Friday, January 30, 2009

The Man's Keeping Me Down

Sorry for the lack of quality posting this week. Work's been busy.

I don't really have much to contribute to the firing of Coach Felton. I like my bandwagons like I like restaurants...partially filled so I know they're worth being in/on. I'll cover Georgia baskeball more when we're winning again with a new coach.

Until then, have a good weekend. I doubt I'll squeeze anything else out before the weekend. We'll catch up on Monday. OUTIE!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

BEHOLD THE POWER...

...OF TREEBOW!!!

The tree that cries to water itself.

Hear what people are saying:

" Aye, dios MIO!"
-Miami Hurricanes Fan

"Will this give my son's circumcision splinters?!?"
-Impoverished Foreigner

"...wait, I got raped by a tree?!?"
-Oklahoma DL, Demarcus Granger

"GAY!"
-Mackie

To verify resemblence see file photo...
(h/t Dr. Saturday, Matt Hinton)


Sad News


The South suffered a heartbreaking loss. Today we mourn the death of Billy Powell, the creepy looking guy who played keyboards for Lynyrd Skynyrd (pictured above with a can of beer). His greatest contribution to the world comes in the form of the piano intro to Free Bird.

I had the pleasure of seeing Powell play with the remaining semblance of Skynyrd several years ago at the University of Alabama's Homecoming Concert where I assisted as "Skynyrd Staff". I got to guard their bus before they took the stage, then we enjoyed the concert from next to the sound station.

Here's hoping you catch up with Ronnie Van Zant and can greet me in 60 years with a heavenly rendition of Free Bird. That would be more killer than ...heart disease.

Did you hear Tupac died?

As I make my rounds about the UGA blogs I notice I've missed the bus on the David Hale article regarding QB quotes. So since this is officially old news, here's my 2 cents.

- I feel like I'm married to Aaron Murray with quotes like this concerning his roomates Zach Mettenberger and Dallas Lee
“They never clean up their dishes,” Murray said. “I hate walking in and dishes and trash everywhere. I’m a real neat freak, so I’m always cleaning up after him, doing the dishes, going in the bathroom and cleaning up.”


- Zach Mettenberger isn't trying to make friends with the recent class of NFL draftees with quotes like this...
"Last year I was around a lot, and the leadership wasn’t too great last year."

I'd tell you if I think he's wrong, but in hindsight I think he hit the nail on the head. My only concern would be this coming across as the new kid outta highschool thinking he can come in and start calling people out.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Quick Hits:

Work is busy because Bossman is out. Here's a few things:

-Steven Hill decided to stick with Tech. I figured he would this late in the recruiting process. We pretty much threw a last second scholarship at him when Cameron Kinney decided to go to Oklahoma. He also was also quoted by a friend as "Always having a thing for Asian chicks."

-The recruiting/team news is pretty much a rollercoaster right now. We lost a guy to Tech (see above), Oklahoma, Toby Jackson is going to JUCO (which sucks), and somebody left Hargrave...lots of detail in that last one. However landing the combo of DB Greg "No Jorts" Reid and TE Orson "I wanna be #7" Charles would totally make up for it.

-Did anyone else watch Jon & Kate + 8 last night? If so did you see Aaden Goslin attempt to say the word "Poop"? It came out "P'yoop" and was so cute I immediately decided I want 8 identical twin boys. My wife then proceeded to run to the kitchen, grab a butcher knife and immediately start stabbing it into her stomach and lady parts screaming something to the effect of "NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!"

-HEY, speaking of my wife. She called me this morning with a funny story on my way to work. To preface, she's one of these people who gets up at 5am to participate in a Boot Camp fitness program. She noticed one of the girls wasn't showing up very often, and was told the girl had started assisting a high school with their FCA program. She also found out this girl was Coach Ray Goff's daughter. If you knew my absolute love for Coach Goff (W/L records aside) then you shall know my sideline behavior when my future spawns grow-up to play sports.

-18 days until Spring Training starts. The sooner I get to see Jeff Francoeur ground-out into an inning ending double play, the better! This also is a means to ease the restlessness caused by the break between football seasons.

-Remember this?

It was AJ Green's first touchdown as a Dawg. I had to pay Comcast $30 to see this and it was worth every penny. Next season holds a lot of promise for this kid.

-Regardless of the fact I mentioned children twice in this post, fear not. The world is safe from the risk of my DNA dropping a Baby Ruth into the gene pool. These events are a LOOOOoooOoOong way away...but when it happens, you'd better hold on to your f%*&'n hat!

BACK TO WORK!

Monday, January 26, 2009

If you want a good laugh...

