Monday, July 6, 2009

Pantsless Preview: Part IIIII of IIIIIIIIII (10)

10.3.2009 - LSU (Home)

TIGAH' BAYTE TIGAH' BAYTE!!1

Who can tell me what's wrong with the premise of this video?

...if you guessed, bragging about your new Defense coaches then show clips of how good your old coach's defense was...then YOU WIN!

Now take a crack at this one....

...yep, you got it! Showing clips from your player's highschool highlight reel goes a loooooong way against scaring your SEC counterparts.

Now don't get me wrong, LSU is a very talented program. For the most part, you can always count on LSU to be in the running for the SEC West. They pull talent like Michael Jackson pulled Huggies...yep....went there.

But just like these videos show, you can't rationalize anything with their fanbase. Don't try to have a civilized conversation about SEC football with these people, it ain't happening. 9 times out of 10 it'll end with the words "Whup 'dat azz", "Tigah' Bait!", or "Justin Wilson coulda kicked Alton Brown's azz!".

To say LSU will be more of a challenge than last year would be an understatement. I doubt we'll see Jared Lee tossing pick 6's to our defense now that Jordan Jefferson has taken over as QB. Watching them dismantle Tech at the Peach Bowl last year was a thing of beauty (hopefully our staff was taking notes on how to defend "the perfect option").

To be perfectly honest, this preview is going to be relatively speculative. I'm not going into a ton of depth when it comes to how I view LSU's roster because I view our two camps as being in the same position. If anything, personnel-wise, I give the Dawgs a slight advantage especially due to QB experience and strength of our linemen. We both have superstar WRs (Brandon LaFell/AJ Green) split, LSU has advantage in the Runningback dept. with senior RB Charles Scott, and I'll give Georgia the advantage in our kicking game (LSU will be breaking in a new place kicker and punter).

Schedule-wise the Dawgs will continue their role as Sisyphus
(how's that for some culture, bitches?)

and picking up where Arkansas left off, the Bayou Bengles will be performing the part of Elle Woods carrying around her pink-clad chihuahua.


Going into the 2009 football season with all guns blazing against Pac-10 powerhouse...Washington? Then they host Vandy, UL Lafayette, and make a treacherous trip over to Starkville to play the Bulldogs of the West. Please note the Mississippi State trip will be treacherous, not the game...Starkville blows.

As if you didn't know already we've faced Okie State, South Cackalacky, Arkansas, and Arizona State in the same time-frame. Also, as you are aware I predict UGA to fall prey to the Razorbacks and come into the LSU homegame with a 3-1 record. This is why you might be surprised I pick Georgia to knock off LSU on October 3rd.

WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA??!?!?!

That's right, I think we'll drop the Arkansas game because we'll be tired and get caught with our pants down trying to moonwalk through Fayetteville. But it's the same frustrating situation where we underestimate the opponent and don't play with the fire we need to win. However, LSU is a name we know to take seriously. We have them at home, this will be Jordan Jefferson's first start in a loud SEC opponent's stadium, and we'll have nothing to lose. LSU will still be undefeated and riding a media wave of monstrous victories over mediocre opponents.

Rennie Curran dreams about two things:
-peace in Liberia
-running QBs attempting a passing game

Jordan Jefferson gets a bitter-dose of reality on his first trip to Athens as the LSU Tigers fall to our Dawgs in a shootout, 20-17 UGA.

Next we take a trip to visit The Kiffer in Knoxville. I think the only thing more difficult than writing the preview for this game would be avoiding the easy cliches that run rampant like 13 year olds with football scholarships in Knoxvegas.

4 comments:

joseph said...

Starkville blows? You even been there? Once, maybe twice? How would you know what Starkville has to offer? I get so sick of lazy bloggers who can't take the time or effort to say something more worthwhile than childish crap like "Starkville blows."
I've been to Athens a couple of times and, while it ain't home and I could say, "Athens blows," but I won't. I could just mention it's the home of the largest group of underachievers in the SEC.wiliturf

Mackie said...

Sorry to hit a raw nerve with you, Joseph. If you get sick of lazy bloggers then perhaps you shouldn't read Blogging Pantsless which might be the single laziest blog on the internets.

In regards to my statement of "Starkville blows", that was more of a metaphor of how much I dislike agriculture towns. Auburn is the same way, it's a town in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do. Sure Starkville has Bulldog Lanes, the Community Theatre, and a Rotary Club...but for the simple minds my blog appeals to it's just easier to make a large, sweeping statement like "Starkville blows".

As far as Athens being home to the largest group of underachievers in the SEC...who knows, perhaps you are right. I wouldn't know, because I spent 4 years in LaGrange (which everyone knows is the largest group of underachievers in the SLIAC.)

But until Miss State can improve upon the stellar 5-16 lifetime record they've got against Georgia I doubt the cowbell faithful should be throwing around terms like "underachievers".

btw, if you don't mind my asking how did you find Blogging Pantsless?

Bernie said...

I agree with joseph. "Starkville blows" is too avant garde for a town with little more than a Zaxby's and a Wal-Mart. You should stick with something more mid-twentieth century like "Starkville sucks".

On the plus side it was easy to find the stadium...and the water tower.

the tri guy said...

joseph, do you have to get your pants specially altered to make room for your giant vagina? Sorry bro, Starkville blows. And yes, I've been there. It still blows. It's basically a less cool Statesboro....let that sink in for a minute....