Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Pantsless Predictions: Part I of IIIIIIIIIIIII


September 3. 2011
Boise State
Georgia Dome


Let me preface this post with a little-known fact about yours truly.

I EFFING HATE HORSES.

I hate the way they smell, the way the prance around, and their stupid Sarah Jessica Parker faces.

On my honeymoon I was viciously attacked by one of these beasts on a nightmare experience I refer to as the 1st/last/only time I went horseback riding.

Long story short, after 2 hours of being bounced around uncontrollably by one of these monsters, my horse takes off galloping. Apparently the lead horse didn't like the way I was managing my horse...because we all know these horses listen to first time riders and not their owners who direct them with a series of whistles. But anyway, my horse gallops past the group and as we approach the lead horse, that MF-er reached out and BIT me on the leg like it was an ear of delicious, grilled silver queen corn.

I'm not over-reacting and saying he nipped at me, that horse LATCHED ON to my leg just above my right knee-cap. So I did what anyone in my position would do, I yelled "SON OF A BITCH!" and punched him in the nose.

...yes, I punched a horse in the face. IN THE FAAAAAAACE!


And then, the world went in slow motion, just like in Rocky 5 when Rocky punched a horse, the 1000 lb animal reared back on his 2 hind legs, whinnied, and then fell over like a little bitch.

I felt sorry for the woman riding the lead horse, I immediately hopped off my horse and went to make sure she was alright. I (and most of the civilized world) knew I was strong...but I didn't think I was knock-out a horse strong. So I apologized to the woman (but not the horse, he can rot in horse Hell because there is no way those soul-less, dead-eyed savages are welcome in Heaven) and I said SCREW THIS and hopped on an ATV to go back to the ranch while my wife finished the ride.

So now, with that background knowledge, you can understand why the Boise State Broncos are not quite in my circle of trust due to my history with their mascot's breed.

Aside from this, myself like most people in the SEC, don't take Boise State seriously. They've got a nice, shiny 0'fer going against Arkansas, South Cackalacky, and us in 4 attempts. Not the conference's worst trio, not our best, but I'd say that's a good middle-to-upper echelon of SEC opponentry.

My only problem with this match-up is that now most people in the SEC don't really take Georgia seriously either, and who can blame them?!? We've had two real stinkers of a season the past couple of years. But here's my call on this game (keep in mind, predictions 100 days out tend to be as accurate as government forecasting and incredibly bold).

UGA 26, Boise St. 17

I think our biggest problem going into this game is going to be our offense. If the line holds up, if the running game gets going, and if our receivers can hold onto passes we're golden.

I think Boise State has a great team that will win a lot of games this year, but the Chick-Fil-A College Kickoff ain't one of them.

I'm so pumped up about our defense this year with Big John Jenkins (6'4"-340 lbs) and Kwame Gathers (6'5"-350 lbs) at Nose. Watching either one or a combination of the two plowing over Boise States starting Center (Thomas Byrd, 5'11"-284 lbs) should be a lot of fun. If this puts pressure on *COUGH* Heisman *COUGH* candidate Kellen Moore to rush his passes and hopefully not give him the opportunity to pick apart our weakness at Safety, then the score difference might be greater than I predicted.

Can't wait to see Isaiah Crowell on the field to see what this kids got. I doubt he'll get the first round of carries, but you're smoking crack if you think homeboy is sitting out this dawg-fight. There's a lot of hopes/dreams riding on this young man's shoulders and if he's got the motor and the legs to give our running game new life, UGA could have a great season.

Go to the :21 mark, if you think Washaun Ealey wouldn't be downed BEHIND the 40-yd line, then go ahead and make him your school's Premier Running Back.

Go Dawgs!

5 comments:

Small Group said...

It's been awhile and didn't notice your post. Good to see you "back in the saddle again"'
;-)

Mackie said...

Great compliment, horrible pun.

Work has been absolutely insane for the last 5 months, so I appreciate you guys sticking with me even through my lull. Trying to get around to a better posting schedule.

Ally Garner said...

Holy crap. The blog is A-L-I-V-E again!

Glad to see you in my Reader :)

Now if only you could nudge your better half in that direction as well....

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