Every now and then when the AJC covers a recruit who is committed to either UGA or Tech you'll find a person who is only there to light a flaming bag of anarchy under the foot of his fellow commentors. These go beyond us calling them Nerds, and them refering to Georgia as "UGAg" or "UGAy" (which are real zingers btw).

But if you're really lucky, and you find that both UGA and Tech are going after the same guy (ie. Derrick Favors, or this gem on Stephen Hill) I hope you've got a diaper on because a little pee might come out when you are guaranteed the best and the brightest will be going for the jugular on both sides of a comment wall.

Of course this is one of the reasons rivalries are fun, recruiting is a matter of each fanbase really wanting a guy then when he doesn't pick your team you bad mouth his grandmother and claim he wasn't that good anyway.

Smartass Commentor of the day award goes to:
By DBCOOPER

January 26, 2009 7:17 AM | Link to this

Hey I hear the Tech Spring game is being shown on the Food Network at 2:00am.


Related to the recruitment of Stephen Hill???
No way.

Did it make me choke on the water I was drinking???
You bet.

Apparently DBCOOPER's got a little Captain in him!

Mackie's Guide to the Academy Awards, Part Doooo

4. The Wrestler

The Wrestler follows the life of Randy "The Ram" Robinson. Earlier in his career Randy was a rebellious fighter who played by his own rules. He wouldn't second guess throwing lesser opponents into a Suplex or a Powerslam to get his message across that he. was. the. best. Then tragically Randy suffers a nearly carrier ending fall out of the ugly tree. His life spirals out of control until he meets Mona Lisa Vito (played by Marissa Tomei), a the sassy girlfriend of a New Jersey lawyer who knows A TON about cars. Randy steals Mona from her boyfriend and she inspires him to start his wrestling career back up. After an awesome Rocky IV style montage The Ram works his way from Backyard Wrestling to the Mexican League where he tag teams with Rey Mysterio eventually lobbying Vince McMahon for a shot of taking on WWE Heavy Weight Champion Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho proceeds to kick Mickey Rourke's 60 year old ass and calls him a "fag" for carrying that ugly lap-dog around with him every time he goes out in public.


5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Brad Pit stars as Benjamin Button in this totally feasible classic. I can't tell you how many people I knew growing up who were born as shriveled old men and progressively got younger as we aged. Anyway this movie follows the hardships of Benjamin button as the old-man-kid who can't control his bowels in 6th grade. The challenges of missing prom because it coincides with his prostate exam. The mental frustration of losing pubes and having his voice RAISE when he turns 70. Then culminating in a big argument with his old wrinkly wife because all he wants to do is sit around watching Baby Einstein and breast feed all day. WHY DID THE WORLD HAVE TO WAIT 81 YEARS FOR A MOVIE THIS AWESOME TO BE MADE?!!


6. Frost/Nixon

Richard Nixon is a President who's on the road most of the time so he can't spend a lot of time with his son Charlie, although they love each other very much. Then President Nixon gets impeached by his wife because he was caught watching a porno called Deep Throat. After his impeachment his son, Charlie, is very sad...until his dad returns AS A MUTHA F'N SNOWMAN! Now Richard Nixon gets one last chance to go down in history as the world's coolest President!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Can't Fight It.

Must...get...back...to...work.
Can't...keep...watching...confused...woman...trying...to...learn... Zumba...aerobics.


(neon green shirt...in the back)

Seriously though, I gotta get back to work.


...maybe just one more watch.

The Man's Keeping Me Down

I've got a 5 o'clock deadline to meet. Posting may be light for a Friday but I've got some more movie reviews baking in the oven. So until I get some down time, enjoy this video of the Turtleman.



Happy Friday.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mackie's Guide to the Academy Awards, Part I

Hey guess what!?!

They just released the nominees for each category of the Academy Awards. If you're anything like me you caught The Dark Knight and Wall-E so you feel pretty damn cultured. What's that? There are other movies nominated you've never heard of?

Well that's what I'm here for, my friend.

The purpose of this post is to update you on all the awesome movies you had no interest in seeing this year that Hollywood people think are the bee's knees. I hardly think it matters that I haven't seen them either and am mostly guessing as to what the movie is about...nonetheless I'd hate for my readers to feel out of the loop if I didn't synop the movies you're going to be hearing about. So I could possibly write "SPOILER ALERT!!1" but the fact is I don't know how any of these movies end so anything I write is a totally made up ending.

