americans celebrate our freedom? That's right, by shooting fireworks outta our butt-cracks! No telling how many people will return to work today without being able to hit the spacebar but you know what? Don't nobody care, because it makes for a great story. I decided not to scare the @#$% out of my dogs this year and stuck to the HD broadcast of the Lenox show. Until Channel 2 decided to do a split screen shot between Lenox and Mall of Georgia which completely negated any benefits of watching a fireworks show in High Definition...not cool Monica...not cool.




The longest Braves game in Turner Field history
Why was this game great? Hmmm...let's see, rain delay and I wasn't there. Bobby Cox got thrown out. A great comeback effort by the home-team in the bottom of the 8th. Eight free innings of baseball. Bases loaded single in the 17th wins it for the Bravos. Lucky for me I was able to watch the first part of the game from home, then me and Ricky Bobby met my parents at Applebee's for dinner (give it up for free meals!) where we watched them tie it up, drove home assuming they'd lose (I'm a bit of a baseball pessimist...I've been hurt too many times). Later that night I was sitting on my butt in the living room when I saw it was still on and caught the final two innings. In long games like that, it's best when you catch the meat of the game without any of the filler that's why I watch the last 5 minutes of basketball.

So I hope everyone had a happy 4th of July. If you didn't thank a vet, grill out, wave a flag, drive a truck, sing God Bless America, eat apple pie, fire a gun, catch a fish, light a fuse, drink a beer, say a prayer, hug your mother, kiss your wife/girlfriend (but not both), shoot a bird, walk around in underwear, or "thank you're lucky stars to be livin' here today"...then you were simply un-American my friend...and you can go to Hell.