1. Slumdog Millionaire.

Some guy, who is poor in a crappy country like Iran or something, can't afford to come to America and drive a cab so he decides to be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Regis asks him a lot of questions poor people shouldn't know but the guy knows anyway. The police get pissed off because this guy is poor and should be stupid so they arrest him. The poor guy tells police he's smart because he watches The Game Show Network all day instead of getting a job so he knows all these questions already. The police let him go and it comes down to the million dollar question. The question is, "How badly did Mackalicious want to see this movie?". The poor guy says "Not at all. Final Answer." and wins a jillion dollars. The Iranian government then takes all his money, kicks his poor person ass, and proceeds to spend the money on hookers, cocaine, and funding Hamas. The End.

2. MILK


Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High is a REALLY gay guy who runs for mayor (gayor?) of the gayest place in the world. His platform is all dudes should makeout in public and tell little boys how awesome it is to do it with other little boys. I gotta admit I don't really know much about this one so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say a gay candidate gets elected in San Fransisco and almost immediately the property values of the entire Bay Area skyrocket. This causes Danny Tanner to to start charging his brother-in-law Jesse, and his best friend (and all around funny-man) Joey Gladstone rent for mooching off him as he tries to raise his 3 daughters. Hijinx ensue.

3. Revolutionary Road


This movie takes place sometime after the Titanic went down and apparently Jack and Rose survive the shipwreck and move into Alpharetta. After surviving such an exciting thing like nearly dying, the two start having thoughts about how crappy it is living in the suburbs with other couples who do awful stuff like have children, own property with lawns and garages, and live near "parks". Unable to communicate their desires of being stuck in traffic all day, having homeless people throw feces at them, and paying exhorbanent amounts of taxes, the couple begin to strain their relationship. One day while Rose is out in John's Creek shopping for a new velour track suit, one of her girlfriends calls to say she just saw Jack taking a business client out to The Cheetah for their prime rib lunch special. Later that night Rose confronts Jack and after a huge fallout argument they decide to get a divorce. Jack loses 1/2 of what he owns but trades their PT Cruiser in on a Dodge Viper. Rose gets fat and starts banging random dudes she meets at Johnny's Hideaway...roll credits.


...well, wasn't that helpful?

If work slows down I'll help you out with a few more nominees, but that'll probably be all for today. This is obviously what football offseason looks like for me on slow news days.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I can has help?

Since obviously our schedule will be changing next season I'll need to update the "Know Thine Enemies" section. My problem has been locating an Oklahoma State Football Blog.

So far, this is the closest I've come to anything remotely relevant to an Okie State Blog.

Where do their fans go for speculative rumors, football bitching, and photoshopped images of Sam Bradford?!?
...I mean besides Blogging Pantsless, of course.

If you've got anything link it in the comments section. I had no luck over the 5 minutes I looked...yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh, I'm pretty lazy.

Megan Brittain, Alabama fan

If you've read my blog for the past year, you know for the most part I'm full of crap and tend to hold little sacred when my foot finds its way out of my mouth. However, when I heard the following story I had one of those moments when you get a lump in your throat and you start to put your own problems into perspective.

Meet Megan Brittain.


Here is a little bit of information about her.
Her father Gary used to pastor the Baptist Campus Ministry at Jacksonville State University. Her mother passed away in 2007 after a seven year battle with breast cancer. Shortly after that she began having back pain and was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma...that's cancerous tumors that ravage connective tissue. She is 12 years old, loves Guitar Hero, playing softball, and watching Crimson Tide football.

Earlier in January she went into surgery for a tumor on her spine. From what I know the doctors were able to remove most of it but I don't really know much more about the situation. The relevancy to why a sports blogger would be writing about a little girl with cancer is that last Sunday she got a surprise phone call. I'm assuming it was set up somehow through the Children's Hospital Network, but being that she was a huge Tide fan you can imagine how exciting a phone call from Alabama QB John Parker Wilson would be to a 12 year old girl.

The sad part is she has undergone radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and is currently on medication that makes her terribly nauseous. When JPW called she was feeling terribly sick and wasn't well enough to talk to him. What makes me think highly of Wilson is that he left his cell number with her father Gary and told him to shoot him a text message when she was feeling better and he'd call back.

This isn't anything you heard about in the news, there weren't tv cameras showing Wilson sitting at a desk with a list of sick kid phone numbers. John Parker Wilson did this act on his own time without any type of fanfare and no one would have even heard about it if her father hadn't written about it on her blog (she had a blog she maintained until she wasn't able to, now her father posts status updates). To me that showed a lot of character and I felt the urge to share this story.

Megan's blog can be found at the following link set up by The Caring Bridge.

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewJournal.do?method=executeInit

If you are religious, please keep Megan and her father Gary in your prayers because you know times like this is when people need the most support. If I'm able to find anymore out about Megan's status I will share. Thanks for letting me get a sincere post up here, I promise I'll fall back into character later with posts about how the contestants on The Biggest Loser remind me of Tech's co-eds.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Martinez to Miami?

As I made my rounds this morning, I came across the link posted at Everyday Should be Saturday stating University of Miami (not Ohio) is showing interest in bringing Coach Willie Martinez on as their Defensive Coordinator.

All I've got to say is...

SOMEBODY GET THAT MAN A DU-RAG AND SOME BRASS KNUCKLES, MAYNE!

If it sweetens the deal I'll throw in a butterfly knife, some 40's of Olde English, and a bootleg DVD of Scarface, Mayne!

They say if you love someone set them free. Well, I REALLY love you Coach Martinez and I REALLY want to set you free.

As for suggestions of whom I think would make a better replacement DC...

- Christopher Lowell
- a warm stick of butter
- someone made entirely of feathers
- a really friendly labradoodle
- the paperclip guy who tries to help me with Microsoft Word

...pretty much any of those would be a step in the right direction should Coach Martinez depart. Progress should be instantaneous, ya'll got any ideas?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Oh. Hells. Yes.

The Hamburger Bed

...sign me up.

Paul Allen, UF professor of anthropology

The character of Patrick Bateman may have coined a phrase regarding "That Yale Thing". However, I find the quote (cited in 2000, referencing 1987) more accurately pertains to the University of Florida (2009).


The Gainesville Sun has the story 'chere.

You know, "That Florida Thing".

h/t EDSBS

I #$%@*ing hate Nickleback

Things I hate less than Nickleback.

-The Florida Gators
-Explosive Diaherria
-People who don't pull out into an intersection awaiting a left turn
-Papercuts on my knuckles
-Child Molesters (CORRECTION: I already listed Florida Gators)
-Working on Saturdays
-Attempting to breastfeed snapping turtles
-Eating glass
-Drowning
-Toilet paper that hangs from the back of the roll
-Dave Matthews Band...and I really hate the Dave Matthews Band.
-Getting kicked in the gonads.
-Rye Bread, seriously that stuff tastes like vomit.

Rock 100.5 just played the new Nickleback song from their latest album Massengill and I seriously looked at a pair of scissors wishing I had another pair to stab into both earholes. Instead I just muted my radio for 4 minutes until the lingering smell of AXE Bodyspray left my radio speakers.

You know that one relative you're slightly embarrased about sharing a last name with? Rock music has one of those...and his name is Nickleback.

...wouldn't it be nice

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way for the Steelers to lose the "Super Game*" but still have this guy be the MVP???





(Also did you know there is a website called HalfKorean.com ?)

Call me cynical but I think the last thing the world needs is a bunch of bratwurst eating union workers having something to brag about.

I love Hines Ward. I think he's an excellent role model, especially because I remember reading a story about how he made it cool to be 1/2 Korean in Korea. (I know it sounds weird but apparently when he was a kid if you weren't 100% Korean it was like Roots over there). But I'm a sucker for underdogs and aside from Hershey's Chocolate I can't think of a single thing I like about the state of Pennsylvania.

Go Cards.


*not even I am brave enough to dare put the word "Super" next to the word "Bowl". Legal ramifications are a 'yotch.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

New Sponsor

If you get a chance to check out our newest sponsor, it'll be worth your time. Located in the Amigos de Mackie section is a link (listed as Georgia Jerseys) to Sportsmemorabilia.com. I had actually been to their site before I was contacted about advertising. They have an autographed Charlie Trippi mini helmet which is face-meltingly awesome. You'll find your standard fare of autographed stuff but they also have a shop for all the t-shirts, jerseys, hats, tailgate and office supplies you'd ever need.

Since it is off season for college football Sportsmemorabilia.com also features merchandise from professional sports teams like our Braves, Falcons, Thrashers, and Hawks. Their homepage is http://www.sportsmemorabilia.com or you can find them in the in the Amigos de Mackie section under Georgia Jerseys. As I've said before it's my sponsors who keep this blog going. These guys have some good stuff, support Blogging Pantsless and check 'em out.

Quick Thoughts

Just a few things:

#1. The dye is cast. Due to Derrick Favors signing with Tech, I'm putting money on Coach Felton not coaching Georgia Basketball next year. If we had signed Favors it might have bought him another season, but the mystic of winning the SEC last year was thrown out the window of a moving car and is currently being picked up by an Indian with a tear in his eye...so sad.

My suggestion is we hire him to coach our football team's defense. Hell, if we had a guy who could hold an offense to 40 points we would have beaten Tech last year...HEYOOOOOOOO!!!1 (that joke was a reference to the fact that Felton's Dawgs didn't break 40 points last night...in BASKETBALL.)

#2. Reshad Jones is smoking crack if he thinks he's going to the NFL this year. HE. IS. NOT. READY.

#3. Sorry for light posting the last couple of days, I'm headed to Indianapolis to visit relatives. Mrs. Mackalicious and I are packing up the kids (chihuahuas) and heading up north where today the high is a SWELTERING 1 degree. Let me repeat that, ONE FREAKING DEGREE FAHRENHEIT. Currently it's -9 out there but it's all good, tomorrow the heatwave moves in and we'll hit a high of 8. If you've ever tried to get two little chihuahuas to take a squirt outside when the snow it higher then they are tall, then you know I've got a problem.

#4. For those who remember the first highlight video I made, I received the following email.

Dear Mackie,

Video Disabled

A copyright owner has claimed it owns some or all of the audio content in your video Old School Dawg Video. The audio content identified in your video is Light Up The Sky by VAN HALEN. We regret to inform you that your video has been blocked from playback due to a music rights issue.

Replace Your Audio with AudioSwap

Don't worry, we have plenty of music available for your use. Please visit our AudioSwap library to learn how you can easily replace the audio in your video with any track from our growing library of fully licensed songs.

Other Options

If you think there's been a mistake, or you have other questions, please visit the Copyright Notice page in your account.

Sincerely,
The YouTube Content Identification Team


Apparently I've stepped on the toes of whomever owns the rights to a Van Halen song which wasn't released as a radio single...someone obviously has excessively large shoes. I swear if AC/DC ever pulls my Tennessee video I'll be truly heatbroken. This by far was my Citizen Kane of the 2008 season.


It features my all-time favorite move Knowshon ever pulled out of his Lego playbox @ 3:11, MoMass taking the hit of a lifetime (then Tennessee gets the flag) @ 3:13, and just when you think the highlights end...the bonus footage of Knowshon taking a punch. Truly a masterpiece, but don't think I didn't notice my snub at the Golden Globes. I expect to clean house at the Oscars or it'll be all out war.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Bloxorz

This is a pretty cool game. It's not as difficult as Fantastic Contraption (which I wrote about earlier last year), but Bloxorz will definitely kill a good 30 minutes of your boring work day.

It starts to get a little frustrating around level 8 as difficulty increases, but it forces you to premeditate moves and picture how to approach each situation...enjoy!

btw, I found this linked from College Humor.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

New Braves pitcher and Smoltz thoughts

I remember being utterly facinated by Dodgers pitcher Hideo Nomo (sp?) when he first broke on the scene. Japanese pitchers being all the rage lately, I can understand why the Braves hopped on the bandwagon. Seeing how they screwed the pooch with Smoltzy, Frank Wren's needed to make a big sign. They got Derek Lowe today, but the contract of Kenshin Kawakami flew under the radar. After looking at his highlight reel, I think this guy will carry his weight at Turner Field. Although a fastball in the upper 80's isn't anything special, his mix of a rising fastball (2nd pitch) and a ruthless breaking ball (3rd pitch) looks spectacular.



As heretical as it seems to say this, I think it's best we move on past Smoltz. Yes I would have liked to see him stay but the guys getting pretty old. Some guys love the game so much, they play past their best years and their game gets salty. If you saw John Smoltz return after his surgery last season to try and close out game, you saw him get lit up and it was painful to watch. John Smoltz of 1996 he was not, Smoltzy game isn’t a complete loss but he’s not the same talent level of the John Smoltz we remember pictured in the AJC being straddled by Greg Olsen.

Last year I saw the Braves make some additions to their rotation I saw as being BAD calls. I love Tom Glavine, but to put him back in a tomahawk jersey was nothing more than a novelty move. It backfired horribly as Glavine’s body did what most aging pitchers’ bodies do…it began to give out on him. To throw a ball as hard as you can every summer for 20 years is hell on your shoulder. Mix a curve ball in there and you take years off your elbow life. I guess the china shop phrase I’m bulling my way through is that we have to let our legends move on. The only bad part of this situation is that we want our favorite players to throw in the towel on their own accord instead of continuing to search for how things used to be. John Smoltz still thought he had some fire in his game and went searching for the highest bidder, unfortunately it wasn’t from Atlanta which sucks donkey balls. John Smoltz doesn’t belong up north that’s why he left Detroit to begin with. He’ll play ball 2 more years (max) and hang it up, but don’t worry (and mark my words), John Smoltz will no more be remembered in a Red Sox jersey than Brett Favre will be remembered in a Jets jersey. That’s a guarantee.

Good luck in Boston, John. I hope you win every game except during interleague, where I want you to pitch 8 innings of shutout ball and have your closer blow the game in the 9th.

UPDATE: You will be surprised how odd the word "Smoltz" looks after you write it 100 times and try to proofread.

10 Football Expectations for 2009

1. I'm expecting Georgia to have a 2 loss season in 2009.

2. I'm expecting us to drop an ugly game we should have won, perhaps one we didn't prepare for properly.

3. I'm expecting Tim Tebow to leave the University of Florida with a 1-2 record as a starter against Georgia. 2-1 is not an option, it must be 1-2 and I'm counting on Joe Cox to make this happen.

4. The evening of November 28th, 2009 I'm expecting us to leave a few blocks of property across the interstate from the Varsity the same way that heathen bastard William Tecumseh Sherman left it.

5. I'm expecting a minimum of 1 sack & 1 INT by our defense each game. This we are owed.

6. I'm expecting our QB to have 3-4 seconds minimum per snap in the shotgun formation. This Joe Cox is owed.

7. I'm expecting Blair Walsh to kick the football and have it go between the goalposts for each fieldgoal, point-after, AND KICKOFF. Give up the directional garbage.

8. I'm expecting my Dawgs to still be playing football in January of 2010.

9. I'm expecting a harsh welcome to the SEC for both Coach Kiffin and Coach Chizik sincerely from the Red and Black.

10. Season openers have become the new Christmas, I'm expecting the next 235 days to DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAG by.

Monday, January 12, 2009

MARTA

The Good News

The Bad News: With the exception of Phillips Arena & Hartsfield, MARTA blows.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

...Ugh.

Today in a press conference Tim Tebow made the decision to stick around for his senior year at Florida. I imagine the press conference went a little something like this...

"Thanks everyone for showing up, I'd like to first start off with a prayer... (Tim recites lengthy prayer)...alright.

I guess you all are wondering why I called you all here today. Well, I wanted to let all my fans know, I've prayed about it for a long time...in fact...I'm gonna pray about it again right now (Timmy kneels down, bows his head...whispers, stands back up to mic).

Alright guys, I've talked to God, my family, my coach, and my boyfriend and I've decided to return to Florida for another season of football.

(Florida press goes nuts)

Alright, alright. I just wanted to say the main reason behind by decision to stay was because I felt God wanted me to stay and get my degree before I begin my pro career. The second most important reason was all the phone sex I receive from Kirk Herbstreit. Finally, knowing that Mackalicious from Blogging Pantsless would point a gun to his head anytime reporters started stroking their meat over me in a CBS backstory was all the motivation I needed to hang around one more season.

Actually, the phone sex with Herbie might be number 3...after all, it could be worse. I hear Clausen hates when Dr. Lou calls...poor little guy.

But I'd like to answer a few questions.

(ESPN's Mark Schlabach raises hand)

Mark: Timmy, how does this picture make you feel? (passes up picture)

<

Tebow: Mark, I feel this picture is an accurate portrayal of my interests and hobbies. I don't regret painting that on the side of the Kindercare building at all.

Actually guys, that's all the time I've got today. I've gotta get to my fourth Bible study of the afternoon, the fifth and sixth ones usually run a little long...but that's cool, JC's the man!"

...AND SCENE!

Like, I said I wasn't actually watching or paying attention to Tebow's announcement a buddy of mine sent me a text to let me know the story...I was less than pleased.

I'm sure Tebow's decision to stick around one more year had WAAAAAAY more to do with his desire to get an education, play Gator football one more year, and chase tail at the local Boy Scouts facility than it had to do with him being a system QB with Draft Stock lower than General Motors'.

Tebow's future might include breaking all the rushing records in Toronto Argonauts history, but he is to be commended for being a team player and a legend in the Jean Short Nation.

Seriously I can't believe I've gotta put up with this horse$#!% for another season.

...I'm gonna friggin' puke.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Why you as a Georgia fan shouldn't cheer for Oklahoma (seriously, hear me out on this)

If you read my last post and were amazed at how I was able to link law school, Indiana Jones, and 24/7's decision to turn pro...you'll love this!

My goal is to tell you why you should cheer for the SEC tonight and not Oklahoma.

My argument begins with a comparison to the movie Independence Day. First off, I was 13 or 14 when this movie came out. I saw the previews and knew I HAD to see this movie when it was released on July 4th. I even tried to trick my parents into letting me go see it by telling them as a marketing ploy to be the biggest movie opening ever it was only going to be shown for one day...that didn't work and I saw it when we got back from vacation that summer.

So lets pretend to entire Universe is the collective of NCAA football. The SEC is Earth and the Big 12 is Uranus or wherever the aliens from ID came from.

At this very moment the Big 12 is threatening the good name of the SEC (Aliens invading Earth). Sure they've got their flashy QB's (big awesome spaceships), but when it all boils down they're really just a society of men the size of men and women the size of men who are the same size and bleed acid (seriously, those chicks are huge). They might have big guns, but their defenses can be penetrated and when you think about it they aren't anything we can't defeat.

As Americans we have fought with many nations. Japan, Germany, Iran, Korea, the list goes on...but right now, there is a greater foe. The Big 12 (Uranus) is threatening our superiority and this isn't a case of "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." This is where we as a planet (conference) need to come together and defend ourselves.

Unfortunately the Jean Short Nation represents America in this example, yeah I don't like it anymore than you but Georgia can be the 2nd most awesome country, Australia. America had the most fire-power in Independence Day and since Florida won the conference, they represent America. I assume Vandy to be Japan (since they're so smart), South Carolina to be France (because they talk a big game but they're total pu$$!es), and Mississippi State to be Antarctica (because the campus has so much awesome stuff to do).

Even though I picture Tim Tebow as more of a Randy Quaid type character, he obviously is the main hero of the movie represented by Will Smith.

Alot like Tebow, except he's black...and doesn't like to touch wieners.


So the pretty boy has carried the storyline just fine, but it will be people like Percy Harvin and Brandon Spikes (the President and Randy Quaid's character) who get the job done by completing the dirty work.

Sure Tim Tebow flew into the alien mothership to upload a computer virus, but I don't really have time to argue details, just keep up with the basics.

Iran (Auburn) wasn't trying to blow up any American landmarks during the alien invasion, they were being supportive of America even though they don't have cool fire-power (players) to threaten the invading aliens. After we bring down the invaders, then we can turn back to our own conference squabbles. I hate Florida as much as the next Dawg...but right now it's not about Florida, it's about protecting the sanctity of planet Earth.

We must protect this house


THAT'S the SEC, baby.

...the comments section is for Dawgs with opposing views to tell me how ashamed I should be of myself. But don't worry, my feelings aren't hurt when I'm called a dumbass...I've been married for 3+ years now.

The Next Step

Best of luck to Matt and Knowshon in the NFL. I think the most important thing about them leaving early is that we as fans not be "bitter" or "angry".

Look this guy square in the eyes and tell him you wouldn't have done the same thing.

...there, much better.

Imagine if you were in Law School and everyday you had to go through an obsticle course with fire, spikes, and one of those huge boulders from Raiders of the Lost Ark. If someone said, hey you're so talented you don't have to go to law school, come work at my practice and make eleventy bajillion dollars (even though you'd still have to go through an obstical course).

Okay so examples were never my forte. Bottom line, take the advice of these guys from one of my favorite television commercials. For some reason this always reminded me of the 35 year old douchebag professionals I've worked with who listen to rap music, kills me everytime.

It's time to look ahead and move on to the positives of next year. Yeah our new QB is a total ginger kid, but the guy with red hair and freckles stepped up against Colorado when Stafford wasn't getting the job done. Joe Cox's leadership abilities is the least of my worries, I'm more concerned about our running back corps.


Caleb King and 'Chard Samuel haven't really thrilled my socks off. Rumour has it we haven't seen much of Samuel because he's having trouble remembering routes. Of course either of them were totes in Knowshon's shadow and that'll be hard to shake off. My eyes turn to Dontavious Jackson to get into the mix and make things interesting...we'll just have to see in the Fall. Right now, I'd put money on Bobo calling more passing plays to make good use of AJ Green before he leaves in 2 years.

All is not lost, Dawg fans. Next year we will be in the position every team wants to be, presumably "rebuilding". We've got a commendible schedule with some big-name teams but it should be considerably easier than 2008's was. We'll have a valuable bye week before the Halloween Cocktail Party in Jacksonville. The Tech streak will end at 1 on their home field. The underestimating begins 9/5/2009 in Stillwater, let the countdown begin!

(only 240 more days)

When it rains it pours

Smoltz to Boston.

...I'm running out of nuts to get kicked in.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

D-Day

I hope you didn't pack a big lunch today, we'll know just in time for us to lose our appetite. Good luck in the NFL, boys.


Welcome to Motor City, Matthew (even though I'd rather see him in Kansas City).


No idea where Knowshon lands, though some predict Bucks or Jets.

Knowshon's only got "X" number of carries left in him so he'd be smart to go. Stafford could use a little more polish before getting NFL action, plus some have him as the 2nd or 3rd QB in this year's draft...ouch.

UPDATE: Make that 3pm not Noon, scratch all that about lunch and losing appetites.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

It's Finally Back



The disturbingly perfect drama returns tonight at 10pm on FX. I don't usually get into many television shows, but I'm on my 4th year of Nip/Tuck. The "Season" coming up is actually the remaining 8 episodes from Season 5. That explains why last year the storyline ended so abruptly. After this year FX has picked up the remaining season which will be split over 2010 and 2011, with creator Ryan Murphy collectively ending the show following the 2011 season (also the 100th episode).

If you've never watched the show I challenge you to watch 2 episodes and then NOT watch the 3rd. It's easy to pick up you just have watch. Though I'm not a fan of the behemoth genre medical dramas have become (Greys, House, ER, Private Practice, I'm sure there are more) Nip/Tuck is much different for me. It's almost absurdly graphic, but doesn't try to pass itself off as a realistic hospital show (they mocked "Greys Anatomy" with their "Hearts & Scalpals" storyline).

I know this isn't a television blog, but every now and then I like to throw in a little personal info about myself, stuff I like, and stuff I think you should too.

Ohi 0-for-3*

Boy, it must suck to be a Buckeye.

Tressels BCS record now stands at .500 but this turd is tapering fast.

At least they've got a strong...conference...to....play......in. Oh, oops.


*last 3 BCS appuuurrances

Greg Reid, welcome to Athens

The AJC is running a story about Under Armour MVP DB Greg Reid. He is the guy who made big news by committing to Florida, then came forward saying "I made a mistake, once I got to know him I found Coach Urban Meyer to be a total douche." (or some variation of rushing into his decision...something like that)

After speaking with Coach Bobo and future Bulldog tailback Washaun Ealey, we've got a visit scheduled with Reid for January 30th. I've said before Athens, GA being Athens, GA is one of our greatest recruitment tools not on salary. Athens is generally at the top of most "Best College Town" polls and it's there for a reason...it's a GREAT college town!

The article used several blurbs making it sound like Greg Reid has a strong streak of state patriotism, after his trip this month I'm assuming his mind will be 75% made up. We can expect his decision on signing day and the AJC claims "it projects to be an all-out war between Georgia and Florida". The only downside of him coming to UGA would be some type of CBS backstory run during the WLOCP.

Come to Georgia, be a star player, I'll put up with your backstory.

Check out the AJC's story right charr.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Weekend thoughts

Things are finally starting to soak in, football season is essentially over (in regards to the stuff I really care about). My fix will now have to be strung out over recruiting news and draft decisions. As I've said before I assume 24 and 7 to be stackin' cheese next year, but a little part of me deep down wonders how awesome it would be for one (or both) of them to say "Screw the Pros, I can play in Detroit or Oakland next year but right now I'm gonna become a legend in Athens, GA." (cue John Cafferty's "Hearts on Fire")


Either way, I'm not holding my breath, but if they show their loyalty I'll buy their NFL jersey in 2010 as show of mine.

Also, I didn't watch the Sugar Bowl in realtime. I was actually at the Thrashers / Canucks game that night and I set the DVR to record it. The hockey game was great and apparently 2 guys had unfinished business before the puck was dropped. Once the ref started the game these guys were dropping gloves and going to town...ahh the joy of hockey in 5 minute penalties, is there anything better?

After Atlanta won in an overtime shootout we avoided all contact with radio and television to make it home and start the game from the beginning...and it was all downhill from there for Saban's Elephants. Their offensive line looked like is was comprised of 5 Mackalicious's trying to ward off a defense who wanted to smell John Parker Wilson's hairspray.

To help my wife get over the loss of her team, we decided we'd go to a movie on Saturday. So we went to go see the best feel-good movie since The Notebook, that's right, Marley & Me. If you thought Old Yellar was a hilarious romp, you'll LOVE Marley & Me. Needless to say my wife had to talk me off the balcony by bribing me with Swedish Fish and Reese's Pieces.

I was pleased to learn UGA landed Branden Smith (verbally) over the weekend. He's a monstrous DB and hopefully he'll turn into an all-around football machine like Champ Bailey was. That would require his potential be full filled with competent coaching though, that's what we'll have to trouble shoot during the off season.

I'm glad UGA's season ended on a high-note. The only good thing I can imagine about football season ending is hopefully Tebow declared himself eligible for the CFL's running back draft so he can get the hell off my television with that stupid-ass clip of him walking angrily up and down the sideline with field paint smeared all over his face. If my math serves me correctly
Tim Tebow + Angry Eyes + Field Paint = "OMG TTbow is teh futball Gawd Obamaxorz OMGZ!!!1"

Lord, please let him go pro...and not in Atlanta.